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An open and ecumenical fellowship for all students, faculty, and staff regardless of race, gender, age, sexual orientation, ability, religion, or denominational background. 1 Corinthians 10:6–13 • These things were examples for us, so we won’t crave evil things like they did. Matthew 11:28–30 • “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. But that is a far different thing from claiming that nothing will happen to you, that you will not have to bear a burden, that you cannot bear. Could you imagine saying to an inmate at Auschwitz, “Don’t worry; God never gives you more than you can bear!”? Or a woman whose children are killed by a long buried landmine while they were playing?  Or a refugee who surivived the massacre of her entire village? As with all the ideas we’re looking at in this sermon series, this one has the potential to do great spiritual violence to the believer.  Because there is a great level of cognitive dissonance among the faithful, many of whom profess belief in this idea but who themselves are being crushed under their burdens.  If God never gives us more than we can bear, they think, and I am being crushed, then what is wrong with me?  What am I doing wrong?  Why isn’t God helping me? In one online forum, another pastor was taking on this exact belief and challenging it as bad theology. I have been having a very hard time with that scripture and feeling like a failure as a christian because I felt like I am not strong enough. Our faithfulness is not demonstrated by how easily we are able to bear the burdens that come our way.  Our faith is demonstrated by our recognition that we cannot bear the burdens ourselves and trust in the grace of God who bears them with us. But the church should be a place where you can come and say, “I have a burden that I cannot bear” and instead of being judged for having a weak faith, you are surrounded by a network of love and support that will bear that burden with you.  Just as Christ takes upon himself the burdens we cast upon him, so too do we, as the Body of Christ, take upon ourselves the burdens of those who come to us.
For we are surrounded by a community of love and welcome that accepts us in our brokenness, that comforts us in our afflictions, and that stands with us in our times of need.
That prompted me to find the scripture in the bible for myself, and read it with my own two eyes. Hi Lisa, I just came across your post as I was searching the web for a different bible quote.
GOD never said any of those things in the bible though… GOD never spoke to a group of people either. Today, as a retired adult education instructor, I voluntarily write and publish a small newsletter for my little community.
The only way we can be sure of the truth is to ask God to teach us what is true via His own Word. God says we must accept all of His Word, and not just part of it – the parts we LIKE. I too suffered a near fatal spinal accident, and surgeries to turn this spine into metal from the entire Lumbars to T-10. The other perspective is the one of the suffering – Yes, it is true that the pain we have is unbearable. I was about the most negative person you could know when I came to Christ, or more accurately, He came to me (another story). In the past 4 years, through a court battle, illness, being homeless, dealing with an extremely dysfunctional family, a child who is very hard to care for with no help, dealing with depression, having someone lie to me and cost me dearly for their own selfish gain…. Vivian all I can say if you’re still reading and having these issues is there is NOTHING wrong with you.
I tried reminding myself of starving kids in Africa with no shoes and a smile happy to be alive. I am sure that Carmen and many, many others like her have their hearts in the right…. Some of the older members of our congregation I consider friends and yet we do disagree on certain matters.
I won’t even bother to tell you of the trials that my other daughter, my wife, or I have gone through in those 13 years or what we faced before.
Scripture shows us Gideon being encouraged by God as he thought very little of himself and had resigned himself to accept all was doomed. If someone dealing with a struggle and depressed read what you wrote, do you think it would make them feel better or worse? Her sister Charlotte is once again battling cancer, is in a wheelchair and will not likely be with us next year.
I have given my list of disabilities to those that need them- the ones involved in every aspect of a person’s life. Praying on your wife’s behalf not only enlists the help of the Almighty, but also puts her and her needs at the forefront of your heart and mind, right where they belong. Unfortunately, men are notoriously selfish in the bedroom, yet are dumbfounded when their wives are less than enthusiastic in this arena.
Everyone needs an occasional break to rest and recharge, and this is especially important for a wife who is at home all day with young children. Soak in the tub together each evening or go on a date night once a week — whatever gets the two of you alone on a regular basis.
It is amazing how meticulous guys can be prior to marriage in their attempts to impress a girl, but once they walk down the aisle, all bets are off. Invariably there will come times in your relationship when you will be forced to choose between your wife and something else that you enjoy.
If you have been blessed with a quick wit, you can either be the life of the party or a pain in the neck depending on the circumstances. Obviously no list is comprehensive, and one size certainly doesn’t fit all, but hopefully this one will prompt you to compile a list of your own, tailor-made for your own wife. Please send me anything you think that would help me in being a more honorable, loving man to my wife. The reason I mention it is that many women do not have husbands that respect them, and it is difficult to respect and admire someone like that.
