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In this simplistic guide to recognizing and recovering from toxic relationships by licensed psychotherapist and life coach Schneider, the goal is clear: to help the victims of narcissists understand and overcome hurtful experiences. Look K-mom, escaping one of these freaks is traumatic, but I want you to take a deep breath and realize — YOU ARE FREE of him. EMDR must not work with an entitled narcissist because the XPOS tried it to try to rid himself of thinking of his sons (yes its true, because at the time neither of the 2 boys were speaking to him & he thought that EMDR was like a brain erase that made you forget you had kids)!! This is just a little thing, but my lawyer actually thought to put in the settlement that our child would be dropped off at the other parent’s house rather than picked up. Narcs are so GREAT at getting the kettle stirred, while dumping more and more shit in and letting it bubble over while they watch everyone scurry and they just sit there. As a chump kid, I would recommend as part of being a great mom that is you show your sons that boundries should be respected.
Could you meet them at the pick up after they arrive and park within an inch of them so she doesn’t have to get out of the car? You are free of him, she won the prize, but you can help you kids recognized disordered people so they minimize the time they spend with people like that. That crazy sociopath had no idea that this was improper, disrespectful, and harmful to his son, because as always it is always only about him (ex).
Son realized that ex and schmoopie, two narcissist-sociopaths, will forever attempt to violate his boundaries and will never fail to disappoint him. There is something so unbelievably twisted about asking children to be in a wedding between a cheater parent and a new spouse.
My 8 year-old-daughter was the flower girl at her cheater father’s wedding, my 5 year-old-son was their ring bearer. So is the AP’s best friend who was also an AP going to be in their wedding and join them in their honeymoon? Right now, he knows that he can affect your emotions, which is an extra special treat for him because he still has POWER over you.
Out of the blue this past month my exH starting CCing OWife on all our correspondence, including school related matters.
Schneider details a malignant narcissist’s traits—inflated self-esteem, a sense of entitlement, and an inability to reciprocate in relationships. I’m relatively new to your blog, but I feel it is already giving me part of my life back. Maybe if I concede that, they will recognize the significance of my sacrifice and will oblige me in turn.


The point was to not have to have the child wait to be picked up or have to deal with lateness, but it was also beneficial for me in not having to see OW. Good or bad attention, it doesn’t matter, so long as the spotlight is shining on them.
After 3 years of almost no contact with his father (since D-Day), S26 decided he wanted a relationship where he could see his father alone once in a while for dinner.
My ex had been cheating for at least 15 years with the AP he is now going to marry along with her best friend (affairs and group sex).
They want to get under your skin and keep you on your off balance because it is fun for them. The goal of the narcissist, Schneider argues, is to keep the victim off balance so that the narcissist can feed his or her ego. He would like you to live in constant fear that he’s going to challenge the custody arrangement.
AP#1’s (ex) husband had to DNA test their youngest son after their D-Day (shortly after ours of course since schmoopie immediately left her ex AND her two sons to be with my ex). A good friend has to watch her NPD exH and his schmoopie and all their PDA at functions; she sits in his lap, etc.
The latter half of Schneider’s guide focuses on encouraging the victim to break off all contact and heal. Both continually deny all wrong doing and love to blame me for the affair as well as everything else. He and the OW positively LOVE the centrality you give them, because it keeps the triangle alive.
When you and he first started dating it was exciting, getting married was exciting, having children was exciting because he glowed in the light of being so perfect in those roles. While the author’s heart is in the right place, Schneider’s approach does not seem effective. In other words they are too awesome and I’m just the bitter loser who tried to get in the way of true love. It makes you the Enemy and them the Poor, Star-Crossed Lovers Thwarted by Your Constant Unreasonableness.
You have your lawyer send him a letter as a warning that any further communication will result in criminal harassment charges. The guide is full of over-the-top metaphors painting the malignant narcissist as a leech, a vampire, or a shark.


I have a teenager, K-mom, if I never go to another open house or 4-hour 8th grade choral concert, I won’t dissolve into a puddle of disappointment. I have had to deal with a crazy OW, who has stalked me for years, but who is just slick enough to (mostly) avoid law enforcement intervention.
The danger here is that encouraging readers to label their ex-partners in such black-and-white terms encourages them to see these individuals as less than human—a mind-set that might hurt more than it helps.
So it was someone else who shown a lovely spotlight on him and told him he was wonderful and now he is starting all over again. A better approach might have been a stronger focus on healing, and less concern for labeling. I have requested repeatedly when I pick up our sons they not be walked to my car and yet she continues to do so just to trigger me. The problem is that that spotlight will eventually dim.Then he will be right where he was in his marriage to you. I don’t want to be bullied to giving him to his demands and he has no respect for my boundaries now.
Their marriage may work out or it may not but it sounds very much like two narcissists found each other. Keep strict boundaries, do not back down on the important things, like custody, and document the hell out of everything. At some point they are going to be in competition with each other as to who gets the spotlight.
But the best way around that misery — disordered spackle, if you will — is to continue in the fantasy that SHE WON and you just can handle her happiness!
In the meantime you need to be a person who learns what her boundaries are and sticks to them.
At the same time I want to do what’s best for my sons and not interfere with their relationship with their father. So STOP playing into their fantasy by performing your recurring role as Embittered First Wife Who Can’t Get Over It.



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