13.09.2015

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Well, I could use a good war is the line that came into my head but I didna€™t say so because I could tell she would start into me like a whole slew of hens.
He didna€™t say anything, even though he was all mouth, but I could tell a channel between us had opened. I needed to eat something, but I didna€™t have any money, so I thought about slipping in and making cereal, but the kids always make the apartment smell like mustard and artificial grapes.
I didna€™t want Antares to know I was looking for him, so I bought a skywriter, started twirling it through the square, which is how Kate said I would find him. The first week I spent with the tubes Antares lent me, I might as well have been working with a toothbrush.
The thing about making love with Kate was that she knew how to run her fingers behind my neck and hold my head to her as she kissed me, like you think a man would do, but that men never do because it seems like something they should do and cana€™t live up to doing, so nobody ever does it except men in old movies, and Kate. Before I saw Antares again, he came to me in a dream where he was a door, or the absence of a door, so it was like talking into a hole in a room that opened up. When I saw Antares that day, it shouldna€™t have surprised me, but it was 12A° in the sun and I wasna€™t sure which side of it I was on.
I raised out of my seat and tried to get off the bus, which was stuck behind a funeral procession. I got off the bus feeling wired and shaky, like the last thing in the world I need is to hear a kid playing flute.
I was thirteen when I walked out the front door like every high school kid has wet dreams about doing when theya€™re not thinking about how to score. So I kept going because by then Ia€™d worked up steam and I didna€™t care about suspension or graduation or even my music collection, which wasna€™t a tremendous collection, but it wasna€™t until the bus was pulling out of Chauquahana that I realized I was going to miss that. I pushed my palm against the wall, pulled back against his hand, pushed in until my hand began to sweat. Name of a weapon of the God of War, ita€™s a star in the constellation Scorpius, same one Ia€™m in. Youa€™re an archer, a Sagittarius, only youa€™re the arrow, a spark popped out of the fire.
No, just that youa€™re protesting for the environment, and I can see you in a crowd of people like a forest. The thing about the rockstar kids was how they were all still playing characters in their own lives. They had a hangout in the forest where somebody had made a pit by pulling some rocks into a circle big enough to sit around. The wilderness, Mickey said, is a place you can go without any Twizzlers, so when somebody brings them in ita€™s like they invented them. I dona€™t know, if the wilderness came with a sofa, I think thata€™d be pretty rad, Chris added. Ia€™m fine, you can sell it like twice a month or something, you just have to stay hydrated. How do you love someone so much you get jammed in the arm by a noob who practically breaks the needle off in your vein, and you cana€™t feel anything but the swell of your heart aching into the bruise? No, but youa€™re gonna let me come back and belt one out next Saturday night and audition properlike. A woman in a purple dress that plunged to the whitewater of the polar caps took the stage and the lights dimmed again.
The song she had chosen was not the right one for this crowd, but MelanieE?s a€?Brand New Keya€? did have enough rhythm to get them clapping along. When the third singer approached the stage, a wave of applause moved over the crowd like gossip.
You want to stick a fondue forkful of ColemanE?s fuel down your ripe throat for the show of it, go ahead. To admit youa€™re not in control and meet it with both fists hanging by your side is pretty brave. Kate was wearing black coconut perfume and the rockstar kids were looking especially bright-eyed under their Lucky Charms dye jobs. And not just get him back, but get him in love with you with that deep glimmer when he looks at you that says you are the only one for him, and he wouldn’t rather be with anyone else.
I’d like to ask you a few questions, and as I ask them try to answer them with an open, rational mind as best you can. And every time you try to get closer and it doesn’t lead somewhere, you feel that deep sinking feeling in your stomach of hopelessness.
But the more you hear this, the more it only makes you feel the pain of losing the man you really want to be with.
He just doesn’t open up to the possibility at all and keeps drifting further and further away and even started doing things that deeply upset you like hanging out the guys more, or even hanging around other women.
Do you feel that your relationship ended with him because of something you did wrong to make him fall out of love with you… or something you didn’t do right to make him happy and love you more?
You felt that there was more you could have done… and many things you could have stopped doing that would have kept him from leaving, but your emotions overtook you and made you do things you later regretted.
