How to get an ex back after two years

Quotes on how to get over your ex reddit

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We hear from a woman who wishes to remain anonymous who has found herself in a bit of a pickle. There’s—I think something like four free giveaways of content and pdf and I do the success story report where I took a lot of my successes and figured out exactly what made them successful. I just want to take a moment and thank you for having the courage to put your situation out there.
I can maybe buy into the thinking that he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his career. So, make sure when you implement the things I’m going to tell you about that you don’t do anything stupid like this because I’m not going to lie to you. That could be a contributing reason for the breakup but you hurt yourself when you told him that you slept with someone else because going forward now, he’s going to question everything you say.
So, they know exactly what they have to do to get their ex back in their situation and I was writing I think what was like a hundred pages and I was super excited about this. So, approaching this situation, basically if you’re going to deliver bad news to your ex boyfriend or if you’re going to bring up something negative, do it when he’s in a good mood. Sometimes when people mess up on the no contact rule, they go back to square negative one because the no contact rule losses its effectiveness but you, since you really didn’t do the no contact rule that much, it’s not going to lose much effectiveness. Well, I mentioned that he’s going to be questioning you every single time you tell him something now because in the back of his mind, he’s still going to wonder if you slept with someone. Let things unfold naturally because you’ve already proven that he wants you back and I really think you have a great shot at getting him back. Not to put yourself in a position where he can look at you say, “She’s not trustworthy.” And that sometimes means not going out to a club or something with your friends if they’re going to take pictures, post it on Facebook. Alrighty… It’s time for another episode of “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!” Awesome, right?
I am currently in the process of writing a massive guide about going on dates with an ex boyfriend when I stumbled across this question from a woman who wants to remain anonymous. Anonymous and her boyfriend have been broken up for a few months and she has done a phenomenal job of sticking to my advice. Her ex boyfriend is currently in possession of a record that she wants back and her ex actually called her to set up a day where they can meet up and he can give it back.
Welcome to the ex boyfriend recovery podcast where we help you get your ex back and have the fairy tale ending you deserve. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Well, how can this book be specific to my situation?” Because without a doubt, that was the number 1 complaint.
And I am structuring the book in a certain way where it creates a game plan for you to follow and then based on your situation, it’s going to teach you how to alter that game plan to fit your needs perfectly-- long distance relationships for example.
And I am structuring the book in a certain way where it creates a game plan for you to follow and then based on your situation, it’s going to teach you how to alter that game plan to fit your needs perfectly– long distance relationships for example. We’re trying to create this family atmosphere where we help everyone, where we get and respond to everyone but enough about that.
You know I was taking notes and my wife she was sitting right next to me and she stopped everything she was doing and she was listening as well which is kind of rare for her and then after you were done talking, she literally turns to me and goes, “I really like her voice. So, that’s when I knew for sure that I definitely had to feature your question on the podcast but anyways, you have done a pretty good job at advancing to the point you’re at currently.
I’m of the mind of the value chain where you have to start off slow and kind of slowly build up the attraction into a point where it boils over and he just can’t not be in a relationship with you.
I’m actually writing a really good article coming up about this very kind of question that you asked, which is another reason why I picked your question because I’m literally writing an article about it and when you were asking about how to handle the date or what you do during a date, I just thought it was a perfect match for what I was already currently working on. But it seems to me like you’ve already advanced to where you’ve locked down a date with your ex boyfriend. So, when it comes to dating you shouldn’t operate under the assumption that it’s going to take one date to get your ex-boyfriend to agree to be back in a relationship with you. So, one of your big questions was should you ask him to hang out because you say he’s operating under the assumption that he’s just going to give you your record back and then that’s going to be it. I’ve talked about this a lot throughout ex-boyfriend recovery and it’s sort of ending the conversation at the high point. My wife the other day, she sent me this really interesting email and specifically, she’s in charge of Youtube and she wanted to do a Youtube video on make up and dressing up clothes and everything like that. It’s funny… I am currently in the process of writing a massive guide about going on dates with an ex boyfriend when I stumbled across this question from a woman who wants to remain anonymous. Now, I got to work on a few things to get this thing live but it should be going live really soon. Now, about the emotional affair, just, I’m not shocked that it’s turned sexual in nature now.
But your question specifically was about the no contact rule and if too much has happened for you to implement it.
Now, I talked about that sort of success story report I put together where I looked at all the testimonials that I had saved up and one of the things that I found that was most prevalent in the successes is that, 74% of the successes all use the no contact rule.
So, if that doesn’t tell you how powerful the no contact rule is, I don’t know what else will. Another really popular thing the no contact rule does is it actually works on getting him back on two fronts. The less talked about strategy of the no contact rule, the less talked about front of the no contact rule is actually the personal recovery front. If you can prove that you’ve moved on with the no contact rule, if you can kind of move on, on purpose without really moving on internally. Now, the thing Mary, I think you need to do is, if I’m going to recommend the no contact rule for you, I think you should do probably a 30 day no contact rule. So, in that study I did where I talked about the testimonials that I looked at, trying to find co-relations between the successes and failures, the one thing without a doubt that I learned when it came to a man moving on to a new girl, is he almost always comes back to the original ex which is you in this case Mary, if he gets the grass is greener syndrome.
And our guest today is a woman by the name of Erica who finds herself in this exact predicament. The No Contact Rule Book that I’m working on right now, basically covers everything you’ll ever need to know about the no contact rule and my thinking or my line of thinking on how someone should do the no contact rule has changed. So, basically this book is just going to cover any kind of question that you’ll ever have about the no contact rule and I’m super excited about it because I don’t think I’ve ever written anything this comprehensive. Lets say that you and your boyfriend go through a breakup (arguably one of the most emotional experiences a human being can go through.) During the breakup talk your (now) ex boyfriend mentions that he believes you cheated on him. Now, you being very proud of how faithful you are in relationships immediately deny this accusation from your ex but no matter how many times you insist that you are innocent in this your ex simply won’t believe you.
