I was recently discussing with a friend the many articles written of late about corporate culture, employee relations, and micro-management. The term “codependent” was coined by a self-help author named Melody Beattie, in her run-away bestseller, Codependent No More, first published in 1986 by a division of the Hazeldon Foundation, a non-profit alcohol and drug treatment facility in Minnesota. Rather than recognizing and appreciating the benefits of dynamic employees, I witnessed many instances of great workers getting sidelined by their bosses, and admonished for their style, even if they did their job well. Letting go of others’ issues means focusing on yourself. It means we are each recognizing and respecting the other’s capabilities and supporting their independence. In conclusion, I’d like to share a great article I came across in Accenture’s Outlook, an online journal for high-performance businesses.
Employees working at dynamic Silicon Valley companies are brought in for their potential and they’re encouraged to inject their contributions into in-house projects, as well as crowdsource with outsiders on other projects they’re passionate about. Why promote working with the competition?
While some of SV’s freestyle thinking and codes of conduct may be incorporated into traditional organizations, some may not. It may not be feasible to knock down all your cubicle walls and do away with layers of corporate bureaucracy. 5 Your FeedbackEditor's Note:The concept of codependency is hard to get our brains around, perhaps because it entails a hard look in the mirror. AboutExceptionally written articles about business, publishing, EduTainment, writing and more.
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Since codependency is essentially an addiction to a person, it requires recovery just like any addiction. There are dozens of other questions that need to be asked but if there are affirmative answers to the aforementioned, then expert intervention will be recommendable. This entry was posted in Addiction, Codependency, Healing, Quotes, Self Love and tagged co dependency, Codependency, codependency quote, quote co depencency, quote codependent. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. DonateIf you would be so kind as to help keep this site going it would be greatly appreciated. If the addict gets clean, it doesn’t really solve the problem of the system dynamics. If you feel compelled to help someone fix their life to the point where you feel anxiety about not doing it, red flag.
Do you say what you mean and mean what you say, or say what you don’t mean because you’re afraid others won’t like you? Codependency may appear at first glance to be limited to dealing with addicts who are still active in addiction. One of the main characteristics of codependency that I relate to is loving people who can’t love me back.
If we can keep the focus of unlimited, unconditional love without any of the requisite unhealthy dynamics of codependency, we might be on to something big-Buddha big.
We codependents should train our minds to think like Tara, the fully enlightened female form of Buddha. Each week you'll get a new cartoon from us, delivered directly to your inbox where their humorous positive vibes will ward off 95% of all warm personal greetings from the childhood friends of deposed Nigerian dictators. By submitting this form, you are granting Funny Times (2176 Lee Road, Cleveland Hts OH 44118) permission to email you. So, I was definitely in a mood when I wrote this (and I was really being funny more than anything else), but still . About the AuthorHolly Lane is a freelance writer, editor, and writing consultant based in Charlotte, NC. While talking about some of the habits of workers and leaders, he brought up an interesting concept: codependency, and how it rears its ugly head too often, both in management and in employees. But if you treat each other with respect, in any case, and let everyone shine with a little more individuality, you may realize much more than just a rise in corporate morale. Toward that end, why not stop to look in the mirror and honestly ask ourselves if there’s something in our own approach that hinders progress? Balcony 7 is a West Coast Publisher of books, ebooks and audiobooks, serving a global audience of adults and children, based in Pasadena, California, USA.
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It is due to this reason that the standard definition of codependency in a relationship needs to be illustrated.
Codependency stems from low self esteem, the need for approval, attention and importance from the other person. Codependency also fuels inadequacy and confusion, a heightened sense of responsibility or irresponsibility, senses of guilt, fear of loss and hurt, shame and insecurity, loneliness or being in isolation, rancor or resentment. Ask yourself these questions to know for certain if you are in a codependent relationship or if you are vulnerable to codependency.
Do you consistently feel the need to be defined by someone’s perception of you or acknowledgement of who you are?
Do you always have the urge to be in control, to be responsible for the caring of another person, their choices or actions, needs or consequences? Whether it’s teaching yoga or meditation, making coffee, writing books and blogs or answering phones, my time is oriented towards healing others. In a recovery sense this is an unhealthy pattern that results from not getting needs met as a child. Or Alanon, “Do something for someone today and tell no one.” But Buddha talked about ending suffering for all beings. Being an independent, entrepreneurial worker myself, you can imagine these personality traits rubbed me the wrong way. Often, it boiled down to the employee achieving success without nurturing and guidance from leaders. I also witnessed colleagues who always ran to the boss for help and guidance, even though we were all armed with the same tools for success and many of us achieved it on our own. I’ve recently read many articles about codependency, and it seems addicts have an easier time recognizing and overcoming it than the sober people around them. If we all did this honestly, and let go of our inclination for codependent tendencies, we can nurture what’s truly most important: a healthy work environment.