2) Another thing that ignites a woman’t passion for a man is when he sees himself as a participator in the household upkeep.
It is a disservice for a man to think his only contribution to the family is going to work and earning a paycheck. The real question is whether or not putting others ahead of yourself is a valid approach to life in general or marriage in particular.
Of course there are many permutations and potential pitfalls if one gives and the other takes. While much of your 25 ways to respect your husband and 25 ways to show your wife you love her are fundamental to any healthy relationship, I find many things quite disturbing, but they all stem from this idea that a woman is a lesser being than a man. Why is it that a wife’s guide is to show respect, while the husbands guide is not of the same tone or caliber. I realize every relationship has its own parameters and dynamics, but to suggest,let alone blatantly state, that the basic rights and roles of two individuals are not equal is hurtful to me, my (someday) children, our society and the world at large. You’re entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine, thank you for allowing me to share it with you. Every man must understand different women have different wants thus the way you express your love should go handy with how she wants to be loved and her needs! Further, only having eyes for your wife will definitely encourage women to engage in more intimacy. Finally, having eyes for your wife sends a message all women pick up: it lets her know she’s “first” before all other women.
I touch on this in #14, but “eyes only for her” in all that entails is a good point!
Very well said Now everyone leaving negative comments on your wife’s post just needs to come and read that!
Don’t worship false gods like some of them did, as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink and they got up to play. I lost my sister to cancer and then my baby sister in a wreck and this June I lost my oldest child and everyone kept saying God would not put more on me than I could bear.
I have been chronically ill all of my adult life – longer now than when I was physically healthy (yikes, just realized that) and I heard that gunk too.
Whether this life or the next, and whether you can always believe or expect it God truly does have a good plan for you.


After a 11 hour surgery that she wasn’t expected to survive she came out with a multitude of problems like most people with any kind of brain surgery do. She has two shunts, grand mal seizures, balance issues, one leg stopped growing and she had to have surgery to add cadaver bone to lengthen it, a year later those wounds opened up again and 4 years and 2 more surgeries (31 total) later still won’t heal and stay healed.
She is an angel and a special spirit that we have been blessed to have been chosen to take care of. Scripture repeatedly says God is close to the brokenhearted, when we ARE WEAK then He is strong, He collects all our tears in a bottle.
Scripture says to let no unwholesome talk come out of our mouth but only that which is helpful for building up other .
The best first thing anyone can do for me, and especially in the first years of an illness that took me from my last year of under-grad (studying to be a Youth Minister, i was 22) to spending almost all of the next TWENTY YEARS in bed and in huge amounts of pain, knowing my friends were marrying and having kids and i was feeling quite useless… anyway, I needed someone to just sit and be sad with me. It sounds simple, but listening can be harder than it seems with so many distractions around us and within us.
Make this a habit, and it will let your wife know your don’t consider her your personal maid.
It is staggering how many hours we waste gazing at some sort of screen instead of interacting with the real people in our lives.
Seemingly frivolous things like flowers, jewelry, and overpriced restaurants let her know that she is more valuable to you than a number in your bank account.
It’s impossible to function without one, but being a leader isn’t the same as being a dictator. Make this area of your relationship as pleasurable for her as it is for you and it will pay huge dividends.
Yet it’s very easy to neglect this legitimate need unless you regularly and intentionally schedule time for it. Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel and at the heart of every meaningful relationship. For any women reading this blog, you may be interested to know that my wife has published a similar list entitled 25 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband.
Though the intent is good, there’s something fundamentally wrong with thinking about the children as hers exclusively. Anyway, I’ll be much grateful if such information will be posted into my e-mail address. It is easier to make an effort, when you know it is the thing that person is exhorted to do, even if they are not following through. Putting the needs of anyone else before your own is a recipe for resentment, if not outright disaster. For many women, the idea of having twelve kids would be a nightmare, but for my wife they are a dream come true. I was looking over the list this weekend and realized I was struggling with a few of the items on the list despite the fact that I wrote the list!!
After all, she puts you ahead of all the others in every way, whether in the little things or the big things of life….
I may need to do a younger kids version and a teenage version, since the maturity gap would change some of the suggestions. If you think that a healthy relationship has a hierarchy, you must be thinking of your dog.