You thought too much about how much your needs weren’t being met instead of what he needed from you, and then you later paid the price. Well if you ask me, the most PAINFUL part of all of this is having to go through the most agonizing experience of your life ALONE. The most FRUSTRATING part is not getting any positive response out of him that LASTS no matter how hard you try and no matter what you do, and that’s the part that really makes you pull your hair out (or cut it off). The billion dollar question is: Why did he really leave, what’s going on in his head and why is he so resistant to coming back to you?
Some women end up obsessing and over-analyzing every little thing that happened with him sometimes for years over trying to answer what happened. After spending years helping thousands of women get their man back, I started seeing consistent patterns in most breakups.
What I found was a pattern of easily avoidable mistakes women were making after a breakup that was pushing the man far away and preventing him from ever coming back. When I show women to stop making these mistakes, their man’s reaction changes almost instantly.
I’m about to share with you the seven most common mistakes that women make with their boyfriends during a breakup that pushes a man further away and actually prevents him from coming back.
If you understand how YOU are making these mistakes and then STOP doing them, you can avoid pushing your man away for good.
What most women do after a breakup is call, text, email or hang out with their now ex-boyfriend even more. As much as I’d love to say that increasing your contact with him will bring your man back to you, the reality is this is based in an emotionalized fantasy created by the immense pain and rejection you are going through. Sadly, I’ve seen many women ignore this and give the man almost NO space after a breakup, and they continue calling, emailing, faxing etc. I’m NOT saying to not contact him at all (and depending on your situation if you stop contacting him it could be a disastrous move).
When you stop this mistake, and you lay off a bit on calling or messaging him, you’re setting yourself up correctly to take the power back in this situation, which is exactly what we want.
In a more understanding world where men were more sensitive, this would be a great thing to get him to open up about his repressed feelings towards you.
You must first learn what rebuilds your desirability and attractiveness in his eyes after this breakup where you’ve lost these things, and talking about the breakup is not going to build any desire or attraction. And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And if you understand what ATTRACTS your man on a biological and psychological level after this breakup, that woman can and WILL be YOU.
So she can feel more in control, and hopefully to make him feel jealous and want her again. But the fact is in MOST cases dating another man after a breakup will cause a man to pull away completely. If you know how to steer the situation correctly, you CAN bounce back, and still win his heart. The underlying truth is they are trying to avoid being vulnerable and feeling REJECTED once again, and they tell the man that getting broken up with doesn’t hurt. And if he does want you, you can actually end up pushing him away for good without even realizing that you are hurting him. Secondly, pretending not to care may actually STOP him from thinking about being with you again even if he was thinking about it, because you will trigger HIS prideful side. The last is depending on WHY he broke up with you, you are PROVING his decision to breakup with you.
If you truly want him back, and you learn to put aside your ego and do not what you want or think should work, but what truly works to make him attracted on a gut level, you can get him approaching YOU for a relationship again. When you are needy, overly emotional, and are trying analyze everything about him and the situation, you’re at the same time losing his attraction for you. When you lose his attraction and desire, you have nothing to motivate him to come back to you. I agree with you, he shouldn’t be doing these things out of respect for your feelings.
What he’s going to find attractive instead of repellent are things like unpredictability, femininity, light-heartedness and VALUE. These are things that men find attractive UNIVERSALLY, and a breakup doesn’t change that, in fact a breakup will only amplify his attraction for these things. If you learn what he truly needs from you to be attracted and DESIRE you again, why he broke up with you, and what he wants and needs from you to want a relationship again, you’ll put HIM in the place of wanting you as badly as you want him right now. But once you see the REALITY of this breakup situation, that’s your only chance of getting him to truly desire you.
Many women go into deep depression after a breakup… and incidentally, they get excited any time he makes any step towards her and think that him making contact with her is a positive sign that he still wants her and is thinking about coming back. I hate to say this, and the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, but this is simply not true. But seriously, the first time you look at the picture, you have to learn and practice seeing it differently so you can see past the surface illusions and see what is really going on beneath what appears to be happening on the surface. And what’s worse is if you allow this breakup to toy with your emotions and drive you crazy, you can actually become even LESS of what he wants even after he broke up with you. Learning how he feels is scary at first, but it soon turns into more HOPE because now you know what you need to do. They never got back together, and Brad got with the younger, more attractive Angelina Jolie. All you need to know is exactly what your man truly finds valuable, and then do those things… and there is a long list of things you can start doing to easily raise your value. The biggest thing that most women do that is a CLEAR indicator of low value to a man is when they start going out with their friends frequently after a breakup hoping that he will find out about it and get jealous.
