Everyone has probably had a friend-crush before, and knows about the awkwardness can follow in the wake of repressed romantic feelings. Their latest ad features an upskirt short of 22-year-old Danish actress Klara Kristin with a captaion that reads, 'I flash in #mycalvins.' The ad was part of a campaign where models inserted their own words in the same sentence. Auntie is dying—dying!—to know what in the world could be so wrong with this girl that a "big impact" would result from just interacting with her for one class period per day.
But based on your description, your friend is just a casual classroom pal whose off-kilter personality isn't your particular cup of tea. You've gotten to know this girl, you don't really dig her, and you'd like to keep her at acquaintance distance. If you were besties-for-ever who hung out all the time and saw each other outside of school, it might be more complicated than that.
Which leads us to this: Your description of Odd Girl as the wrong "kind of person" to hang out with—and your admission that your friends wouldn't be sympathetic to that point of view—suggest that something else is going on here. Of course, I could be wrong (and unless you write back and tell me, we'll never know.) And either way, your approach to cooling the friendship will still be the same.
Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its.
Nobody should be forced to keep up the pretense of civility with a rapidly-decaying undead acquaintance who keeps trying to eat her classmates' brains. And that makes it extra-super-strength peculiar that instead of just doing what everyone else does in situations like this—i.e. But since you're here, do me a favor: think about the basis for your opinion, and why you feel so strongly about disassociating yourself from this girl. Visit B&N to buy and rent textbooks, and check out our award-winning tablets and ereaders, including Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK and NOOK GlowLight.
Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic, or competitive.
This is not to say women aren't bitches or toxic or competitive sometimes but rather to say that these are not defining characteristics of female friendship, especially as you get older. If you are the kind of woman who says, "I'm mostly friends with guys," and act like you're proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something and less of a woman as if being a woman is a bad thing, see Item 1B.


If you feel like it's hard to be friends with women, consider that maybe women aren't the problem. Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy. If you're having a rough go of it and a friend is having the best year ever and you need to think some dark thoughts about that, do it alone, with your therapist, or in your diary so that when you actually see your friend, you can avoid the myth discussed in Item 1.
If you and your friend(s) are in the same field and you can collaborate or help each other, do this without shame. Don't tear other women down, because even if they're not your friends, they are women and this is just as important. Everybody gossips, so if you are going to gossip about your friends, at least make it fun and interesting.
Don't be totally rude about truth telling, and consider how much truth is actually needed to get the job done. Surround yourself with women you can get sloppy drunk with who won't draw stupid things on your face if you pass out, and who will help you puke if you over celebrate, and who will also tell you if you get sloppy drunk too much or behave badly when you are sloppy drunk. Don't flirt, have sex, or engage in emotional affairs with your friends' significant others. Don't let your friends buy ugly outfits or accessories you don't want to look at when you hang out.
If a friend sends a crazy e-mail needing reassurance about love, life, family, or work, respond accordingly and in a timely manner even if it is just to say, "GIRL, I hear you." If a friend sends you like thirty crazy e-mails needing reassurance about the same damn shit, be patient because one day that's going to be you tearing up Gmail with your drama. My mother's favorite saying is "Qui se ressemble s'assemble." Whenever she didn't approve of who I was spending time with, she'd say this ominously. Life is full of forced proximity to people you don't quite mesh with, and most of us just bear it without all the to-do. It's okay if most of your friends are guys, but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul-search a little. This is not to say you cannot criticize other women, but understand the difference between criticizing constructively and tearing down cruelly. This person is WEIRD!"—you've decided that a) her oddness is somehow rubbing off on you, and b) a grand, friendship-severing gesture must be made in order to preserve your pristine normalcy.


But you don't have to issue an official Not-Friends Decree and throw a parade to announce your desire to cool things off. You've avoided any specifics about what makes this girl so objectionable, and I can't help wondering whether it's because your reasons for distancing yourself don't pass the smell test. Once, my best friend told me to get my love life together and demanded an action plan, and it was irritating but also useful. That significant other is an asshole, and you don't want to be involved with an asshole who's used goods.
Who you hang out with has a big impact on you, so I've decided I no longer want to keep her friendship. A friendship takes effort; put in less and you'll get some distance, and if you're subtle about it, she may not even notice the change.
If your man or woman is a scrub, just own it so you and your friends can talk about more interesting things. The thing is, we have assigned seats, and I sit next to her, but not only that, I don't want to hurt her feelings.
My go-to explanation is "I am dating an asshole because I'm lazy." You are welcome to borrow it. She's a nice person, and it would be really unkind and unfair for me to hurt her, and she doesn't deserve to be hurt.
It also doesn't help that I'm president of a club we both go to, and that some of my friends are friends with her. If I outright say that I don't want to be her friend then not only will she be sad (sensitivity), but all of our shared friends will likely think I'm snotty, and give me a hard time and or stop talking to me. Is there any way to stop being friends without hurting her, or alienating any of my friends?




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