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NFL Baller Tony Steward Pens Emotional Tribute To His Late Fiancee Brittany Burns After She Dies From Cancer!
Holly Robinson Peete Dishes On How She First Met Husband Rodney Peete And How She Wasn’t Initially Interested. New York Woman Discovers Her Biological Mom Actually Worked Side-By-Side With Her For 2 Years! Kloe Kardashian Opens Up About Her Marriage To Estranged Hubby Lamar Odom And Why He Cheated The ‘Majority’ of Their Marriage! NFL Star Torry Smith & Fiancee Chanel Williams Make Rap Video Encouraging Kids To Study! Terrence Jones Keeps A Promise He Made To Bring Flowers To The Cheerleader He Crashed Into During NCAA Game. Must See: Man Proposes And Marries His Girlfriend On The Same Day Using Her Pinterest Page To Plan Surprise Wedding! A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle.
As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex.
I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with anyone.
Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner’s semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? We do not know each other personally, but I am more affected than I should be by the relationship problems of others. Though I have no idea who you are, my stomach was in knots and my head began to throb with pain.
In the moments I was able to climb out of the trappings of my own thoughts, I would lock eyes with Tony and say, “Not us, right? I’m still learning what it takes to be a good friend in these devastating situations. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on how emotional cheating corresponds to physical cheating, actually. Again, you have your right to speak your opinion, and I choose to respect all opinions, whether they are in agreement of mine or not. Michelle, reading your comment, I understand where you are coming from but I also agree with Christa & Teresa. I would agree that, as you share your heart, it is so important to chose your words very carefully. Every marriage consists of two flawed people that need grace, redemption, and understanding to battle through all of the obstacles that inevitably come with marriage. It is one thing to suggest that each person in a marriage is equally responsible for carrying their weight and working hard to do their part.
There is (1) creating a situation for something to take place, and then (2) there is the something.
First off, I am not here to defend Michelle… she’s a big girl and doesn’t need anyone to do that. I think Michelle said, “I am not saying that your husband who strayed is not at fault. You can believe what you want to, and continue to play the completely innocent victim role all you want…but until you learn to accept your part in this situation, it will continue to occur again and again.
As a person who’s made the enormous mistake of straying, I can say with confidence that the deficiencies in my own character were the *cause* of my affair. Before my husband’s affair, I was not doing and being everything I should have been as a wife. I contributed to an unhealthy marriage situation by holding super high expectations of us as a couple, and my husband felt he could never meet them. The story has a joyful turn of healing, redemption and a new marriage with a wonderful man I respect the socks off of.
Being married to someone gives you a profoundly influential role in affecting their environment. People who are sex addicts make poor decisions whether they are in a happy or unhappy environment.
Your response is just perfect.Yes the anger is there for me very much so and it is not a black and white situation and certainly not my fault which has taken me and is still taking me time to fully accept. As the betrayed spouse, I know first hand that after the after is discovered or revealed, Satan then begins to work on betrayed spouse. I woke up again this morning, thinking about this post a little more in relation to the other posts I have read on your blog.
Literally, the only good thing about this blog post is reading the supportive comments of fellow victims and Carl, whom I appreciate very much. Blaming the victim of an affair retraumtizes the victim like any other abuse (child abuse, rape, victim of spousal abuse-which cheating is, etc).
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When David opens up about his past behavior, he reveals that his infidelities began just 30 days after his wedding. However, David admits he only proposed as a joke and had never intended to be taken seriously.
Hey, I'm all for people putting off sex until they're adults and can handle the ramifications. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo.


Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowledge them. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big a part of a relationship to leave to chance. I got an email this week from you, a woman I don’t know, sharing with me that you recently found out your husband has been unfaithful. It was supposed to be a family day, but my mind was too full with thoughts and questions and frustrations to engage with my husband and kids. I’ve had the opportunity countless times to be a listening ear to the one who was betrayed.
If not for the sake of your own marriage, please, for the sake of mine, let’s continue to build a community of faithfulness and #staymarried. I am absolutely responsible for how bad our marriage was, which led to both of us feeling horribly miserable and lost as to how dig our way out. What he did was horrible, I didn’t mean to suggest it was your fault and I am so sorry my words felt that way to you.
Cheating is atrocious & I feel the exact same pain you described every time I hear a story about it!
Yours is not, and I respect yours, which is why I was not harsh in my comment leaving my own. Having survived an affair that my husband took part in, I know all to well what it means to be the victim of adultery. Victims of adultery have enough of a mental battle to fight without people insinuating that they are somehow to blame for the situation they find themselves in. But it is ludicrous to suggest that an affair happens because the perpetrator isn’t being fulfilled or satisfied by their partner.
Playing the victim may help you sleep at night, but it doesn’t prevent you from becoming the victim again. And your opinion is one that perpetuates a cycle of men cheating on their spouses and feeling like its ok because their wife wasn’t good enough. I actually agree with most of what was said but I don’t think you go through a situation such as what this woman is going through and NOT question what part you played in where the marriage got off track.
I love that you don’t sugarcoat the hardships of marriage and that you address tough subjects. I begged and pleaded for the truth, but even in the face of concrete evidence of infidelity, my spouse denied the truth. I reasoned that my spouse was working hard and I was 9 months pregnant, so my spouse must feel stress anxiety. I love your blog because you encourage the best In individuals who are in marriage relationships.
Your lines of questioning are not questions, they are judgements and therefore not edifying.
And believe me, it’s a shameful to be the noncheating spouse as it is to be the one who got to have fun cheating.
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I'm not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there? When did you decide that friendship with the one you married was no longer worth the effort? Clearly he is and his actions cause pain that is devastating to you and everyone around him. But, if YOU are the one thinking of cheating, if there is someone outside of your marriage that you’re flirting with and daydreaming about, STOP IT! But, you don’t go from being happily married and loving your spouse to cheating on them all in the same day. Every decision from secret keeping to confiding in someone outside of your marriage is a chance to see that you’re heading in the direction you really don’t want to go.
If you are not thinking of cheating, chances are pretty good that you know someone who is or someone who has been cheated on. But my husband made the choice to cheat, and I am in no way to blame for his choice and resent being told otherwise.
I have Satan whispering those lies in my head all the time and to read them in print makes them that much harder to fight off. A man can be swayed by marital issues, financial frustrations, upbringing, porn addiction, and so many other factors. Why worry about peripheral issues when most marriages don’t make it past that initial phase? I think that a wife is totally responsible for her role in the marriage and needs to do her part to ensure her marriage is healthy. Ultimately though, if you want a different result in your life, it’s up to YOU to stop doing the same things that got you the old results. Anybody can write a blog I suppose, but i do think it comes with some reaponsibilty i guess. I sat through two marital therapy sessions with two different therapists trying to figure out why while he sat quietly knowing the entire time that he had another life. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone, and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person.
Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. You are hurting and searching for relief from your pain, someone to confide in, someone who might be able to comfort. But, in my heart I wonder how long you may have allowed yourself to be disconnected from your spouse before the affair took place. I promise you, the thrill you may experience with someone new will quickly be replaced with stress and shame as you work to hide what you’re doing.
I follow your blog, and many others that provide positive inspiration for a healthy and happy marriage; as my husband and I work to re-build our marriage from the ground up.


