People laugh at me or gasp in disbelief when I share that I have not dated for over 10 years.
Honestly, I cannot imagine any woman (single mothers or just single women) would want to date any of the above. The question I keep asking myself is this – What happened to the real people on this planet? Of course, I do realise that just because I have not had a pleasant experience with dating (or marriage), it doesn’t mean it is all that bad for everyone else out there. No, we will not date guys who just throw money at us and think that we can be bought like everything else he has acquired in his life. As independent single mothers have been doing it on their own for so long, the last thing they would do is become clingy.
Many people gripe about how marriage is a sham because they have lost faith in the concept of marriage, and the high divorce rates do not help either. Personally, I still believe in marriage but I do not believe that marriage is the only way for two people to be together. High divorce rates or low marriage rates should not imply that marriage is an outdated concept. At my age (and after all that I have experienced), I want something more fulfilling than casual flings, trivial dates and meaningless fucks.
Everyone loves waking up next to the person they care about, and knowing that this is the same person who would stand by them no matter.
Despite fears, doubts and reservations, there will be a time and place when the broken pieces of one’s life can shaped into a masterpiece. Basically, its a challenge, of putting up with each other’s weaknesses and virtues, some outweighing the other. The only way not to make the same mistake is to test the depth with one leg only.and leave all options open.
God, I needed a break and at the time, the ever so perfectly-timed request was made for me to step out for dinner and drinks. As a single mother, I’ll tell you, nothing crucifies the mood like a crying baby or your mind being too occupied for sex because you’re trying to figure out how you’re going to pay for diapers and milk and keep your mortgage paid. Tragically, women are indoctrinated to believe that because we “chose” a situation that put us in a position to raise a child by ourselves we should be complacent and grateful for anyone who is willing to take us and tolerate our children.
Falling in love with a single mom is to fall for a business woman, a multi-tasker, a scheduler, a nurse, a teacher, a bookkeeper, a financial consultant, and a chef. She is the woman who will empower you to your highest level while preparing a 5-course gourmet meal on a ramen noodle budget. For years, I thought the best way to maintain a relationship as a single mother was to not make anyone I dated responsible in any way for my child.
After a long week of juggling two jobs, basketball practice, an impromptu trip to the emergency room, which left her with less than 3 hours of sleep, dinner and bedtime routine, and managing bills she may simply need a hug or to know that if sh*t hits the fan she can count on you. The best way to find out what your woman may need is to ask her.
I am by no means the spokeswoman for all dating mothers, but I believe we share the same sentiments when it comes to our children.
The anxiety lessens when a woman feels like the person she is seeing is truly interested in getting to know her and her child(ren).
Don’t isolate yourself from those occasions where you get to show her you are not just tolerant of the fact that she has children.
A single mother is a woman who has instinctively learned how to navigate in this world with little to no real support.
We want the same things as women without children, romance, great sex, a career, material possessions, and a loving spouse, but we would give all that up for the happiness of our children. When you see us getting wrapped up our children and we haven’t had a moment to ourselves in months, help us disconnect. Jazz Keyes is a community activist, poetess and a nationally certified Life Purpose and Career Coach. There are so many reason why a man (with options) would NEVER want to commit to a single mom…. Thank you for helping to support the argument that not all men are opposed to dating women with children.
You're right, there are many sophisticated, educated, independent single mothers who can articulate their needs clearly. When five struggling single moms put aside their differences to form a support group, they find inspiration and laughter in their new sisterhood, and help each other overcome the obstacles that stand in their way. Just pop in your name and email and be the first to find out what WealthySingleMommy is up to! You might also like:Tell your teen she can’t date and she learns relationships and love are shameful Afraid to date in the digital world?
Darth – some day I would love to hear about what happened to make you so cynical about love and women.
Have you ever had a very close friend in those decades who deeply hurt (even inadvertently) or betrayed you? Also just curious – I enjoy reading this blog, so I have noticed your comments frequently, along with them noting your demographic detail you freely share. PS – the list for men in marriage, or living together, with a significant other is often quite similar to the list for women in marriage, or living together, with a significant other. If you find yourself wondering why you can’t find a good man, I’m here to tell you, it’s most likely your own darn fault. She dreams in colors, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man, can’t find a better man, can’t find a better man… oh oh oh. The last thing a single mother and her children needs is another heartbreak, or worse, another divorce.