Let’s not practice sexual immorality, like some of them did, and twenty-three thousand died in one day. Tonight I decided to start searching to see if it was scripture and I know that God led me to your page and it has helped to take away the guilt of feeling like a bad christian because I am having such a hard time dealing with the loss of my child. I cannot tell you how many christians told me God would not give me more than what I could handle – and how those words devastated me all the more each time they were spoken. I don’t know if you ever saw banned from the Bible on the history channel, but it tells how things have been added and things have been taken out over the years, usually to advance political purposes, thus we have the King James Bible. His core message seemed to be: God loves you as you are (right now) and not as you are supposed to be. As both myself and Brother used to say, “no one can even begin to wonder let alone know what pain is from a Spinal Surgery, or Injury, unless they too have undergone the same.
I cannot even begin to say, how important this work is, to be brought to the forefront by Rev.
I’m so glad to hear that you got out from under (for lack of better word) the legalism trap and found Jesus for real. Most people, no matter how well intentioned, just have no idea about severe, long term suffering with no end in sight. Her thyroid, hypothalamus, adrenal system, and several other systems in her brain were either damaged or destroyed by the tumor. Her brain tells her she is starving, her body is in starvation mode and turns everything to fat, she lives on 1200 calories a day and still struggles to maintain at 280 lbs.
And we consider ourselves blessed when we think of some of the families we have met during our stays at the hospital.
And the sooner you stop feeling sorry for yourself the sooner your Maker will start helping you.
If you’re raised by loving and encouraging parents, you grow to believe you can do great things. Set aside some time every day to look into your wife’s eyes and really listen to what she has to say. Studies show that couples who regularly pray together stay together, enjoying a 1% divorce rate compared to the usual rate of 50% or more. Your mom may make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world, but unfavorable comparisons won’t win you brownie points. It may mean washing the dishes or helping with the kids, so that she has energy left at the end of the day.
Honoring your marriage vows means remaining faithful in thought and word as well as in deed. Whether it is physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, you name it — do your best to provide. It isn’t as loud or as dramatic, but it can be equally hurtful and all the more so for its subtlety.
The key to a successful relationship is to prioritize the needs of others after ensuring that your own are met. So unusual and contrary to our instincts that I will go on record as calling it supernatural. In our relationship my wife is the one who decided to be respectful even when I wasn’t loving.
I tend to get stuck in nit-picking (I know I shouldn’t and am working on it) but after reading this I realized that my husband works very hard to make me happy.
Gents, whenever you not only stare at another woman in a way that not only dishonors your wife but commits “adultery” in your heart, you steal what is owed to your wife: your eyes for her as a man in a covenant with her. If you or any other readers want to share ideas here, I will post them, and then compile the best 25 for each age group into a blog with a printable version for the refrigerator. Have a good time with that, and have fun when your children have to go to therapy to deal with your example of a healthy marriage. Instead, with the temptation, God will also supply a way out so that you will be able to endure it. I’m very ill now and drowning in medical bills while a single parent of a special needs child so I still have to maintain full time employment. Remember that Moses spent 40 years leading sheep in the desert to prepare him to lead an entire nation out of bondage. Oh they say all of us deal with stuff but let them elk one month in your shoes and see if they still have joy. I can find a hundred others that have it ten times worse than you and still have a better outlook on life than most people with no problems at all. A few months later the tumor started growing back (they couldn’t get it all during the surgery, it was grown around her optical nerve and other sensitive spots).


She was in a study shortly after her initial surgery for the hunger problem but the study was discontinued after 6 months. Families that have lost their children, often more than one, lost their homes, careers (as my wife and I did), financial security, their own health because of the strain, even their marriages.
Yet she obtained a bachelor’s in social work, developed and ran programs for disabled people, visited all 7 continents. Use the time saved to invest in your marriage: take a walk with your wife or play a board game together instead. It may mean cuddling and candlelight, so that she can relax and let the worries on her mind drift away.
Sometimes life’s circumstances hinder us in one area, but we can compensate in another area.
Learn to control your temper or it will control you, your marriage, and every other aspect of your life. It’s exactly like one time in church when I heard something similar said in a lesson about marriage.
Likewise, if you agree with the premise, then the details can be tailored to your own situation.
To have that level of love for your fellow man, to be concerned for the welfare of your enemies even as they slay you, requires a strength that none of us possesses on our own. It didn’t take me long to catch on, and our lives have been infinitely better ever since. The universal Christian nation, as it were, has gotten a lot better at listening to one another and accepting their differences, much better than have the muslim sects (just to point a finger unjustly). Meaning that man has defiled the notion of God into a little, uncaring, legalistic person – full of retribution.