The truth is he is looking for something of HIGHER value than what he had before with you… but if you know what he is looking for, that higher value something can be YOU. I’ve spent the last five years teaching women all over the world how to create and enjoy a better relationship where men are easily attracted, open, communicative and in love LONG-TERM, in my books, seminars and programs.
It’s been my personal goal (and privilege) to help correct many of the travesties and easily avoidable heartbreaks of love and relationships that so many women face, simply because of a lack of understanding of men, a lack of understanding of their own psychology, and a lack of understanding of the true dynamics of how to make a man love you even after a breakup. After helping women with their relationships for year (when they still had their man around), I found that most women were coming to me in the worst possible relationship issue there is: a breakup. BUT (and you may not be very happy with me about this) in the past I have been the one who has broken up with women. And to tell you the truth, I have also experienced the unbearable agony of being broken up with (by women)many times in the past, and for me, those time were the WORST times I can remember in my life. For me personally as a teacher of relationships with men, the worst part of breaking up with a woman was knowing how much she was hurting simply because of a lack of knowledge.
So after all of this, I wanted to do something about it, because contrary to popular believe, in the mind of all men is the desire to be with one special woman who fulfills him. But the truth is asking for help is the first step to getting what you want, otherwise you’re going to continue doing the same things over and over with no new information entering into your life, and remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome. There are just two simple reasons that literally STOP 99.9% of women from getting their boyfriends back.
And this is something that I’ve seen every woman who does get their boyfriend back avoid like the plague. And if you want your boyfriend back, you’re going to have to avoid these two things like the plague.
The first mistake is allowing yourself to feel hopeless and sulk about your situation and doing nothing about it. When you think fear-based, emotionally negative thoughts (which is one reason that caused this breakup with your man in the first place) the simple fact is you’re not living in line with reality. The REALITY is I’ve seen some pretty MESSED UP situations where if the woman kept even a droplet of hope alive, she was actually far more likely to get her man back.
When you think negatively, pessimistic, cynical thoughts about your situation, not only are you hurting yourself and your self-esteem and INSPIRATION to get your man back, but you’re also hurting his psychological attraction for you. When you are in a mode of emotion, fear, anger and pain, any action that comes out of it will be the WRONG action. Remember when Audrey Hepburn is paid a lot of money to have these hour long conversations with that incarcerated moss boss and then deliver his messages to the someone on the outside?
She ends up paying the price later by getting arrest and going to jail, even though she had no idea what she had done.
They think that acting out of desperation is innocent, and they might as well do something rather than nothing, but they only know what what they are doing and saying means on the SURFACE. The lesson here is to STOP acting out of hopeless confused desperation and START acting out of FOCUSED INSPIRATION.
It’s time to start thinking more RATIONALLY about your situation, and leave all of those bad feelings behind and start working with your man and this breakup situation in a way that has been proven to work time and again. You need somebody with CLARITY who can help take you by the hand through this confusing and painful situation and show to you the REALITY of what is happening (not what your fear-based thoughts may THINK is happening) and then show you what needs to happen to get your man back for good. And if you allow me and trust me, I can be that person for you, just like I’ve done for thousands of other women around the world just like yourself in bad, unique or messy breakup situations where getting him back almost seems impossible.
They have seen their men come back after seemingly impossible odds and go on to form wonderful, fulfilling, loving relationships with the man they love in their lives again… and now for the first time YOU can too. There are two aspects to getting your man to come back that you must very closely pay attention to. You must know what will make HIM see it in his own best interest to come back to you without forcing him to.


Most women think they need a strategy first to show their undying love for him, for instance calling all the time or acting prideful, and then when they have him back, THEN she will be the woman he wants. When you put it this way, obviously this can never work because you’re not allowing him to see it in his own benefit to be with you. Over the last few years of helping women all over the world heal their relationships, I had a huge number of women coming to me wanting to know how to get their boyfriend back after a breakup, which was actually quite surprising to me at first.
