15.09.2014

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As we continue our reading of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, this week, we talk about turning toward your spouse. This chapter opens with author John Gottman describing how he watches many videos of couples from his lab. In couples who go on to divorce or live together unhappily, such small moments of connection are rare. He says that these little turns toward our spouse are the catalyst for a healthy marriage and relationship. We don’t think that such little instances can hold so much weight in our marriages, but they do! Simply to be aware of how crucial these mundane moments are, not only to your marriage and stability, but to its ongoing sense of romance… Being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than a two week Bahamas getaway. In chapter one, Gottman suggested that conversation techniques wouldn’t necessarily help a marriage. The Stress Reducing conversation (pgs 36-37 of this handout) is a great tool to use for any conversation, in my opinion.
We need to turn toward each other and connect in those little moments, but to figure out what those look like takes paying attention and talking about it with your spouse – because no two people and no two marriages are exactly the same.
You have to do the work together to determine what you need and how you need it for your specific relationship. It’s natural to make the fundamental error of assuming the distance and loneliness are all your partners fault.
Those lines are part of one of the exercises (the accepting influence questionnaire, pg 38) to help determine what role you play in the difficulties that you face as a couple. So, I was intrigued the other night when he told me about a girl he was interested in in his class. He then continued on to discuss how HIS best friend in class likes HER best friend in class.
Fondness and Admiration are two critical elements in a long lasting romance with your spouse.
In Chapter 4, we learn from John Gottman’s research that contempt is a killer in marriage. Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. When you think positively about your spouse – it makes it easier to get through the difficult times. I realized that we can recall the history of our relationship pretty well, but when it comes time for arguments (because they always happen!) that I am not great at reminding myself of the positive qualities of my wife. Do you have healthy friendships with people who believe you can make it in the good times and the bad? What about those that are in an outer circle, but are extremely supportive, and excited about you and your marriage?
We have to make the choices, not just for our personal relationships, but also for the relationships that influence our marriages.
We made it to week three and chapter three of The Seven Principles for making marriage work!
This week, we start getting into the exercises and principles to help move our marriages in a positive direction. This chapter listed for different exercises to help begin building your love map with your spouse. As we continue further on, you will realize that this book is very exercise heavy, and will be much more helpful if you participate with the material. But there is something about us being in one another’s presence that makes my wife happy.
Over the years, Gottman  has paid attention to signs that lead him to believe that a couple will divorce. One signal of a rocky conversation that can lead down the path to divorce is a harsh startup. The four horseman are four types of negativity that can mess with your marriage. Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Criticism isn’t the worst of the four horsemen, but it does open up the door to the other three, so watch out for it.
Defensiveness is when you blame the other spouse, which is easy to do when a conversation gets heated. Flooding means that your spouse’s negativity- whether in the guise of criticism or contempt or even defensiveness- is so overwhelming, and so sudden, that it leaves you shell-shocked. The four horsemen, and flooding make it more difficult for a couple to respond to repair attempts.
The last determining factor for Gottman’s research in predicting a divorce was sour memories. The first time I read this this book I was frustrated and disheartened after this chapter. I noticed a lot of these things in Lisa and my marriage which Bummed.
The post 5 ways to Make Stupendous Love in Your Marriage appeared first on Stupendous Marriage.
We are spending several weeks reading John Gottman's 'The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work'.
When we have a healthy thriving marriage, our immune systems get a positive kick in the pants. Of course, that is why he wrote this book – to fill us in on what really works to help marriages thrive.
Gottman suggests that being friends in marriage is at the center of making a marriage work. When the positivity in a marriage is greater than the negative – it supports a good marriage.
Those marriages that believe in one anothers’ dreams and aspirations develop a deeper connection and meaning with their spouse.
The post 6 Stumbling Blocks to a Stupendous Marriage appeared first on Stupendous Marriage. In today’s culture, is that even possible? The news would have us believe that couples are cheating, divorcing and falling apart left and right! Whether you believe that story or not, the truth remains that it takesmore than one person to fill all the needs in our lives. I believe that my relationship with my spouse is the most important relationship I will have on this planet; however, if I make my mate the one and only center of my universe, my life is gonna be screwy. Feelings come and go. To make your marriage last you have to be committed to your spouse no matter how you feel. The romantic feelings may come and go, but your feelings of togetherness and bondedness don’t have to stop. Have you acknowledged and dealt with your past  so it doesn’t negatively bind your marriage? The post Husbands: Have a Better Prayer Life by Working on Your Marriage appeared first on Stupendous Marriage.
Whenever I read books about prayer, it makes me want to be a better pray-er, but I get frustrated because I’m no George Muller. Somewhere into about my 30th book on marriage that I had read after a horrible vacation with our extended family, I picked up Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage. I had read the verse, but had never thought about what it meant for my marriage, or my prayer life. These two things,  Prayer and marriage, help us realize we don’t have it all figured out. When we were first married, I put our relationship on the back burner. I assumed all would be amazing after we stood at the altar.