When I am devastated, my thoughts and words get darker and darker, that’s the reality of who I am. You have a right to your opinions and as you said, you had a feeling your opinion on this topic would not gain you more friends. Where adultery is concerned, the perpetrator is *always* 100% to blame for committing that heinous act. But, in my observation of talking with countless fallen men, the greatest faults lie in the man himself.
Why bother to place some small portions of blame elsewhere when most men can’t overcome their flesh, baggage, and pride in the first place? Most people here have read or seen our story, and through the counseling we went through, there was never any way that my counselor, nor Katie’s, would have asked her to question her role in my actions during the darkest hours.
I appreciate that you acknowledge not being an expert or a professional or having experienced this. I need to hear the words because, after reading your email, the confidence I usually have in our marriage is being shaken. Did you marry a person who was trustworthy in the first place, or someone you hoped would somehow become trustworthy? When someone has made the mistake of straying from their marriage, I want them to know what it feels like to experience grace and forgiveness and not allow such a mistake to define the rest of their lives. When your leg is hurting, do you ignore it and let it get worse or do you do something about it?
While it takes two to enter into marriage I have learned first-hand that it takes only one to end it.
But I do wish that like your other posts, you would have referred to some experts in the topic (Shirley glass? Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life. What crushes me, however, is not that you have been the victim of the worst kind of betrayal, but that people in your situation often believe you are completely blameless. 30% of divorced women say that they knew their marriage was doomed the day they walked down the aisle!
If you have kids, they will find out what you have done and will struggle for the rest of their lives not only to trust you, but to trust in love and relationships at all. How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal that there’s a series of events that can often be identified before the cheating actually occurs. When someone confesses to me that the person they’ve been seeing is actually married to someone else, I’m crushed and angry. I struggle to remember that I was not the one betrayed because the pain feels so real to me.
It just means that, in the specific situation at hand, the one that committed the sin is the only one at fault for having the affair.
If you are not on the level with your spouse such that you know when they are hurting, then you shouldn’t have married them. The woman who chose to cheat with the spouse needs to be loved, as hard as that is to understand to many of us christian’s especially those that can identify with the betrayed spouse.
You have grossly underestimated Satan’s ability to undermine, tempt, and steal the heart of a spouse away from their partner.
He takes the time to reassure me and not make me feel like I am being ridiculous – which I clearly am. The ripple effect of acting on a flirtation could be felt for generations, even if you and your spouse are able to recover and stay together. Still, even then, I want them to know they are loved and that I understand how these terrible decisions can be so easily made. If the cheatER bothered to do that, to care enough to dig and find a way with their spouse, they probably would’ve either 1.
If you ignore a part of your body that is hurting, you cannot expect the rest of the body to not be negatively impacted. How devastated I was to learn this and know that it would have remained hidden had I never found out. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage. Sadly, though, you will likely receive compassion from your community and your husband will surely be shunned. Have we glorified the wedding day so much that we aren’t giving men and women room to admit they’ve made a mistake in whom they chose before they actually commit the rest of their lives?
Still, I aim to surround myself with friends who value their own marriage and who will encourage me to value mine. I believe this woman’s anger and hurt is justified, she needs to embrace it in order to move forward.
I believe this post was well intended but should have been a private response to the woman.
There is never an excuse for cheating, and that includes the cheatee doing anything to contribute. I hope this woman takes the good, throws out the misdirected comments, and focuses her efforts on those that have her best interests at heart and repairing her marriage.
Affairs are a symptom of something terribly wrong inside of the person that is having the affair.
If your spouse, being one with you, makes the decision to cheat, then that means that you made the decision to cheat. I could not walk away and instead and making the best of having a 2 year old in my life that I didn’t give birth too. His mother knew she was sleeping with a married man just like my husband knew what he was doing. Not them finding the solutions and fixing them and then trying to move on, repair things and help their spouse heal.



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