So I decided to create a full length program that shows you EVERYTHING you need to know about getting your man back, getting him more in love with you that ever, and exactly how to do it for your specific situation. In this one of a kind program, I’m going to get DEEP into the psychology of breakups. With the powerful information in this informative and easy to follow program, it’s easier than you think. You’ll learn how to take a breakup and spin it upside-down, and use it as POSITIVE leverage to getting him back and more in love with you than ever. Going through this program is like going from a pitch black room to having the lights suddenly turn ON… Suddenly knowing exactly what to do is GLARINGLY OBVIOUS. This is the program I wish many of my ex-girlfriends had, but sadly in the past nothing like this was available. How to immediately put an end to the agony, grief, paralysis and loss of a man breaking up with you and feel more confident, inspired and enthusiastic about your love life than you’ve been since being with him. The 9 methods for emotional renewal to overcome depression, anxiety, fear and guilt and feel surging power, freedom from trauma, feel ATTRACTIVE and on top of the world.
How to jump out of the cycle of breaking up and getting back together with him and make him commit to being with you and have the relationship stay permanently.
How to push a man over the line from just interested and thinking about it, to virtually begging for a relationship with you. The secret to sparking his magnetic attraction and DESIRE for you and a long-term relationship with you after a breakup. How to properly handle a breakup in a long distance relationship (handling a long distance breakup is a very unique situation that takes a lot of conscious care and awareness of the situation).
The 5 things he wants and needs from you as a woman in order to desire both you and a relationship with you again and never want to leave.
The step-by-step precise method to get an ex-boyfriend back who YOU broke up with and he doesn’t want to get back with you (this method is a MUCH different approach than if you were broken up with).
How to get an ex-boyfriend back who broke up with you short-term (1-3 months) and won’t return your calls (honestly this strategy takes a little courage on your part, when you pull it off you have the best strategy at hand to getting him to date you again).
How to build his deep unshakable trust in you again to where he feels like he feels completely safe and comfortable thinking about being in a relationship with you… and what to STOP doing that is destroying his trust for you leading him to avoid you and a relationship with you. How to secure his respect for you and what to STOP doing that is destroying his respect for you. What to say to him over the phone that will instantly spark attraction in him again, and what to avoid saying (and what words to avoid) that push him away. What to do if you only went out on a few dates with a man who has stopped talking to you to make him want to start dating you again (and this will usually even lead to a relationship with him).
The 8 simple (yet profound) techniques for getting your ex-boyfriend back in a relationship and in love with you that work in every situation imaginable (these techniques have even been proven to work in the most messed up situations I’ve personally ever seen).
How to get your boyfriend back and insatiably in love with you in a way that will correct all the deep seated problems that caused the breakup in the first place. Why he keeps rejecting you no matter how hard you try to get him back and what you can do to welcome you back with open arms. What to do after you get him back and how to start the new relationship with him the RIGHT way so that he’s so deeply in love with you that another breakup will never happen.
Exactly what to SAY AND DO with him after the breakup that will make him come closer to you. This is something that I wish was around a long time ago, but this is the first time a product like this has ever been offered. To be honest, the amount of proof backing this program would take me days to talk about with you. So instead I’m going to share several stories with you with women who got their man back and more in love than ever using the powerful material contained in this program. Firstly I need to tell you my quite odd and seriously disturbing story, which I know I already told you but just in case you forgot I’ll tell it again. Then there came a time nearing the end of our relationship at the time, that we started fighting like crazy. A few months went by before I contact you and some of the things that you said man, they didn’t make any sense to me at first, but I went along with it anyway. And I’m so glad that YOU are offering an exboyfriend product like this, because I know how valuable your help is first hand. To say the least, I was pretty out of commission for a few months (what a bleeping understatement), and oh my god was i doing everything you said not to do like calling him all the time and being really emotional with him and I was even sending him cards in the mail at one point……ouch! I was at it for more than a month and honestly I was moving on and then amazing just like you said the call came!
Anyway I don’t want to bore you too much by going on and on, so thank you for everything and I will keep you posted!
I just wanted to email you after buying your program a couple weeks ago to let you know that you were 100% right about everything.
I chose these particular stories to demonstrate both the flexibility of this program and the power of it in both pretty bad and unique situations.
It’s sad to know that most women will never know this information and will go through heartbreak after heartbreak.
But by now, of course, there’s one question that might be screaming out in your head. The only way for you to truly know if for you to try my program and find out how great it is for yourself. I want you to know for sure without any doubt that this program is for you and your personal situation, so I’m going to get detailed here.