I let things coast until year five when we went on that vacation from hell I mentioned earlier. I felt like praying, and when I did, I began to notice things I prayed about… found answers. Your inlaws will be crazy, or you will think they are crazy because they don’t understand you. Your kids will love, hate, disrespect, whine, throw up on you, hug you, smile at you (sometimes all of these within a matter of 10 minutes).
We keep training our bodies to win the race and not looking back (Paul talks about that in 1 Corinthians 9). The post No Connection Outside the Bedroom – Episode 149 appeared first on Stupendous Marriage.
The post When Should We Start Having Babies – Episode 148 appeared first on Stupendous Marriage. As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up crying softly. You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. Learn the skill of eye contact flirting with a woman simply by embracing your playful mindset and transferring your flirty, playful ideas about the woman from your eyes directly into hers. Learn the skill of eye contact flirting with a woman by embracing your own playful mindset and transferring your own flirty, playful thoughts about the female from your eyes directly into hers.
Getting a little does of actuality can be a good thing every now and again, particularly when dealing with issues relating to relationships. You have to do more than just admit to the fact that you still have love for your ex girlfriend if you want to win her back. When you feel like you want your ex girlfriend to come back, it’ s simple to feel like that should be more than enough and forget about the fact that it has to flow both ways. This can be a mistake that is often made any time a guy feels like he still is hopelessly in love with an ex girlfriend. When you really feel just like you still love someone, you want to inform them and you want to hear them say that they feel the same way. Brides start to hunt for their ideal wedding dress almost immediately after the engagement.


Comment on the relatives hotness of her body type (good or bad will do) before the drinks arrive. Opinion that her sun dress seems like the exact pattern from your mom’ s i9000 living room drapes from 1975. Burp, pass gas, wipe your nose with your sleeve, and if you really want to up the ante, pick your nose. It must be great for you: your boobies are so small you don’ t even need to wear a utm?rkt!
Be extremely indecisive about ordering drinks and food, even where to sit, stroll or stand. Accept as true with every single thing she says and apologize profusely for your stupidity ought to she disagrees with you. When you are desperate for a solution to a issue, you tend to blow things out of proportion and end up making a decision that you simply definitely regret immediately.
The very first technique to help you last longer in a natural way, is to masturbate before sexual intercourse. Another reason why masturbation works so well in your favor is really because it puts your body into a stage known as the refractory stage. The next technique to help you to achieve a longer and stronger stamina, is to implement techniques that will save you in the knick of time. You don’ t have to rely on pills, creams or even sprays in order to get the results that you are within looking for.
There is no sense in investing hundreds of dollars on medications that you simply cannot trust. To make things easier for both you and your partner, try following some of these natural remedies for early ejaculation today.
The first natural remedy which will give you the same results as a desensitizing cream is to use a tingling lubrication instead. The final way to help you last longer in bed as early as tonight, is to masturbate before sex.
More to the point this may be an extended drawn out process that may become really exasperating. Yet another disadvantage to snooping on a cheating wife or husband is the fact it could be costly. There is something to take into consideration if you decide on your spouse which is you could get caught. While there are some serious disadvantages in order to spying on your mate there is one particular major upside and that is it will eliminate all doubt as to whether your spouse is being unfaithful. If you would like to carry out the particular spying on your own as an alternative to employing a private agent please ensure that you utilize your common sense and best judgement. We talk sex, kids, inlaws, money, communication and anything else about building a stupendous marriage. They answer listener question about marriage issues and highlight great writers, thinkers and speakers who are passionate about marriage and healthy relationships.
Many people think that the secret to reconnecting with their partner is a candlelit dinner or a by-the-sea vacation. If our spouse is asking for some sort of attention – or you have an opportunity to make a small connection – we should take it! This doesn’t help (most times) because people don’t usually communicate well when they fight!
There are times when you feel drawn to your loved one and times when you feel the need to pull back and replenish your sense of economy. I am a big advocate for owning your crap – meaning, taking responsibility for your part in the marriage. It’s one of the original books on marriage that helped me begin this blog and podcast.
Boys and girls – getting to know someone for who they are on the inside helps with ANY relationship! The best way to battle and ultimately defeat contempt is by nurturing two very important things in your marriage. Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction it times by their partners personality flaws, I still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect.
The best ways to determine if you still have an inkling of fondness and admiration for your spouse, is by thinking and talking about your history together as a couple. But, if you have negative distorted memories of your history together, your F and A might need some polish. If you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you’re less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree. The better in touch you are with your deep-seated positive feelings for each other, the less likely you are to act contemptuous of your spouse when you have a difference of opinion.
