Do we force nice guys into last place?I hear from a fair number of  young men who are just as frustrated as many of you are in the search to find meaningful relationships. One reader here commented that when he got to college and acted like the nice guy he really is, he got nowhere.
You’re guilty because you keep sending the message to men that they need to be cruel and uncaring in order to get anywhere with you. Women are attracted to jerks, form relationships with them, and then try to justify their choice by seeing things in them that no one else can. Do these reasons ring true, or is there something else going on? When you respond, he loses interest because now you’re available (not a good sign for boyfriend material). When you go for a while without speaking, he wonders if you’ve met someone else and tries to get your attention. Well, I do think of that some other times but my friends would think the other way around, and they would make me think he is THE nice guy.
Anyways, I like reading the other posts in here, I’m just new so I’ll just see you around!
Thanks again Verie ?? verie44 Like Susan said before, advice from your girlfriends at this point is the worst idea. Women, nonetheless, employ the same tactics to guys particularly if they are not available. Personally, I hate mind games… I wish everyone would just communicate honestly, but heck that is probably too much to ask. I don’t understand the psychology either, but I do agree that this happens all the time. It dawned on me at some point (as a said, just a couple years ago) that the problem was mainly that I simply came off as being too easy. If was interested in someone, I made it abundantly clear and they could have however much attention and affection that they desired.
And I know that it is true that women really *do* crave a person that can offer a lot of kindness and affection and support.
From the perspective of a given women I was interested in, my appearance of being easy for her didn’t make her feel like she won me, or like she attracted me because of her special qualities, or like she deserved me for anything that she did. Of course all of these things would always be true of her, but if she didn’t get the gut feeling that they were, a relationship would never blossom.


But it accentually occurred to me that I could solve it by simply spreading the love around. In social settings, I would flirt with everyone equally, regardless of how interested I was in them. I started to talk to anyone about anything, rather than focusing my attention on the people I found most interesting.
I didn’t give out less affection or attention than before, but instead I divided it among more people.
And really this did solve all my problems with women, without having to change my personality or become a bad guy. Suddenly women were starting to *approach me* (something that never used to happen), and completing to earn my attention. In essence, I put myself in a position where I would have to choose who I gave extra attention to. The very act of being selective made me more desirable, because when I did focus more of my attention on a particular woman, she knew she earned it. It feels even better if the win comes with a prize you really want (and attention and affection are things everything wants). Once this started to happen, my self-confidence improved, and since my interactions with women were more frequent, my personality itself improved (experience in general does that). This increased confidence made me even more selective, which in turn made me even more desirable. So my advice to nice men who are having problems with woman — don’t stop being nice! And I assure you some of them are going to be the ones you would have picked to shower attention on anyway =). They know that men feel attracted physically, but no sense of devotion, commitment, wanting to spend time together, etc. When men fall all over women for no reason other than their looks, they will be perceived as shallow and too easily won. You benefited from social proof – becoming more desirable as women saw you get attention from other women.
As a current college student in a fraternity who has played all sides of the game and understands every person’s point of view, it is interesting to see what people have to say.


It’s nice to know that there is a blog site such as this where people can discuss underlying issues such as this in a open discussion post. It’s also nice to see there is a lot of diversity among the people who reply which help the issue that is being discussed. I just wish I had a guy who could treat me like a friend too!maybe I should work on not being so weak? I am interested in a woman I met on a dating website (ok cupid) and we talk daily through text, but I am wondering how to not show too much interest or seem cocky?” . Should I let her know that I am doing things with other women, or would that be bad?” .
If you are casually dating and not going P in V I don’t think other women are any of her business, nor are her other men yours. Roissyites might advocate the preselection effects of letting her know, but I find it mildly rude to tell someone about other dates I’m going on. Much as people don’t want to believe it, women are attracted to the dark triad and lust after narcissistic men because of, not in spite of, their self-absorption. Just because im giving a guy what he wants, doesnt mean he has the right to treat me like shit.its hard to find a girl tthat wont get emotionally attached after the sex and I dont do that. I told him I deserve better and to go awaybut really, if its this hard to find respect out of a FRIEND then I rather have a boyfriend. Nice guys would do well do get some game and know when to step back, ignore a woman, and watch her try harder. It should be obvious that ignoring a woman whom a man likes, especially if that man genuinely respects women and is not overly selfish, is vastly unintuitive and unnatural for them.
However, it seems that as a virtue (from the perspective of mate selection), responsibility is not given the priority it once had.That being said, I do not believe being irresponsible is considered a turn-on. Although there does seem to be a correlation between current relationship priorities and irresponsibility.



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