26.06.2015

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I had become guilty of complacency over the years?.taking us for granted, not paying enough attention to her, not doing as much as I could around the home, that sort of stuff.
She told me in April 2009 that in 2007 she started feeling indifferent, and then over the next 2 years, it had regressed into falling out of love.
So from day 1 last month when she tells me what she wants from me to try and help heal our marriage, I was doing those things day after day. I then hear her on the phone that night, and of course I know her inside and out, and I hear the way she?s talking is ?different?. I then went through 3 days of agony I?ve never felt, in part due to her not calling or e-mailing me, no communication at all. We?re both still employed at ********** (but I?m leaving shortly to go work at ****** ******** instead, because one of her April concerns was that she felt both me and her at the same work place had hurt our marriage, so I said fair enough and got another job. When I spoke with her this week, she didn?t sound like her at all, way too all over the place sounding mentally, and saying how if the house gets foreclosed that it doesn?t matter, bad credit doesn?t matter, all that matters is the heart is happy and free, etc.
Instead, she?s made up this hurtful excuse about putting it off on me, and she?s telling and texting people that she?s ?afraid of me? and how I ?tried to grab her out of the car?. Obviously I?m the one being rational and logical about it, but again, she?s too messed up mentally right now to face reality.
If she had done this anytime in the first 6 years of our marriage, I?d ?only? be facing her taking stuff out of the $500 rental, and be gone. But now, I?ve been abandoned in the worst way I could have ever imagined and if I could turn back the clock 10 years and saw this day coming, I probably never would have gotten serious with her. Note too the sad irony in this which is that she left her first husband of 8 years quickly to be with me, and now 10 years later she?s done it again.
10 years ago when she was here on the phone with her first husband, she?d let me listen as she was telling him ?you know I was never in love with you, I loved you as a friend, I never should have married you, and I?m never going to be with you again?.
I?m unable to put any weight behind possible reconciliation down the road, I just can?t emotionally handle, or want to handle, waiting for the phone to ring 6 months or a year from now and possibly hear her say ?I made a mistake, I want us back?. I found possible answers to her behavior this week, which I e-mailed to her and she?s not accepting it at all, she laughed at me and said ?if that?s what you need to make yourself feel better about this, you go right ahead?. Some women in their mid 30s in a long term relationship start feeling ?old and stale?, and some of them enter a severe case of female mid-life crisis which have specific symptoms.
I talked to a married couple at work who, unknown to me before (they?re both about 40), they were together since mid 20s, and when the wife was 35, she told me herself this week how in a pretty short span of time, was telling her husband that she couldn?t deal with him anymore, etc, and she left quickly to be with someone else. So, if she comes here, and it?s a separate rooms platonic scenario, that?s ?fine? with me (and I use fine loosely because nothing about any of this is fine), because I am not capable now, nor do I want to, be actively engaged in a marital type relationship with her.
I just wanted to say that I hope you?ll work with me to be as fair and civil to each other as we both can be during this life changing period for both of us.
I do not want us to walk away from each other after we?ve resolved matters in NY, as hating each other.
I personally don?t want to carry that negative feeling inside me, it?s already all I can do to not have a nervous breakdown with the loss of you and everything else associated with it, so to add hatred on top of that is too much bad emotion on top of how destroyed I already feel. I?d never wish you harm, and if the day ever comes for you (and I hope it doesn?t) in which you?re hurt and need help or someone to talk to, I definitely wouldn?t want you sitting there if you wanted to call me, but then you say to yourself instead - ?no I can?t call him, he hates me?. Last week 3 days before she left, she wrote on paper to me - "I'm scared to death to see what happens next but I soldier on.
Thanks for the replies so far, but unfortunately I still have no choice at this time other than to let her back in the house to split bills with me. If Monique doesn't stick to her word and do this, then I WILL lose my house to foreclosure within a few months, and I WILL have my credit ruined for at least 10 years. Monique has chosen to put me in this (what was previously) unthinkable emotional and financial hell, and I just don't have any other options right now.
About an hour later she did call me back though for less than a minute asking me if I was feeling any better yet, and I said yes because after I called her, I was then on the phone with a friend for the last hour. Thank you messages for wife: Everyone keeps waiting for special days like birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day to say sweet things to their partners. 2) If there was a number higher than zillion, bazillion or gazillion, I would thank you that many number of times for everything you have done for me. 4) Thanks for having answers to all my questions, remedies to all my ailments and solutions to all my problems. 5) A song, sonnet, limerick, ballad, couplet, verse or ode – no form of poetry has the capacity to express what you mean to me.
