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admin 22.05.2015

Forebear: Abstain from punishing, neither thinking about it nor acting on (the offense) in small or large ways. Newly weds are often asked ‘how’s married life?’ As with everything in life, the answer depends on you. As we’ll discuss in the proceeding paragraphs, maintaining a healthy marriage requires sacrifices, attention and care. No matter how long two people have known each other there will still be things that they don’t pick up when unspoken.
I think it’s fairly obvious why clear communication leads to a better marriage, and yet it can be difficult to do. Passive aggression on the other hand is when a partner rather than voicing their upsets appears to be smiling, calm, and usually puts bite into words that shouldn’t have it.
If you only take one thing away from my words, let it be to speak plainly, avoid passive aggression, avoid games and avoid speaking indirectly. Of course if there are too many things you want to change, it is important to face that this may not be the right person for you, or you may be expecting too much. Of course spending time together doesn’t simply mean being in the same room, it means actively finding time where you engage with each other. In my marriage, I have goals that are to do largely with working, whereas my wife wants to travel the world. The Primal Low Carb Kitchen: Comfort Food Recipes for the Carb Conscious Cook has more than 85 low-carb, gluten-free, and primal recipes. This cookbook bridges the gap between low-carb and paleo and will help you lose weight while still enjoying all of your favorite foods. The hecticness and speediness of today’s pace of life makes it challenging for partners to synchronize, connect and bond. When partners are struggling in their relationship, their preferences for intimacy usually polarize.
This polarization becomes so pervasive, painful and stuck that the partners struggle with feeling understood, important, special, and loved.
Keep this list handy for when you are feeling lost on how to proceed with your partner, feeling down, alone or deprived, or when you feel like adding a little something more to your relationship… Cultivate and build intimacy in your relationship today! I'm the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC (Metropolitan MFT), a private psychotherapy practice specializing in working with couples. This entry was posted in Feel Your Partner, Relationship Enrichment and tagged Building and Enhacing Intimacy, Building Trust, Feeling Love, relationship enrichment. Is being with your spouse, partner, for decades the definition of a successful relationship? By pondering these and similar questions we can tune in to how our focus might be off when assessing the state of our relationship and our bond with our partner. The key to creating a successful relationship lies in us minding what we are contributing to the relationship – good and bad.
Pick a couple of ingredients you want to add to your relationship and start adding them to the mix! This entry was posted in Change Your Relationship Dynamics, Relationship Enrichment and tagged Building and Enhacing Intimacy, Building Trust, Feeling Love, relationship enrichment. It’s going to be ending of mine day, however before end I am reading this enormous post to improve my experience. This article is very helpful and I think respect is the most important thing in a relationship.


