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Shannon Lell BlogWhen we are our authentic selves, we give others the unspoken permission to be the same. October 20, 2013 by Shannon Lell 52 Comments I have a family member who is a partner in a large firm. A couple of weeks ago a friend on Facebook updated his status with a commentary on his venture into Crossfit. This family member and this friend, by all intents and purposes, are well-educated, respected, productive individuals. I fought my battle with goliath through the legal system over my gender and it was certainly my awakening to the realities of this issue. Apparently the world thinks my daughter should not be a cop, a pastors, fight in combat or go to college but men should just avoid wearing shorts.
The sad truth is, my rose-colored glasses were lifted and I’m no longer ignorant to the issue.
Or are you upset because the law firm is creating a partner status that will be more easily obtained by people unable or unwilling to work 80-100 hours a week, and someone had the audacity to recognize the fact that women spend less time at paid work then men do.
Good question, it really is a difficult scenario to understand and perhaps I didn’t make it clearn enough. However, the women in this firm clearly worked hard enough, and were capable of enough to be considered for partner. Because of this, women are unable to reach the higher levels of leadership in this country and for that, we ALL suffer. But if the world follows your logic that you can’t be a dedicated parent and also rise up into leadership then our future seems bleak. I agree — even though there were a couple times my husband did the take the kids to the doctor thing, I hated every one of those appointments I couldn’t be at! Why is it wrong that my workplace compensates me differently or perceives different value from me when I want to willingly make that trade off myself? The reward and value I have in being a primary influence and shaper of my children is way more than I value in my role at the office.
Change is happening, but change only happens when people stay aware and don’t hide from the issues. And I think you and I both are on the same page that rewards are more than monetary, especially when it comes to child rearing. Most of all, I think the value of a woman, or any human, is defined other than if she has children or doesn’t have children, if she has a job or a career, or sits at a boardroom table or not.
And I also think women have more influence than just in board rooms or the halls of government anyway. If there are more and more roadblocks for women to reach the upper levels of influence in this world because we have a skewed view on what’s important, then how is that going to allow our voices, necessary feminine voices to be heard? But if you’re a woman and you want to be President, and also want to have a family, then you should be able to do that too, with awareness of what that life means and what you will give up and with JUST AS much support as the homemaker.
People shouldn’t be limited by gender in reaching places of power and with the value our society places on our traditional roles, we are. When our son was young, he had a lot of primary female influences and being the gender-neutral book-reading parents we were, we didn’t forestall his desire around age 3 to have a baby doll as a Christmas present — why not, right? Linda, I’m so glad you left this comment because it allows me to clarify my point of views. Those search terms are based on highly technical algorithms of millions of searches worldwide.


I agree that my one story doesn’t make a trend, and yet I do find reason for encouragement in it.
If you look at college graduation rates, the fact that females outnumber males is going to have to play out across the corporate atmosphere at some point as well. Thank you Linda for being a C-Level woman who is helping to make this country a better place with your wise and reasonable leadership. Oh, I agree that we are colored by subconscious perceptions all the time, and if I didn’t already believe that, Gladwell’s book makes it hugely apparent! I find it interesting that in both my cases and yours, the should nots for men were very trivial as if men had no true rules or restrictions.
As for your first commenter, my response is that equity should be based on merit, yes, but merit is the value of your work, not the number of hours you put in. We agree that homemaking and care giving are very important and very valuable things in society.
So much focused is place on meeting men who have money.  What about meeting women who have money?  That is one of the easiest routes to meet men who do. 1)  Join a charity related to the environment, medicine (hospital), or health.  You can be a board member or just volunteer.
I had a nice, but brief friendship with an older woman who gave me great advice.  One night I was uncomfortable about attending a political charity event alone. The gist of the post was that he was ashamed he couldn’t perform better than a woman. I know a little about Google and I know they tailor some search results based on previous searches, geography, etc. It’s also interesting that of all the things I wrote, that is what your question is?? But because they have families and are either unwilling or unable to put in 80-100 hours a week, then they are not given the same equity stake in the firm. It is disregarded as an important endeavor in our society and should be placed my higher on the list of worthy uses of our time and resources.
We need women (who are bioligically predispositioned to desire a family and the care of) to be able to be leaders too. The rewards we get are at home, with the close and loving relationships we have with our family. Society by in large does not VALUE the inborne character traits that are women and therefore see them as less worthy. There’s an entire industry called Search Engine Optimization that does nothing but track and understand what people are searching for and so this information DOES give a very interesting purview into the ways in which people think. I agree with the commenter above about the restrictions placed on boys and the imperatives of masculinity in our culture.
Because right now, under our current value-sytem in American, it’s clearly not easy (and often possible) to do both. I think the role of parent and caretaker of home and hearth are not given as much respect as the person who pays the mortgage.
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More importantly, I want better for my children. I feel duty-bound to change these misperceptions however I can whether it be at the holiday dinner table, in a response on Facbeook, or here.
Everyone knows that Google will automatically populate the most popular search terms when you start to type a phrase, and when you type certain terms about women… the results are no less than shocking.


But when I put the exact same phrases they used in the campaign into my own browser I literally put my hand over my mouth and gasped.
I think our world suffers when only the materialistically motivated people are the ones in control. If our society does not value their input, does not promote and support their rise through the ranks of business and government, then we are left with a lot of extrinsically motivated people making all the rules. I don’t believe that suddenly all boys need to embrace pink and all girls need to be superheroes.
What I’m hoping to accomplish with this post is to show people who deny gender inequality, that it exists.
But I wrote it because there is so much denial in this country that there are issues in the way we value men and women’s traits. But this thinking isn’t working anymore which is being demonstrated in the dismal representation of women in leadership positions, including our government. That belief system is deeply ingrained in everything from the way we incentivize work, to the things we say off-handed when we’re trying to be funny. A capitalism that disregards the unintended consequences of placing profits over any other variable. This is how far we have yet to go to educate our OWN nation on the skewed perceptions and inequities of men and women.
Need we point to the recent economic crisis as it specifically pertains to the mortgage industry?
Sure, you and I do, but the messages corporations send (perhaps not yours) is not that message.
The more diverse ideas you have in a system, the more likely you are to come up with original and progressive ideas. But if there aren’t people like me keeping the drum beating about the disparities, educating people on the reality of the disparities, engaging in thoughtful and respectful conversations about the work that is still left to do… then how do we change? I have a son and daughter who are very young and I can see clearly the differences in their preferences since birth. I know that is true for me and I’m always trying to uncover my faulty thinking based on pre-judgements. There are pirces to pay for that and I believe one of the price tags involve the lack of women perspectives in places of power.
When I was in NYC, I had the feeling that even the older female socialites were not friendly or wanting to mentor at all. When we’re talking about the people who shape our laws, we should CERTAINLY have at least 33% of women in these positions.
When board tables and conference rooms and even our government is represented with 20% (or less) women, then those sensibilities do not get represented.
And yes, I have influence within the confines of my home, and by extension, the future generation. This dialog has helped to even further clarify why I wrote this post and how I feel about this subject.
I used pictures of my daughter as a baby to mimic the original campaign and illustrate just how absurd this is.



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