How to get an ex back after two years

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I find my boyfriend attractive but not sexually fulfilled,how to make a new friends list in facebook,how to draw him back to you,how to get your ex to want to text you first - Good Point

I’m very much that young professional go getter with the high stress job, always moving to the next promotion. I can’t let go of wishing he were a stronger, more creative, more successful man who I could look to for experienced life advice.
And you’re not wrong for wishing he were stronger, more creative, and more experienced professionally. 2)    Is it realistic to think that you can find a worldly, professional man who is as kind and compatible as your current boyfriend? Someone told me recently that women expect men to fulfill ALL of their needs, which sets them up for failure. I’ve wrestled with that myself, because, like you, I get a rise out of ambition, philosophy, and creativity.
The ability to quote Proust pales in comparison with the person who will drive you to your chemo treatments in thirty years. So, back to the original question: are compatibility and kindness more important than worldliness and ambition? I would encourage you to look long and hard at what really matters, CJ, and how hard it is to find it. I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address. But I can talk to my business coach about my business, I can talk to my best guy friend about philosophy, and I can experience my own creativity and others creativity in 1000 other forms. I think there is a lot of insight to be had from asking why has a woman who describes herself as a go-getter stayed with such a man for 10 years, even going back to him after a 4 year break.
I think once you examine these questions you will feel more strongly about staying or going which will help you make a decision.
You say, I can’t let go of wishing he were a stronger, more creative, more successful man who I could look to for experienced life advice.
As Evan says, you aren’t wrong AT ALL to want a man who is more like you and shares your values, goals and dreams. Maybe if her boyfriend would get a spine, man up and realize that he’s being strung along neither of them would be in this situation.
I’ve agreed with almost all of the comments so far, but I have a few questions for CJ. 3) I know that you’re ambitious, but are you the creative type who constantly wants to discuss philosophy and world events?
CJ – If some quality of your boyfriend bothers you now (and for the last 10 years), it WILL bother you for the rest of your life. My ex-husband was not ambitious, and became a reluctant, low performing stay at home husband (I made 3X what he did, so it made financial sense for me to keep working). I, on the other hand, am a baby boomer who was married to a man with characteristics similar to your man. I only speak (write) from my personal experience(s) and will attest to the fact that Evan’s site has been of great help to me. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. We have a good relationship, we do lots of things together, have the same friends, we like watching sports together, we have a really good friendship. I’ve been really depressed about my life lately and the other night we had a fight and after we were talking things through. Does it sound like he told me that to try and make me feel better, because he felt bad for me? I’ll admit, I was a little choked up when you got to the part where he told you that he loved you. I would say that, from what you wrote above, I do believe he loves you and that he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you. The reason I believe that your boyfriend loves you is because he did make a big deal about not saying it unless he meant it. However, in your case, I get the feeling that your fears and worries are what’s creating strife in the relationship. He told you in a very thoughtful and deliberate way that he truly cares about you after a fight. It may be a long road to get to where you want to be in life, and you want him to be there with you on it. I have been dating my boyfriend for 7months,i do everything for him and i mean everything, now he tells me hes goin on a date with an older woman from work..
I have been there he did not want me to date and said we were exclusive then I found out his responsibilities to his kids and his mom was in fact his albi to be with other women. Yes, it seems we have to let them chase, and also do a lot of decoding for them, but like a beloved puppy, once they learn how to get the treats, they become loyal and hopefully lovingly protective (that is a positive comment, not a negative, guys). Apart from what Evan has mention two reasons why men dont say those three words there are others reason i have discovered.
I see there are forum and even dating coach for men who advice them to be mysterious by not openly declaring their true feelings to women and keep them in guessing wonderland.I wonder if he is following any of that bad advice.
What is very confusing for me is that I fell hard for my ex and everything was going fine and then he dumped me out of the blue. You live with your boyfriend, you’re buying a house, you have marriage on the horizon…and you’re seriously contemplating what to do with the guy who dumped you when you were pregnant? Your best revenge is your own happiness – not getting closure from some dick who couldn’t stick by you during your most trying hours. But if you want more of the same kind of treatment from him (in a different guise, of course), then do engage in communication. In reply to your comment to DC , all this you said makes so much sense , and you’ve said it so beautifully too ( i know its not the exact occassion to judge your comment) But i wish i had heard this few years back , when i had a similiar experience regarding my one and only ex who i met when i was 24. I myself have had this happen a few times, and it was always a man that toxic, not the good ones. What you CAN do is TOLERATE less from such men, and cut them out of your life, as opposed to complaining that they don’t change. Please get the idea out of your head that just because you have a vagina you don’t have to be accountable for being a bigot, at least where men are concerned. First, DC, I am very sorry for the child you lost, and for feeling that you can never talk about her, even with the man you intend to marry. Second, while your wanting to know from your ex why he left you as he did is understandable, he will likely not be able or willing to give you the answer you seek.
And lastly, I am not as quick to think that the only reason he’s contacting you is to try and reconnect with an old flame. Here’s what bothers me: if men are selfish jerks who will use and abuse us if we let them, then why bother with them at all? I think one of the reasons for the response females give to males, is that females don’t actually understand why the men are doing what they are doing, and make assumptions based on what the WOMAN would do in that situation.