If your man is keeping constant contact with you and is telling you directly that he wants to work things out with you, then this program may help you a little, but probably isn’t completely for you. However, there are certain situation in breakups that seem to feel like gut wrenching agony over the loss of control with someone you deeply love and care about. Read through the list below, and if you find yourself agreeing with any of one these, then I highly recommend you download this program now.
However, if while you’re reading you find yourself agreeing with more than one of these, this program will save your life.
If your emotions are making it impossible for you to be yourself and act appropriately in the situation with him and you know you’re pushing him away. If you broke up with him and you want him back, but every time you go to talk to him, he shuts down from you and it seems like there’s no way of getting through to him that you truly love him.
He WANTS to be with you, you just need to demonstrate to him that you’ve change and do it the right way before time runs out. Before you decide whether this program is for you or not, I want to show you why this program is different than everything else you’ve seen on this topic.
I personally guarantee you that you will not even come CLOSE to finding anything available like this program. You may get a man back using tricks, MAYBE, but even when you get him back, you’re not going keep him around for very long, even if you think you just want the trick to get him back so you can fix the problem.
Reason #3: This program was created by a MAN who specializes in helping women with relationship problems. I am a MAN and I’ve had tons of experience working with women, coaching women, and especially dating women. This program is design with one outcome in mind, to get you back into a loving long-term relationship with the man you love. If you want to get him back and have things LAST, you must learn how to become an attractive woman from the inside out and then know how to DEMONSTRATE it without triggering his alarm bells. Let me ask you something, what would it be worth to you to have the love of your life, your one and only, back in your arms again right now this second?
Would you give $5,000 to wake up tomorrow morning wrapped in his arms, looking deeply into your eyes and softly saying “I love YOU” and meaning EVERY word? With some women I help going through breakups, they go through sometimes up to five or more one-hundred twenty dollar phone coaching sessions before they start seeing the results with their own eyes that their man was coming back and desiring them again.
I’m 100% confident that the information contained in this program WILL make your man come back to you, beg to be in a relationship with you and want to stay for good. I’ve gone ahead and made this a RISK-FREE offer for you to try for a whole thirty days at MY risk. Listen to this program from beginning to end, then start to focus on the parts that resonate with you the most. For one easy payment with PayPal, please click here (the free 30 day trial is only available to credit and debit card users).
Realistically, I can’t promise you that your man will come running back to you an hour after you purchase this program. It has happened before (in certain cases) where a woman uses this material and gets her man back the same day, but each situation is unique, and it will take longer or shorter depending on the unique nature of your situation. However, with the knowledge in this program, I promise that you are going to get your ex-boyfriend back as quickly as the situation will allow, instead unknowingly putting roadblocks in the way of yourself that will draw out the situation even longer without it, and you are going to feel like a brand new happy woman. For reasons that are a mystery to everyone except you, me and others going through this program, you not only become his preferred choice over other women… you become his only choice. When it happens… you suddenly find yourself awe struck at what is happening to you in your life. First, any doubts or skepticism you have about getting your man being completely in love with you disappear. And second, for perhaps the very first time in your life, you see an incredibly bright future full of love and happiness and lacking any negativity unfolding in front of you.
The dream may come true when your phone starts ringing, and you look at the caller ID and see that he is calling YOU and wants to talk to YOU… and he wants to make up with you and be with you again. Or perhaps when you wake up in the morning with his arms wrapped around you… and all he wants to do all morning (or a day) long is hold you in his arms… that says YOU are the only woman in the entire world for him. Make the decision right now to give yourself the amazing gift of love and happiness… with the man that you love and belong with. I’ve seen too many good hearted women like yourself miss their opportunity to get their man back simply because they waited too long. Neither the service provider nor the domain owner maintain any relationship with the advertisers. I just loaded the rice into my satchel, which she was looking at because it had a skull and bones and said POISON on the side. The deer was tinged at the tips with auburn, so it mighta€™ve been a fire I have to burn off, like karma.
It was so much effort for me to stay on and for her to pedal, I shoulda€™ve just jumped off and walked, but she was laughing the whole time like she was made of glass and breaking, so I held on, holding my legs out of the way of the wheel. I had fallen asleep in Katea€™s bed with her hand tucked between my legs like kids do, because ita€™s warm.
