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It is an admirable goal for a Christian woman to work on becoming  a  submissive wife as outlined in Ephesians 5:22-33, but this sincere desire to please God and her husband can tempt a narcissist to manipulate and abuse the woman. Narcissist predators are on the lookout for women who strive to be  selfless and willing to sacrifice to care for others.
The abuse can be very subtle with the control increasing gradually over time so that the wife gradually adapts to it. The narcissist husband and submissive wife may function well together in the beginning  in their respective roles, making a home and raising a family, but as time goes on the narcissist expects more and more, and the submissive wife feels frustrated, like she can never do enough. In typical narcissist fashion, the husband blames the wife, and in her role as pleaser she takes the blame and buys yet another book on submission and tries harder, becoming more frustrated, with more downhill spiraling, rinse and repeat. Patricia Evans, author and recognized expert on Verbal Abuse, describes wives who experience this abuse in the excerpt below. There are books and web sites full of information about the narcissistic personality, which are informative reading for anyone closely associated with one. Once the relationship starts to get established you will notice little things about him that don't quite measure up. He will also start to 'segregate' the two of you, compartmentalizing his life with you, and his life outside of you.


Her low self-worth, progressively lowered in an abusive relationship, means that however imperfect her partner, she still feels inferior to them. She does not fully believe that she can manage herself on her own and face the challenges of life. A generous soul, she may well yearn for a rescuer, but she can’t resist running to the rescue of anyone in distress. Reading about others’ experiences will show you that you are not alone and possibly provide other tips for coping. If he lived off of his exes for years, and was employed cleaning toilets for one summer out of all those years, he will stretch his achievements from one summer to twenty years, and his janitorial position from that of cleaning toilets to that of 'managing' an entire company's maintenance department. He starts to get 'overly defensive' and sometimes seems overly hypersensitive to simple innocent things that he perceives as insults. He treats you as a rival, getting angry with you if you get more attention than he does when out together socializing. The narcissist is unable to love, the submissive wife feels unloved and the relationship spirals downhill. It takes her the longest time to learn that love doesn’t excuse her partner from being accountable for their actions. She may sound strong-minded, but her wants, needs, and reason never carry the same weight for her as those of her parnter.


I have, fortunatley, realized some of this on my own however and through the help of my family and friends and those from my bible study group I feel my confidence and my sense of self-worth rising. If he never contributed a dime to the financial responsibility of the union he will act like everything was his (let never will he be able to explain to you how he could have 'afforded' any of it since he only works out of necessity when between relationships). How every little thing you do is beautifully special - how it is so unlike any thing he has ever had before with a woman. His new 'flame' will be awed by his fake charm (that you once fell for) as he quickly puts her up on your old pedestal, removing you completely. Can I continue on my way still married to this man, who I love, who is the father of my children, though? He will excite you with compliments and place you high on a pedestal almost from day one.
He never rejoices in your accomplishments, and he never offers a shoulder in your weak times. He will then make sure that you know that any breakup is war, and both parties must separate only as dire enemies.



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