So, you decide to do a little detective work to find out why your ex believes that you were unfaithful.
Welcome to the ultimate guide to getting an ex boyfriend back if he thinks you cheated on him but you really didn’t. If you aren’t too familiar with Ex Boyfriend Recovery (this website) then I would like to inform you that usually at the beginning of every article or guide that I write I like to include a brief outline. I am not going to do anything to re-invent the wheel here but I still feel its important to stay on top of things so we have a clear path to follow when we are talking about a complex situation like this.
Speaking of the cheating situation at hand lets talk a little bit about the sections I am going to be covering today. After 4 days of planning this guide I have decided to divide this page up into three sections.
Specifically a situation where your ex boyfriend believes that you cheated on him when you really didn’t. So, before we can really take a look at his insecurities and feelings around his false assumption we must first understand what your ex boyfriend believes cheating to be. The problem is that things get a lot more complex when you take into account that every single person walking this earth has their own unique definition for cheating.
So, from your perspective the only thing that matters is how your ex boyfriend defines cheating.
Would you like to know the thing that separates Ex Boyfriend Recovery from all the other ex recovery websites out there? Basically what I am getting at here is that I think like your ex boyfriend so I am the ultimate benchmark for understanding his beliefs on cheating. Oh, but before I get into that I do want to have a quick discussion on the levels of cheating.
I guess the first thing that I would like to talk about is the fact that not all cheating is created equally. Simple, a woman who has an emotional affair with a man is going to be forgiven a lot easier than a woman who has a physical affair with one. So, what we are going to do now is go down the list of what I (and by default, your ex) considers to be cheating and I will talk about how hard it will be for a man to forgive in each instance. Look, having sex with someone else who isn’t your significant is the ultimate betrayal to your significant other. I mean, there is a reason why women who sleep around on their boyfriend have the hardest time in getting him back.
Oh, and lets not forget that it’s also going to be the hardest thing for your ex to forgive.
Ok, this is a step down from actually sleeping with someone else but not much farther down. If you could chart a man’s anger in relation to how he was cheated on then his girlfriend sleeping with someone else would be a 10 out of 10. It means that forgiveness won’t be easy to achieve but much more possible than if he thinks you slept with someone else.
Of course, lately you have been feeling a little lonely in the relationship so you decide to engage some light flirting with one of your guy friends.
If you tell another man that is not me that you miss him, that you want to have sex with him or you send him naked pictures then I consider it to be cheating. Now, since there is no actual physical cheating going on the anger level isn’t going to be as high as if there was. And lets say that one day I log on to Facebook and I am greeted with this picture in my feed. Oh, in case you have a sudden onset of blindness this is a picture of you holding hands with another guy very romantically. I find these couple like pictures disrespectful to the man in the relationship if the man is the one in them. For the longest time I used to think I was alone in this irrational fear of being cheated on until I mentioned it to a few friends of mine. My other friend who had a girlfriend of six years (at the time) mentioned that he wouldn’t know what to do if he caught his girlfriend being unfaithful. The question we are asking here is do all men worry about being cheated on by their significant others? Lets pretend that you are grading a mans fear of being cheated on, on a scale from a 1 to a 5. With a 1 being that a man isn’t too scared of being cheated on and a 5 being that he is absolutely terrified of it to an unhealthy extent. Take my friend who was cheated on by his wife (8 times.) Well, this ruined him for future relationships because he was always on Red Alert for cheating. I have a feeling that, that is what we are dealing with here if your ex boyfriend thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t. We are dealing with a man who is at a 4 or 5 on the suspicion scale and may have been actively looking for things that make you look like you are cheating on him. In fact, this fear is so deeply ingrained in his mind that he feared it long before you came along.
Generally speaking during this feeling out process you kind of give cliff notes of your past relationships.
Nothing too in-depth (for fear of hurt feelings) but it’s natural to be curious about a persons past right. Now, lets say that your ex boyfriend (during the courtship phase) asked you if you had ever cheated on a boyfriend before.
Anytime a man asks you that he is trying to determine if history is going to repeat itself again where you cheat on him. Of course, since you don’t believe in lying during moments like this you decide to tell the truth. You then go on to describe the horrible boyfriend you had and how you just couldn’t figure out how to escape him so you cheated as a way of dealing with the pain. Lets fast forward a few months to when he actually does date you and his fears of being cheated on start to manifest.
Lets say that you have been dating him for around 6 months and in those 6 months the two of you have gotten extremely close to one another and with that closeness his fear of being cheated on has slowly started to manifest itself. Again, usually this fear starts out very light and then as time moves on (and the two of you become closer) you start to see him do things that are out of character.
For example, he will ask more specific questions about your past cheating experience which eventually will lead him to spying on you through your phone or Facebook and ultimately end up with him doing some very questionable things like causing fights (over you cheating) or accusing you of cheating when you really haven’t. I guess the first thing that I want to tell you is that his false assumption about you cheating on him is partly his fault and partly your fault. Well, it’s your fault because you did something to make him think you cheated on him. Granted, it’s probably not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but to him in this moment it is. Of course, when I read the text message I don’t look at it like an innocent encounter between two friends. So, you can see that innocent little things like the text message above can be taken the wrong way by a boyfriend who is looking for evidence against you. Before I get into the meat of this small section I want you to take a moment and re-read the section before this one. The whole point of that section is to explain to you how a mans fear of being cheated on can take control of his life in certain instances.