Kate teaches flute lessons to rich kids whose parents are practically salivating all over themselves to invite their friends to the Philharmonic and brag how they recognized little Magnusa€™s gift when he was playing recorder in his crib. Ia€™d seen it on a calendar of discount hotels, and there was something about the mountains in the backdrop of the a€?biggest little city in the worlda€? that I knew would look nice on a person, very steady and sedate.
I was sitting in Geometry class and never has there been such a terrible useless fact as learning that no matter how you stretch sides AB and and AC of an isosceles triangle, they will always remain of equal length.
How you had to ride over it to cross the bridge and at sundown the light shone in the Sunsphere like copper. I felt like my hand was an ear pressed against the wall, which was sounding something I could almost make out.
Kate was sure, but she knew if she told him, hea€™d start thinking of his bumper stickers as blazons.
I get honked at less on the holy days, but not as seldom as youa€™d think considering the town is cinched tight with the rhinestone buckle of the Bible belt. He was walking the other way, arms swinging side to side like they rocked him and he was the anchor ship of his own row.
Every time they discussed bringing a sofa they could leave in the woods, but they always forgot. I got so I started practicing in the morning before IE?d eaten so I didnE?t throw up food IE?d gone to the trouble of making.
It reminded me of a coat I saw in a museum oncea€”belonged to a Native American chief, made entirely of feathers.
I knew it didna€™t matter if I lied, and honesty really is the best policy six times out of ten.
When Reno broke into a€?Some people say IE?ve done alright for a girl,a€? she drew enough hoots not to hang her head when she strode back to her stool, yellow flicker feathers at her earlobes turning like wings. Every part of her was shinya€”lips glossed like a piece of hard candy, dress glinting with zirconium mirrors, heels polished as a stockbroker. AntaresE?s comment surprised me so much, I wondered afterward if he said it inside my head or out. Nobody was around to see me, which was chancy, but it would have been more dangerous to have Kate there. Just like that, I knew I could drop the weight of the past like a coat, forgive Mama everything and the whole goddamned world we were born into, wash us off in a wave of flames, let the current carry us to another shore.
Not to mention he’s being very cold, distant and acts almost like he was never in love with you at all. But if you asked me at the time, I wouldn’t have been able to explain what was happening. You think if you call enough times maybe he will realize the mistake he made and take you back… not to mention that the feelings of wanting to be with him and around him now are overwhelming.
The reason for that is because of mistakes you may were making with him throughout the relationship when you were still together. But if you continue to listen to and act on your irrational, fear-based, painful emotions instead of following a logical, planned out map for your situation that has been proven to work to get men back many, many times, you can move this breakup into far more dangerous waters.
But, did Brad feel bad and sorry for her, pity her and decide that it was time to save her and get back together? If you know how to trigger his attraction right, NONE OF YOUR PAST WITH HIM MATTERS AT ALL. They don’t understand what they are ACTUALLY communicating has another meaning that is being closely paid attention to by him.


And most importantly you’re going to learn how to create a more fulfilling relationship.
If you continue ripping the weed out, but the roots stay in the soil, you’ll never get rid of the problem.
I’ll admit, I was the one fighting, and thats because I could just FEEL something wrong.
And then for the call I did exactly what you said to remain cool and let him lead the conversation, and then we got together for tea the next day and one thing led to another and we were kissing and then he told me he made a mistake in leaving me and he wanted to be with me again! To make a really long story short, I broke up with my man a few weeks ago and realized I had made a horrific mistake and knew I had to be back with him, but when I went back to him he wouldn’t take me!
To check out with PayPal with 5 easy monthly payments please click here (the free 30 day trial is only available to credit and debit card users). And the love, joy and colors in your life are brighter and more wonderful than they ever have been. In case of trademark issues please contact the domain owner directly (contact information can be found in whois). I knew shea€™d be good for me, which she started being as soon as she got me up to her apartment.
I pulled in back of myself as far as I could and looked across the crystal desert of the parking lot.
She wasna€™t home but leaves her door unlocked for situations like this, and she almost always has tuna fish, the good kind, with oil. She said it so often I thought it was her way of telling me things were going to be hard, and it took me more years than it should have to realize it was a line in the song. Plus, I figured I was about the biggest little girl in the world, so me and that name took up with each other like an old couple who buy each other cough drops and dona€™t have their own socks. I stood up and walked right out, which probably even I thought I was doing for a breather, go to the weight room and tip the machine for a Coke, but once I got out, I felt the sheer absurdity of it all. Something about a river makes a town flow through you, and you can ride off on the rainbow current with some boozy grubfish. She fought the look of naA?vety on her, had her lip pierced, painted black wings around her eyes. She asked herself, folding another sheet of colored paper onto the burn pile of Cancer crabs. The thing was, it was February and we were getting a glimpse of the spring to come, but we still had the rest of the month and all of March left.
