You might be thinking that I'm being too bossy, telling couples what they should and should not do as far assigning roles to children, but really, I'm just trying to help.
There are other things you can have children do in a wedding if you want to include them but they don't fit the established age categories for traditional wedding party. Many of my clients opt to host child-free or "adults only" destination wedding weekends for their friends and family.
Sadly, lots of my clients include children ONLY because they've been told they had to by their parents (adorable nieces and nephews, ya know) or because they would hurt their friend's feelings if her little girl (who happens to be the bride's goddaughter) wasn't asked to be in the wedding.
People out there who already have children, take note: it is rude to push your adorable little kiddos at your friends for their wedding party.
You should have flower girls and ring bearers in your wedding if you want to, and really, you can do anything you want with those roles if you like. Discuss it with your fiance, agree on who you're going to ask to be in your wedding party together, and then make it so. They make it clear from the beginning that the little ones aren't included, and the only exception should be members of the wedding party, such as the flower girl or ring bearer. We pre-petal many an aisle before the itty-bitty flower girl wanders down it because we know she's not quite up to the task.


Invite the kids, and spread the word as necessary (not on social media, for God's sake), and move on. That's certainly their privilege, but be warned -- if you have some guests or family who are upset you aren't including their children, you may take a little heat for the wee ones in your wedding. Asking forces the bride into a difficult position where she either has to invite your little darling or not have a flower girl or ring bearer at all, lest she hurt your feelings and choose another child.
Not just here on Vieques, but even at a few of my friends' weddings I attended back in the states. I just about peed my pants laughing when I saw the little guys with their flower crowns and garlands, and then thought, wow, those are pictures most of them will LOVE in a few years. A groom I know recently forced my friend to have his younger cousin as a bridesmaid, despite the fact the bride had never met this cousin.
And get a good pictures of the ring bearer standing at the altar picking his nose for the bride's scrapbook. One absolutely insane uncle at a wedding actually emailed me that he'd heard there might be children in the wedding party (there weren't) and that it better not be true because IF there were, his daughter should be a flower girl.
But do not make a big deal out of something that will cause the bride stress and won't really matter in your life six months down the road.


Look, I'm the most open-minded planner in the world, but draping little boys in flowers and forcing them to walk down the aisle behind the flower girls is just more than I can take. If she had it to do over, the bride would put her foot down because she now she thinks it would have been worth it dealing with immeasurable blowback from the groom's family to do without the cousin.
You should look back at the pictures from your wedding and see the adorable pictures of the children and be really happy to remember them at that age playing such an important role in your big day. I can't even make eye contact with my staff as I'm sending these little guys down the aisle because I'll totally crack up.
If you're bullied into making a too-young niece a junior bridesmaid or you're forced into a pair of badly behaved ring bearers because your fiance just couldn't say no to his cousin, you may end up regretting having children in the wedding party at all. Fortunately, flower boys are no longer a trend and we're seeing less of it, at least at destination weddings.




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