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Unfortunately, I don’t think our society is making the best use of this wonderful new technology.
For women who’d rather not sell that precious advertising space, there are plenty of ways to use Vajazzling to make a personal statement. Of course, some people like a little pain with their pleasure, so the sensation of sharp crystals against raw flesh might be a bonus.
The good thing about men getting Pejazzled is that it would allow even more advertising options. Now I feel even more confident about my address to the students at Johns Hopkins next week. This practice, once only attempted by women smuggling precious jewels out of countries like Africa, involves the adhesion of sparkly things to the top of the vagina. The result of Bryce’s Vajazzling was a cute little pattern of crystals that she can now use to gather and reflect available light if her power goes out.


Women should be trying to sign deals with innovative companies that aren’t afraid to take advertising risks. I hear that some scientists are working on technology that would allow men to graft functioning vaginas to easily accessible locations like the palms of their hands.
It would limit available partners since thrusting crystals against flesh is rarely a pleasurable experience. I always thought that genital advertising was limited to something permanent like a tattoo or something unflattering like Bedazzled denim panties.
Finding a mate is hard, especially if you’re just fighting waxed vagina with waxed vagina. Prostitutes and strippers could make a fortune based on how many eyes pass in front of their vaginas on a daily basis. But the science still needs years to mature and will probably mean the end of the human race.


Pejazzled men would only be able to have sex with Vajazzled women or women with large amounts of pubic hair, since both would buffer the friction of the crystals. The resulting jagged cavern would probably feel about the same as fucking the mouth of one of those sandworms from Beetlejuice.
The fact that you weren’t aware that one is located INSIDE the female body speaks volumes.
What are you going to do if you aren’t that attractive or have a well-documented history of domestic abuse?




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