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WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer, or birth defects or other reproductive harm. After having an experience like this, it’s hard to accept the fear that grips so many when it comes to childbirth.
I recently participated in a Facebook discussion that started with a statement that I’m sure I would have made 10 years ago. The sad thing to me was the magnitude of fear and panic that surrounded the topic of childbirth for dads. It was almost 10 years ago when we got the happy news that we would be having a baby and my wife told me that she wanted to have our baby at home with a midwife that her sister had used. My wife was upset and through ongoing discussions over the following weeks, gently told me that she needed my support both in her pregnancy and in the birth. A month later, I swallowed my pride and called the midwife and told her all I had learned and about my change of mind and heart. Ten years after my visit with our first midwife, I am so grateful for her guidance to learn all I could and to pray and replace my fear with knowledge, faith and peace. My objective in writing this blog post is not to persuade moms or dads to try homebirth or to make any claims about its being the only, or even the best, way to bring a baby into the world. TestimonialsTRU Parenting"Andy Smithson provided an hour long seminar to our employees titled” TRU Parenting.” What a great presentation.
She called me and our midwife close to noon and suggested I come home because we were going to have a baby! Does she have a death wish?” to comments of congratulations and glowing reports about other fathers’ experiences with home birth. As I sat and thought about my own experience, I realized that I felt the same way once upon a time. My response was actually quite similar to the father on Facebook that referred to this announcement as a “bomb.” I love my wife dearly and consider myself pretty open minded, but on this, I wasn’t quite so open minded! It is also important to note that the rate of serious complication is considerably lower in home births, probably because they are generally “low-risk” births and due to the lack of unnecessary alarm and interventions. Then I was able to focus my thoughts and energy on helping my wife have the healthiest pregnancy and birth possible. Grantley Dick-Read said, “It’s not only that we want to bring about an easy labor, without risking injury to the mother or the child; we must go further.
Now when I think of child birth, I am aware of the pain and struggle associated with it, but that is not my focus.
I wish and hope the same for every mother and father who is planning for the birth of their child. Decide to have your baby with someone you trust, in the place the mother feels most comfortable.

Moms, learn to relax, and Dads, learn to help her relax (this includes your being relaxed and calm). TRU Parenting not only applied to parents but to all of us and in all aspects of our lives.
Both mothers and fathers have feelings of apprehension regarding birth because society exaggerates, amplifies, and even exploits the fears of birth. I wanted to respect her request and was willing to study it out, but I hadn’t had any experience with anyone close to me having a home birth and was surrounded by people who thought it was crazy. After half-listening to her talk about all of the wonders of bringing a new child into the world as well as a few technicalities regarding how her services worked, she asked if we had any questions or concerns. My mind had been filled with movie scenes of mothers screaming and saying things like, “I hate you! To give a little perspective, the odds of getting in a car accident are approximately 1 in 16 or 6.25% chance.
We must understand that childbirth is fundamentally a spiritual, as well as a physical, achievement. My mind now focuses on the miracle of the birth of a new little baby and the joy of the slight parting of the veil of heaven that accompanies it. If that is accomplished, it will prepare you to make the best and most positive decisions for the mother and child.
However, I learned years ago that worry and fear do not need to be the center of the birth experience for the mother or the father.
I had bought into the notion that child birth was a dangerous procedure that was supposed to be done in a hospital rather than a home. The odds of dying in a car accident are more than 1 in 100, and yet we get in our cars every day without giving it a thought.
The books that were most profound in helping to calm my fears were “Childbirth Without Fear” by Grantley Dick-Read, M.D.
As we go through it I feel like it is a privilege to support and sustain my wife as she labors to make it happen.
It will also aid dads in ridding themselves of the panic and dread that accompany childbirth so that they can be the helpful support their wives need. These are just a few of the feelings that come to my mind as I seek to find the words to describe what I experienced yesterday. When the worry and fear are removed, the whole experience becomes less painful and more wonderful for everyone involved. I believe the best birth option is the one in which the mother is most comfortable and in which the parents can be free of fear.
I want you to know that if anything happened to my wife or baby, I would probably blame you.” Who would take that patient?!

I had heard stories of emergency c-sections and inducing labor because the baby was too big or too small. The learning experience was always helpful and exciting!"Gary C., TRU Parenting classTRU Parenting"This was one of the best classes I have every been to! 6th 2015, not even 24 hours after the birth of my 5th child, and no more than 40 feet from where he was born. In all of that I had never questioned my society-induced general perception that birth was a “medical procedure” rather than a natural process that a woman’s body was miraculously designed to complete. Many suggest that although not all complications can be avoided, many can be avoided through wise preventative care. Here I sit surrounded by the clutter of my kids’ toys and story books, while my wife rests with our new baby boy in our bedroom. I knew also, after I had impulsively said it, that the midwife probably would not take someone on that did not trust or support her.
I feel like I am a better parent for having participated!"Miriam, Head Start employee and TRU Parenting class memberTRU Parenting"I had never really stopped and thought about some of the things I learned in TRU Parenting.
As the contractions became more intense, I sat calmly near her with a hand on her back, simply to let her know I was there. She said, “Maybe this isn’t right for you at this time,” which was her nice way of saying, “Your husband is not ready.” Then she told me something else that had a serious impact on me.
My eyes are wide open!"Chris, TRU Parenting class memberTRU Parenting"This class finally taught me to be more quiet with my children and gave me the power to not overreact."Jessica, TRU Parenting class memberTRU Parenting"I learned what to to do instead of what not to do.
I feel empowered to continue building relationships with my children even when I have to discipline them."Elizabeth R, TRU Parenting Class memberTRU Parenting"I really appreciated the direct help Andy offered us. Even in the final hour of the birth, when the contractions became most severe, she managed the pain of each contraction with incredible grace.
He really cared about what was happening in my family!"Roxana D, TRU Parenting Class MemberTRU Parenting"Since TRU Parenting, I have a stronger relationship with my children."Aime C, TRU Parenting Class MemberTRU Parenting"I feel like I can parent with love rather than anger. Her breaths became more audible and her demeanor more concentrated, but she retained a peace that washed over all of us and made the setting almost serene. In the last moments before the baby was born, I saw, as I have with the birth of each of my children, the absolutely awe inspiring strength of a mother’s body, mind, soul and will.

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