27-28) You come up with 3 characteristics of your spouse that you like, then, write about a specific incident where it was displayed. This is a great exercise that if you started this week, could be done by the time we reach the end of this book. This chapter asks "how well do you know your spouse?" - and shows us how to do that better. When life happens and your world is rocked (it’s not an IF, but a WHEN), one of the MAIN ways to help during that season is to have invested the time and energy with them to be connected to their world. I went looking online to see if I could find some resources to help, if you haven’t read the book, or purchased it yet to read along. Even if your spouse doesn’t participate, I would challenge you to do as much as you can on your own.
This means starting conversations on a negative note – with anger, criticism or sarcasm.
You feel so defenseless against this sniper attack that you learn to do anything to avoid a replay. If a spouse does not respond well to a repair attempt, The four horsemen trample the conversation. Meaning, if you do something fun and novel with your spouse, you feel more connected to them because your brain has released chemicals of excitement and bonding at the same time. This relates to the adventure element from above – take up hobbies with your spouse, or learn to enjoy some of the things that they love.
His “love lab” being an apartment of sorts where he actively spies on couples and records their behaviours! I know we are all wired for relationships – not just in marriage, but this very important relationship that we live out day after day has so much to do to help or hinder our physical health. We talk a lot about learning how to communicate as a couple, but Gottman says that that is not the basis of good marital therapy or even super helpful for couples! When negative feelings get to be greater than the positive feelings, it takes more work to get back to the positive side of things.
The movement can be cute or funny, or something completely unique, but it is an active attempt to deescalate. Even in re-reading this first chapter, I have forgotten many things in the years since I read it the first time!
Yet, the longer I’ve been married the more I see how easy it is to lose your footing on the foundations of your marriage. Being a guy who is trying to align his life with the Bible, I tend to go back to the story about Adam and Eve. It comes when we together as husband and wife believe we are engaged in a relationship that makes a difference and has meaning.
When we start comparing our marriage to other marriages, we set our relationships up for failure.
You also need to keep growing yourself which will make YOU more interesting to your spouse!
Where can you take the time to go deep with your spouse and solve something that may seem complex? That we need someone else to bounce ideas off of – or to give us a good swift kick in the right direction. A learning (and relearning) to be humble with that person who shares the same bed with you. If you work on your marriage, it forces you to get out of isolation and actually talk to that other person in the relationship. You only feel like you are because you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.
It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s rare that you truly need to. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more appropriate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message.
It can be hard to imagine, but just because you really feel like you love your ex girlfriend, this doesn’ t mean that she is going to come back to you. You have to influence her on an emotional level and that isn’ t probably going to happen just because you feel like you still have love for the ex girlfriend. He’ lmost all end up giving her the impact that he is pretty much obsessed with her and that ends up being a big red flag in her book signaling that you might not be the right guy for her to be with.
However , before you tell your ex girlfriend that you feel that way, you have to bring her back to the stage where she DOES feel the same way. This website is devoted to people who want to cheat on their spouses and wish to have an extramarital. This website is definitely devoted to the people who want to cheat on the spouses and want to have an extramarital. A bride is likely to spend the majority of her time searching for the perfect gown to dazzle on the special day. A new bride is likely to spend most of her time searching for the perfect gown to charm on the special day.
After all the preparation to find the right day and be the right date, you are all set out with who you think is a fantastic woman.
But these behaviours will guarantee almost 100% of times that you will not secure a second day.


So many guys find themselves in this position, especially when it is premature ejaculation that they are trying to cure. For example , say you and your young lady are going at it and items are heating up too quick.
Wouldn’ t it end up being great to enjoy sex for just what it is worth and know that you are lasting long enough to please your woman? All of these men who are getting great success in the bedroom failed to resort to these methods. When you are consuming right, working out and getting an adequate amount of sleep, everything in your world seems to function at a higher level, including your sex life. You need to get rid of the nerves, relax your body and also last longer and masturbation will do all of this and more for you. You might presume that your own wife or husband is actually having an extramarital affair on a weekly basis but that may not be the case. Now you can take several precautions like maintaining a reasonable range using a different vehicle and maybe wearing some sort of disguise. If you decide the marriage is over and wish to start divorce proceedings he or she will have handed you all the proof you need. Turning toward is the basis of emotional connection, romance, passion, and a good sex life. Watching them is suspenseful because I know: couples who turned toward each other remain emotionally engaged and stay married.
So instead, he suggests using those good conversation techniques to reconnect with your spouse, not when you are fighting! But definitely when you are having those reconnecting conversations about anything OTHER than a stressful topic in your marriage.
There’s a wide spectrum of normal needs in this area– some people have a greater and more frequent need for connection, others for independence. In order to break the pattern, you both need to admit playing some role (however slight at first) in creating the problem. I wanted to reread some of those first books to renew my dedication to healthy marriage, and also to go deeper for myself. When this sense is completely missing from the marriage, the relationship cannot be revived. Gottman suggests that husbands do this more than wives, but it can happen to either spouse. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were kicked out of paradise where all their needs were met.
