23.04.2014

How to get diverted from love failure,how to get an ex to want you back 90s,free sms text online to mobile - Plans On 2016

In the next couple weeks I will be releasing my new blog and I hope each and every one of you follows me there. It's a simple dream, but I awoke with feelings of longing, hurt and sadness; things I had not felt in eons. I thought about sharing what I had written, but instead I deleted it because I was ashamed. I remember the sleepless nights, tired and bloodshot eyes and my heart; my God did my heart ache. Two years and two weeks after the six year relationship ended the miraculous journey continues.
Without knowing, these people guided me through necessary exercises to help lift the blinders I had been wearing for so many years.
These people weren't just there to lend an ear, they were there to have fun,, and we did have some FUN. At the time I didn't know that part of all this growing would mean being humbled by the pure goodness in peoples hearts and how much my life would change because of them.
I remember what it was like to feel like I never had a friend around, I remember what it felt like to feel like no one in the room cared, I remember what it felt like to be an outcast. In our technology advanced world, we spend our days and nights checking emails and playing online games. So in this new year, my resolution is to live more in the moment; to put down the phone, submerge myself so deeply in the company of those I cherish, that when they leave, they feel as if they took a piece of me with them.
Make 2014 the year you decide to slow down, cherish every moment and feed your soul with what ever it's calling for. Love is the reason the world goes round, to get up everyday and put one foot in front of the other.
On it's best days it soothes our soul and gives us a purpose when we feel like we don't have one at all. My friends are amazing and there is not a group of women I would be prouder to have in my life.
Without knowing the feeling of air being sucked out of you as you fall to the ground with the agonizing breaking of the heart; you will never know the profound feeling of picking yourself up. My ex and I were together for six years; not every day was a horrible day, not everything he did or I did was wrong.
Four years ago, I wanted to take advantage of the $8000.00 tax credit and buy a place, I spoke with my then boyfriend who told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Two people, born on the same day, 25 years apart, would be two people I loved through turbulent times, forgave when actions were unforgivable, and defended because I knew the good in their heart.
My mothers life was not easy, she was no saint and the last few years of her life were spent without the people she loved, in a place I can't even fathom, withering away. The first birthday apart, last year was odd; I no longer had another birthday as a distraction, but I was in Tennessee with my best friend, who made it a point to make sure the day was focused on the positive aspects of my mom's life and even bought a cake so we could celebrate.
Whether coincidence or some divine reason these two shared the same birthday will probably never be known. Skepticism is not a normal part of my thought process; I do my best to stay positive no matter the circumstances.


I attempted to write to shake the unease, but anything I put down on paper was immediately deemed incompetent. As the two week tailspin was speeding rapidly into hell, I had to go on a camping trip with John and a group of our friends. The day we embarked on our sixteen mile adventure down the river in Moorefield, WV, the skies were overcast, temperatures were low for late July, and rain fell intermittently throughout the day. As the sun set, we sat around the camp fire, not a person with a phone in hand; telling stories, laughing and talking. Ashamed of wanting to talk to him, ashamed of thinking of him and ashamed of allowing, even a perception of him into my new home, relationship and life.
No matter what I had to say, no matter what else was going on in my life or the world around me, until I fessed up that sometimes, without any good reason or explanation, old horrid emotions appear that rattle my core, I would remain mute. I hold no superpowers that will turn off the memories my heart holds and I have no way to tell when or what will trigger those memories. Sometimes the pain was so excruciating I would collapse to the ground begging for the breath that had been ripped from my body. By speaking candidly with whomever was asking the questions I never wanted to answer, I revealed embarrassment for what I allowed myself to accept from him, but more so myself. From going out all night,  to causing a bit (maybe more than a bit) of trouble, building ever lasting memories and experiencing things I never would have done with a person in my life who played it much more safe than I was ever meant to play.
I, like many of you fell victim to the everyday hustle and bustle of life and the chaos of the holidays, that I literally lost track of time. Work is no longer left at the office; it goes wherever we go never allowing us to ever really get away. They stand on the front lines with me, fighting a good fight, giving me strength, hope and reminder of the good that is in this world.
There are days when I wish she was here, experiences I want her to be a part of, but life has taken her to another state. I  became so enamored with his "control" and perceived success, that I convinced myself that his offerings of fancy dinners and European vacations were far better than I ever could give myself. On the surface they were completely different, below the surface, their similarities were frightening. When I saw her, which was not often, I would choke back tears because the women in front of me looked much older than the age that she truly was. Maybe it was to show me pain through life and death, or that Virgos and Libras really are incompatible. But every so often I get stuck in my own head and the "optimistic, I can see the bright side of every situation me" gets boggled down with thoughts of the injustices of life. Come bedtime, we all took cover in our tents, and during the wee hours of the morning, heard a raccoon raid our food, (some even went to confirm it was a raccoon), and listened to the pouring rain fall.
I had to back away, I had to hide in the background for a bit and remember why I began this blog.
I remember the questions with no answers, the endless days and the coldness on a face I once adored.
Friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances fought on the front lines when I had already surrendered, the days I couldn't take it anymore, someone was there to take it for me.


Then a year came and went, his sister had a baby, and I brought "us" up again, he was even more certain that a life with me is what he wanted, and he just asked for another year; and so I gave him that.
The ride was emotional as I thought about my childhood and the what would it be like if  I were doing this with me "ex".
When rapids appeared canoes got stuck, kayaks flipped, and a boat (mine and John's) went adrift down the river. Those thoughts, as torrid as they were, wanted to teach me a lesson, and instead of "leaning" into them, I fought them with all my energy.
When I thought I was lost, they reminded me of not who I was with him, but of the person I am trying to become. But, while we do all those things, our relationships hurt, the things we love gets put aside and we aren't filling our soul with what it needs.
If they're not the blood boiling type, they'll look your ex in the eyes and thank him for leaving because of that breakup,she get one of her best friends.
In less than 35 years of life, I have moved more than 30 times, never staying in a place longer than three years.
But after I was done signing the 800 pages, I knew the greatest adventure of my life had begun. Today, September 4th, 2013, would have been my mom’s 60th birthday, and today my ex turns 35. Although the tears helped me sleep, it did not erase some deep seeded anger I so desperately wish I did not feel. It began when John got out to assist his brother with a fishhook that was stuck in his shirt and left me to fend for myself.
My readers, the people who reached out to me touched my soul in ways I will never be able to show gratitude. And every September, for four years, I could concentrate on my ex and not my mom; I could celebrate someone who was there, I could forget my mom and feel something other than sorry for her. This was beauty in the raw, the way it was created, with no cars or buildings impeding the natural flow. I couldn't help but get chills over my body as I watched the national bird perch on a tree. But really, I just stuffed them awau due to my own fear of peering eyes and pointing fingers. The bruised little girl in me wanted to yell at a whole slew of people who hurt her while the adult me wanted nothing more than to forget everyone and every experience that ever hurt.
This was her element, she would have loved to been on the canoe with me and would have been proud of her daughter for taking on this little venture.



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