If you are looking for a man to help you raise your amazing children, the ultimate gifts that God can ever give you, than why would waste your precious time and babysitting budget spending time with a man who can’t even be a dad to his own kids? As I spend more time in this era of single motherhood I may add some more NEW rules to dating for single moms.
If you are a year out of your divorce or end to your relationship, and you’re ready to date, and commit to following these NEW rules. God’s word tells men to “love their wives as Christ loves the church.” I think there’s a subtle, but significant difference to the “respect” addressd here. If I’m to do as God commands, then I must be willing to sacrifice all that I am – as Christ did in his time on Earth – for her. This may be a subtle difference in some minds, but I was talking to a friend of mine about this and he quickly had the same thoughts I did.
That’s not to say you can’t look for a gentleman who will treat you well, open doors for you, offer to help in an appropriate way and keep his hands to himself – you have every right to seek that behavior. Ascribing to all men the same qualities as some of the examples cited here is probably not helpful to the cause of finding “Mr. I think her examples are just a guideline to give women an idea of what to look for and not necessarily the exact same things. If that man doesn’t figure to open the door for you without you telling him, he’s not worth your time as a single mom! I won’t mention how many years you have steadily made a very positive impact in my life, but I can say that you were still married and I was fresh off of a divorce and already burned out on the rampant Bull Crap that came along with dating.
My daughter that was just 3 when we divorced has 1 year of High School left, so I’m sort of pre-prepping for life without a child in the house which may or may not mean getting back in the dating scene. Sorry for the long winded comment, but I now read your posts as a father that plans to use your shared wisdom to properly empower his daughter.
Other than church talk to us at the gym, sitting on the bleachers of our kids games alone, sitting alone at school functions, we are at costco, the carpool line, chick-fil-a… we like to be acknowledged!
He told me to think of this journey as a bit of a boat trip and every time I notice a hole leaking to fill that hole with doing something in Jesus’ name.
Receive your FREE copy of 30 Days of Powerful Prayer for Today's Single Mom when you subscribe. Donovan is a sexist son of a bitch who objectifies women by keeping them on their toes, their backs, and their knees where they belong. Men here know there are countless reasons dating a single mother is a terrible idea.  Any man who unwittingly wanders into the clutches of one of these harpies is doomed from the start. The first time she attempts to close her cooch for any reason simply stand up, smirk at her, say “It’s been fun” and walk out the door never to be seen or heard from again.  This is your only move in this scenario. Children of single mothers are yearning for a strong male presence and as soon as one makes an appearance, they latch on and don’t let go. Single mothers are at the bottom of the totem pole as far as LTR material goes but they do make excellent pussy pals if you know what you’re doing.
Kings Wiki is an ROK-affiliated wiki that contains articles around the themes of masculinity and nationalism.
People will drift apart when they do not do anything to salvage their relationship, or what’s left of it.
At this day and age, there are many ways for two people to design their own relationship and marriage. But I do not believe that love is some whimsical chemically induced euphoria that strikes a person at first glance.
Because I know exactly how I would feel when I’ve opened up myself to someone and given myself to him, but he turns out to be a**hole. After this last relationship of mine, I learned a lot about myself and what I’m willing to accept and not accept. The bed of thorns can only be converted to a bed of roses based on understanding, mutual respect, give and take, love and keeping the romance on going ( not easy over time).
Only when reasonably sure (not 100%), one should make that BOLD move and make every effort to make the relationship work.


However, after finding the one you want to be with – a whole new set of challenges do arise. Sometimes, they need to see or hear the actual words such as you really like them and want to be with them. The unsweetened reality is that nothing refashions the rules for dating quicker than having children.
There is nothing sexy about a 5-minute shower and having to change your clothes 5 times a day because your little one chooses to use your shirt as a burp cloth. Too many women have kneeled down at the feet of this ideology, believing that once they become a mother, they will never maintain another healthy relationship. The less I requested of my partner, the easier it would be for them to see that dating a woman with a child wouldn’t be a burden to our relationship.
If she mentions that one of them has a big spelling test coming up on Friday, Friday night you should be questioning her about how her daughter’s test went. While that woman may initially make the necessary provisions to get to know you by squeezing time into her demanding schedule for date night and late evening phone conversations, please know that eventually those one-on-one dates may be replaced with afternoons at the park, Saturday morning sports events, and kid-friendly restaurants.
Be engaged. If you only care to deal with her when the children are with their dad for the weekend, or in the late evenings once they have gone to bed, you are not available to be with a woman who has children. The fear that she will become dependent on you or want you to raise her child could not be further from the truth. This could mean a day at the spa, a foot massage at the end of the work day, or a home-cooked meal that we didn’t have to get in the kitchen and prepare.
