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The more Julie’s husband stepped away, the more Julie started to notice all the ways that he wasn’t meeting her needs.
Julie’s story ended up in my upcoming book, 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage. The problem women make is that we expect our husbands to slog through all our problems alongside us; the problem many men make is that they try to handle their problems alone. One day, when her children were still preschoolers, Julie looked in the mirror and felt as if she didn’t recognize herself anymore.
Happiness is having what you want, which is only possible when God helps you to want what you have. What we really need, then, is for God to change our hearts so that we want what He has given us. Ladies, we’re all going to go through periods, like Julie, when we are exhausted and stretched beyond our limits.
My happiness is a gift I can give my husband--because then he doesn't have to fix anything!
Tomorrow I want to share with you my Top 10 ways for creating happiness–and thus giving your husband the gift of a happy wife! Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage will start shipping August 18–but you can pre-order it now! Join over 23,000 people who receive my monthly marriage newsletter--and get a FREE COPY of my eBook, 36 Tips to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage. I can see your point, but the thing is that even if our husbands are doing something wrong, or not fixing something that we wish they did, our own happiness should not depend on it. I think us wives are good add expecting stuff from our hudbands and play an dmotional game around it that is not worth it. If your husband isn’t good at taking care of things and money, then maybe you can help him with it? So along with working 40+ hours a week, bringing in 80% of the salary, commuting 10 hours a week, dong all the house cleaning, cooking, bill paying and investing, now I’m supposed to handle all the home maintenance? Trish, that is a really serious problem, and I don’t think you can continue this way.
There were some not very helpful comments left on that post, and I thought it was an important enough subject to revisit and post some of my thoughts! And that verse was directed at an older, married couple, too, where likely gravity had taken its toll! I believe that part of loving your man and helping your man is being as attractive as you can be. But even if you’re not a size 2 (and very, very few of us are), you can still be attractive! Now, if I were 250 pounds and this were a serious heath issue, then I’d feel differently.
So if you’re really hurting because your husband wants you to lose weight, think about it logically like this.
Your metabolism slows, and while you could eat a ton at 20 and stay 120 pounds, now you eat less and you’re 145. Maturity means recognizing this and delighting in having a spouse to grow older with, not in expecting that person to stay 20.
Yes, the body is important, and yes, we need to do what we can to keep ourselves attractive to our husbands.
You can make a commitment to get healthy and to keep yourself attractive, but that’s only half the story. My 31 Days to Great Sex book can help you work through this, because it shows us how sex can unite us spiritually and not just physically. So often, I just look at her and think: How did I get so lucky, not only is she smart, but she’s gorgeous!
Let’s be careful not to confuse the normal aging process we all go through with the attractiveness (or lack therof) being discussed in this thread. You can also send these love SMS messages for husband and love greetings as love SMS messages for husband, love email wordings and love text messages for husband. I would like to return the sweet favor by letting you know how much you are appreciated and loved. I went to a great workshop the other night called Putting the Fun & Romance Back into your Marriage. My dad has always told us that the best way to show love to your children, is to love their mother. As a mom, it is really easy to focus on my kids (who are very demanding of my time and attention), but at the end of a long day sometimes the last thing I want to do is then shift gears to talk to anyone else- even if that other person is my spouse. The workshop was a great reminder of things that I can (and should) be doing daily to make my marriage thrive. Spending time with your spouse doesn't mean you have to go out or spend money, but it does mean that you plan specific things to do together that allow you to build on your relationship as a couple. I want my kids to have amazing marriages and I want them to be successful in their relationships with friends.


