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We need to take care of ourselves, and we need to be selective about the relationships in which we enter. But certain friendships have a lifecycle while others are meant to be with you throughout life. When I first moved to Aspen, I hung out with a group of people who were better skiers than I. I remember, as if it were yesterday (it was 1997), the day my live-in boyfriend who I had finally broken up with walked out the door of our apartment for the final time. Being surrounded by people who hurt and don’t help is no different than hitting yourself in the head with a baseball bat. Certainly difficult to do but in the end you cannot evolve as a person unless you connect to those who enrich your life. I first got to know Lisa Gerber from working with her when she was part of Arment Dietrich, and I knew then that she was a smart cookie… Her blog (has) become a staple part of my reading diet. I tried to escape it, block it out, ignore it, and pretend this nagging feeling would eventually disappear. After much soul searching and going back and forward in my head, I finally found my answer.
I learned that when it comes to relationships, it’s rarely black and white, things don’t always make logical sense, you can’t force chemistry, and sometimes a break-up is the only answer.
It was my gut, my instinct, my heart, my intuition trying to tell me that it just wasn’t right. This situation is difficult because you can’t always explain or articulate why you feel the way you feel.
Do you spend more time fighting, arguing, feeling annoyed and disappointed than you do enjoying, loving, and growing with one another? If you constantly push each other’s buttons and find there’s continuously tension between you, something’s not right. If you try to sort out your issues (whether just between the two of you or seeking out help) and you still find yourself miserable more than 50 percent of the time, it’s a sign this relationship isn’t healthy or going anywhere fast. Do you and your partner have different ideas and plans for money, marriage, children, religion, travel, family, work, and life in general?
But is there a mountain of differences or even just a few big ones that make you really uncomfortable? Years ago my long-term (ex) partner wouldn’t even entertain a conversation about marriage or having children. I wanted something completely different than he did in life, and it was so important to me to be able to at least discuss these things. To be happy, comfortable, and growing in a relationship, you both need to be on the same page. When you want the same things and feel similar ways about important issues couples are faced with, your relationship is so much more harmonious, connected, and easy.
So you’re going to want to think long and hard about whether the two of you are really compatible and what kind of differences you’re okay with.
If there are too many to count or you just find yourself butting heads about critical issues that you both refuse to compromise on, it’s time to go your own ways.
About Pia ScadePia Scade is a love coach, writer and advocate for creating passionate, awe-inspiring relationships. He had an affair, but came back to me and instead of reworking on my marriage, I revisit the time when I had a chance to leave and didn’t. I find that’s the hardest thing to find — 2 people that are committed to growth and have awareness around that.
What if your unhappy to begin with and that person youre with motivates you from time to time? My advice is to put work into your marriage – actual, legit work including marriage counseling, going on dates with your husband, and finding time for just the two of you. A lot of people are unhappy nowadays and its hard to know if the source of the unhappiness is within them or is the result of the actions or inactions of others. In my mind a lot of the problem is depression and an unrealistic idea of happily ever after as portrayed in the media.
As Stephen Fraser said, we fall in love with an idea of a person, when that illusion is shattered, what is left is friendship and companionship. If you’ve given it your all and tried all the possibilities and your deepest needs are not being met, if there are no children and your so unhappy that you would be happier on your own then consider leaving.


