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By clicking on the button above, I confirm that I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy. The good news is there are ways to minimize your ambivalence and take control of your desire for a relationship. Pay attention to signs of confusion – Things like fear, doubts, hesitation, endless debates in your head, and obsessive conversations with your friends indicate ambivalence about creating a relationship. By Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection. People with lasting relationships, who really love each other, know something that many others don’t.
Conflict, you might say, shines a light on who we are, individually and together, as true as the light of infatuation is false. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, you’re best off looking forward to your next fight.
Once you begin feeling those emotions, instead of fighting them, relationships become far less of a challenge.
Many wise singles look back at previous relationships to discover what went wrong and what went right. One such person, 34-year-old Stephanie, voices a vital issue common to many people: “I got married in my mid-twenties, and it was a ticking time-bomb from the beginning. Here’s what Stephanie realized several years after her marriage ended in divorce: she was looking for someone else to make her feel fulfilled, whole, and complete.
Researcher Richard Lucas of Michigan State University and his colleagues examined data from a fifteen-year study involving 24,000 individuals to answer the question, “Are married people happier than unmarried people?” The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that men and women who were happy before marriage scored highest on marital satisfaction tests. The implication is clear: An individual’s life satisfaction trajectory will usually continue on the same path after marriage. Many men will do anything for the right woman and when you learn the skills that work with men, that woman will be you. If you want to find a great man and a strong, committed relationship then you've come to the right place. For many women dating is not an enjoyable experience because really all they want is to get straight to the happy, loving, secure relationship. But dating is not just about settling for the first man that comes along and putting up with his sloppy behaviour. There really are plenty of wonderful men out there for women who have the right dating and relationship skills. Stop looking for Mr Right and start to seek out a fun life and the relationship will fall into place. You don't owe anything to a man you have never met and if he thinks otherwise, he's got issues. Or, when you feel good about yourself, you will naturally attract men anywhere so work on this. Like traps these lie in wait for the unwary woman who then wonders why the man seems to be avoiding her or does not call her back.
Save yourself wasted time and frustration by learning what can drive a man away before you've even had a chance to get to know him. Most men are like boys and they will try to push your boundaries to see how far you will go.


Guys are suckers for a woman who knows how to make them feel good, however, and this is what you will learn if you follow the advice on this page. You must attract a man on a deep emotional level and be making him feel good about your relationship if you want him to commit. I promise you that when you have the right skills, if you're with a man who is capable of commitment, then he'll be the one asking you. Most women who are looking for love and not finding it don't even know that they are making certain mistakes which tend to put men off wanting the whole relationship. When you do, you will captivate and enchant him rather than wondering why he isn't interested. The biggest mistake that a woman can make in dating is allowing herself to fall for a man without getting to know whether he would make a suitable partner. Having decided early on that he is "the one" she then chases after him and overwhelms him with her expectations of a relationship far too early on. She makes excuses for him and blinds herself to warning signals because she just wants the relationship so much. She gives too much of herself and puts up with him pushing her boundaries in a bid to win him over and make him fall in love with her. If he hesitates she clings desperately to the relationship becoming needy and emotionally unstable and eventually pushing him away. You must not attach too early on and you must be prepared to let him go early on if he does not live up to your standards. You can never guarantee the outcome of dating unless you are desperate in which case it will always fail. When you start to do all this, you will really feel that it's your choice as guys respond positively to your power as a charismatic, attractive woman. You will find plenty of early relationship tips on these pages to help you find dating success and win the love of your dream man so keep reading. Instead, you want to be able to make a confident decision in the face of these divergent opinions. It is your actions that will get results, so you can behave as though a loving relationship is a strong priority. Vilifying these feelings will not make them go away, and it is more beneficial to acknowledge the value of all these different perspectives. There’s nothing quite like talking on the phone for hours, making out in the grocery store, and finally finding someone who really, truly gets you. If un-blinded by the light of infatuation, none of us would ever see past our love interest’s countless flaws. What it does mean is that only by pushing each other’s buttons do we get to find out where they all are. You might even make another pact: Whenever conflict arises, we promise not to attack, flee, or cave in to please one another.
Whenever you experience painful feelings in regard to your partner, you instinctively shut down. Find out more about his new book, The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection, here! One of the biggest fallacies and biggest reasons for relationship failure is the idea that someone else is going to make you whole and happy. It has everything to do with emotional and spiritual well-being, and it is not dependent upon any relationship or other external factor. It's about ensuring that you create a happy, secure, stable and loving relationship with someone who wants to make you happy.


But how can you tell whether a man is emotionally mature and will stick it out with you through the inevitable ups and downs in every relationship? All important decisions are made with insufficient data – If you wait until you are 100% positive about the outcome you will never make a decision.
This action in the face of ambivalence will often help you decide, one way or the other, where your heart really lies.
Ambivalence is a wonderful safety valve that encourages you to carefully consider important decisions. Especially if the object of your infatuation comes closer to meeting your checklist than anyone before. So then why do we continue to insist, while in its trance, that  there’s no reason for our infatuation to end? On the one hand they produce these emotions as a response to our experience, but on the other hand they do everything in their power to keep us from feeling them. You become tense, agitated, and your whole pact about dealing with conflict as an opportunity inevitably goes out the window. If you’re looking for someone else to bring you fulfillment, you’re setting yourself up for even more struggle and discontent. You need to look at how he handles three key areas in his life…MATURITY AREA #1: WORKIs the man able to handle adversity, criticism or even intense politics at work and remain level headed, relatively calm, or even compassionate? We won’t cease in this quest until all our buttons, or at least most of them, are out of commission.
Folks unhappy while single will not find marriage to be a magical cure-all for their dissatisfaction and discontent. Or is he spiteful, does he talk about problems instead of thinking about solutions and how to improve personal dynamics in his work life and relationships? Parts of us will make one another cringe, fume, and we’ll wonder what we ever saw in each other to begin with. You can even target such surfing with great sophistication, identifying the specific emotions that cause you the most trouble. This kind of thinking, ironically, is the very reason so many people feel unfulfilled and empty. They look outside of themselves, instead of looking inward, to find peace of mind and heart.
It has been said that you can know all you need to know about a person simply by looking at the people in his life.
A man’s closest friends and peers are one of the very best windows into his mental and emotional world.
Does he have any married friends who have stable relationships where both partners are relatively happy and fulfilled?Men spend most of their time with people whose values they share.MATURITY AREA #3: FAMILYHow does a man handle his relationships with his family members? All you have to do is start talking about your friends, family, and work and ask him about these three areas in his life one at a time.
When he answers, dig a little deeper and try and get him talking about how he FEELS about these things. How does he FEEL about the people at work and his family?Get him to talk about his friends and tell you what he likes about them and what makes them tick.



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