Read on as single parents share their dating dilemmas and Amy Spencer, relationship expert and author of "Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match" solves them. Whilst it may be tempting to hide your single parent status from those you are dating, it could actually be quite damaging. As a single parent, your kids are going to be one of the most important factors in your life, but not the only one. All that time spend away from the dating scene, as well as it being just you and your children may mean that you’ve forgotten about the types of things adults like to talk about.
You’re going to need some help in order to start dating – especially in the form of babysitters. In saying this we don’t mean that you both like Stilton cheese and playing backgammon.
On that note, make sure that when this person meets your children it’s short and sweet.
After the storms of divorce have calmed down and the emotional winds have been lulled into love’s accepting embrace many divorced parents begin dating. Tricky thing dating can be in and of itself, let alone when it’s single parents with children involved in the mix.
Beyond the additional precautions single parents must take when seeking a serious relationship, ensuring their potential mates are not only a good match for self but for their children is the question of involvement. Children are NOT dating your potential partners, especially when those partners are only casual and fleeting relationships.
It’s important to keep in mind that again, as mentioned in part 1 of this series, “Divorce, Dating & Children”, children’s understanding of intimate relationships is minimal at best. When single parents are dating regularly, and getting involved in longer term, committed relationships, the question of children’s involvement really becomes a necessary ponderance.
This CAN BE avoided……to varying degree, depending upon the choices of the parents, as ALLways.
As soon as we involve children within our relationships, we are essentially saying this is someone safe, someone you can open your heart to, someone you can trust, someone you can foster a relationship with. So we are back to our question, what do we to protect our children and ensure we are taking them into consideration and acting in their best interests even though those interests involve our own personal intimate relationships?
Moving beyond dating, when we are in a position where we know someone is ‘someone’, where we feel that there is a potential for something more serious than casual dating, single parents are definitely gonna want to ensure their children are feel’n somethin’ somethin’ positive for their someone, someone. Soooooo, a casual meeting, somewhere public, preferably child focused, like a park, perhaps a ‘chance meeting’ with ‘a friend of mommy’s or daddy’s’ and for a limited duration. When first starting out, you want to maintain a visibly platonic relationship in front of your children. Displays of affection between you and your significant other when with your child should grow hand in hand with their relationship with your child and your child’s comfort level with them.
Again, this is only once, as a single parent, we know that whomever it is we are dating is actually someone of significance. Still, no matter what age your children are, you always want your children to have a healthy relationship with your significant other and your children always want to know that you love and respect them enough to take them into consideration.
And what if you really thought that someone was ‘someone’, and went to the lengths of slowly integrating them into your child’s life and it turned out they weren’t?
Again, hopefully when it comes to determinging someone is ‘someone’ in your life, you take your time, quality time to determine them so, hence there shan’t be a revolving door of significant ‘someone’s’ in your life, let alone and more importantly, your child’s life. Here is to ALL of we finding our special ‘someone’ and enJOYing healthy, happy, ascended relationships of LOVE’s Light for the BEnefit of ALL.