The factors are not confined to needs or being in control or exerting control on another person. The relationship will be need based and there would be abnormal expectations or deeds by one or both people involved. Codependency instills sense of fear, an adverseness to change, overreaction to almost everything around, especially if there is any change involved, impulsive responses, compromises and ignorance towards everything but the other person or people and the codependency itself.
Hypersensitivity, lack of excitement or addiction to excitement, a penchant for chaos, perpetual confusion, misplaced priorities, rigidity, excessive control, abnormal reactivity, lies and anxiety are also integral to codependency.
My own experience is that while more subtle, the dynamics of codependency can still operate in sobriety.
Tysa, my soulmate and life partner, has two alcoholic parents, as well as myself to contend with. We tend to repeat such patterns until we realize we’re in them and seek relief in something different. It means that if we’re going to help anyone we might need to do very deep work for a very long time-maybe our entire careers. By getting familiar with the traits of codependency, we may have a chance of taking our capacity of loving, even though it’s sick, to a deeper, more spiritual level.  On the Buddhist Mahayana path-the Great Vehicle, our goal is to save all beings. One reason for this stems from the fact that rehab facilities help addicts admit their faults and weaknesses early into treatment. I don’t think you can do this without my help.” In the workplace, however, this isn’t why we hire people. Alter, gives a great overview of why Silicon Valley businesses are so dynamic relative to their more traditional counterparts, and how some traditional companies are following their example and reaping the rewards.
You have an “aha” moment and start putting the puzzle together of how your life became so unmanageable.
One of the most common questions I get is from codependent friends and family members with an addict in their lives. But it’s easy to view the crazy-making behavior of the addict and to focus all the blame on that individual. Whether the addict gets clean, relapses or stays clean, the dynamics of the system will shift.
Inability to experience emotion in your own life but regular emotional experiences regarding someone else’s life. After several years of Alanon retreats, Adult Children of Alcoholics and CODA step study groups, she’s developed a pretty keen insight into the dynamics of codependency.
I vow to save them all.” So what is the similarity between being co and being Buddhist and what is the difference?


But to enter the Bodhisattva path we try to generate the aspiration or wish to be more compassionate. This is smothering to a go-getter and could certainly be a turn-off for a star performer.Sometimes, you just have to step back and let these people do their thing. However, many sober people have a much harder time admitting there’s anything wrong with them. A codependent person is also incapable of developing normal relationships or those that will sustain over a period of time. It took a long time to see how this works and longer to get enough space to work on solutions. This is explained in detail in many places but for our purposes, the Hinayana is said to be lower in scope because it focuses on enlightenment for the sake of the individual. The similarity in my view is that both codependents and enlightened beings love people who can’t possibly reciprocate. Read comparisons between traditional business versus Silicon Valley — which proves to be the least codependent business culture ever.
If we continue to quash their confidence with our own meddling, we find ourselves running in place. I’d complain about the behavior of others, whether is was another emotional disappointment within the 12-Step community (and there have been so many I could never count them all) or a sponsee who refused to work their steps-she would look at me and say, “You’re being pretty co right now.” For the longest time I could not for the life of me figure out how she could say that. The way it looks for me is that I get fixated on the way others are acting and lose focus on who I am because I base my self-worth on the actions of others. It means that we might have to take our healing to such a spiritual level of acceptance and Presence that we can still help without losing our sanity in the process. Compassion is still developed but through the experience of the wisdom of emptiness which ultimately results in enlightenment.
The difference is that totally realized Buddhas-or even those real Buddhists who are practicing Dharma-aren’t hooked on the results. When an addict stops actively participating in their addiction, the co-addict sometimes loses their place.
As you can see from the red-flag list above, one of the tendencies of being co is basing our self-worth on the actions of others. When I encounter a woman who is broken and complicated and needy and smart and sexy it triggers a super deep response in me. In the Mahayana or Bodhisattva path, the path is more focused on our intention to save all beings through not only the development of wisdom but also of compassion. If we can integrate the 12-Step of recovery and put some principles of other-centered love into action, we can enter the path of the Bodhisattva. If I can fix her, she will give me the love that I needed at that some point in time, maybe pre-verbal infancy. This is out of deep self-less compassion which is different than self-based codependent passion. In that regard, being co might be seen as preparation for the aspiration of unlimited kindness such as we learn about on the Mahayana path. In this path, we look at our defects like we do in the 12 Steps, remove obstacles through many means (such as purification, meditation, accumulation of merit) and ultimately gain the ability to help others. How could a Bodhisattva who has vowed not to attain enlightenment until the infinite oceans of samsara (cyclic suffering) are empty possibly function if she’s worried about the results? The point is to do the work and have someone to be accountable to.Codependency recovery is an important part of your healing journey. But knowing something intellectually doesn’t stop the trigger from firing on a pre-cognitive, trauma based level where suffering is frozen in time.
Without strong boundaries and some insight into the mechanics of codependency, time spent around addicts can create a seemingly endless loop of suffering.
It’s really hard to quiet the sound of our old tapes when those around us are playing theirs through loudspeakers.



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