This makes him finding something elementary like a text between two friends exchanging pleasantries much worse than it really is.
It’s a combination of a man being controlled by his fear coupled with something that a woman did to light the fuse of the accusation.
In those cases where the accusation is false I am going to go out on a limb here and say that its more his fault than yours since the evidence he finds on you is kind of lame. He has a great career for which he just got honored for and it looks like his wife is incredibly turned on by it. The man, pictured above, has stripped to his underwear and keeps yelling at Willis for letting him down.
Now, I bet your are wondering how the heck this all ties in to overcoming a false accusation from an ex boyfriend. Well, trying to reason with an ex boyfriend who has falsely accused you of cheating is a lot like trying to reason with a gun wielding mentally disturbed person. Except instead of physically like in Bruce Willis’ case you are going to get shot emotionally.
I am going to teach you how to properly overcome a situation where you have been falsely accused. What do these additions mean and how can we employ them to help your ex boyfriend believe you when you say that you didn’t cheat on him? Remember at the beginning of this section I mentioned that we are going to start operating under a certain assumption. I know some people can hold grudges for a long time but no one can stay angry at the same level forever. I was furious when I found out that my ex girlfriend was flirting with another guy but the level of anger I had in the moment where I found out that she was flirting with another dude did not hold. Around the same time the next week I was still upset about it but I was nowhere near the level I was at when I initially found out.
Now, I don’t want you thinking that if you wait long enough his anger will go away completely. HOWEVER, him being at a 6 on the anger scale as opposed to a 10 is a much better place to make progress in regards to forgiveness.
If I were you I would let two weeks go by before you start in with the hardcore convincing. Well, what if you did all that and let him be by himself for two weeks but around day 7 or 8 you find that he is constantly texting you or calling you. This is his subtle way of letting you know that he may be ready for the next steps of this process. So, if you find that you use a shortened version of the no contact rule and your ex is constantly contacting you almost begging for you to apolgoize to him for your fake cheating then it’s his weird way of telling you that his anger has subsided a bit and he wants to see you beg for him back. For example, if we were dating and I were to tell you that I love you then I am sure you would feel pretty good about it. However, if I were to show you that I love you by taking you on elaborate trips, spoiling you rotten and taking care of you in every way you would have ever wanted a man to take care of you (assuming that you wanted to be taken care of) something tells me that you would feel better about that when compared to me just telling you I loved you. Ok, now that we have that little explanation out of the way lets turn our attention to the task at hand. Our job here is to move from point A on the graph above where your ex is angry at you because he thinks you cheated on him to point B on the graph where he forgives you. Well, in order to do that effectively you are going to have to take a pretty massive action. Your ex boyfriend is clearly peeved at you because he thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t.
I need you to locate the behavior that you engaged in that made him think that you cheated on him and stop that behavior. For the sake of this article I am going to just pretend that he looked through your phone and caught you flirting with a male friend. Now, I know that you may not be so thrilled with this because you are losing out on a friendship with the male friend but sometimes a sacrifice has to be made for the greater good.
These things always work better when I give examples so I am going to construct a little scenario for you.
Lets pretend that you took a picture with a guy friend and made it your profile picture on Facebook while you were dating your boyfriend.


Now, your ex boyfriend sees that you have made this picture your profile picture on Facebook and immediately becomes very angry with you. In fact, he becomes so angry that he suspects that you are cheating on him and breaks up with you.
You take down the profile picture (and any pictures you have taken of the guy friend.) You even go as far as to cut the guy friend out of your life.
The point is that you need to have some type of evidence to show your ex that he is completely wrong about you cheating.
My name is Chris, and I help millions of women per year improve themselves, and get back with their ex boyfriends to finally have the life they dreamed of. My ex was told by some of our old coworkers that I was having an affair with one of our coworkers for 3 months into my ex and my relationship.
I dated my boyfriend (Now ex) For 3 years and after a while we decided to move in with each other.
Sorry, for rambling but two days after we broke up I found out I was pregnant… I told him and he was happy. The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast is one of the most popular self help and sexuality podcasts found on the market today.
We have had a lot going on lately and I kind of neglected getting new content out there but I am going to work really hard to stay on schedule of posting one of these episodes a week.
If this is your first serious boyfriend, I’m assuming you are his first serious girlfriend and at that age, if you’ve only experienced one person or you’ve only been in a relationship with one person. That can be kind of a tough thing because society has kind of painted men into a corner where men are the providers. You had him in your hands, I don’t know what you were thinking with regards to trying to make him jealous or make him upset by telling him that you slept with someone else. I know I’ve been kind of getting onto you and telling you what you did was not a smart way to approach it.
I think for him to even ask that question of you in the first place means he’s worried about it. Thus, she is wondering how to turn a meet up that's supposed to be about a record into a date where they can hang out.
I kind of took a break last week, mostly focused on Youtube and creating videos because I really--I guess it’s fun to be on camera. I am actually in the process of rewriting my most popular book- Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and this thing is going to be a behemoth. You know like, “The book created this nice little template for me to work in but it doesn’t speak directly to my situation.” I’m glad you asked that. So, yeah, I’m super pump about it, you know we just finished writing a new book-- The No Contact Rule Book. Thus, she is wondering how to turn a meet up that’s supposed to be about a record into a date where they can hang out. I kind of took a break last week, mostly focused on Youtube and creating videos because I really–I guess it’s fun to be on camera. So, yeah, I’m super pump about it, you know we just finished writing a new book– The No Contact Rule Book.
