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Bad life experiences aside, the larger point here is that I came out of my time as a waiter as a really good tipper, like all people who have ever worked in a job that involves tipping.
I put on my Weird But Earnest Guy Doing a Survey About Something hat and hit the streets, interviewing 123 people working in New York jobs that involve tipping.
About 10% of the interviews ended after seven seconds when people were displeased by my presence and I'd slowly back out of the room, but for the most part, people were happy to talk to me about tipping -- how much they received, how often, how it varied among customer demographics, how large a portion of their income tipping made up, etc. I supplemented my findings with the help of a bunch of readers who wrote to us with detailed information about their own experiences, and with a large amount of research, especially from the website of Wm. The most critical step in avoiding Ambiguous Tipping Situations is just knowing what you're supposed to do. Since tipping is such a large part of life, it seems like we should stop to actually understand what being a low, average, or high tipper means for our budget. Looking at it simply, you can do some quick math and figure out one portion of your budget. I got a little more comprehensive, and came up with three rough profiles: Low Spender, Mid Spender, and High Spender. One thing my interviews made clear is that there's this whole group of situation-related factors that service industry workers think are super relevant to the amount you should tip -- it's just that customers never got the memo. It's nice to give a coffee barista a tip, but you're not a horrible person if you don't because at least they're getting paid without you.
Service matters.It seems silly to put this in because it seems obvious, and yet, Michael Lynn's research shows that the amount people tip barely correlates at all to the quality of service they receive (Luckily, Lynn's research also shows that service workers think service quality does correlate to tip amount, so the incentive system still works). Here's the overview, which is a visualization of the results of Lynn's polling of over 1,000 waiters. People also consistently said that those who act "entitled" or "fussy" or "like the world's out to get them" are usually terrible tippers. On the good-tipping side, people who are vacationing or drunk (or both) tip well, as do "regulars" who get to know the staff, and of course, the group of people everyone agrees are the best tippers are those who also work in the service industry (which, frankly, creeped me out by the end -- they're pretty cultish and weird about how they feel about tipping each other well). 3) A few different people said that when a tip is low, they assume the customer is cheap or hurting for money, but when it's high, they assume it's because they did a great job serving the customer or because they're likable (not that the customer is generous).
4) When a guy tips an attractive female an exorbitant amount, it doesn't make her think he's rich or generous or a big shot -- it makes her think he's trying to impress her. 5) Don't put a zero in the tip box if it's a situation when you're not tipping -- it apparently comes off as mean and unnecessary. 6) According to valets and bellmen, when people hand them a tip, they almost always do the "double fold" where they fold the bills in half twice and hand it to them with the numbers facing down so the amount of the tip is hidden. Apparently no one tips flight attendants, and if you do, you'll probably receive free drinks thereafter. Golf caddies say that golfers tip better when they play better, but they always tip the best when it's happening in front of clients. Tattoo artists expect $10-20 on a $100 job and $40-60 on a $400 job, but they get nothing from 30% of people.
A massage therapist expects a $15-20 tip and receives one 95% of the time -- about half of a massage therapist's income is tips.
A whitewater rafting guide said he always got the best tips after a raft flipped over or something happened where people felt in danger. 9) The US is the most tip-crazed country in the world, but there's a wide variety of tipping customs in other countries. The amount of tipping in a country tends to correlate with the amount of corruption in the country.
11) Celebrities should tip well, because the person they tip will tell everyone they know about it forever, and everyone they tell will tell everyone they know about it forever. For example: A friend of mine served Arnold Schwarzenegger and his family at a fancy lunch place in Santa Monica called Cafe Montana. I'll finish off by saying that digging into this all week has made it pretty clear that it's bad to be a bad tipper. If you liked this article, you can subscribe to Wait But Why to have our once-a-week posts sent to you by email. No matter who your parents are, there are a few things that you can do to drastically increase the chance of having them say "YES" rather then "NO." Drastically! Parents love to pretend they are cool and collected, but in reality, they are very predictable.
So much so that I guarantee that if you read the tips below, you can improve your life in several ways!
Nothing gets you a faster "No" from parents than giving them a feeling that they owe you or that you "deserve" things.
So, when you ask for something, use an equal amount of gratitude and an equal amount of asking.
The point is not to trick your parents into thinking you care; the point is that appreciation spreads good will, which will certainly come back to you. One thing your parents care about, whether they admit it or not, is how they appear to others. This request sounds appreciative, responsible and like you're a kid that knows the value of money. The main thing you will need to prove to them is that you're mature enough to deserve that thing you want.
If you show that you want to contribute to the family and don't resent your responsibilities, you will start to be seen in a whole different light -- a more grown-up light. This will give Dad (or Mom) time to consider what you want, and also make you look more mature by showing that you are patient enough to wait a day for the reply.


