Unfashionable as it may be, I’m going to go ahead and say that, in 2013, men need to stop dating losers.
Additionally, despite tolerating men calling women all sorts of awful things for centuries, society, curiously enough, wona€™t stand for men referring to women as a€?losersa€? or a€?useless.a€? Ia€™ve just never heard it. The gist of it was that 30 is not the new 20, and that grown women really ought to be getting their sh*t together in their 20s.
Were someone to call a woman a a€?losera€? for being, say, a career grad student or some kind of lowbrow service professional, I feel it would be met with cries of a€?Hey, at least shea€™s trying!a€? or a€?Who are you to judge?a€? Of course, the jokea€™s on them, because justifying someonea€™s career choice undermines that persona€™s freedom of choice, and chastising one group for judging another while encouraging the same thing among your own group is the very opposite of equality.Unfashionable as it may be, Ia€™m going to go ahead and say that, in 2013, men need to stop dating losers. Any woman now in her 20s and 30s was likely raised to believe that she can (and should) do well in school, get education, and then go forth into the world and make her mark. I think wea€™ve all, at some point, been involved with a woman who was so wrapped up in some aspect of herself that it made her a loser in her own right, whether ita€™s her job or something else (and we men are just as guilty of this). Barriers and pay gaps still exist, but most women are able to pursue any career theya€™d like. Whenever you ask someone to tell you about themselves, and their answer begins with, a€?Well, I work for such and such,a€? you know youa€™re dealing with someone with not a lot to offer. When women deride a man as being a a€?useless loser,a€? what they really seem to be complaining about is someone who blindly, uncompromisingly places his own prerogatives above all else, often at the expense of others. The girl with the loser boyfriend who wona€™t get a job because it would a€?cut into practice time with the banda€? is actually saying that if he would compromise a little, they could probably realize some goals that would benefit them both equally.


Given that, if ambition is something thata€™s important to you, it would make sense that it would be something important to your partner as well. But therea€™s no reason for men (or anyone) to date losers unwilling to alter their course in life to at least somewhat accommodate whata€™s supposed to be a loved one. An earnings rift, or at least one caused by one less-ambitious partner, can and will wreck a relationship.
You cana€™t a€?cheata€? by pouring yourself into and perfecting one single aspect of it and then expecting everything else to fall in place. Women know this, which is why they seek out men who at least have the potential for success. Thata€™s fine, but she shouldna€™t be surprised if the men shea€™s after expect the same thing. Men are expected to have a sense of direction and ambition more or less from birth, so much so that most women will list a€?ambitiona€? right under a€?sense of humora€? on a list of vague qualities they seek out in a romantic partner. Men dona€™t seem to realize it until theya€™re supporting another person whose biggest life decision is where she wants to eat lunch that day.
A hard-driving career woman is no good unless she has outside interests and knows how to create time for them.
No, the last part, the thing about dating a€?losers.a€? Ita€™s a testament to just how useless TED talks are, because people have been telling women that their boyfriends are losers forever.


Sure, and maybe she doesna€™t need to make as much money as you, but maybe you expect her to at least have some clear goals. Not once, though, have I ever heard someone tell a man, “Dude, why are you dating her? Shea€™s such a loser.a€?The more I think about why, the more depressing the can of worms becomes (and a can full of worms should be depressing enough on its own). It says something about society as a whole, in that men have never really valued drive and success as selection criteria and we’re all kind of OK with that.
It says something about society as a whole, in that men have never really valued drive and success as selection criteria and wea€™re all kind of OK with that.
Mothers instruct their daughters to find a a€?nice, successful boy,a€? but fathers high-five their sons when they bring home the prom queen.
Ita€™s also (sadly) kind of presumed that men will settle down as they age and choose higher quality women, as though ita€™s a concept we as men had the good sense to invent and that the womenfolk would never figure out were it not for our guidance.



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