When I am choosing questions to feature on the podcast, often times my wife whose desk is sitting right next to mind, listens to me listen to all voice mails and you’re particular question, when I was playing it, listening to it, I was interested in it. To me it looks like, you’re maybe rushing a little too fast but I’m not saying you shouldn’t go get your record or anything like that.
So, congratulations for that and I’m going to do everything in my power right now to help you on the date. So, I think a lot of my effort or focus is on helping those people at the beginning of the strategy but that doesn’t mean we should leave out the people who are the end of the strategy– dating. You know you go on what I like to call kind of a small date, the medium date and then large date or the romantic date and he still hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend again. I think if– I would always let my wife dress me because that’s how bad I am at dressing up.
She sent me this really interesting email about what the clothing says about you and what the color of the clothing says about you. I know it takes a lot to pour your heart out in these messages or in these voicemails rather and it can be kind of tough to think about your situation or verbalize it. I know it seems really tough in your own head or in your own situation but your situation’s a little bit more normal than you think. It seems like he is a little bit remorseful about the emotional affair or the cheating now or the sexual affair that he’s having. Here’s the tactics that work the best, here’s the tactics that really don’t work that well.” And, I did certainly find statistics like that but what was the most interesting part was the actual situation in which people recover their exes from. The point that I want to—I guess point to right here is the fact that you said that he moved out two months ago and you’ve kind of actively been trying to get him back or at least you’ve been displaying that. And it’s something I like to call was sort of –I guess the best way I can explain it is when he senses that you’ve moved on completely, you become more attractive to him. I don’t know how to describe it, other than it’s this interesting phenomenon that happens where he senses it and it makes you more attractive to him. Now, if you’re familiar with my website or any of the books that I’ve written, I talked about the three major no contact rule time periods.
Today we’re going to be hearing from a woman named Erica but before I get that, I have a special announcement to make. When I first started the website I always recommended a 30 day no contact rule and how you had to stick to the 30 no contact rule no matter what.
I do this because I think it is helpful for people skimming to understand how my pages are going to flow. Each of these sections is meant to really take an in-depth look at everything that is going through an exes mind (assuming he thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t) and teach you the things you need to do to raise your chances of getting him back. Remember, we are operating under the assumption that your ex thinks you cheated on him so understanding his willingness to forgive will give you insight to how angry he is with you and how hard it will be to convince him that you didn’t actually cheat on him. So, if your ex thinks that you cheated on him by sleeping with someone else you are going to have your work cut out for you in convincing him otherwise.
Eventually the flirting leads to heavier topics like sex, telling each other that you miss one another, sending naked pictures back and forth. However, there are certain factors that come into play that can make him more afraid of it.
For example, maybe he cracks your Facebook password one day and decides to take a stroll through your Facebook messages and finds some flirty messages between you and a friend (a guy friend) and makes some very wrong assumptions about the two of you. Now, lets back up to the courtship phase of your relationship where both of you were feeling each other out to see if you wanted to be in a relationship with one another. In this case I would say you should send your ex boyfriend screenshots of any communication between you and the guy friend on the phone or on Facebook to prove without a doubt that you are innocent and did NOT cheat on your ex boyfriend. The thing is my ex and I work in the same building, but I really haven’t talked to him and have barely seen him at work since I started dating my current bf (5 months ago). We have our spot spats every now and then but are completely inseparable and can’t keep our hands off of each other.
Seiter takes real life situations on one by one and provides valuable advice that have helped thousands of women find the peace (and success) they are striving for. Got a little busy, we recently released a quiz on ex boyfriend recovery.  Basically, that defines what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back. I know a lot of women are scared to do that but I think the women who do end up having the courage and the women who are lucky enough to have their question picked on the podcast, get a lot of value out of what I say because I spend basically 20 minutes talking about that situation. You believe he’s going through a quarter life crises which I’m not quite sure I buy it all.
I know not necessarily anymore that women’s rights have done a lot for equality and things like that but if you look at the numbers men still earn more than women.
I mean I can understand why you did it because maybe you’re upset that he broke up with and you wanted to hurt him that way that he hurts you. I was telling people on the emails, I was telling people on the comments, I was telling people on Youtube, I was telling my wife about it, I was telling my dad about it.
Specifically if you should do the no contact rule in your situation and you seem like you’re really well read. Now, the biggest misconception about the no contact rule, that I found to be lately is a lot of people just use it to focus on their ex boyfriend but that’s not what it’s for.
And there’s a lot of more interesting things going on but the podcast is still near and dear to my heart. Today’s question comes from someone who wanted to remain anonymous but she has a real interesting question that I don’t think I’ve ever covered on the podcast before. I’m going to give you certainly tips on what to do during the date but I would say, after the date, focus on building more attraction before you see him again in person.
You did the no contact rule which is phenomenal but where I think you fell down a little bit was the attraction building through texting and then after texting you have to transition to phone calls. So, when it comes to dating your ex, if I were to pick out one of the weakest parts about ex  boyfriend recovery, it’s the fact that we feature a ton of advice on the first parts of my overall strategy for getting an ex back, for parts like the no contact rule, parts like text messaging, parts like talking on the phone but we don’t really talk about dating a lot and what to do during the date.
This process will take time which is why I like to teach what I like to call the three date method. Well, you just have to interest him, you’re right about being chill and not bringing up really bad memories or super emotional stuff. Especially if there was cheating involved, you should definitely not talk about that but talk about something that’s going to interest them. If it was up to me, I would probably go everywhere in tennis clothes because they’re so comfortable but obviously, I can’t do that. I’m sure you’ve seen this when it comes to like sales and advertising and how like yellow—you know like McDonald’s has red-yellow or something because it catches your eye and it makes you want to go in but when it comes to relationships, it’s really interesting in what the colors mean. So, if you want him to look at you in a passionate way or you want him to be super into you, red is definitely what you want to wear.