Keyes supplies clients with the necessary tools and techniques to awaken their divine energy, heal their open wounds and create an aura of love, compassionate and tranquility. First, I think it's fair for a person to decide that they would prefer to NOT date a woman with children if that is their preference.
The point you make about mom's with children not being ready to take the next step due to the fact they missed out on life having to raise children, I believe is more reflective of young parents than of women or men with children in general.
Again, I think that has less to do with single mothers and more to do with the type of woman you're dealing with, period. Now it’s time for me to take my own advice, and be courageous enough to write an honest blog about dating as a single mom. This all started while I was sitting on a plane listening to music trying to figure out what my next blog topic will be and “Better Man” from Pearl Jam comes on my playlist.
We have allowed dudes to mistreat us, use us, spit us out, and even come back when they are lonely. We have become so needy in our Cinderella complex that we are willing to accept dishonest behavior if we think the dude can financially support us. It was a revolutionary book designed to get us the most treasured possession that all single women want… THE RING! These rules are designed to get us the NEW most treasured possession that all single women want… RESPECT! I know that life is busy, and texting is convenient, but if you truly want respect from a man do not say “yes” to a text that says, “hey want to meet up after work tonight?” Really? Unfortunately, I have come to realize that men are surprised when a woman waits for him to open the door. Isaac was going about his everyday, ordinary life…walking through the fields and MEDITATING (Genesis 24). I am committed to follow the NEW rules for my own sake, the sake of my children, for the man God has for me, and most importantly for my first love, Jesus! I’m not speaking for all of us, just those of us who don’t like being painted with the same broad brush that others who share our gender can rightfully be colored with.
If you actually look at the passage in Ephesians, “respect” is commanded of wives for their husbands, not the other way around. There is a large sense that ladies can, as you suggest, do it to themselves by worshipping the ring they’re chasing instead of building an attractive character within themselves.
Speaking for myself, treating me like an uncivilized dolt and “expecting” me to act in a certain way is unattractive and belittling. The thing about blog posts to remember is that even when they are establishing a set of rules, they are still little snapshots of a time and place that has already passed.
I decided to stop dating and spend that energy and time serving God through the gifts I’ve been given (mostly musical talent). God placing your blog post in my path at that exact moment was nothing short of divine intervention. Chivalry is alive, it’s just been squashed by a culture that portrays women as strong, independent and self-sufficient. Of all the women in a church setting how does a single guy who’s not a player, regularly attends church, has tried the Internet thing and yet doesn’t have the big circle of friends go about meeting women like yourself who are looking to date? Get that lonely feeling you mentioned, I have met hundreds of wonderful Christ centered women, they are more like sisters than potential partners, but all of those dark moments from before I was active in ministry are like long lost memories. Once she has her talons in him he’s stuck raising another man’s offspring and before he knows it, she’s off looking for an alpha fux (her ex in a lot of cases) to compliment her beta bux.  A no win situation for the poor sap. What I am suggesting is that giving off a bit of a provider vibe every so often can work in your favor. On this assumption she then goes on the hunt for alpha cock to take care of herself, thus, satisfying her hypergamy. He should not be surprised when it happens, because he has sealed his fate by his own actions.
Even today, many women or men stay in their loveless marriage for the sake of their children. Most of all, we as a society should allow individuals to define their own terms of marriage, love and dating. I know I’ll be the one crying in the shower, scrubbing myself raw to cleanse myself from every stain of him.
One learns to accept each other as a spouse, as though it is written in the heavens, one learns to love, learns to be a parent and learns to accept weaknesses. That said, when one is young and does not understand the full meaning or value of love, how can one love that deeply? That said, I’ve done a lot of dating since my divorce, and I found it generally a very positive experience (with only a few hiccups here and there!).
I think in any relationship – be it married or not, as long as two people have decided to be together, they should not stop dating and courting one another.
My makeup laid on my face like paint on a canvas and my locs smelled like cactus and island oil. The once smooth currents of the dating world suddenly have ripples and waves new parents never knew existed.
Even as your child grows up and you slowly find your way back to sexy avenue, the struggle still remains. She is a Proverbs 31:10 woman who will bring out the freak for you once the children are tucked in and sleep. We are constantly trying to balance and walk across an unsteady tightrope teeter tottering between the right and wrong decisions.
These simple conversations make us feel more comfortable about talking about our children and less apprehensive about allowing you to get to know them.