Thata€™s what paradise is, like when you really need a drink and the liquor is right there.
My stomach clenched when the bar reached my back palate, but I found a little arc in the reflex where it becomes involuntary.
It jumped out of my hand twenty-seven times, but on the twenty-eighth, I breathed deep and it stayed awhile. I stitched the smaller feathers onto larger feathers and the larger feathers onto patches of cloth.
They werena€™t two individuals playing it out, but artists thrumming on the heart of a Siamese people. Shawn was riding the silverplated eagle up the crystalcoated stairs, drying glasses off and shaking rocks into my whiskey, like diamonds, hea€™d say smiling every once in awhile. You donE?t rewire a reflex to become a circus freak, collect a few ahs and rounds of applause. When she appealed to them with a€?If I Were Your Woman,a€? the crowd slammed their mugs against the bar and smacked their thighs and shouted out promises of what they would do if she were theirs. Antares had no interest in Colleen or J.TE?s business plan or Whipgloss, who was apparently a regular act with a not unwarranted following. If Ia€™d left it there, they would have met and burned me up, but I pulled it out, satisfied, for maybe the first time.
When the backup singers rose and fanned around her like a cloak, it was like a sunrise of music ordaining this dark little basement bar, a gleaming catch pulled fresh from the ocean. I burst into song thena€”one of mine instead of a covera€”the air around me like it would never stop breathing, and me a horse standing in the mountains hitched to a frost-burned, empty cart.
Frances knows I wasna€™t raised with the social niceties of skipping off to get somebody a clean spoon. All that matter is if you trigger specifics part of your man’s mind to respond to you. I’m one to really trust my intuition, and I kept having these spells of feeling like I was going to through up out of nowhere. First I pretended like he wasn’t cheating on me and was too afraid to say anything about it, secondly, I was way to possessive and obviously was making this girl look like a goddess. So after putting the main strategy we talked about into action, he wouldn’t even talk to me. Now is the time to stop being depressed or confused, and to take the power back into your own hands and take action now… before the man you love gets too far out of reach. This land was made for you and me to escape from or to, but the mountains have just been there all along. The thing that killed me though, the clincher, was how before I climbed on, she packed my rice into the saddlebags and started singing this song, all wavery with pauses while she made it up, patting the bags like thighs she was weighing out. He was wrapping my questions in something cool and close, like a suitcase full of dry white beans. Like their parents condense twenty-seven years of suppressed creative energy into one terrifically off-handed name. So I made myself a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, which sounded pretty good because I was running low on protein, and it didna€™t taste half bad for the first couple of bites. It didna€™t even occur to me to write Antares until about the fourth day, and then I wasna€™t sure how to spell it or what I wanted exactly. Come here, he walked over to a building and put my hand against the brick wall, his hand on top of mine. The only thing just about Chris was his angera€”because his mother left them and his dad was a workaholic, because everyone had their own lives to live and no one paid attention to anyone elsea€”Mother Nature was just the representative.
It had caught a sheet of newsprint and was tugging it into the telephone wires like an obstinate child. On the twenty-ninth I noticed how my nasal passage was getting crushed but if I breathed slow, air could get around it. Nobody making you, and nobody gonna pat your backside either, even if it is as sweet as white flour. It was a Wednesday night, so there werena€™t many people in the place, but it was nice and dark and had a purple couch.
I sat for long enough to think probably Shawn wasna€™t the best person to know about time passing, so I got up and started looking for a greaser in the bowels of the place. You might could tell if you werenE?t so busy getting that hard cold proof down your gullet. I got three lady singers in the joint who are going to try their best to bring this place to its knees.
Before the woman, who called herself Colleen Parker, took her seat, she volunteered herself. The thing is, your house burning down is just like anything else, all you can do is say no. They were dressed to the nine-inch heels, pouting because he wouldnE?t comp all their drinks but made them nudge and flirt for them like the other customers.
