Here are 9 tips that will help you be more fully present with yourself and your partner, for a happier and healthier marriage. 1)Even if you think you know your partner very well, spend time getting to know who he or she is today. 2)Learn to contain your own feelings, and become available to really hear and come to understand your partnera€™s viewpoint.
4)Cultivate shared interests and activities that you build into your days, weeks, and months. Try to imagine the world from the other persona€™s point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Be mindful of your expectations of the other person and consider whether these expectations are truly in their best interest.
There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with another person. What a beautiful thread ,I am so pleased to see marriage celebrated and given a space here .I love hearing about couples who have been together for many years .
A healthy functional relationship is based on equality, the equality of two self actualizing spiritual beings who connect at the level of their beingness. Each partner in a healthy functional marriage knows that in the final analysis they are responsible for their own actions and happiness. Furthermore, in a healthy and committed relationship each partner has a commitment to discipline. Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships.
When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Neglect based on lack of attention damages relationships far more often than malicious abuse.
Bottom line: Stay in close touch with whata€™s going on in your partnera€™s life a€“ communicate openly on a regular basis. Anyone who helps you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through passion, love and teamwork, is a precious friend and teacher, and thus makes a great partner. You can say sorry a thousand times, or say a€?I love youa€? as much as you want, but if youa€™re not going to prove that the things you say are true, they aren’t.
And remember, ita€™s not so much about how much you do for your loved ones as it is about the love you put into what you do for them. The bottom line is that you see only what you want to see, and what you see determines the health of your relationships. Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on the outside is like choosing your favorite food based on color instead of taste. Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the scent of cinnamon, there is an undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts you to the qualities of certain people, places, and things. If youa€™re disappointed with yourself or frustrated with your partner, the answer is not to take it out on the world around you.
Forgive the past, forgive yourself, forgive your partner, and love the present moment for what ita€™s worth.
Ita€™s not about finding someone to lose yourself in, ita€™s about meeting someone to find yourself in. When you honestly think about what you and your partner add to each othera€™s lives, you will often find that instead of giving or taking things from each other (advice, answers, material gifts, etc.), you two have chosen rather to share in each othera€™s joy and pain, and experience life together through good times and bad.
The best relationships are not just about the good times you share, theya€™re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say a€?I love youa€? in the end.
How Your Hearta?¤ Produces Energy Your heart is the organ of your body that produces most energy. Leta€™s consider why ita€™s beneficial to set goals in general and why ita€™s especially beneficial to set them together.
Goals direct our attention and effort towards goal-relevant activities and away from goal-irrelevant activities.
We often work faster and more intensely when faced with difficult goals that are associated with tight deadlines. When faced with complex goals, we often apply to the present situation a repertoire of skills that wea€™ve used previously in related contexts. My husband and I could go about our goal planning independently, but we believe it is optimal to set goals together.
Though we also set individual goals as part of our annual goal setting, we dona€™t keep these to ourselves! Whatever a€?placea€? we find ourselves ina€”country, city, house, familya€”if our heart has been open, and we’ve sought to come close to the Creator, we cana€™t, in absolute truth, reject the position we find ourselves in.
Ita€™s not good for a person who has Godliness in her heart, to say that a particular place is not pleasing to her. I am open to the messages and energy that the world has for me and I am thankful for the energy.
A Marianne Williamson quote No man can convince a woman shea€™s wonderful, but if she already believes she is, his agreement can resonate and bring her joy. PDF mutual respect, openness and consideration Characteristics of a Healthy Romantic Relationship A healthy functional intimate relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control.
Recently the American Psychological Association reported the latest findings on what makes love last in a marriage. Adding to this and surprising is the finding that our partnera€™s responses to positive events directly contribute to the perception that our partner will be available in the worst of times-regardless of the specifics of their actual support during those times!!
Unlike problem events, most partners are forthcoming about the events of life that bring them joy or for which they feel pride. Whether you respond to your partner with interest, affirmation, support or celebration, your response is likely to be received and perceived in a loving and positive way. In addition, the sharing of positive events with a partner who receives it in a positive way provides a€? added value.a€? Described as capitalization, Christopher Langston suggests that the sharing actually capitalizes on the event and results in a positive experience independent of the actual event.
Research findings suggest that over a set time period, when people are asked if they have been supported in the face of stressful events, there is no correlation between what they actually received and what they perceived. During that same period, however, the more support they experience for positive events, the more they perceive themselves supported for problem and stressful events! You may not respond perfectly when his job is threatened, but if you are really excited about the meal he just cooked or interested in his idea to go out with some new friendsa€”it really matters.
As difficult as the road may be, if a couple keeps affirming the positives each experiences along the way, they will increase their sense of well-being.