PS- Do you think my husband is going to kill me for posting this photo of us at the top of this post? It started with a lot of health problems, and ended with a personal struggle I’ve been praying through and agonizing about. She used to be a confident woman with drive and dreams who could take on the world; now she was a mess who was always angry. It was tough for Julie–she had to learn how to bring God into her daily life and how to set up systems so that she could cope with two difficult preschoolers. I have struggled with many of these issues, too, and this one in particular has been a journey for me.  I hope you can take this journey with me. And everyone who preorders, or who orders it on August 18, will be able to get a whole bunch of free downloadable goodies during all my parties I’m planning for August 18!
Not taking any responsibility for your life and playing computer games is sin to be delt with and Sheila already gave you a link to address that. Let’s say your husband has gained a tremendous amount of weight and sex is now just plain uncomfortable (I like to be able to breathe, for instance). Be part of the solution–like cooking better meals, initiating walks after dinner, and finding active habits to enjoy. And right now I think speaking and writing and spending time with my kids takes precedence over trying to look like I did when I was 20. You get more hair growing on your upper lip and chin (where did THAT come from?!?!) Your veins start to stick out.
And when we constantly feed our minds with what those bodies look like, through consuming media or even porn, then it’s hard for our spouses to measure up. It’s also about recognizing that godly intimacy is a meeting of bodies AND souls, not just bodies. I do think our marriages are worth the effort to look good, and to stay within a reasonable weight (definitely NOT what you were at 20, mind you!). Regardless of the circumstances, whether you have children with this man, investments and what not, you need to save yourself. I have always struggled with my weight, since I was a teenager, and I am finally starting to lose some of it, two kids later. Make him feel that he’s still loved by expressing your devotion and care with simple gift and an expression of love. I also think that many of these reminders allow us as parents to help teach our children so many important things- such an unselfishness, kindness, and dedication.
As a couple I think it is awesome if you can start over with a clean slate each day and recommit yourself to making your marriage fabulous. Sit down with your spouse and ask, "What can I do for you to make you feel loved?" Have your spouse ask you the same question. Be a role model for your children of the type of partner they have the potential to become. If everyone tries to give 50% in marriage, but someone fails on that again and again, then you're never at 100%. Happiness, I believe, can only come after joy and contentment, because they’re not the same thing. He can just love me, and have fun with me, and dote on me without feeling like he’s somehow doing something wrong. Just keep watching this blog, or stay in touch through my newsletter so you don’t miss your chance to get your goodies, and come to a bunch of fun parties on the day! But when a man shirks his responsibilities, leaving them all to his wife to handle, we become exhausted, overwhelmed and unhappy. And then the issue can be discussed in more appropiate fashion, because we shift away from blaming and focusing on His shortcomings to a more rational discussion of the issue at hand like fixing the plumbing because it will ruin the house. Everything I say in that post is in the new book (plus a lot more) about how to raise issues that are just hard when your husband is really not pulling his weight. Not taking care of the plumbing in itself is not sin, and in theory you could do something about it as much as your husband, hence my former comment. Or perhaps you have gained 150 pounds and he does find it difficult to become aroused just seeing you now. And when we put so much emphasis on needing the perfect body in order to make love we’ve lost the point.
If you set the tone with an answer like this with the reader questions, I think there definitely won’t be discord. His comment may seem innocent and simple at first, but it may and will leave tremendous amount of side effects on yourself.
These husband love messages contain romantic love wordings that will surely melt his heart. I would love to hear your tips regarding how you work to make your marriage thrive in the comments below, so definitely share them! This requires letting go of grudges and forgiving and forgetting (and not bringing up sore subjects over and over again). I think there are definitely seasons of life when we are busier or more tired as parents, so scheduling a date is hard.


Everyone has a different love language, so talking with your spouse about this can't help but yield positive results. I notice that when I focus on the positive things my spouse does, I am happier, and then my kids are happier too. On Saturday night we went on an amazing date that my friend created and it was such a fun change from the norm. My husband knows this and so we usually spend time together doing dishes on Sunday nights (when kids are occupied or asleep). Sometimes as a spouse I am selfish of my "alone" time or even silly things (like my treats), because I get tired of sharing with just one more person.
One thing that our workshop mentioned is that marital problems are sometimes signals that a couple needs to learn new skills to create a happy relationship.
I think us men think that If we can just fix women’s problem everything will be fine.
I don’t need him to fix anything that is mine, I just need him to start doing what is his. Eating well does not take any more time than eating poorly, and so it’s a blessing we can give our family and our husbands. If I were to exercise for an hour and a half a day, that time would have to come from somewhere. Much depends on the weight you’re starting at, and how realistic that target weight is.
I think if I set the tone, the chance of the comments becoming too outrageous is a lot lower. You will not only emotionally hurt, but you will also lose all of your confidence which comes with other side effects of its own. I actually love routine, but I also think the idea of trying new things together helps keep things fun.
Life has been going, going, going with lots of work travel for my husband so connecting has been challenging to say the least. I hope you’ll find a way to get through to your husband so his life and your marriage will be transformed!
Choosing to walk places or choosing to take up biking as a family are all good things that can help us keep our weight manageable. You can also buy a small gift or romantic card and use these love messages to your husband as love card messages and wordings. If we have a bad day, we talk about how tomorrow we're going to have a do-over and make things better the next day. We really have a good time catching up with one another and then we start off the new week with a clean kitchen.
My husband has been amazingly unselfish this year and has watched our kids while I've gone on three different girls trips. There are some weeks when we just go through the motions and are like passing ships in the night with busy schedules.
For me to get back to the weight I was when I was married would require a tremendous amount of effort. Should I stop writing my next book (or take about 3 times as long to write it?) Should I speak less?
I have to resist the urge to bring up past events and instead focus on the positive things ahead! My favorite thing to do with my husband is to sit at the kitchen table while he makes us a late night treat- carmelitas or peanut butter bars. Working together as a couple also reminds me how important it is for us to work together with our kids. Leaving nice notes in shoes, buying each other special treats, or even just sending a sweet text during the day are simple ways to still be nurturing your relationship during those times that are crazy or tough!
One thing I try to do is to always kiss my husband before we go to sleep, when we wake up and when one of us is leaving the house. I am always amazed at how much better of a parenting team we are when we have 1:1 time together to just have fun together (and eat our treats).
Help can come from a therapist, another couple you trust, supportive parents, or other resources like marriage classes and books. We always hug, especially in front of the children, which is important especially when there might not be a lot of energy and time for much more than that gesture! He is absolutely supportive in helping me with my health, and not worrying about the weight. I think this teaches our kids that each member of our family is important and deserves special attention. Recognizing that you need help and being willing to ask for it is a great skill to demonstrate to your kids.



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Category: I Want My Ex Girlfriend Back



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