22.04.2014

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Sign up here for the Raising Happiness and other Greater Good Science Center e-newsletters. My friends and family know what’s coming when we’re out to dinner and they see a little packet of white squares come out of my purse, held together with a rubber band. I instigate these conversations for fun, of course, but also because I know that they help my family bond and help my kids experience themselves as a part of something larger than themselves—which, in turn, could make them more resilient, better adjusted, and more successful in school (as I wrote about last week). Below are 20 questions that would be good to have your children ask their dad or grandpa on Sunday (even if you are phoning or Skyping someone far away).
Happy Father’s Day to all those great Dads and Grampa’s out there (especially our own “Dadu”)!
I’m Christine Carter, Ph.D, a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.
According to Dacher Keltner, there are important evolutionary reasons: It's good for our minds, bodies, and social connections. In an adaptation from his new book, Dacher Keltner explains the secret to gaining and keeping power: focus on the good of others.
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Your ex boyfriend might have refused to talk to you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back. Speaking for men, we don’t really cut off communication with a girl unless we have a pretty solid reason for it. In my experience, the most common reason for a guy to stop talking to his girlfriend is because she has been harassing him. When you are messaging him constantly or commenting on all of his facebook status updates, you are telling him that you are not still needy and desperate. Maybe your instincts will have you believe that harassing him will make him come back, but it’s not so. OK, I understand it’s a little hard to comprehend the fact that he might move on during the no contact period. If he has a new girlfriend and she is not letting him talk to you, then you have a serious situation. Basically, when you stop pushing, he will start wondering what happened and will try to contact you. However, if he doesn’t contact you during the no contact period, then you will have to take the matter in your own hands and contact him.
For the reply, you can either pick up a message that I wrote in the fourth step of the 5-step plan.
After you initiate contact with him, you have to make sure you don’t project an image of neediness.
I am on the NC right now after I broke up with my girlfriend, but her birthday is coming up, should I send her a birthday wish text message or not at all?
I would really appreciate your advice as ive read a lot recently & your piece has been the most hopeful for me so far.
Yes, I do think there is a chance and you should read this article to know how to implement no contact rule in your situation.
Hey Kevin , me and my ex have been broken up for 2 weeks and I’m heartbroken we had been together 2 years. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for around a year, and he said that he just wanted a break and that he is very stressed right now.
It’s a pile of carefully selected Table Topics—little cards printed with questions—usually from the “Family Gatherings” collection. One tip: See if you can get the dads to weave their answers into a narrative demonstrating that your family members have been through both good and bad times together, but through it all, you’ve stuck together. Research suggests that the most important thing is to make time for conversations like these—and Father’s Day seems like as good a day as any to start! Tell me a story about a family reunion or family party that you remember attending as a child.
If you could know anything about our family history or about a relative who has passed away, what would you want to know?
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It represents the intersection of my brain and my heart: my intellectual training in the social sciences and my very real, sometimes raw, experiences as a mother.