I still don’t understand if you were referring to me though, me and GOD have always had a great relationship. 3 years after his death so young, and raised by Me due to our parents divorcing early in his life, He was not only a Sacred Brother but also my Son it still feels like, best friend too.
This IS the work we are meant to bring forward, with our physical issues, to those who continue on in life, thinking the Gospel Mythos is real. She went through 5 weeks of 5 day a week radiation therapy which reduced the tumor but caused other damage.
We asked why and were told that she was the only survivor, all the other kids had eaten themselves to death.
It’s a challenge to exercise authority while maintaining a spirit of humility, but that is what being a godly leader entails.
Just because your wife puts up with it and your co-workers tolerate it, doesn’t make your short fuse an asset. These things happened to them as an example and were written as a warning for us to whom the end of time has come. What some if us go through with God’s help would send most to drugs to dull the pain or to end it all.
And what you basically said was you’re going through all of these bad things but you would praise Him regardless of the storm. Yet she also battled illness after illness, which finally took her home in March at just 55.
Yes, when I was, on that night, beyond what I could bear there was a person with experience with ASD there, and the minister present was able to manage it calmly. Do whatever it takes to gain victory in this all-important struggle that has haunted man since Cain slew Abel. It seems some men think that they could do that stuff before they were married while working full time but not after- afterwards it is their wife’s responsibility. If your goal is to keep her guessing about your loyalty, then you should mix it up a little. If God is slow to provide revelation I can only do that which I know to be right and know that He knows my heart.
She is developmentally disabled and operates at about an 8 year old level most times but cannot be left alone with food or money or she will buy food. But do you know how many times in the last 35 years before I was diagnosed I was not helped?
What ends up happening is the wife gets very tired and overwhelmed and can feel like everybody’s household servant. Very few I’ve met in my 60 years, have no clue what all this means, and herein layeth the work, done eloquently and directly to the issue and point. Due to comments very much like yous I was guilted into trying so that I made myself sicker. I respect you for that because majority of the post that are up here are agreeing that God will put more on you than you can bare and that the troubles that they have are too much for them and talking about How bad they feel and like o, when is this pain going to end. The next morning I got up, I brought my mother her pills, I brought her her food, pulled her into a sitting position- she can grip my hand as I do that, nothing more. Nobody will watch her after the 1st time because of the food issue and it’s just too hard because she is desperate for food.
My husband is awesome- we share responsibilities (yes, i do the majority of some things and most of the childcare) but this sharing gives me more time and energy for other things like ministering to those around me, and investing in my relationship with my husband and kids. She gets an $8500 injection each month for it’s side effect as an appetite suppressant which helps a little for about 3 weeks.
She can’t tell if I am sick or well, and I have collapsed while coughing without her noticing, and my 20-lb dog was the only reason I got up more than once, and I have no one to call. Unbeknownst to you, your wife has arranged a surprise romantic dinner at her favorite restaurant and is hoping to discuss the possibility of starting a family in the near future.
I think people keep forgetting that when Jesus died that their life doesn’t belong to them anymore and if you truly give yourself to Him. My wife has a traumatic brain injury, is bi-polar, psysho-effective disorder, agoraphobic, has panic attics, and half a dozen other diagnoses. Unfortunately, Wednesday is also the night of the fantasy football league draft in the man-cave at your best friend’s house. The scheduling it took for me to be in that youth center with my church group was astounding, my being well enough that night was as well. Guy thinking says to push the anniversary celebration to Friday and enjoy the best of both worlds.
And was helping her during each of the 10 documented illnesses I had last winter, and during my current illness.
Then for bonus points, have your friend leave a message on your answering machine about missing you at the draft, but he respects the fact that your wife is way more important to you than football.
Maybe He doesn’t heal me but He has turned around situations in my job, finances, housing. And never was asked to study with a classmate or get a cup of coffee after class or on a date.
My birthday was never in the announcements, because no one called in- it was like radio dedications.
Until last year, soon after my birthday, there was no phone number in my cell that wasn’t a (physically) distant relative or a business. In high school and college I was absolutely ignored, and after the 2nd year of college was ill to where half-time classes and homework were all I had strength for.
I have a list of reasons that I cannot work and why Dad retired a year earlier than he had planned, at least, for us.



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