So, I just want to take a moment and thank you and I’m going to do everything in my power to possibly help you. Let’s try to understand what’s going on in his mind because from there we can kind of build out and structure a game plan around your situation. But it doesn’t seem like he’s willing to take the necessary steps for the therapy to work because often times, you can pull the weight of the relationship boulder yourself but really in order to move the boulder and keep it up, you need two people. It looks to me like he’s moved on to someone else but don’t let that get you down I think a lot of women freak out when they hear that.
I actually think there’s no better time for you to do the no contact rule than right now because it’s actually really difficult to do a no contact rule which, I talked about in the no contact rule book that I mentioned earlier in this podcast episode.
Absolutely now is the time to do the no contact rule but here’s kind of where things get a little bit more interesting. But let’s go into fantasyland here and pretend that you’re using the no contact rule on your ex and it works and you get him back. It’s sort of like that—I don’t know the best way I could describe it is maybe if you give a toddler a toy, well the toddler plays with the toy a bit and then throws the toy away.
So, the no contact rule—the reason it’s such an incredible strategy is it touches on so many things.
I don’t know if you’ve known this but, I have actually been writing a new e-book specifically about the no contact rule and I’m almost done with it which I cannot tell you how excited I am. Well, as I grew up more in this niche and as I’ve learned more about people’s situations, I came to notice that staying strict to a 30 day no contact rule the entire time isn’t necessarily the smartest way to play it. Today, I really really really almost desperately needed some papers signed and I knew he could get them signed faster because of his position there.
I had slept with this coworker once, before my ex and I were together, and I had told him about it.
Everything was seriously going great, yes we had a fights and arguments here and there but who doesn’t, right? And his family started putting stuff into his head, telling him I cheated when I never did. Maybe you wanted to get some sort of validation from him that he cared for you in a deep level and you certainly got that but it really didn’t do anything to help  you with getting him back. Telling him or hurting him like this served no purpose for you other than just getting that validation but the fact that he was on a date with you, the fact that it only took a week of ignoring him to get on this date should have been validation enough that he’s still had feelings for you.
Even if you tell him that you lied, even if you explained your reasons for lying, in the back of his mind, he’s not going to believe you. I was really excited about this thing because I really thought it was going to be revolutionary but back to the story, the particular day I was cleaning up my desktop and I happened to put the book that I was writing, the book that I spent a month and a half working on into the trash bin and then I clicked on the trash bin and then I erased it. You lied to him about sleeping with someone else, why you did this, I think my personal belief is you were trying to find some sort of validation that he’s still loved you and maybe you thought this was the best way to bring it out, maybe you were just trying to hurt him. So, what I think you need to do before you enter the no contact rule is let him know that you were lying.
Yes, it is for making an ex miss you, it’s for healing an ex’s feelings emotionally, it’s for leveling you out emotionally and that’s—it’s really a two pronged approach in the fact that, yes, you are using it for your ex but you’re also using it for yourself. So, here I am again for another week and another episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. I really took a lot of the people who complained about what the book didn’t have or what the book lacked in the past. I don’t know when it’s going to be completed because I want to do a really good job for you but basically what’s going to happens is I have compiled a huge list of all the situations I’ve ever encountered through ex boyfriend recovery. So, anyways– two year relationship, ended basically in the “Girl’s-a-crazy-this-guy’s-a dumb” paradox thing. I’m not trying to say anything mean to you or put you down or anything like that but if I were to pick on something that maybe you didn’t do as well and you weren’t as descriptive as maybe you could have been but if there is one thing that I can kind of pick at that maybe you could have done a little bit better not relating to a date. As far as what to say, I think this podcast episode is too short to tell you exactly what to say on a date.
Now, if you listen to my strategies or read anything on my website, you know that I’m a big fan of slowly building up attraction and the same applies with dating. It just depends on—I know some men out there get really keyed up and they show up a lot earlier. A tv show is an example there that I just used but maybe he has a movie, maybe—I know Game of Thrones is coming out soon which is we’re super pumped for.
But anyways, here’s some interesting things that I’ve learned and also that my wife can help you out because now my wife is working full time with the ex-recovery team and she’s specifically really good at things like make up and dressing things up.
So, according to this, there are three types of colors that you want to wear on your first date. The second one is perfect if there was cheating involved, specifically if you cheating and, that’s Blue.
And to put into perspective how big it is, the first Harry Potter book—The Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was around 76,000 words.
About 6 months ago, he told me he was unhappy and I found out he was having a long distance, kind of an emotional affair. Like you know—a guy talks to someone at work and he constantly talks to this person at work and the guy talks to this woman so much at work that he starts to rely on her advice for situations instead of his wife perhaps. A lot of the people who I determined didn’t use the no contact rule, I didn’t have enough information to determine what they used.
You want your ex back and you mentioned that you put 5 years into this thing and you know, if you get him back, I’m assuming you want it to be more permanent in nature. There’s a lot of people, a lot of women who experienced this phenomenon that when they want their exes back they can’t get him back. But if you show the toddler the toy and then take it away from the toddler, what does the toddler want? It’s just one simple strategy but if you implement it correctly, it can do so many things for you and help you get your ex back.
Now, some experts out there will talk about the 60 day rule or the 90 day rule but I don’t like recommending that because of something called the habit theory.
So I wrote to him asking if he could do me that favour, and left the conversation on my phone. Anyway, towards the last month of our relationship, I started going through his phone, which I never had done before.