When you call him and tell him that you miss him, you are telling him that you are miserable without him and you will do anything to get him back. There is literally nothing you can do that won’t make you look like a crazy, jealous and stalky ex girlfriend.
If you are lucky, it’s just a rebound (Read more about him and his new girlfriend) and it will end soon. He might not even be able to cope with your silence and start acting a little crazy (angry texts, angry phone calls, mean facebook messages). This means that the only reason he was so calm about the breakup is because you were making him feel like he still has you. Of course, before you contact him, you should make sure you have gone through the no-contact period and have done everything you are supposed to do during this time (Read the things you should do during the no contact period).
You can go ahead and message him right away if you want as long as you don’t message him something needy. Everything you do or say should send out a message that you are a confident and happy person who is living her life to the fullest. My best guess is he is having second thoughts about the relationship and he just wants to explore his options.
I was somewhat needy and text him about 6 times no response so should I just not contact anymore?
Apply no contact and realize that you and your baby are better off without him in your life. But in the last year or so I’ve been partial to those Table Topics, which are sold as “questions to start great conversations.” The questions can be much harder to answer, but in my experience, after all the groaning and eye-rolling dissipates, everyone starts to grab for the cards and we end up laughing and having a good time. He understands that you are hurt from the breakup, and he understands that you want to convince him to get back together, and he is tired of it. In fact, everything you do that makes you look needy is going to make your ex boyfriend less attracted to you and more sure about his decision of breaking up. If this is the situation, then there is nothing you can do unless he decides to end his no contact. If he decided to start no contact, then every message you send him is only going to make you more needy in his idea. If you are unfortunate, he might end up marrying the girl and you will never get to talk to him again.
The second one is an obvious ploy to get him to talk to you and the third one is simply boring.
You can set an alarm for 30 minutes on your phone and not reply him until the 30 minutes is over.
If you want, you can become acquainted with her, but I think it’ll be better for you to just contact with him and move on.
He kept texting casual convo which made me mad because I thought he felt bad for me and would move on and him not wanting to be with me made me feel like a doormat. I was with my boyfriend for 5.5 years, in this time we were madly in love with eachother, we brought a house together & everything was fine until about 4 months ago i would say! As for whether or not he will come back, no one can say for sure, but it’s worth trying. A month after the first break-up, we saw each other in our hometown and we got back together.
However, I made a mistake and texted him a few days afterwards and he said that it is over and that he is moving on..
At first he said we can get back together and in the mean time we’ll just be friends. I am sure that’s not what you want, that’s why you should take a step back and go on no contact for a while.
One day I missed him a lot and I threw a little tantrum saying things are getting tough whenever I miss you. He told me that he regretted breaking up with me, that he missed me,loved me, and I missed him too really, but a few days later I had to leave back to college and that meant not seeing him again.
And one of his kind of close friends said that he really didn’t want to do this that his grades were just slipping. If he still doesn’t respond, then you can either try again after 15 days or try to move on (my advice will be to move on, but I have a feeling you won’t take it). I don’t want to sugarcoat it but if a guy lets a girl decide whom he talks to, then he is pretty serious about her. As well as all this i was very unhappy in my job to the point ide cry at breakfast from frustration, i let go of myself & the person he fell in love with, i nagged him a lot & made him feel bad for having fun! If he doesn’t want a relationship right now, does that mean that he doesn’t want a relationship all of school?


I told him I would be home that night after having an emotional breakdown but ended up falling asleep on my friend’s couch. We decided we only wanted each other and to stay together until they were in College and then be married. You see our relationship was starting to head south at the end of our relationship, and it was apparent that he was very stressed out because of school, exams, and pressure from his parents.
He said the more we love each other, we would miss each other more and he don’t want a girlfriend who lives 100s of miles away. He told my mum that there is zero hope for us he doesnt want this no way no how despite the fact that i found out that 2 months ago he asked my mum for my hand in marriage! I saw something on his profile then, got me pissed and I deleted him, him and all of his friends then.
I just want to fix and revive our relationship, I realize that he still has feelings for me but I am terrified that he is going to just give up and move on completely. Then i went into stupid phase recently begging him to give us a chance while he says theres no hope & he doesnt love me the same way as before! We own a house together & hes already called someone to come talk to us about our options & either selling or getting one of our names off!
I took a flight to see him without telling him, he opened the door for me then kept saying we can’t be together. Im my heart im praying to God he sees sense because he is truly the man i wanted to have a future & partnership with. When I said something about it he sent a text he was fed up and wanted a break and for me to leave him alone. When he got home he talked saying that I could live in the apartment and he would stay elsewhere.
He said I just kept bringing him down with me when I was upset and that he couldn’t take it anymore.
He left to go spend time with family and when he came back we got in a fight and I ended up calling my parents saying I couldn’t be there anymore. I was too angry at the time and I wanted time alone as I know he just don’t want me to stay in his flat. And I still love him a lot…I try so hard to distract myself but deep down I still want him. On the way home he began to cry, which he never does, and I tried to get him to talk to me. We sat in the car and he told me he didn’t want to be distanced from his daughter and cried more. I then told him he cant force himself to have feelings for me that aren’t there and he began to cry more.
That night his mom came to get him to try to take his mind off of things and she ended up telling me I was being selfish. I responded by saying I needed to leave to get help for my depression that made him feel like I brought him down with me. The next day my parents came to get me and that night he texted me saying he hopes I made it safely. The first few days I texted him saying I missed him and that I loved him but he would ignore my texts.
He called saying there is no chance of us getting back together but we can be friends and see where it goes from there. I also noticed he was talking to his ex who from what he told me didn’t make him happy. A week after he broke up with me I texted him an update of the baby and that I did indeed tell the doctor that I have been depressed for years and I had gotten anti depressents. He said Thats great to the baby update and Thats good to me getting help and somehow it got brought up about us getting back together and he said he would never have feelings for me again. We didn’t text for two days then he texted me asking a question about something and I asked him about his family who has been ill and how he was doing.
His response was just the word alright and he said he was tired so I said okay and to text me later. He keeps telling me one thing then tells me another and Im confused and I feel like he is too.



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Comments to How can you find out if your girlfriend is cheating on you

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