It’s OK to not want to date a woman or man with children, but it is not OK to distract that woman’s heart when you know you have no intentions of staying for the long haul. Each situation is different and while some women may request a little more support than others, most women are not looking for someone to swoop in and be super dad to their children.
Nothing brings the freak out of a woman like coming home to a clean house, a meal, and the laundry folded.
I think you do tend to see people who have children younger wanting to experience some aspects of their youth, once their children are more mature in age. There are many women without children who will come into a relationship carrying emotional baggage from a past relationship.
Once a woman feels like the person she is dating is not only interested, but engaged in who she is as a mother and a woman, not just an FB she slowly is more willing to allow a good partner into her life and into her children's lives.
The prize pack includes THE SINGLE MOMS CLUB t-shirt, nail file, wine cup-to-go, and a Lionsgate DVD. This is not a watered down blog with sweet advice to make your online dating profile get lots of hits. Then, after that maybe we’ll get the second most treasured possession, that ring in a blue box with a white bow. Half of women admit to being abused in their lifetime, and those are the ones that admit to it. It’s a regular occurrence to be “propositioned” and it’s not just at establishments where we don’t belong, you know the ones.
No matter how well you cook for him, no matter how great your kids are together, no matter how much you give of yourself to him.
If we band together, we will teach these dudes pretty quick what it takes to be with our fabulous selves.
We already belong to someone, and He has to come first in all areas of life especially relationships. I will choose to act chivalrous because it’s part of my character, not because someone is tapping her foot on the floor waiting for me to act accordingly. I read the blog and thought that yes, you should not accept less than the respect that you deserve, but to sit there and wait until the guy figures out that he is supposed to open the door for you???
And I have to tell you, I never saw that advisor after he gave me that advice, but looking around now and thinking back, I got a tremendous boat, that parks often in some tremendous marinas and there’s always great music, strong community and lots and lots of lives being enriched and being brought to and back to living for Christ all because I decided to not worry about dating and re-focused those efforts to music ministry time.


The reason is that the most important trait to an SM when hunting for a target looking for a man is his ability to provide for her children. When a child looks up to you, mimics you, and gives you a hero’s welcome whenever you walk in the door it really has an effect on you.  I know this from personal experience.
This makes gaming them is child’s play and they will often treat you much better than their younger, hotter, childless competition. All self-respecting independent single mothers celebrate the fact that they are no longer dependent on a man for anything – especially, money. However, in the past – there were not as many distractions and the options available were not really a second chance at life. However, I’d never really get to know the calibre of the chef or get deep and personal with one particular dish. This is what we women do, because we’d feel totally violated by our own stupid mistake. I enjoyed meeting a variety of good women, increased in my personal confidence, and learned a lot about women and about myself in the process. I was every bit of fine and ready to be wined and dined then I remembered; I hadn’t even checked with my mom to see if she could babysit. As if dating is not already entangled and perplexing enough, try adding the constant demands of parenthood in the mix and you have a true catastrophe.
On the contrary, most are merely looking for someone to build a life with, someone who cares to be involved and who can be a positive role model for their children. I went from juggling a newborn, working full time, and starting my own business to keeping two schedules, one for me and one for my daughter and her activities. She has devoted a great deal of her time and energy on mastering the art of communication in order to create healthy, dynamic, long-lasting relationships. However, the issue is that the reason people choose not to date single mothers are based on an experience they know very little about.
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Or were you able to see the nuances to that particular friendship which caused the issue(s) and separate those out, going on to invest in friendships another day? A lot of people, men and women, should value themselves more and respect themselves first so they can make wiser dating decisions. I stayed up in prayer, making a game plan for my babies (if 11 and 4 are considered babies, well, in my book forever my babies they’ll be) and myself, and reading several more of your letters to single mothers.
I remembered the day I knew in my heart that it was all over for my ex-husband and myself when we stopped being there for one another during the hard times. Its over time that one starts to see weaknesses in one another, Yes the greater portion of the iceberg that was hidden.Over time, things can turn sour. Actually finding someone you want to be with, though, is a bit more challenging, I think it can take a lot of time, patience, and even luck.
Glad you are one of those guys who cherish his wife, marriage and who is willing to work at making your marriage a happy one.
This doesn’t have to be every day, but simply recognizing our exhaustion and taking it upon yourself to ease some of our stress is the greatest gift you can give a mother. What's more important is making sure that ANYONE who you date, parent or not is on the save wavelength as you regarding what you want out of the relationship long term.