7) I cannot rank you as a wife because no rate card in this world has numbers going up to infinity. 8) Thank God every man doesn’t have a wife like you or else every man would claim to be the happiest in the world.


9) You help me to regain hope after despair, resume life after obstructions, restart journeys after detours, revive strength after defeat and resurrect dreams after rejection. 18) The reason my eyes haven’t been able to shed a single tear since our marriage is because they have been too busy ogling at you, my beautiful wife.
19) You are the electricity that keeps me charged, sunshine that keeps me awake and food that keeps alive.
20) Most husbands get bogged down by marriage with chains, but I got a flight with a pair of wings. 21) You are the reason I wake up way too early in the morning and sleep way too late at night – for I am busy looking at your lovely face when the sun shines and thanking God for giving me a wife like you when the night envelops our lives. 22) All my actions, decisions, battles, thoughts, plans and dreams lead to only one destination – you. 23) My dear wife, thanks for being the only support I have ever had and I will ever be needing. 24) Like black and white, yin and yang, cold and heat, rough and smooth, we are opposites that balance each other.
25) I made all the right choices in life because I had the right person to help me make them.
26) The woman who is a perfect homemaker, lovely mother, successful manager and the best wife is not a myth, it’s YOU. 28) Thanks for being my leash when I was running too fast and my push when I was moving too slow. 29) Superglue might work at fixing broken stuff around the house but only one thing is strong enough to hold my life together – YOU. 30) Just like how water is to fire, your reassuring words have put out the flames of frustration in my life.
31) The words WIFE, STRIFE and LIFE rhyme for a reason – With a lovely WIFE like you in my LIFE, there can be no STRIFE.
32) My dear wife, thank you for being the guiding light when life threw me in the darkest of corners.
I never did anything majorly bad, you know, the classic ?what a jerk? stuff?.I never hit her or abused her physically in any way (I?m very against men hitting women), never cheated on her, never was irresponsible with our money. It wasn?t hard for me to figure out that it was a guy and someone who she was thinking of more than a friend.
When I asked her on the phone a couple days ago about this (I remained calm the whole time on the phone, I knew yelling or whatever would just probably cause her to hang up), she said to me ?yes I had to leave the state because I was scared for my safety?. But due to the mortgage and both our names on it and I can?t pay it alone, I?m in a world of probable financial trouble now, which is difficult for me to take in at the same time as losing the woman I love.
In the last week besides very limited food or sleep, I alter several times a day from an uncomfortable ?numb? feeling, to it all hits me again and when I break down, I?ve thrown up twice from crying so hard. Monique was from the west coast and we met online in a Tori Amos chat room, and we went from chatting, to talking on the phone, to her flying here to be with me face to face in a span of less than 6 weeks. With me though, she said last week ?I was in love with you for many years (which I know is true), then I became indifferent, then I fell out of love, but I don?t know what the future holds so I?m leaving open the option that you and I may possibly reconcile in the future?. After about 6 months of that, she said she still felt not right emotionally, so she went to a therapist and that?s when she learned about this specific form of severe female mid-life crisis.
I can?t rely her for anything now, and if she does come here, I?ve already imagined awful scenarios on her end like maybe when I?m at work during different hours than her, will she pack minimal stuff and smash the TV or whatever, and drive across country in our car to be gone for good? You know, they say that when you're in pain, that it's comforting to know you're not alone, but I'm not really feeling that. Communication between us has been very minimal in the last week or so, and I know it's because she's out west focusing her time and attention on him instead, so she really doesn't want to talk or think about me and us right now, and I guess I can understand that (in some form of dysfunctional way).
Lots of people saying goodbye to me and saying how awesome I was, and I got a card that tons of people signed for me.
I told her she didn't have to call me back or anything, and that I just needed to tell her how I was feeling just then.
If you think that your love is way more precious than just another cheesy card message on one day in the full year, surprise your wife by leaving a cute thank you note in her wardrobe.
You are the best thing that is still happening to me and you are going to be the best thing to happen to me, ever.