The last 9 months have not always been easy or fun, and it’s still not perfect today, but I am so much more happy. Hi Franki, Something so important to a happy, healthy relationship is coming into one as a whole being to give… not to be filled up by someone else or reliant on your partner to make you happy all the time.
I guess my question to you is… how would your daughter feel in the years to come that you stayed in a relationship you are so unhappy in?
Simon, so true and I think the message here is that we need to love ourselves first and be happy in our own life before we enter a relationship in order for us to be happy in a relationship.
I only have about 10 Studio M colors in the store currently, but I will be taking special pre-orders once it opens. She was the reason I moved to Seattle from Aspen (she was from Seattle) which set me on a new and wonderful path in the Northwest. We lived thousands of miles apart and yet, I spent countless hours on the phone with her over the years riding the lows and highs; and the break-ups and reunions with this guy. If we have relationships that don’t serve us, we need to prune them out of our lives. Some friendships require a great deal of work, others are the kind where you can call them for the first time in a year and pick up where you left off. We broke up amicably, and I only have fond memories of our time, but the moment he disappeared from my view, I had this extreme mixture of grief and weightless liberation. And have this conversation with not only my daughters, but other friends as well, on a regular basis.
But it’s how you communicate and navigate these differences that can make or break your relationship. You might find that for a while you’re both able to come to a happy compromise or in the beginning of the relationship you can avoid those big contentious issues. They’re going to shine bright at some point or another, and if both of you feel strongly about the topic it’s going to make your relationship extremely difficult. After a couple of years together this was a huge warning for me that he didn’t see our relationship progressing much further for a long time. You’re supposed to support, encourage, and love each other, not constantly struggle with one another or question things. They’re just as heart breaking for the person ending it as it is for the partner on the receiving end. We are never attracted to who a person actually is but rather a projection from ourselves of who we think they are. If all of that doesn’t translate into renewed love then at least you can say you tried. I’m struggling with myself and having my own problems and my guy keeps helping me and making things better.
He’s a very nice guy, smart, we see life the same way but feelings were long gone and we slowly drifted apart over the last 3 years.
I love my new life, I feel connected with my true self that I lost touch with a long time ago.
In marriage you be who you are, live your life with some who is your friend first and you put in 100%. This is an unachievable role and until we love ourselves we’ll never feel truly loved by another. And you should be proud that you’ve had the courage to do what you know in your heart is the right thing for you. And also, is staying in a relationship that’s not healthy a good thing for your daughter and what example are we setting for our children when we do this? You should be so proud that you loved yourself enough to do what you knew was right for you. They’re meant to be a loving place where we come to fill each other up and feel the safest of anywhere. If we’re not happy in the first place, no one else is going to be able to do that for us. You know, I have a hard enough time keeping all my commitments so I understand when life gets in the way.
I’ve always had a habit of hanging out with people smarter than I, faster than I, and better than I.
I tried to focus on the great things about him, and us, in the hope I’d fall more in love and it’d all work out.


When there are differing views on important life topics, this becomes almost impossible and can be difficult to resolve. There will always be tough times that test you both and ask for compromise, but I truly believe that the majority of the time relationships should bring joy, inspiration, and happiness to both of you. Invariably, eventually some months in, we discover that the other is not who we thought they were. He found no matter how many changes or compromises he got one partner to make, in many cases he couldn’t make the other happy.
And eventually I had to be the bad guy and pull the plug on our relationship because I was definitely spending more time being unhappy than happy. And now I also know what I want from my future partner so I can be happy and in a great relationship. So many of us are too fearful of the unknown to do what we know we need to know… and we suffer each and every moment we ignore our intuition. I love being a good friend and being there on the other end of the phone to help my heartbroken friend.
When you extricate the negative forces in your life, it allows you to focus on and make room for what is right.
And when you listen, life gets so much easier and you open the channels right on up for greater love and happiness. This is the point at which our work begins and mature love separates itself from immature love.
We have a nice house, cars etc etc…Everything is so great, so why do I feel so unhappy? Not only I was breaking my marriage but I was also losing my best friend (because we were friends, no longer lover). Each of us is powerful and worthy of everything we want and that absolutely includes the gift of being in a loving, healthy relationship. Leaving is always an option for either party but if you are committed to growth, leaving should be reserved solely for destructive relationships or if staying inhibits the growth of one or both of you. We have two kids, and we’re trying very hard to save this relationship, however, I know in my heart that there is no happily ever after for us.
I have everything built, I'm just working on the Terms and Conditions right now, so it should be very, very soon. It probably would have stayed on longer if I had been able to seal off the edges, but my nails were so short it was a bit difficult. If you focus on what you don’t have rather than what you do have, what makes you think you will appreciate something different. I tried everything I could think of but my heart wasn’t in it anymore and neither was his.
But as soon as I took my decision and shared it with him, I felt so much better and I knew I took the right the decision (definitely trust your instincts).
The next time I used RCM gel polish in Simply Stunning (a pale slightly shimmery nude color). On the other hand, those who give you the smack in the face and tell you what you could be doing better?
Chances are you’ll either be happier on your own to start with and you will find that right person who makes your heart sing. This time I had gotten enough practice to really make my coats thin and it worked out fabulous.
I felt very alone while making this decision because people don’t often talk about this so I appreciate this article. I’m starting to question the whole concept of marriage and the idea of keeping a romantic relationship for an entire lifetime.
It requires being an adult and finally growing up…it requires doing the work you both need to do to have the relationship you both deserve. It seems like it would be easier to justify if there were major issues like drugs or abuse, but a lack of love is as good a reason as any.



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Category: I Want My Ex Girlfriend Back



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