I really learned about many of this, but never the less, I still considered it had been useful. I am so glad you are drawing our attention to this question, Emma, of how we define success in a relationship. But if you have something to say, whether it is to voice some upset, to show that you care or anything else, then you must speak plainly if you hope for the other person to understand. When you have one partner playing games and the other doesn’t really understand their behaviour at times they will begin to resent the other and inevitably this will lead to problems.
Over time passive aggression can become less and less veiled and turn into exasperation, distain even disgust. This is when a partner simply shuts the other out, going silent, ignoring them or even leaving for a time.
When you say what you mean and communicate your feelings clearly the other person has a proper chance to respond.
Between the two of you, if you both speak plainly and admit vulnerability, then you will be able to resolve problems. Don’t let this close you off, remember this just means that wasn’t the right person, circumstances or perhaps even a little closer to home, there were other things going wrong. And if you do remember the most you can do is explain what it is, explain how it affects you or why it affects you and if it’s important, then they may change. People will be what they will be, spending your marriage life trying to shift habits and personalities is like trying to push boulders up a mountain, tiring and not very fun.
There are no hard to find, strange ingredients - only clean, whole foods that you can find at your local grocery store. Inside, not only will you find delicious, easy to make recipes, but you will find nutritional analysis for each recipe, a complete list of hidden sources of gluten, tips for maximizing your grocery budget, and how to get your kitchen set up for success. Add to this each partner’s limitations and the journey to Intimacy can feel pretty daunting. One partner wants closeness and togetherness to what appears the exclusion of any individually, and the other wants space and individuality to what appears the exclusion of any togetherness.
As they continue to power struggle over getting their own way, getting their needs met, they get more and more stuck and their approach at this is disruptive to the relationship. When you focus on what you are contributing to a situation and work on changing any negative aspects or impact of that instead of focusing on how much your partner stinks, you empower your Self and create a safer situation for your partner to own themselves, step up to the plate… Be patient with this. Give love to your partner the way they like to receive love, not the way you like to receive it. When you are not in touch with your Self, how can you possibly be in intimately in touch with someone else?
Bring your Authentic Self to interactions, time together and especially to special moments.
I help couples succeed at their relationship by assisting them get on the same page and deeply understand each other, repair hurts, create intimacy, stay connected, share passion, and tap into their synergy. If we measure the wrong thing, we work on achieving or changing the wrong thing… Hence the state of dissatisfaction a lot of partners find themselves in. Sometimes even the good is bad… For example, if we are too nice, too helpful, too supportive, too available, too organized, etc. For others it is the bedrock of strength and support they build the rest of their lives around. Like all living things, it needs nourishment and protection, healing when it is sick, and space to grow and flourish.


It means you need to be vigilant against things that might threaten it, not just the obvious things like temptation, but the subtle things like imbalances in responsibility and duty, comparisons to others, jealousy and so on. I watched a movie once – I think it was one of those British romantic comedies – where a man is asked why his marriage failed and he replies “Because we left too many things unsaid” and though I don’t normally take advice from movies, this one I took to heart.
At this early stage if you were to tell someone how much you liked them and they shot you down it would be painful. Stonewalling has obvious consequences of frustration and anger and quickly leads to cycles of increasing problems as one person stonewalls while the other becomes more and more frustrated, then becomes less and less reasonable leading to further stonewalling. It may take time, you may have many hurdles to get over, but what other recourse is there than resolution?
It is all too easy to focus on your own goals and ambitions and hope or even assume that your partner shares them.
While it is important to be vulnerable, to make sure your partners goals are being looked after, that you accept your partner and all the other things we’ve talked about, it’s equally important not to be trampled over. Hold on to your true sentiments in a safe, respectful and responsive way while inviting your partner to do the same. In our assessment of what we are contributing, we have to watch for the impact of our contribution. When my father once said to me ‘marriage requires attention, the moment you stop working on your marriage is the moment it begins to falter’ I can remember thinking, this didn’t sound very much like the movies. It means you need to nourish your marriage with thoughtfulness for the other’s needs, find time together and sometimes even time apart. So to compensate we move slowly and only hint at our feelings until we see enough back from the other person that we start to open up. Particularly if we’ve had bad experiences when younger, or if simply taught to be that way by watching our parents and peers. I have met happy couples who spend months apart because of work commitments, but they are few and far between and more often than not, their happiness is more a testament to their character and emotional abilities than anything else. You should always be clear and assertive about your own feelings, your own needs and your own goals.
They end up making boundary injuries, attachment disruptions, and connection raptures in the relationship and impacting their and their partner’s self esteem, power, energy, and general self agency.
Then take it a step further and actively decide how you want to positively and intimately relate to your partner during this opportunity. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I can share with you the things that have helped me in my years of marriage to what I feel is a very strong and happy relationship. After all a wedding is the culmination of a movie, that’s when everything is all sorted out and you don’t have to worry about anything any more, right? It means when things are going wrong you need to stop and think about how you can improve them and perhaps what sacrifices you need to make.
It’s tempting when you are in a bad mood or when you don’t want to be hurt to be passive aggressive, to not say what you mean, to make veiled hints in order to test the other person and so on. It means that a marriage needs to go forward, to change as you both change and to grow stronger.
How close are we to what it truly means to us to have a Successful Relationship with the way we usually measure it?



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