With more knowlege of how men think and behave, I’m pretty sure our responses to them will appear a lot more rational. Going back to the man who left her when she was pregnant doesn’t make all that much rational sense, does it? OMG I am so afraid of this happening to me, deep inside I am waiting for bad ex bf to contact me, its like a drug I am waiting to use again, I want that feeling of being wanted by him as it was in the beginning.
Our capcity to love and care probably comes from our biological drive to take care of a child and nurture the child. Unfortunately, some of us have had to learn the responsiblity for that choice that hard, painful way.
We have known one another for about ten years dating on and off, taking a four year break at one point. I’m busy all the time professionally and personally because I thrive on feeling accomplished.
They want men to fulfill the role of their best girlfriend and their rock solid Marlboro Man simultaneously.
It’s fun to feel like the witty, urbane couple that can break bread with the prime minister if need be. For years, I said that I wasn’t jealous of any of my married friends because it’s not like they married MY wife. Ambitious Intellectual Dude to dazzle you (good luck with that), and I will introduce your boyfriend to about a dozen of my single friends who are sick of game players and men who vanish and aren’t stable or steady, and would thank their lucky STARS to meet a solid, affable, forgiving young guy like your boyfriend. We do have some pretty bad fights, some important and some ridiculous, but we usually bounce back pretty fast.
I want so badly to believe he really loves me but I’m starting to think he said it because he felt he had to and thought it would make me feel better. And if it took a moment when you were feeling sad and vulnerable to allow him to express his feelings, so be it.
You can either 1) take a leap of faith, 2) agonize over not knowing, or 3) accept the fact that you’ll never know.
Don’t you think that perhaps your questioning his motives is just a symptom of that same insecurity?
He probably loves you very much, but fears a future with a needy or emotionally tumultuous wife. Make a pros and cons list about your relationship with this guy and leave emotions out of it. Studies show that if a man hasn’t proposed by a year and a half, the odds that he ever will start to gradually FALL, not rise. Maybe he does- in fact, he PROBABLY does if he has never given you a reason to distrust him before. It was a pretty good, clean break, and I accepted it and moved on but there was one problem, I was pregnant. He lost his virginity to me, and that’s impressive seeing that he was well into his twenties! It’s like you’re the poster child for bright, emotionally irrational women everywhere – the ones who let their strong sentiments for a toxic man cloud their judgment so thoroughly that they seriously consider undermining a healthy relationship.
After all, in late 2009, she got a call from her serious ex-boyfriend from nearly 15 years ago. And if all it takes is a phone call out of the blue to make you second guess your entire healthy relationship, who’s to blame your ex for trying?
Tell your ex that you wish him well but that you’re in a happy relationship and have no desire to see him again.
Now is your opportunity to help him grow up: Show him that he does not get unlimited access to female good stuff, that he has to man up if he wants it. Evan isn’t sympathetic to whatever it is in us women that keeps sending us back for more abuse. I think most women have had an ex make contact with them again after an extended period of time.
Your current BF, having been informed of your past with the ex, could not reasonably object to a WTF? If anything, his response would open the door to not only a painful past that you have worked so hard to put behind you, but also possibly create more unresolved emotions and thoughts.
That could definitely be the case or perhaps he’s actually spent the past three years thinking about how he treated you, the child he lost, and he wants to make atonement. You owe it to yourself and your current boyfriend to continue living the good life, and to not do anything to tamper with your happiness.
You’re planning to marry your current boyfriend, but you’re not willing to confide in him?
Women are not supposed to expect anything or try to change men, because that’s just the way they are?
Eventually, it doesn’t really matter whether a woman understands WHY a guy does what he does, don’t you think? And the more damaged he is, the more empathy we feel(which feels strangely good to us) and the more addictive he becomes. We need help in understanding a mans motivation, otherwise we just get it wrong and care, when the man does not deserive it. Which is why giving advice on such individual matters is somewhere between impossible and pointless. As I said in “Men Don’t Go Both Ways” chapter of “Why You’re Still Single”, these are different men and you’ll always be disappointed if you expect a man to cover all bases. But I can talk to my business coach about my business, I can talk to my best guy friend about philosophy, and I can experience my own creativity and others’ creativity in 1000 other forms. Just know that apart from the spark you feel around a sophisticate, it doesn’t have much inherent value. But she wouldn’t have the number one quality that my girlfriend has: she accepts me as I am, and loves me unconditionally. Like Evan said, no guy can fulfill all your needs, and it seems that is what CJ is looking for. Although he doesn’t seem to think that stringing me along for 10 years till he met someone else was wrong. I have a tendency to over analyze things and I don’t want to ask him a million questions and make him regret telling me that.
But there’s no value in asking a question to which you can never actually know the answer.
Continue to love him, continue to let him invest in you and open up to you, and if you’re not getting the consistent feedback you need to feel secure, you know what you need to do.
When he sees you demonstrating independence and stability, it may be the very thing that makes up his mind for him about marrying you.
But recently an ex-boyfriend got in contact with me that I haven’t seen in about three years.