But I made my best friend my girlfriend who later became my wife which means I have the best of all the galaxies. Thanks for being my anchor when I was sinking too deep and my rope when I was flying too high. I?m a total emotional wreck at this point on little to no sleep (I still haven?t slept more than a few hours per day since she said we are separated), so I did some investigating and I discover that she flew one way to reno, nv.


The bigger problem though financially is the house is in both our names, and she asked me to let her off the mortgage, but I said no because I bring home less than $2,000 per month and the mortgage is $1,300 per month. I told her that not only wasn?t I even in the car so no ?trying to grab? scenario even happened (or would have happened), she just said yes it would, etc, and I said ?look, you?re speculating about what you thought was going to happen, it?s not factual, and in 10 years together, I never hurt you physically, so for you to think now all of a sudden I would become physically abusive towards you, that?s just not based in reality?.
It?s been less than 2 weeks since this nightmare started, but it feels like 2 months or whatever.
Of course we have to be legally separated for 1 year in NYS before any kind of divorce would be granted.
She then reconciled with her husband a few months later and they?ve been together ever since.
That?s another wrinkle in this, she wanted to buy a new car last year so we?re only 11 months into a 5 year car loan which is $300 per month, and it?s in both of our names, so she could come here and I guess just take it if she wanted to and then I?m left with no car to get to work, etc. He's telling everybody that I am out to get him which I would never do that and he knows it we were together for fifteen years. How does abandoning your husband of a decade, flying across country to another guy, leaving your job, house, cats, real world responsibilities behind without any warning equal "soldiering on"?
Without any other roommate option (so far, and it's not looking too good), then I simply HAVE to have another person helping me pay the mortgage and bills. I'm mainly just sad that there are so many other people out there going through basically what I'm going through.
I thanked her for calling me back even though I had said in the message that she didn't have to and I didn't even ask her to. She will feel like the happiest woman on the earth to know how much her husband appreciates all the hard work she puts into the family and her own professional space.
I looked on her myspace not expecting to see anything, but there I see a guys profile I didn?t recognize on her friends list, and it says age 36, location reno, nv, and then I knew that was him and that?s where she went. I as of now don?t have any realistic prospective roommate option to help split the payments with me. She literally left with only the clothes on her back, she?s been buying clothes on her CC out there along with other basic necessities.
Trying to process all that has happened so quickly, coupled with the huge question marks about finances, the house, possible foreclosure, my credit ruined, etc, it?s just too much for me to take all in and it?s hard for me to speak out loud in complete thoughts without losing my train of focus.
Monique on the other hand, as far as I'm concerned, has done an incredibly selfish and cowardly thing. So, like her best friend keeps telling me, Monique still cares about me deep down even though she no longer wants to be in a marital relationship with me. Whether it is something funny or something deeply touching – write something that makes her heart skip a beat. Today is just another ordinary day when I am feeling thankful for having a wife as special as you.
In April, she told me that she wasn?t happy with x y and z things, but they were mostly minor, easily fixable things. She flew out of state to have an affair with another man, and actually tried to hide it from me that?s what she was doing. So I talked to her again and said the only option I can see is that she?ll have to put her new life on hold and stay here in the house with me as platonic roommates with separate bedrooms, and we?ll have separate bank accounts and keep paying on the house until it sells, which could maybe take a year or who knows how long in this economy.
When she got here to NY state in April 1999, she said she had to know what it would be like to be with me physically, because in her first marriage she said she was always repulsed when she had sex with her first husband.
It seems to me that she doesn?t want me to go back in some crappy low rent apartment, because she wouldn?t want that either.
She then jumped in the car, I went out to ask where she was going, she had the front door locked, so I opened the back door and before I had a chance to get in the car at all, she gunned it in reverse and I arched backwards just in time to avoid the force of the back door slamming shut from hitting me. She reluctantly said okay, but maybe for ?2 or 3 months?, but I?ll worry about that more in future days. Even during the years she was here with me, I'd commonly wake up if she got up before me because I'd sense somehow that she wasn't next to me in our bed anymore. Now that I?ve had a house for a few years, of course I don?t want to go back to renting an apartment, but it?s very likely that?s what?s going to happen sooner rather than later.
I?ve always been in love with her, I still love her, I don?t know how long it will take me to get over her, and now I?m facing being in the same house with her where she can do whatever she wants and I have no say, and I?d have to act like it?s all fine, like as if she was some casual roommate to which I didn?t care what they did.



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