Last time I checked fairy tales were just that, make believe, and there’s no such thing as the Fairy God Mother to wave her magic wand, say a little “bippity boppity boo”, and whisk us off to the castle to meet Prince Charming. If you allow yourself to be an object, used, and cast away, then they will think they can treat all women that way, and we will all get our heart broken.
I recently had a long conversation with a trusted male friend of mine about this phenomenon. I want to focus less on finding a man who will follow my rules and more on finding a man who is loving and giving naturally, out of the goodness of his heart.
Glad to get insight from both sides and have to believe there are more men out there in this world with G-d on their side and the character that Yeshua commanded.
No free bird would deliberately put herself back into a cage, no matter how gilded and bling-out that cage may be. I admit to being hit by someone I was dating, and I am embarrassed to tell you, I allowed the relationship to continue.
I was asking him if I somehow looked like the kind of woman that would say yes to this scenario.
A NEW rule follower makes plans with your girlfriends no later than Wednesday for your weekend.   That way, you can say “no I have plans, and I prefer you personally invite me on a date.” Make that dude make a plan in advance, over the phone! If you are that particular about gentlemanly behaviors in a potential mate, then be a respectful grown woman about it and tell them upfront.
But I will not be remarrying for a long time… until I know he is the one God has chosen for me to be with.
I like to know what made them the way they are today, without them feeling the need to hide.
Yep, I was no longer a single woman dating, but a single mother who couldn’t even figure out how to get out on a date. If you need your TV hung up in one of those wall mounts, and this dude steps up, brings over his tool set, and volunteers to do it for you, don’t you get all strong independent woman on him. I mean, I have been out and the rain come down like a bucket was pouring water over us, the date will walk with me to my side, open my door first. I know it’s not easy for you to open up and share your weaknesses or moments that you are so vulnerable with the world, but know without a doubt that God is using your story to change the stories of so many around you.
Yeah i’m almost 41 and I too have been praying for God to bring me someone special, so I support you in your stand.
Somehow they did manage and the guy eventually moved out to live with her, as she has kids and he didn’t. She would rather turn in her grave than have her wings clipped, stuffed and hung like a trophy over some fire-place. If someone cannot be there for you during the tough times, that in itself is a telling sign.
It’s tempting to see “what else is out there”, but girl if you have a man committed to you, stay off those sites. I fell madly in love too soon after my divorce with a man that had no interest in ever getting married. It’s time to be a little vulnerable and allow him to show you the kind of helpful loving man that he is. I do not want to waste precious time in shallow, superficial B.S, only to later find out that he is not what I imagined him to be. Deep in my heart, I know that with the right person, the world does seem brighter and extra special. My friend explained it’s normal for him to go out in the single world and be propositioned by women.
He is the one that will be the example in your home around your sons or daughters on how to treat a woman. Eventually, he took himself out of our marriage as well by not being there with me, or for me. He said that women in their 30s and 40s are the most aggressive, and explained they even get angry when he says, “no”He went on to say, that men in their 30s and 40s now don’t know what to do when women aren’t offering themselves to them on a silver platter, so they end up asking for it in inappropriate ways. Don’t you want them to see you treated like a lady?  A NEW rule follower expects to be courted, properly. If I can’t respect the man, I am not with him, so if I am with him, I do respect him. He touches you and it hurts, it’s O-V-E-R, and hopefully it ends with a knock on the door from the police. When I had the opportunity to move his response, “I’m not ready for you in my backyard.” Done. I know the answers, I have told myself all of the things stated in this blog entry, yet, I stubbornly continued down the path of self-destruction. It is a fact that if a woman never tells a man anything he will use her and treat her like property.
Stop allowing yourself to be used as a toy instead of respected like the amazing woman that you are.
Women just guide the men a little to let them know we are strong, know what we want and how to get it. I seriously damaged my healing from my divorce by allowing myself to be in a relationship that had no future. Time to break these modern chains and return to the era where a man was a man if he first loved the Lord and then his wife, then and only then can he be the man that God designed for me. So, until the day that God sees fit to send his perfectly designed-for-me man with a servants heart for Him, I will patiently wait. I will seek Him daily, put my energy into the callings he has placed on my life, and raise my children to seek Him first and I know He will provide for us exactly what He sees fit. Thank you again for this piece, God knew that two years after you wrote it that this particular single mom of two amazing kids would need to read exactly this at this exact moment, so thank you for following His calling for you and sharing this.



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