Setting the stage for any question you want to pop is a key to increasing the odds for "Yes"!
Your persistence will most likely not be annoying or be regarded as questioning your parent's authority; It will actually be seen as an adult way of taking responsibility and going after what you want. For more tips, get three chapters of my upcoming book, How to Get Your Parents to Agree with You on Almost Everything, free! Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. About Lori DescheneLori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Instead of throwing your anger at the person who you feel wronged you, work through your feelings out loud. He's sad because he gets no salary and relies on tips like every other waiter, but people undertip him because at this restaurant they get their own food so they think he's not a real waiter even though he has to bring them all their drinks and side dishes and give them a full tour of the restaurant and how it works like a clown and then bus the table because they have no busboys at the restaurant and just when the last thing he needs is for the managers to be mean and powerful middle aged women who are mean to him, that's what also happens. And friends of mine would sometimes notice this and say sentences like, "Tim is a really good tipper." My ego took a liking to these sentences, and now, ten years later, I've positioned myself right in the "good but not ridiculously good tipper" category.
My interviews included waiters, bartenders, baristas, manicurists, barbers, busboys, bellmen, valets, doormen, cab drivers, restaurant delivery people, and even some people who don't get tipped but I'm not sure why, like acupuncturists and dental hygienists (I'm still not sure why, nor are they).
Most customers have their standard tip amount in mind and don't really think about it much beyond that.
Sometimes a bartender cracks open eight bottles of beer, which takes 12 seconds, and sometimes she makes eight multi-ingredient cocktails with olives and a whole umbrella scene on each, which takes four minutes, and those two orders should not be tipped equally, even though they might cost the same amount. Food delivery guys are undertipped -- they're like a waiter except your table is on the other side of the city.
It might not make sense that in the US, we've somewhat arbitrarily deemed certain professions as "tipped professions" whereby the customers are in charge of paying the professional's salary, instead of their employer -- but that's the way it is. So while stiffing isn't okay, it's good to have a range in mind, not a set percentage, since good service should be tipped better than bad service. Throughout my interviews, I heard a lot of opinions reinforcing what's on that chart and almost none that contradicted it.
However, when someone's giving a really great tip, they usually hand them the bills unfolded and with the amount showing. Tipping expert Magnus Thor Torfason's research shows that 31 service professions involve tipping in the US. Your parents will allow you to do more, trust you more and be more willing to see life from your perspective. Sure, they are responsible for your well-being and all that, but this is not an exercise in fairness. Two things you can always offer are doing specific chores and getting better grades in specific topics. Saying, "I'll get better grades," is one thing, but it's much better to say, "I'll get better grades in History." You also actually have to mean it and do your part.
Adults often feel judged about their parenting skills, and any way you can help them to feel confident as parents is a good thing.
Offer to take on small responsibilities and always do what you said you would do and a tiny bit more. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future). Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
Focus all your energy on something you can actually control instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts.
Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment. Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now? To strengthen your relationships, get her new book, Tiny Buddha's 365 Tiny Love Challenges.
Work through your anger before taking action so that you can respond with loving kindness and compassion–instead of letting your anger explode.
It's just my experience that most people need to work through it before they can let it go. I covered a bunch of different areas in New York, including SoHo, the Lower East Side, Harlem, the Upper East Side, and the Financial District, and tried to capture a wide range, from the fanciest places to the diviest.
High Spender goes to fancy restaurants and does so often, and Low Spender goes out to eat less often and goes to cheaper places (more details here).
And as such, you have some real responsibility when being served by a tipped professional that you don't have when being served by someone else.


I only took seriously a viewpoint I heard at least three times, and in this post, I'm only including those viewpoints that were backed up by my online research and Lynn's statistical studies.
The easiest one for people to focus on was foreigners being bad tippers, because A) it's not really a demographic so it's less awkward, and B) people could blame it on them "not knowing," if they didn't want to be mean.
That number is 27 in Canada, 27 in India, 15 in the Netherlands, 5-10 throughout Scandinavia, 4 in Japan, and 0 in Iceland. The theory is that the same norms that encourage tipping end up leaking over into other forms of exchange. Your parents care about one thing (having to do with you) almost more than anything: Your growing up into a responsible, happy adult.
We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the offender responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.
Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant, like your passion for your hobby.
Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for ten to thirty minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t. Realize that many of the things you’re worrying about don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress and one with actions to address them. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain.
Outside factors may influence how we feel, but ultimately we decide when to take offense, make meanings out of situations, etc.
I always feel so much better when I'm able to let go, and I wish the same peace of mind for you. Some come naturally and others that take more work, but I think it all gets easier with practice. At some point, the US decided that customers, not employers, should pay the salaries of service employees, and it's been this bizarre mess of a system ever since.
They also have to "tip out" the other staff, so when you tip a waiter you're also tipping the busboy, bartender, and others. The US doesn't contribute to this general correlation, with relatively low corruption levels. Any way you can show them that you are moving in the right direction will help your case endlessly. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.
If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube. The delivery guys I talked to all said the tips don't change in bad weather -- that's not logical. Believe me -- proud parents' hearts and wallets are much more likely to be open to your requests. Likewise, while tipping on takeout orders is nice but not necessary, one restaurant manager complained to me about Citibank ordering 35 lunches to go every week, which takes a long time for some waiter to package (with the soup wrapped carefully, coffees rubber-banded, dressings and condiments put in side containers), and never tipping. The way to handle terrible service is to complain to the manager like you would in a non-tipping situation -- you're not allowed to stiff on the tip and make them work for free.




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