He hasn’t even brought up the fact that he basically left when I was going through all that horrifying stuff. Best case fictional scenario for you: the ex says that you’ve been weighing on his conscience and he wants to apologize for all the pain he caused you and wish you well in your new life. There is nothing he can say or do to make up for his awful, irresponsible, and cruel betrayal of you.
The most important thing you can give him now is the lesson that when he f**** up there will be a price to pay.
It’s like they feel entitled to do what they want because only their only happiness matters. But if this representative of the typical, average man, then aren’t we women going to be constantly cutting guys out of our lives?
Then let the ex know you have a good thing going, there is no room for him and that you wish him well. If it is closure you seek, this is something you have to do for yourself, as you have already done. Isn’t there some point where the woman has to take responsibility for choices that can be described, at best, as foolish? What he is actually thinking, why he is actually calling is what we need to know, to make a rational decision.
And when we trust a good man, to give us honest advice we will listen, no matter how much it hurts.
We are compatible on many levels, but there is one thing that continues to turn me off (from ten years ago to now) and that is his lack of ambition to be successful professionally.
But now that I have someone with whom I’m super-compatible, my mind succumbs to the temptation – what if there’s someone else? But if you can get stimulation from other people and you can make money yourself, why not land the one thing you can’t get anywhere else – a partner for life?
I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I want you to know that I do love you.
How can you be there to support him if you’re embroiled in your own issues all the time?
Poor communication skills (even if a man does truly love you) can lead to exactly what you are experiencing: doubt, uncertainty and hurt. He was obviously not ready to have a child, and apparently not ready to break a promise to himself that not many men make.
We want to keep that soft part of us that can mend fences and understand others’ behavior and soothe the hurt. No excuses but i agree sometimes women , we know it that we shouldn’t but  we want to maintain that soft touch.
Of course, I also took pleasure in telling them to get lost, someones in a not so polite way depending on how bad they were….
I don’t mean to sound dense, or harp on the same subject, but are you saying that Dc’s ex was a jerk to her, but he might be a stellar boyfriend at some point down the line with someone else?
I find this all very hard to swallow, which is I guess one reason why I don’t date much.
It’s hard for us to understand how diffferent we really are sometimes(and even harder to accept).
I find the sexiest thing about a man is his intelligence, and no matter if a person is well read or not, a great deal of intelligence comes from professional life experience. You should be able to see the truth and intelligence in his way of life and learn from it, and he should be able to self-reflect and understand why being more ambitious might actually give him more satisfaction as well as you.
All of that inevitably leads to the destruction of the relationship – and…you know what? This is not-so-thinly veiled code for “My life hasn’t gone according to plan, so please let me know if you’re still single, because if you are, I’d like to start sleeping with you as soon as possible”. A more realistic scenario would be the one in which he gets you to cheat on your boyfriend without actually leaving him (that way he won’t have to deal with those sticky commitment issues). And you feel so good when you don’t even stoop to acknowledge such a loser of a human. Which is why we’d rather watch football with only the guys, while you’d like us to come shoe shopping with you. And with all the art and culture out in the world, I don’t need my spouse to be a creator as much as an appreciator.
She writes they are compatible on many levels, but obviously not on this one and it would seem as they both get older, this level is becomming more and more important to her. It almost sounds like he’s a default boyfriend, rather than a man she truly loves for himself. He said he doesn’t want to say it all the time, only when he feels it and that he never wanted to say it unless he was sure he wanted to marry that person. May I also suggest doing something highly physical, like going for a run or bike ride to control anxious thoughts. And, in fact, as soon as my wife informed her ex that she was happily married, he didn’t see fit to continue the conversation much longer.
And after a few rolls in the hay and after destroying your ability to trust yourself, he goes back to his old ways and disappears into the night. The trick is to learn to set up boundaries so that we can exercise those female skills wisely.
But DC  , coming back to your situation if he wasn’t there for you when he was supposed to be there , i don’t see what type of value he maybe capable of adding to your life now? I think she has a pretty good deal going with this guy, but has she told him how she feels?
Consider seeing a therapist or life coach to help you formulate some goals or establish a direction for yourself. Should we expect this kind of jerky behavior from all men, because “boys will be boys”?
Who wants to wait until a crisis situation occurs to hear that your boyfriend thinks well of you or loves you?? Maybe CJ is putting too much emphasis on somehting that may seem important now but may not be in the long run. A man should be so excited about you that it kills him to hold off (for maybe 6 months or so) on saying how much he loves you for fear of scaring you off!



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Category: Getting Ex Girlfriend Back



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