Not only is it a really cool quiz but you’re going to get so much value after you sign up for it. But I don’t want to get into any political debates on what men earn versus what women earn. I could definitely buy into the fact that he was struggling with this career or trying to figure out his life path or what he should do for a career.
Believe it or not, even though what you did was stupid, I think it can serve a purpose for getting him back which I’ll cover in a second.
You saw what I said about the no contact rule but how every time you do it after the first time it losses some effectiveness and that is certainly going to hold true but the good news for you is you really didn’t do it. Understand everything I teach about the value chain, about how you want to go from the no contact rule, to texting, to after you build attraction through texting, you move up to the phone calls then after you build attraction through the phone calls, you move up to the dates. I jotted those notes down and basically everything that anyone ever complained about is going to be going in the book.
So, I don’t forget but yeah, we’re really excited to add more products to fray and I have to say, thank you guys for being so accepting of the newest additions to the ex boyfriend recovery team. Build attraction with your ex through text messages and then of course build attraction through your ex through phone calls and eventually, once enough attraction has been build, the date should be easiest.
Of course I write about it in my products and everything like that but for whatever reason, I’ve just never covered that as much. I will give you a few pointers a little bit later but let’s talk about what kind of a template to work in because I always think people look better when they have an overall strategy. Imagine that you were about to go on a blind date with someone you’ve never met before and then on the blind date, that person asks you to marry him. Repeat it to where it’s every single date you go on from this point on after that third date is romantic and puts him in the mindset of wanting to ask you to be his girlfriend again but we’re getting way ahead.
Baby blue in particular—I know from my sales experience that Baby Blue is the most trusted color but Blue in general shows that you’re trustworthy and that you’re secure essentially. Just wanted to thank you for all of your support and how much you engage with the content that I write in ex-boyfriend recovery.


So, just stay tuned for that because very soon, this book is going to go live and I know you want an opportunity to get it.
At the same time, I also don’t think he has a lot of self-value or self-worth, if he’s saying he can’t fix himself or whatever he’s you know—whatever he’s saying there. So, if he’s not willing to invest the time or do what it takes in the therapy to make it work—it’s really you can do everything right, there’s nothing you can do. Cheating, I had the second most success stories were in the cheating category which is shocking to me.
It’s kind of impossible because you’re going to see them more than you see probably anyone throughout the day. The no contact rule itself makes it more difficult for him to get you back, assuming he wants to get you back. So, I think once he gets out there and experiences something new, he’s going to realize how good he had it with you and then potentially come back. A lot of people were just asking me, “What text should I send in this situation?” or, “What text should I send in that situation?” So, I wrote an entire book full of 250+ text messages to send in just about any situation I could think of. That same night I went out to dinner with my bf, but I didn’t want to tell him that in a restaurant so I decided to wait until the next day to tell him.
After 30 days of NC he had contacted me wanting the truth, and after I told him he called me a liar, and that he could never forgive me.
Basically by through hearing other people’s situations and figuring out what advice that I give to them that you can use for your situations. I would think, “Ok, we’ll she’s telling me that and I can understand why she did that but what if she’s just lying about this as well?” I mean this is the kind of headwind that you’re going to have to overcome if you’re going to try to get this particular ex boyfriend back. You did it for  a week and then basically got him back and then fumbled it up before you really got him back. What kind of hobbies can you pick up?  What kind of things have you always wanted to do but you never did?
Well, he’s already going to be very insecure about you or you telling him and lying to him about sleeping with someone else. Just sort of, kind of, if you imagine a graph, it’s sort of like the graph is constantly going up if the graph were to represent attraction of course. I think that’s partly due to my laziness but it’s also partly due to no one really wants to hear about it because where people mostly struggle is in the first parts of the strategy with the no contact rule. Where I would have a date set up and I would show up maybe 30 minutes early because I was just nervous about it but my point here is you’re trying to go on small date and the goal of this date is to interest him and make him want another date with you. Because when you have him on that hook, when you have him hooked and you leave, you are putting yourself in a position where he’s going to want to see you again. So, if you cheated or there was cheating involved, blue is definitely the color that you want to wear. You will always get really good and insightful information from my podcast specifically about ex’s or just relationships in general and also please if you haven’t, write a review.
Now, he contended that was not the reason, he—you know, was having doubts about our relationship. He’s probably around that age so, it’s possible he could be having sort of a midlife crisis type of a deal. I mean you can certainly do things like limited contact and try your best to make it seem like you’re not going to talk to him but at some point you will have to communicate but since he moved out, there’s no better time for you to do the no contact rule. There’s not enough information for me to determine what they actually did to get their exes back. So, the more difficult you make it for him to get you back, the more he’s going to treat you like the queen you are once he gets you back. So, let’s assume that your ex wanted to get over you and you’re using the no contact rule on him and let’s say you’re using the no contact rule for 90 days. So, at one moment I went to the bathroom and he grabbed my phone and checked my conversations, of course finding that one.
He comes across a text that I sent to my friend basically saying that I was meeting a guy for a date.
You said you wanted to know about what the appropriate time was to hash things out with him. So, technically I think it’s going to lose a little bit of the effectiveness for your situation but not much. Seriously, you should go back into no contact rule and to the no contact rule even if you didn’t contact your ex but you didn’t make any personal strides, you should go back to the no contact rule. The first date should be real light, not threatening, but interesting enough to hold his attention to make him think about you. So, I went out and got someone who knows a lot about it, enough to get me to marry her, my wife. And then finally, if you feel like you want to look slimmer or you feel that like Red looks terrible on you, –these are my wife’s words, I’m just summarizing from the email here I have pulled up in front of me. That he was just an unhappy person and he was unable to fix himself in the context of our relationship.