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We welcome ALL to participate in Soul’s Talking Brain, Sanctuaire Soul’s Sanctuary’s Blog of Wisdom. Our sole intention in creating Soul’s Talking Brain Blog is to elucidate the TRUTH of WE, ONE UNIVERSAL FAMILY. If you're feeling nervous or confused about entering the complex world of dating again, you're not alone. Hiding the fact that you’re a single parent not only makes out that you’re ashamed of this, but is dishonest to the person you’re dating. Whilst it’s great that little Stevie is a maths genius or Sarah is going to be a star one day, your date will want to get to know more about you and your personality.
Do some prepping before your date – read the news, find some music, films and TV that you like and make sure that you have some things to talk about that don’t involve gymnastics lessons, Peppa Pig and the school run. Make sure that you have someone who you can trust to babysit, someone who won’t disturb you when they refuse to go to bed or eat their peas.
You may feel like you’re ready to date but you also need to consider how your child will feel too.
You might think you’ve met the man or woman of your dreams, but ultimately it might not work out.
What we mean is that you and your date feel like a great fit and have the same outlook on life. This is because when it comes to causal dating there is NO QUESTION pertaining to involvement the answer is NONE.
They have a very surface understanding that is mainly based within ‘fairy tale’ perfection.
We all know how attached we can become to our intimate partners, imagine what that attachment is like for our children. This relationship may be one depending upon the nature of the involvement that is fostered that the child may grow dependent upon. On the one hand if you are ‘getting serious’ about someone, or at least think that you are, as a single-parent you are going to want to ensure that your child and your ‘significant other’ get along, preferably very well.
Until two people meet, whichever two people they may be, we can never know forsure how they will get along. If their children do not get along with their significant other whom they are planning on moving in with, the child is not going to suddenly pack up and leave.
Until you know that someone is ‘someone’ to you, there is no need for your child to be participating in your dating experiences.
This could mean growing the involvement into planned outings together, again, taking it slowly, you don’t want to go from never before meeting to going out together on a weekly basis.
That being said, arranging appropriate opportunities for your children regardless of their age to meet, interact with and get to know someone you consider ‘someone’ remains an important facet of a single parent’s dating life. Having said that, should this occur, as with the divorce, open lines of communication assist in any transition. Single parents deserve to date as much as anyone else, and with a positive outlook, a lot of pep talks and some sort of plan – you can do it. And think of it this way – how your date reacts to your revelation is a sign of whether they’re worth your time or not. If you can, try to treat the date as you would have before you had children, making sure that you show interest in the other person as well as sharing other details about your own.

It’s good to have a backup babysitter on board too just in case the first one becomes unavailable at the last minute. Also, someone you date who may not have children of their own may want to take things slowly, and that’s something you need to bear in mind. You and this other person should both be excited about the prospect of a long-term relationship if they’re going to meet your children. In other words, for children everything ends happily ever after with mom and dad, the prince and princess always platonically embracing in bliss. More over, we all know how difficult ‘break-ups’ can be…….imagine what it is like for our children to go through another break up [in addition to the divorce of their parents] if not many, with the greater potential of them completely losing contact altogether with yet another significant individual in their lives.
This means that if the relationship does not ‘work out’, if the couple breaks up, the child too must go through the ‘break up’, not cool. Further more, when two people only meet on one or two occasions and don’t really have the opportunity to spend any quality time together, how well they would get along long term can be difficult to gauge. In addition to the interactions between significant other and child is the interaction between you and your significant other and you and your child. In fact, the one to whom the obvious displays of affection should be given is to the child.
As our children grow, start to become young adults themselves, their need for our protection is not quite as high, as they are beginning to live their own lives and are simply not as involved within their parent’s life, let alone around quite as much to be affected by their parent’s lives.
If you’re a single parent and you’re looking to get back out there and date, we’ve got some great advice for you below. Someone who shies away straight away at the mention of children is not worth your time, so you will have saved yourself a lot of it by telling them in the beginning.
If you’re planning any overnight dates, it may be worth filling that person in on what you’re doing – they’re sure to be supportive and probably won’t rush back with the kids in the morning to give you some extra time. Just remember to relax and to enjoy yourself – dating can actually make a nice change from your regular life as a single parent, so make the most of it and hopefully some romance will come your way. Imagine how surprising let alone confusing it is to a child for the prince to be romantically embracing many princesses or vica verca. Kinda like when two people have been dating, even for years and then decide to move into together only to find out that if their relationship is to last, living together can NOT be part of the equation. Might ya hafta get a babysitter, perhaps some friends or family involved to assist, ya maybe, but aren’t your kids worth it? It is important when introducing someone new into your child’s life that your child know their relationship with you is not threatened by this new person. We are social animals, whether on an intimate basis or simply plantonic friendship, we all have people in our lives that come and go, that stay for a moment, a few years or a lifetime. Thus, make it a point to be paying attention to your child when you are all together, ensuring they have your attention without of course going over board.
Discussing this openly [with appropriate discretion] with your children provides the opportunity to assist them with their own relationships and how to best handle making new friends, getting involved in intimate relationships, and dissolving relationships in the healthiest and most compassionate manner possible. In other words, if you don’t normally hug and kiss your child 20 times every hour, then don’t suddenly start doing it now.
However, if you do regularly embrace them lovingly make sure that you so do when in the company of your significant other.

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