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Print PDFJoin us on Mental Health News Radio as we discuss Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse with Dr.
She is a published author and behavioral health provider specializing in the treatment of narcissistic abuse. In my private practice I noticed that many clients were having serious issues with family members—spouses, parents, siblings—who fit the pathology of the narcissistic personality.
They were being manipulated, exploited, lied to, demeaned, humiliated and felt like they were to blame. I also became aware the growing prevalence of narcissistic personalities in our society today and decided to put the spotlight on the damage that they cause their spouses, children, ex-spouses and all of those who get close to them.We can talk about the narcissist as a “Master of Grand Delusions—The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display.” (Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)There is much talk about going No Contact. Why is this important and how can this be achieved when children are involved?Going No Contact we make a commitment to not engage with the narcissist on any level. Not contacting them in any form allows the person who is healing to begin a program of self care and psychological self protection.When children are involved contact needs to be civil. The narcissist is always changing the rules since they have a strong sense of over-entitlement.
It is very important that the parent learn to maintain a sense of psychological grounding and self control at all times.
This is where your calm emotional detachment and mindfulness are essential in dealing with children who must be protected and cherished.Why does recovery take so long?Each person recovers at his or her own pace.

When we grow up in a home with a narcissistic parent, with psychological and emotional abuse, maternal deprivation, etc., we have low expectations of how we deserve to be treated. Becoming involved with narcissists can become a life pattern in relationships since we have low expectations of how we are entitled to be treated. From his earliest days he was conditioned to respond to his parent’s arbitrary rules and whims.
The narcissistic mother or father conducted himself as a dictator, without a conscience, immune to any outside authority.
From the time they are very little, these children become experts at catering to the idiosyncratic needs of the narcissistic parent.” (Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)There is pattern that can re-occur after we have left the narcissist and feel pressured to go back to them.
Each time the individual returns to the narcissist the psychological enmeshment with them gets stronger.
Why is this part of the healing process?The narcissist has a way of getting under our skin. The victim begins to believe this lie and becomes very confused and thinks they are the crazy one. Victims of narcissists are vulnerable and often highly sensitive human beings and believe them.There is a time of insight when we know that the psychopathology is that of the narcissist not with us. From this point on the true healing can begin.Many survivors believe they were targeted by their abusers.
Is there any validity to that statement?Narcissists often choose those whom they can easily charm and manipulate and who look up to them.

Why not?Narcissistic personality has a very fixed psychic structure which begins to develop when a child is young. They feel completely entitled to make outrageous demands of others and to expect perfection from them.
With this kind of attitude there are no personal issues to bring to therapy or any other healing modality. What is it so hard for survivors to come to grips with the fact that narcissists will stay in this cycle of abuse forever? Why do they continue to try and reason with the unreasonable?Being the victim of a narcissist over time is very painful but highly familiar.
It can be a psychological pattern repeated from a childhood that was mentally and psychologically abusive. The person who remains in denial about the true nature of the narcissist keeps making excuses for him or her and is unable to break through and recognize that this pattern is thwarting his growth, potential, creativity and pursuit of inner peace.What happens to survivors when they do break contact, heal, and move on with their lives?Their real selves are renewed. She is a licensed psychotherapist with many years of professional experience working with those who are suffering from psychological and emotional abuse from narcissistic personalities: narcissistic spouses, narcissistic mothers and fathers, narcissistic siblings, narcissistic ex-spouses.
Martinez-Lewi offers specific strategies and essential tools for healing, recovering and thriving.

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