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On another note, your male friends might “know” you well enough to know that trying to do anything other than seriously date you is not an option. I agree with what Streetz said about most hetero friendships being born out of some type of attraction. Physically its hard to say, as different guys have different weaknesses but mentally you got to keep one guessing; its frustratingly sexy. Would you rather go to your close opposite sex friends, or acquaintances, to determine whether you have friend zone characteristics? I would say acquaintances because while friends know u better they also are more likely to pull punches. I really only have a brief piece of constructive feedback that I hope doesn't get attacked. Start paying more attention to men you meet who tell you they would like to settle down, and look forward to getting married and having kids, much like the men here on SBM say. You may not be all that physically attacted to these guys, but these are the type of men you say you want since your want a serious relationship.
Definitely if your telling men no to sex before a serious relationship, that right there will get you friend-zoned quicker than a NY minute.
No matter what though stay true to yourself, and don't compromise who you are and what you want. What actions, either physically or mentally, can women undertake in order to appeal more to men?
I wonder if my down to earth demeanor takes away from any sort of attraction my males friends could potentially have for me when initially meeting me. You also said that a close male friend told you that you give off the “homegirl vibe.” I don’t want to question your friendship with these gentlemen, but I don’t know if your friend kept it all the way real with you. When men talk about their female friends, even if they wouldn’t ever touch them in their sweet spot, they will acknowledge that you have “touchable” qualities. When we are friends with women, men will usually hear their relationship drama, have a better understanding of women’s thought processes, and get a #nofilter perspective on a woman’s taste in men.
Could it also be that you are shutting them down unintentionally because you expect right off the bat for them to friend you.
I have guys telling me how cool, funny, and good-looking I am all the time (even the platonic male friends) but yet I’m still always the homie. I appreciate you saying what others were more than likely thinking but didn’t want to say sometimes folks need to hear the straight up! If a girl is in my friend zone its usually says i have no interest in dating you and i know better than to smash. I will say sometimes you can make the mistake of telling a man too much, too early and HELP him make up his mind on how to categorize you. Continue to be yourself and be patient and I'm quite sure a man who is really into you will come along and sweep you off your feet.


What you probably need to change, but may not want to change, is the type of man your attracted to physically. I can curse, belch, act a fool, tell off color jokes and tease her a bit without her getting bent out of shape and trying to correct my behavior. But, not with chicks they really REALLY like, appreciate, and care about…or at least not without feelings getting involved (the movie, Friends With Benefits, anyone?).
The rest are the spouses of my closest female friends…one was engaged when we got tight.
I am not interested in dating any of my current male friends, I was just wondering if there were things that I could say or do (without changing who I am and becoming another person entirely) in order to not continue falling into the homegirl category with males that I meet in the future.
We have discussed the concept of opposite sex friendships here, over here, and right thurr. Unless we are blood related (and in the case of the Lannisters and Targaryens this doesn’t matter), we won’t deny that a woman is attractive. Men have a heart when they truly value a woman’s friendship, and will weigh the pros and cons of a physical relationship with you before making a move.
Could it be that you (the anonymous writer) could be missing any clues that these men may want to be more than friends?
I dont know what homegirl vibe is but loving sports, being funny and comfortable with the fellas should not get you friend-zoned it should get you wifed if you ask me. So my advice to her would be that when she dresses up her friends tell her nice when she dresses more feminine or like a lady if she prefers the tomboy look more then it doesn't count.
Don't CHANGE yourself, but consciously choose to reveal PARTS of yourself (like, the feminine side, lol!) at a time. In most, if not all of the friendships I have developed with men (either through seeking advice or through conversations we had during a courting stage that eventually fizzled out and led us to be friends) I have expressed disinterest in casual sex and interest in a serious relationship. And this is not to say that all tall, very attractive, sexy, successful men with swag do not want to be in committed relationships and get married and have children, I'm sure there are some that do. And I think Streetz offered great advice to help you determine why these fellas have chosen to pass on dating you. I can understand you launching a preemptive strike against any man tagging you with the “homegirl” label, especially if you find them attractive.
When your male friend tells you that you “give off a homegirl vibe”, does he #REALLYMEAN that HE doesn’t find you attractive? Men like a down-to-earth woman, but they would also like to feel like they were worth putting in some EFFORT for (We like that as women, too, remember?). Getting older, I totally believe most men start friendships based on some type of attraction because they're such visual creatures. I feel this way about women putting fellas in this so called Friendship Zone…and I feel this way about men doing it as well. In high school and college, I began dressing more feminine and my male friends would sometimes comment that I looked nice in this outfit or that outfit.


There’s a difference between an attractive woman who doesn’t appeal to a man’s preferences, and an unattractive woman. Conversely, there could be some trait you possess that raises red flags for men and they know, but don’t want to tell you. It may even behoove you to beseech people who DON’T know you well, so that you can get an unbiased and respected opinion.
I'm not saying dig for ghastly treasure, but what I am suggesting is analyzing relationships with these male friends to see if every single last one of them are truly 100% platonic. I never really even thought about how I would feel about him leaving another woman for me, what that would say about his character, and if that would mean he would do the same thing to me in the future. They would never ask me out on dates though a close male friend told me once that I give off the homegirl vibe.
To me, you can be friends with the opposite sex if either a) there’s no attraction whatsoever b) there was a previous intimate relationship of some sort, and you two decided that it would be better to remain platonic or c) you are family of some sort. I know you might say “no sh*t Sherlock” to my last statement, but it’s very poignant to this discussion. This is when you need that belligerent, well meaning guy friend who will look you dead in the eyes and say “you cute, but that moustache gotta go ma!” You can question a friend’s tact, but you can’t question their heart.
If you have to switch up your fashion, your hair style, hit the gym, or perform any other reasonable task to avoid the Friend Zone, embrace the challenge and succeed. I'm pretty sure that other women commenters (myself included) can speak about situations where interest from the opposite sex was expressed but it flew over our heads until we either figured it out later or someone else brought it to our attention. You could either start trying to integrate more femme traits into yourself or try to find guys that love tomboys. There’s no way that the Friend Zone should pertain to women especially if they look good, have a good personality, and do the basics. I am realizing that thinking I’m so great that I would be perfect for any guy is also not a great mindset to have. I've had to back off from several SEVERAL SEVERAL men cause we were vibing waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Women created the Friend Zone as a purgatorial society for emergency d*ck and platonic male companionship. I think it’s clouding me from remembering what I really like and look for in a guy instead of just trying to attract A guy. When your own invention becomes Skynet, and you become a homegirl, it has to be more about you than the men.
Figure that out, solve the problem, and return to using your feminine wiles to achieve dating success.



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