We long to be part of something meaningful and for our lives to be engaged in something that makes a difference. A documentary about two brothers whose real life neighbor was Fred Rogers, and the impact Fred made in their life. Likely during the writing of this very blog post Lisa will come in and ask me a question and I will half-heartedly give a response. Are you expecting God to heal areas that only He can – or are you trying to shoulder all the burden?
He addressed feelings of fear and anger and confusion and identity – and he talked about them thru themes in his shows. You can stay locked in the past – bound by whatever it was, OR it can help you understand what your current hang ups might be. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. And (catch this) after a difficult first 5 years, most couple who stuck it out were happier and healthier than the 5 years previous.
It’ s easy to seem like she should do that, because you probably assume that all she wants to understand is that you still love her.
When love is one sided, it doesn’ t make for a situation where a relationship is going to work.
Letting her know that you still think about her is a good thing, making it seem like an obsession is not a very important thing.
You see a lot of good things taking place with this woman and you keep thinking in your mind that you don’ t wish to screw this up. This particular act could also get you arrested and labeled as a stalker on your internet dating site’ s forums. Reading between the lines, however , will help you figure out a better plan so she will be delighted to go out with you again.
There are things that you could be doing at this very moment that will help you last longer in bed tonight.
Attempt masturbating as close to the real factor as possible, by using lubricant and viewing pornography. Well, men all over the world have found a quick fix for premature ejaculation and it has transformed the way in which they have got sex. Instead, they will used natural ways to build their stamina in bed and that is just what you will definitely do as well. Tingling lubricants contain numbing agents that will help to last longer in bed without any harming results. By being healthy, you will reap the benefits and also last longer because you will have more control of your body through a powerful mind.
For one, masturbation as a way to end premature ejaculation is one of the best organic ways to achieve just that. It may be quite difficult to get a really feel for when your spouse is meeting up with the other person. However more than anything you should have some kind of back up plan in case you do get caught by your spouse.
If your husband or wife is known for their jealousy, physical or emotional abuse, you may end up putting yourself in serious danger if you were to ever get caught For that reason make sure to at all times let someone know where you are going.
No matter how much you want to know that your spouse is having a good affair it is important to be safe. A marriage can work even if people fall on opposite ends of the spectrum–as long as they’re able to understand the reason for their feelings and respect their differences. You can join in by purchasing the book and reading along with us, and leaving comments here or at the Facebook group. Join in by purchasing the book and reading along with us, and leaving comments here or at the Facebook group. If anything is broken outside the bedroom, it usually reflects in the bedroom (with a lack of sex). He didn’t want to change us, he loved us as he found us everyday in front of the tube. He would pray that God would make the ground between the tv set and where a child sat watching – Holy Ground.
And when we take the time to think deeply, or slow down and have a conversation or just be in one anothers presence, we can connect in ways that aren’t possible when we are shallowly skimming the surface. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible.
If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and respond accordingly. Nevertheless , as many guys find out, just letting their ex girlfriend know that they are nevertheless in love with her is in no way an assurance that she is going to come back to them. The good news is that you are aware of a right way and a incorrect way to approach this date. They wait to capture you at your most helpless minute and then they prey on you and pressure you to buy product after item, claiming that all of them are exactly what you have to help your current situation, but they don’ t work.
Second of all, if you use a desensitizing cream, are you going to eventually lose all feeling in your penis? There is no need for that cream, pills and sprays whenever relief is a natural treatment away.
The more stimulation you can give yourself the better, because the more realistic it will be. You get to masturbate before sexual intercourse and you get to last long enough to give her pleasure. When a man has an orgasm, his body enters a stage known as the refractory time period and this is when the body must reset itself.
You might also find yourself consuming time off from your job to secret agent on your mate.
He in turn, created a show where people were encouraged and built up – not made fun of.
Try avoiding your climax for as long as possible and recognizing the particular sensations when you do feel like you are near to orgasm. Not to mention, if you do use a desensitizing lotion, then you must talk to your partner about this because she will naturally receive some of the same effects, which is the last thing any kind of woman wants in bed. Enjoy worship services together, talk to one another about dreams and visions for the future – your independent dreams and those you have together. His cardigans and shoe swapping let me know things were going to be ok, and he liked me just the way I was. Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex?
You want to implement any further techniques when you feel this sensation, therefore get to know it really well. You will still be able to achieve and maintain an erection; it will just be harder to orgasm.
This requires pressure off of you and helps to decrease that performance anxiety that you may know too well. While this is happening, you could be making love to your girl and lasting to get a much longer time while you prepare for the next orgasm. Try to be the type of person worthy of their love and respect, instead of demanding it from them.



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