I mean often times when it comes to break ups and relationships, there’s no really one definitive reason for why a breakup occurs.
Which is why I say, even though emotional affairs aren’t technically a form of cheating, they almost always lead to cheating if they’re not nipped in the bud. They tied for the second most, with the exact same amount of successes with this cheating was, him moving on to someone new. So, that 74% number, you know the 74% of people who used the no contact rule, maybe something like 90% because the vast majority of situations who actually got back to me with details—I think actually all of them that got back to me, with enough details for me to determine like, okay what they did to get their exes back, all used the no contact rule. In other words, when you get your ex back using the no contact rule there’s scientific proof that it will help him stick around. So, the no contact rule actually has scientific basis for having that happen which is why it’s one of the most incredible strategies out there because it accomplishes so much at once. Well, if he really wanted to get over you, it would only take him 66 days to get out of the habit of thinking about you and you don’t want that to happen. So, if you haven’t done that already, I urge you to please do that and also, I do want to mention that we have a YouTube channel now.
I can’t tell you how proud I am because they pretty much respond to everyone who asks a question.
I wouldn't call it necessarily a newsletter but we completely revamped the emails that you get when you sign up for exboyfriend recovery.
I wouldn’t call it necessarily a newsletter but we completely revamped the emails that you get when you sign up for exboyfriend recovery. We were kind of talking a while after the breakup and then I finally started no contact and within a week of us not speaking, he reached out to me asking if we could talk. You mentioned something about a quarter life crisis because he doesn’t know what he wants to do in a career which I’m not sure I buy a quarter life crisis thing. To be honest the appropriate time is when he’s in an incredible mood, when he is in such a good mood that you can basically tell him that you murdered someone and he won’t get upset with you. So, I was feeling really good about myself and I think my wife, she took the baby to her parent’s house to give me some kind of space to work and some peace and quiet to work basically. Usually I’m very secure about the projects I work on or in a specific area of my desktop where I don’t touch them or they sat there and everything.
The second date should take things up a notch and on the third date of course should take things up a notch and then ideally by that third date enough attraction has been built through both where he’s re-evaluating whether or not he wants you to be his girlfriend and he’ll ask you.
We’re using Starbucks as an example because I’ve been to Starbucks and I’d know exactly how this can work. You’ll find he’ll text you more, he’ll think about you more, he’ll say nice things to you, he’ll say maybe I miss you and then you can go about setting up that second date; the medium date which I’m actually not going to talk about because I want to talk a little bit about what you should wear. I encourage you to write a review on Itunes for my podcast and that it’s going to do it for this week’s podcast of the exboyfriend recovery podcast episode. You want him to be constantly obsessed with you, constantly wondering why you’re not responding to his texts or constantly missing you but if you embark on one of this massive no contact rules—the 60 day rule or the 90 day rule, I think it’s getting a little too close and he could potentially move on from you. So, if you want to see in depth videos on how to get your ex back or search strategies of getting an ex back, I recommend you hop on over to the Chris Seiter, S-E-I-T-E-R YouTube channel and that’s going to do it for today. Called me a whore and a prostitute, told me he wanted to smash my face and spit at me, that I was worthless, that I deserved to die, among other things.
The next few times I saw his facebook messages I saw about 2 or 3 messages he hasn’t to girls. When you do this quiz, you basically get this set of emails that basically defines to your situation what kind of chance you have.
And since we’re trying to create this—basically this community where we help people who are trying to get their ex back. You told him that you slept with someone else to hurt him which obviously it did and you find yourself back at square one. I mean I know they have midlife crises but just to put this to perspective, he’s 26 and I’m 26. I mean there’s nothing scarier than living life without a plan or without a financial plan to back you up.
And I did just that, I started working and I started particularly cleaning up my desktop.  I own an iMac and it’s really cluttered. But here’s the thing, I was in a great mood that day, so even though, it was a horrible loss which I have since started rewriting the book and that I think it’s even better now than it was but even though it was a horrible loss, I didn’t really feel that upset inside because I was in such a good mood.
So, I really think you really have a great chance of almost—even though you’re at square one. For you to make a major mistake like telling him that you slept with someone just proves that you are not ready to get him back. Let’s say, it’s not a date, it’s just a hang out with one of your guy friends, Dave and you post a picture on Facebook and he comes across this.
Light texting after no contact, although he is very reserved but responding and when our last conversation went right, I asked if he has still had my old records that I lent him and he does and he agreed to meet up and give it back but yeah. So, once you get there early, go inside of Starbucks and then order a coffee or whatever the heck you want to order there, Frappucino, whatever. My wife and I last night, we had an interesting discussion about the bachelor of all things and how the bachelor almost glorifies cheating and how it’s socially acceptable for the bachelor or even the bachelorette to cheat and how it’s such a way of process. Alright, but before I get into today’s situation which ironically is about the no contact rule.
This will be truly the first book of its kind because most books in the no contact rule focus on the aspect of healing from a break up. Anyway, it didn’t get better in therapy and two months ago he moved out saying he needed more space.
This is—you know emotional affairs, even though they’re technically not physically cheating. One that was my old computer that I first started ex-boyfriend recovery on and one that’s a new computer that when the old computer got a little slow, I upgraded to this new computer. When he left me at my place, he pushed me out of his car and threw my phone out of the window, called me a whore and left. It was nothing to fight over but it still bothered me realise he had sent THEM messages, that means he put in the effort. So, he’s essentially your high school sweetheart and I could factor into all of this in a second but first let me get to your situation.
