20.09.2013

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We've all been there: You're newly single, still reeling from the sting of being dumped by your ex -- and desperately trying to avoid texting him or her.
But let the texts in the slideshow below be a warning to you -- though it's tempting to text, those post-split conversations never go as planned. It's a huge honor to be a maid of honor or a bridesmaid, and you'll experience many fantastic moments as a member of the bride's VIP circle. Dilemma #1: You're asked to pay for a bridesmaids dress you can't afford, and everyone else seems fine with the price, so you don't want to rock the boat. When the bride shows you a few dress "finalists" to choose from, ask if you can speak with her privately. What to say: "These bridesmaid dresses are all very pretty, but they're more expensive than what I can afford.
Don't be afraid to speak up: You may regret it if you don't, especially if you find out afterwards that all of the other bridesmaids thought the price was outrageous, too, but no one was brave enough to say anything! Dilemma #2: You're asked to help pay for the bridal shower, and the requested amount for your contribution is much higher than what you expected. What to say: "(Insert bride's name here) deserves an amazing bridal shower, but I can't afford to contribute (insert $X amount here) for (insert restaurant name here). Dilemma #3: The other bridesmaids have their heart set on a girls' getaway, but it's simply not within your means right now.
If it's the bride's wish to plan a girls' getaway to Vegas, don't panic just yet: resorts have group packages that can be very affordable, and discount travel sites can turn up low-priced airfare. Dilemma #4: You're being asked for your opinion way too often, and you don't know how to handle the endless barrage of text and email chains.
Before you get upset, consider that the maid of honor is responsible for including everyone.
What to say: "You're working really hard on the wedding and doing a great job of including us all. Dilemma #5: The maid of honor or other bridesmaids never include you in the wedding-planning process. Dilemma #6: You or another bridesmaid tries to run the show, so you end up stepping on the maid of honor or bride's toes. If you're the bride or maid of honor: "I know that you have good intentions, but I'm starting to get some complaints from the other bridesmaids, and having to tell them you're really a sweet person. If you're the bridesmaid: If you're the recipient of this "talk," don't fight back with excuses or complaints about how nothing would get done without you.
Dilemma #7: You or another bridesmaid is an "outsider" who's having trouble fitting into the bride's social circle. Dilemma #8: The bride wants one thing for the shower, but her mom wants something completely different, so you're stuck in the middle.
When moms are included in the bridal shower plans, they often help save the bridesmaids money--that's one perk to keep in mind if she's being a royal pain in the you-know-what.
Your primary loyalty is to the bride, though, so when her mother pushes for something that's completely different from what the bride wants, take a deep breath, be calm and confident, and tell her the bride's wishes that were relayed to you.
Don't complain to the bride about her mom's pushiness unless she truly acts out, like calling the caterer to change the menu that you and the other bridesmaids already set.


