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Share Tweet Pin +1The overwhelming sense of loss that accompanies a crumbling marriage is nearly impossible to describe. First, putting aside for a moment any religious or family expectations, you need to ask yourself if you really want him back? We all carry with us destructive habits, behaviors, or baggage that can infect a relationship. That said, now is NOT the time to start listing for your straying husband all his faults you think HE needs to work on. Find little things that you can agree on to help forge those connections, and then build upon them.
If you have kids, then this presents a lot of opportunity find commonality, but you can also connect over a number of other areas as well. When the time comes to communicate, don’t just schedule a sit-down with the purpose of talking about your relationship. They are afraid of looking weak, and they may also have their buddies, family members or perhaps a love interest advising them that nothing will ever change, and going back is a bad idea.
Like connecting, cooperating together toward a common goal is critical in reminding him of the many positives in your relationship. Couples who cooperate and support each other build strong foundations that make it difficult for either to leave the relationship. It’s so much more than just the loss of love and companionship, but also the loss of trust and respect, an abdication of dreams held close.


The couple that everyone talks about: married sixty years, devoted until the end, surrounded by loving children and grandchildren. Perhaps they don’t feel like they love their spouse anymore, or they feel they are missing something in the relationship. While you are not the entire cause of the failure in the relationship, now is the time to work on those areas that have contributed to the vicious cycle you have been on. It’s very common for people to leave a marriage and remarry, only to find the same issues coming back around to bite them. Again, this is not the time to pepper him with your list of things to fix the relationship.
If you take it slow, building up your connections and let the communication naturally evolve, he may start to wonder why he made the decision to leave in the first place.
And if you struggled in this area prior to the break-up, hopefully the work you did to reflect and eliminate your own destructive habits may help him see a new side of you, to see the work you have done to improve yourself, and recognize improvements he may need to make in himself. Again, if you have children, you have some built-in areas where you can build cooperation between the two of you, but you can also look for other areas. It’s not about going back to the old relationship, but forging a new one, based on the new connections you have build and work you have done to eliminate destructive cycles. If that is the case, at least you have done the work on yourself to help ensure that your next relationship isn’t prone to the same pitfalls as this one. If this man, and this relationship is worth fighting for, then they are worth the effort and the patience.


Seek the aid of a marriage coach if needed, but if your marriage is going to succeed, then you must find and eliminate destructive behaviors.
In some ways, you are starting over in finding those connections, the commonalities that attracted you to one another.
If you try to dive right into communication, it’s going to just look like desperation.
If he already has one foot out the door, he’ll quickly step all the way out to avoid dealing with your emotional crises.
Role play with a friend if you need to do, but do whatever it takes to ensure that any interaction with him is mature and emotionally stable.
But for now, give yourself this time to work on you, and become the strongest, most confident you can be. This process takes time and effort, and it will take enormous strength and restraint on your part. But you have to be sure that this marriage, and this person who left you, is really worth the fight.
But if he is already nurturing feelings for someone else, or enjoying his new-found freedom, he won’t want to risk losing these things in order to jump back into the emotional turmoil.



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