So, you’re big basic questions here are should you do the no contact rule again and what’s the appropriate time for you to hash things out regarding the issues in your previous relationship and what caused the breakup and things of that nature.
So, I think I have a lot of great insight into what he’s thinking or he’s mindset and at 26 years old, I have not had a quarter life crisis though. And men really take that seriously, so I can buy into the fact that he feels a lot of stress about that but it’s not a quarter life crisis. So, just going forward, if I’m going to help you out, I need to know that you cannot do this again.
That’s how important it is to focus on yourself and a lot of women obsess about the no contact rule.
So, a lot of women think, “Ok, will getting my ex back, I have to wait ‘til he’s ready.” But that’s not always the case, sometimes he can be ready and you’re not ready.
Well, all you’re going to be doing with that picture or that act is you’re going to be upsetting him to the point where he’s not going to want to be with you because he doesn’t feel like he can trust you. So, I had testimonials that sporadically I had saved to my computer from, god, all the way since 2013.
But for you I think I’m going to recommend the 30 day no contact rule because there’s that aspect of the other girl and I think what needs to happen is he needs to kind of get a little bit of the grass is greener syndrome going on. I can’t guarantee we do in 24 hours but usually within 2 days, we get to you and you get a response.
I put all of my work, all the pictures I do and any book I’m writing is on this desktop and  a few months ago I started rewriting ex boyfriend recovery pro which is kind of the flag ship product. I think maybe, we’re ready to get him back but you weren’t ready maturely wise to get him back. The name of game here is getting him back but at the same time, showing him that you are the most trustworthy person alive. Sit down at a Starbucks where there’s an open chair near you and then when he shows up, he will come inside Starbucks and then he will see you and then he’ll V-Line towards you and then you’re both sitting, he’ll give you your stuff and rather than asking, “Hey, let’s hang out after this.” You’ve already put him in this position where he’s going to hang out with you. He told that the emotional affair was over but about two weeks ago it became obvious to me that he was still not in a romantic relationship but a sort of sexual affair with this woman.
So, it could that he got kind of a taste of what attention from someone else other than you felt like.
So, there weren’t a million of the testimonials but there were enough to where it was interesting enough for me to create a report. Basically it states that the harder something is to get, or the harder something is to obtain, the more likely that person who obtained it or who have put the work in to obtain it, is going to cherish it once they have it.
But what really set me off was the last message I read the last time I checked his phone, it was to his ex.
We’ve had the limits for some of our responses because I think over the Easter holiday, we had something like 400 unanswered emails. And within two weeks, I kind of prematurely agree to meet with him and we did and it went well. I mean if you’ve ever gone to sleep deprivation with a new baby, you know what I’m talking about.
You need to approach a situation where you bring up your previous relationship when he’s in an incredible mood.
Now, those are the three top recommended choices for what I think you should wear on the first date. Because you want him to look at you in that passionate way again but if you want to maybe be more creative, wear Purple. To try to find some co-relations between some of the things that people who succeed in getting their exes back are doing and some of the things that people who are failing are doing. Later that night he called me crying to tell me he would never forgive me or believe me ever again, that he loved me but we were over for good because I was a liar. I don’t know hat he said since he deleted the message he sent to her but I did read hers. So, we fell a bit behind which is why I actually came in and started helping out my—some of the other members of the ex-recovery staff in answering some of the emails.
However, we’ve been—he then asked me if I have been with anyone else since the breakup and I lied and I said yes, just to hurt him and it did. People are going to be more accepting of bad news when they’re in a good mood as opposed to bad news when they’re in a bad mood. I took a lot of the complaints I got from people who bought the book and I’m working them in to make sure their complaints get covered and no one ever has an issue. I had broken a million of cardinal rules because I have been wanting to work things out and even though I know it seems crazy, I do want him to come home.
He moved out two months ago and it seems that this emotional affair with this other woman has turned sexual in nature. All you had to do was just build up an attraction and get him back but now that you made this mistake, you had the added headwind of making him trust you because even though you didn’t sleep with someone, if he truly believes that which is like I said, he’s going to question everything, you still lied to him. We had a life together and it’s been more than 5 years and I’m just wondering if I’ve already done too much damage? And you’re wondering if you should use the no contact rule because you’ve broken a lot of the cardinal rules so far.
It baffles me, we always had a great relationship, this reaction makes me think of when I just met my current bf, I was also talking to my ex at the same time, when it wasn’t official with none of them, but he knew that. I brought it up to him right away and he just told me to brush it off, because “These feelings come and go once in a while.
Don’t obsess about anything relating to your situation and I promise things will go better for you.
Do I ask if we hang out for a little bit or you know, I’m definitely going to be very chill and nice and positive when I see him, not bring up any heavy memories. He seems very remorseful and tied to me still but is this the good start—like is this a good start for the no contact rule or has sort of—too much damage had been done?
I know you say it’s less effective the more times you do it and also when is the appropriate time to kind of hash things out and talk about the issues that cause the breakup in the first place? It does and it makes people not trust others.  So, kind of the big thing that you’re going to have to accomplish here is getting him to trust you again and the best way to do that is not to put yourself in a position where you’re around other guys. Talk about something that you know will interest him and then end the date prematurely on purpose. Make it to where—it’s not getting back into ways—I mean a lot of women try to get their exes back—the biggest mistake I see a lot of women trying to get their ex back too soon.
He doesn’t have a lot of self-value or he kind of got some attention from someone else and wanted to gravitate more towards that. That you really didn’t sleep with someone and then after you’ve given that apology, you go into the no contact rule.



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Category: What Can I Do To Get My Ex Back



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