Dilemma #9: The bride is so preoccupied with the wedding that she never asks you what's going on in your life. If the bride is obsessed about the wedding plans, or she's in the blissed-out early phase, that topic owns 99.9% of her brain right now. This should make the bride realize that she's been too "all about me" not just with you, but probably with other people, too. Dilemma #10: The bride can never make up her mind about what she wants, and it's affecting the bridesmaids' plans. It sounds like the bride is overwhelmed by too many options and she doesn't want to make any mistakes that she'll regret. If she's still leaving things until the last minute: Gently remind her that the bridesmaids can't start on their tasks and fulfill them well if they're waiting and rushing around for her to make up her mind.
When she finally decides on something, tell her to stop looking at Pinterest wedding images from that category! Zack Jud caught a lionfish in an estuary river in 2010 (see above) when he was still a student, then published his findings in a 2011 peer-reviewed paper assisted on by D.
I've seen photos of creatures that could exist but then you wonder why everyone you know isn't talking about it if it in fact does exist, like this gargantuan giant squid:Calamari for everyone! With so much new and amazing things to see online, it becomes difficult to tell what is real and amazing from what is fake and ridiculous. And if that isn't enough for you, then you're gonna love this, because someone has compiled an entire online museum of deception and lies we tell each other.
And remember, just because any old ten-year-old boy can create something that can fool or intrigue millions, doesn't mean you should still wholeheartedly trust your government. However, with so many different tasks to complete, purchases to make, and personalities to deal with, bridesmaids may have to solve some etiquette challenges before they can pop those champagne corks. Here, smart solutions to your toughest questions (that you've always secretly wished you could ask!). I want to be sure I have enough funds to help throw a fantastic bridal shower for you as well. If you hear back from the bride that your new dress options are welcome, get it done right away so that the bride doesn't get anxious about this task taking too long. The bridesmaids may see it as a worthwhile deal, so they don't have to spend their weekends slaving over party plans and DIY projects. Check out all of the details and do diligent research before saying "yay" or "nay." In addition to travel and lodging, you'll need to factor in bar tabs, celebratory dinners, and other expenses, which can add up. For example, a boutique bed-and-breakfast nearby would give you the same bonding time, and you'd be able to spend more on activities, like a fine dinner, winery tour, or shopping. Maybe she was previously a bridesmaid who had a steamroller MOH to answer to, and she vowed never to be that way. If you keep getting nos, then you'll have to accept that the MOH isn't going to share the tasks.
Or, if you all live far apart, create a private Facebook group and have everyone share five fun facts about themselves. For example, if you're a relative of the groom's and you don't want to attend the bachelorette party because male dancers will be there, suggest that the group take the bride out for dinner first, so that you can attend that portion and then bow out later, with no pressure about "bailing" on the bridesmaids.


Some moms latch on to the shower because they're not as involved in the wedding plans as they'd like to be, or maybe they're just very enthusiastic by nature. While you want to spare the bride the embarrassment, her mom is more likely to take "no" for an answer if it's coming from her, not from someone she doesn't know that well.
If you start to tell her about a problem you're having or a great thing that happened at work, she just starts talking about her day again. The wedding is on her mind, and when someone is laser-focused on something, this is what happens. For example, if she's working on centerpieces, she can include that she hates greenery, bright pops of color, etc. When she hears that her stall tactics are stressing everyone out, she may work harder to make decisions in a timely manner. The little girl did a science fair project based on my PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED DISCOVERY of lionfish living in low-salinity estuarine habitats. It used to be that "you shouldn't trust everything you read" and you "shouldn't believe everything you hear" and now we are finally at "you can't trust everything you see" and we all know you can't trust everything you taste.
You know rationally that it's not real, but it looks deceptively real, and you leave a little door open in your mind that leads to a place where anything is possible. Or, can we possibly plan a brunch instead of dinner, to help cut down on costs?" Don't go into detail about all of your financial crutches, especially any upcoming vacations, because no one will sympathize with you when you have a big Aruba trip coming up. This makes you a valuable member of their team, rather than a complainer who doesn't want to pitch in. Remind yourself that you're lucky to get asked for your opinion when so many other bridesmaids are just told what to do. Would it be possible to plan an in-person meeting with the rest of the girls to go over everything? No pouting, no refusing to share ideas if they're not going to be heard, and no causing drama--even if your feelings are hurt.
Discovering shared interests--watching the same TV shows, training for a half-marathon--can give them things to talk about with one another. This will give her a sense of accomplishment and help her get over that initial hurdle of where to start. Her story has been picked up nationally by CBS, NPR, and CORAL magazine, and has received almost 90,000 likes on Facebook, yet my years of groundbreaking work on estuarine lionfish are being completely and intentionally ignored.
And if you're a positive person, then the implications are very enjoyable, but if you're a negative nancy, you always end up at the ILLUMINATI! If her messages are coming in way too frequently, or she expects an answer during inopportune times (e.g. At this stage in my career, this type of national exposure would be invaluable…if only my name was included in the stories.



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