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When I returned to the beach house, I mentioned the photo to my husband and we laughed about it, promising ourselves we'd comb through our Facebook friends and delete anyone we didn't actually know. Later that day, Facebook friends began posting links to the MOOD SWING image on my page, all leading to the same meme on different sites.
Several friends had asked if they could contact the meme sites on my behalf and demand the image be removed. Over the next 24 hours, I spotted the photo of my daughter in my Facebook timeline again and again, reposted by the pages of parenting magazines, blogs and meme sites, and even shared by friends who didn't know that was my daughter in the swing.
My husband posted a message on his Facebook page urging the culprit to come forward and reveal him- or herself.
The photo still pops up in my Facebook feed, and my husband recently did a double-take at work when he walked past a cubicle and recognized our daughter, poster-size, hanging over his co-worker's desk. Although I've come to embrace the idea of parenting online, memes and all, I still chastise myself for knowing that when I post a photo of my daughter on Facebook, it will be "liked" three times more than my posts that link to articles or essays I publish. Julia Fierro's novel, Cutting Teeth, about the complicated (and often comical) contemporary parenting experience, is out now. First of all, we can clearly see that my husband has an obsession with the word "home." As for me, my early twenties self frequently started conversations with the term "hey," and more recently I seem to have decided to no longer greet my husband, but instead agree with most of the things he texts me. I then looked at the frequency of specific terms we used in our text messages when we started dating compared to the past year. Our conversations changed from "hey, what's up?" to "OK, sounds good." We stopped saying each other's names in our text messages. The main difference is that while we were dating, we didn't see each other every day, so a lot of our communication had to happen via text.
Since the content of our text messages changed so much, I decided to look and see if the time of day we'd send text messages to each other changed as well. As a committed couple, the only time of the day that we aren't together is during the workday, so that's when we text. We'd rented a stuffy mildew-scented beach house in Rhode Island and, to our dismay, there was no Wi-Fi access.
We had no idea that the photo had already been on Reddit for days, and was rising to the top of the most popular memes chart.
I was running out to the end of the driveway every 20 minutes to check for new posts, and each time there were new sightings of my daughter's image by my social media friends. I agreed, although I was already beginning to doubt the photo could be reclaimed when it was spreading with every hour. Our friends' disapproval, plus the multiplying of our daughter's face, plus the mystery of the photo thief, began to build like an approaching storm, until it was all we spoke of. I'm guessing I was born at least half a decade too early to have experienced the meme explosion that is now a part of everyday humor.
She had no idea the moody little girl was our daughter and apologized, promising she'd take it down.


When I meet new people, one of the first things they say is, You're the mother of the adorable children on Instagram!
On our one year anniversary, his gift to me was a Word doc of all of our text messages since our first date (what he likes to refer to as #thegiftofdata). I took a look at all of our text messages from our first year of dating and compared them with our text messages from the past year as an engaged couple and then newlyweds.
We'd often message the other person to see what they were doing or tell them that we were thinking of them. I focused on the messages we sent each other during the month after our first date, our engagement and our wedding. As a new couple, since we were apart the majority of the time, we had to check in with the other person every now and then, especially during the evening and late at night when we had no idea who they were with!
We know exactly where the other person is each evening and if we're doing something cool, it's likely that we're in it together and telling each other about it face to face.
Since we were new in our relationship, we made sure the things we said were interesting and thoughtful. My husband and I were both working while on vacation; I was anxiously waiting to hear back on final edits for my novel, Cutting Teeth, and I discovered that if I carried my laptop to the end of the driveway and moved it around, like a modern-day divining rod, I could catch one of the neighbors' Internet connections. But I didn't want to look like a bad mother, one who didn't care that her daughter was splashed all over the Internet, so I gave them my blessing. It was difficult to decode at first, the jumble of posts and subposts and comments that made up Reddit's main page.
After a week or so of emailing back and forth with various meme sites, parenting magazine sites, and Reddit, we surrendered to the inevitability of the Internet. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life.
This was especially high tech back in the day (given that we both had feature phones) and what I considered to be the most thoughtful gift ever (given that we are both nerds). I started by looking at the words we used in our text messages six years ago versus present day. Several words stayed relatively consistent over the years though, such as "home" and "dinner." I took a look at the actual text messages that contained these words, and found that although the terms stayed the same, the context they were used in actually changed over time. As a married couple, since we're together all the time, we set up date nights and say sweet things to each other in person, so texting is mostly used to confirm logistics or share random thoughts. As our relationship progressed, we spent more time together and got more comfortable with each other. I was down at the end of the driveway, waving my laptop in the air, when I saw someone had posted on my Facebook page.
My husband and I had yet to feel worried about the situation, but our friends, especially those who were also parents to young children, and, I should add, had been adoring our daughter's sweet online personality for the past two years, were offended by what they saw as the violation of our privacy, plus the creep factor of some unknown person taking possession of our baby. The next day, my husband's 20-something male co-worker emailed him and sheepishly explained that it was he who took the photo and posted it on Reddit.


My daughter's photo was at the very top, having received hundreds of thousands of points, and hundreds of comments. There were a few weeks when I used the initials of their first names instead of their full names -- an attempt at partial privacy. Our text messages became more predictable, but only because all of the unpredictable things were said in person. But most of the millions of people around the world who've seen the photo think she's genuinely pissed off, and I imagine this makes them love the image more, and, I imagine, makes them want to share it more, and so our daughter continues to make her way around the Internet, a cycle that repeats itself. If my friends were distressed, then I should be too, I told myself, feeling ashamed that I'd been so calm.
He claimed he was just looking to score Reddit "karma points." He had photoshopped MOOD SWING across the top of the photo -- a clever joke one of my husband's friends had posted in a comment on the original post. Now, almost two years later, within the safety of retrospection, I even feel a bit of pride when I whip out my phone, search for "mood swing," and display a funny and adorable photo of my daughter. But I realized anyone, anywhere, could do an online search and find everything there is to know about my family.
The children spent too much time in front of the television while my husband and I took turns waving the laptop at the end of the driveway and driving to the local Starbucks to use their Wi-Fi. There was no information about her name, or the origin of the photo, but as I watched so many strangers discussing my daughter, calling her "ugly" and "mean," it made me, a normally anxious mom, feel as if danger was lurking around every corner. It became a great story to tell -- Did I tell you about the time the photo of my daughter went viral?
I want to be one of those parents who have made (and stuck to) their vow of not posting photos of their children online so that every creep in the world has potential access to them, but isn't it too late for that?
The fact that we were away from home, away from our reliable online connection, made me feel as if I had even less control over the situation. A year after the photo was first shared, when Honest Toddler, the Twitter handle whose popularity earned a major book deal, and one of my favorite parenting sites, posted our daughter's meme on its website, I called my husband and shared my glee quietly.
My husband had taken the photo a few weeks ago and we had both shared it on Facebook where it had been a hit, earning many likes and comments on our daughter's adorableness, all of which, I am ashamed to admit, had put me in a good mood that day. But when I examined this photo, I spotted the big block letters -- MOOD SWING -- at the top of the image. I knew there was no such thing as privacy online, and that each time I posted a photo of the kids, I was responsible for the results.




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Category: Getting Back With My Ex



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