With couples who enter marriage therapy complaining of communication problems, I sometimes offer them communication skill-building exercises as a way for them to talk more openly with each other.
As you begin to state what you do want, rather than clamoring about what you don’t want, you come into your own power. Dedicate yourself to Love Decide to let Love be your intention, your purpose, and your point.
The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.
Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden.Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.
A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden.
The highest love a person can have for you is to wish you to evolve into the best person you can be. Psychologists suggest that healthy relationships have a five to one ratio of positive to negative interactions. We need to make it a priority to be silly, playful, spontaneous, generous, thoughtful, and affectionate. Sometimes we may not fully see the people we love because wea€™re too caught up in our own worries.
Most people have the preconceived idea that once they are married everything would be fine. Statistics show that almost half of marriages in the United States and other western countries end up in divorce. Of course when you are busy with your daily routine, it is easy to forget to nurture your relationship.
You also need to evaluate your personal goals to see if they are essentially in the marriagea€™s best interest.
It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel. People grow and change, so ita€™s important that you keep your ideas about them growing also.
Notice if you keep driving your point across without taking in the other persona€™s perspective. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind yourself of who this person is and what he or she faces in the world. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? Try to stay mindful of seeing their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect the other person. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time, if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Eugene Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. They decide and choose to stand by each other, no matter what (for richer or poorness, in sickness and health, until death parts them) A good relationship is based on unconditional love.
Happiness cannot be the fruition of a mature process if it is dependent on something outside of itself. Showing them my love in all that I do and say is a positive force that brings lasting happiness to us all. A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.
I find with slightly different wording… a focus for those currently married could be created. This video describes four interesting but little known facts about your heart that will change the way you use your heart to improve your energy and your relationships.
Researchers in psychology and other fields have identified several ways that goal setting helps us achieve the outcomes we desire. We bounce ideas off of one another when wea€™re planning the goals and we support one another as we work to achieve them.
The worksheet is a few pages long because it provides space for us to document shared goals and individual goals.
Sometimes it becomes apparent throughout the year that a given goal is no longer realistic.
How can I create a good moment today so that I may gift my future self with a beautiful memory? This is the place from which we must seek God with even greater urgency, trusting that we find ourselves in this place because it is what our soul needs now.
The results of one series of studies by Shelley Gable and colleagues were particularly interesting because they were unexpected. Paradoxically, interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy a€“ the ability to function independently. And then let Love inspire you, support you and guide you in every other dedication you make thereafter. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden. Other times, it might be because wea€™re too comfortable to fully appreciate what comfort means.
All their problems would be solved and they expect to live happily ever after on autopilot. It is unfortunate that most couples do not give their marriage the proper attention and nourishment it needs to thrive. Goals for marriages should include all aspect of your marriage a€“ physical, emotional, intellectual, finance, health, recreation, social, spiritual and everything else that could affect your marriage.
The difference between a wish or a dream and a goal is that a goal is a wish or a dream that you have written down and take continuous action towards realizing it. Remember, setting goals in a marriage allows both parties to work together for the enhancement of their marriage.


Maybe you are right, but relentlessly repeating the same point, over and over, usually interferes with the other person hearing you. It is possible to have fun and find the humor in it all, even in the midst of your ordinary life. Meditate on the whole, by bringing your full attention to the situation at hand, to the other person, to yourself, to the community. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about the situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from the other persona€™s point of view. Mindful relationships do not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves. Each grows because of the love for the other, which by definition occasions spiritual growth. Discipline involves the use of four basic techniques of easing the suffering of life’s inevitable problems. And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent or child. We know that we are most likely to achieve our goals when we both feel ownership of them and are working towards them by encouraging one another, challenging one another, and providing accountability. Thus, I find it useful to check my motives and make sure I’ve selected goals that I desire to achieve. On the contrary, she can transcend space and experience Godliness everywhere, if she looks for it.
When we both come home feeling alive and confident we are more prepared and more able to give ourselves to each other. When couples love each other, ita€™s normal to feel attached, desire closeness, be concerned for one another, and to depend upon each other. They set goals for their career, finance, health and they set goals to find their soul mate and get married. This misleading notion may have stemmed from fairy tales that indoctrinated us when we were young. With the high rate of divorce it is obvious that you should spend time and effort to make sure that your marriage is a success. It is crucial that both of you are able to support each other in the achievement of individual and marital goals.
Each partner gets to know what the other wants so the couple knows the path that their marriage is heading towards.
In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done. Do this by practicing moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome. But we have to be mindful of being a€?sorrya€? too often; it loses its meaning if we are always saying it or if we make regret into a habit.
From puberty on, growing up and becoming mature means standing on one’s two feet and being independent and self-supporting.
We are able to listen intently to each othera€™s thoughts and internalize them and give honest replies of our own. It is adaptable, makes allowances, understands a€“ and thus remains itself throughout everything that occurs. We are all familiar with the story of how the prince meets a beautiful girl, falls in love, gets married and they live happily ever after. If you are not careful this will eventually lead to hostility and contempt and the end of your marriage. Start by asking yourself a€?What do I want out of my marriage?a€? and a€?What do I want my marriage to look like in the future?a€? Spend an afternoon together with your spouse putting your goals down in writing. Marriage does take work but by setting goals for your marriage you are on your way to a happier, healthier relationship.
If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer.
However, they share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings and actions and contribution to the relationship. Do not just concentrate on your children, career and finance and neglect your relationship with your spouse.
After that you have to ask yourselves why it is important for both you to achieve this goal. If your marriage is in trouble or stagnant, it is never too late to put your marriage back on track. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is workable, if you are willing to stand in this way in the present, trusting your intuition and best instincts.
Let us use it to its best advantage, for the sake of the other person, and for our own self. Because they have self-esteem, they can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and dona€™t have to control someone else to feel okay. Ultimately your relationship at home with your spouse will determine how happy and successful you are.
Ask yourselves what you want to achieve in 5 years, in 10 years and 20 years down-the-line. Ultimately you are more likely to achieve your goal if you have a compelling reason to do so.
The other person needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape.
If you set goals for your marriage you have a better chance of making your marriage a happy and fulfilling one. Thus, theya€™re not afraid to be honest and can listen to their partnera€™s feelings and needs without feeling guilty or becoming defensive. Therea€™s mutual respect and support for one anothera€™s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship.



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