She said some part of me was going to rest when I found him, and some part was going to grow up. The speakers were backed up against the stage, but there was a sweet spot if I turned a little to the left and leaned back to get my spine straight and line my vocal chords up. And then of course I sent him some pretty nasty emails and just basically made myself look more like an idiot oh well. The sooner you act and begin putting the right strategies into place, the sooner you’ll get the love of your life back in your arms, and KEEP him there for good. Ia€™m making my way to them on a hobo pilgrimage toward salvation, because I dreamed my soul was inside one of them in a deer.
That grocery store clerk was my mother, sure as the mole on my face, springing up like a reprimand that wona€™t be put down, because her concern for me is something I have to carry for some fixed amount of time like my own dead weight.a€?a€?a€?= The Ricea€?a€?The second person I asked about Antares I slept with because it was time. I couldna€™t tell it was him at first because fur isna€™t something you expect to see on a bastard, which I figured he was. If their own parents had given them names that came with their own personality, maybe they could crawl out from the microscope under which they live. But after about four bites I realized it wasna€™t really that good so I squirted Tabasco on it and washed it down with sour orange juice, which I must have been complaining about in my head because right then Frances walked in and told me to buy my own juice if I wanted the ritzy stuff; she was poor.
Harner could tell them about Pythagoras, or drop his kids off at the swimming pool or Vietnam, where my dad had gone and gotten himself killeda€”years before, so I wasna€™t all traumatized or anything, but it did sort of rush together like a washing machine full of insight that all I had in the world was a mother who didna€™t want me to see the bruises she gave herself and a brother who was trying to raise a little girl. Ciara pushed against her hard, leaning with her whole body, digging her fingers in a little.
She never felt so alone as after folding another origami scorpion to lay on top of the crowd.
Something about his bare head should have made him vulnerable but instead it made him fierce.
On the thirtieth try, my mind had a fita€”I should get a gig or write music instead of this useless crapa€”but the picture had hold of me, of being onstage. I want you to make E?em feel welcome, clap hardest for the one you like most, not the one with the biggest titties, E?cause IE?m trying to run me a serious music theater.
I figured it was a sure thing sheE?d take the dubious honor of official bar singer, but IE?d give her a run for it nonetheless. Funny I wanted her to hear me now when I wouldnE?t let her come the first night, but I realized I didnE?t need my attention for something else. That grocery store clerk was my mother, sure as the mole on my face, springing up like a reprimand that wona€™t be put down, because her concern for me is something I have to carry for some fixed amount of time like my own dead weight.= The RiceThe second person I asked about Antares I slept with because it was time. I had pretty much gotten over him by now (pretty much anyhow) so I decided to try the reconnecting strategy you recomended. Or you can decide that it’s time to move on and possibly start a new relationship, or begin dating again. Like a shadow of algae going to rive me from this stream.a€?a€?The first person I asked about him said Honey, whatchu want to know about Antares for?a€?a€?I dona€™t know that many people, I told her. But even from that distance, I could see his cheekbones were high and carved straight out of his skull. He talked alright, but I could hear him clear as a bell thinking, a€?slice slice slice slicea€? and the visual it came with was like fish gills full of bitters. I asked her if it would make me cursed because a girl at school said that song was about a whore.
When I saw him, our eyes locked and I panicked, wondering what I was going to do now, but he walked right up and said, What?
Even if he had to wait a couple maybe agonizing days, at least he wouldna€™t spend them indentured to the terror everybody else had of the cold. It made you wonder what a whole population of people would be like if they never stopped creating themselves, like there was never any obligation to anything but cool. I knew if I swallowed a sword it would quiet the audience for the sound of my voice coming out. But I knew I put it there because I hadna€™t had time to wash my hands in the lettuce bowl. Maybe hea€™d gotten under the fence at his house or broken off the chain; hea€™d gotten loose from his owner anyhow. What I am opening to is right here, including the fear that she might miss me and the fact that I need her and she might not be able to provide. Like a shadow of algae going to rive me from this stream.The first person I asked about him said Honey, whatchu want to know about Antares for?I dona€™t know that many people, I told her. That was about two years ago and we’ve been back together ever since and stronger than ever.
Then when I started trying harder he budged more and more until he eventually trusted me again. I asked her how she dealt with stuff like that but she looked at me kind of puzzled like you dona€™t know? She asked if I felt cursed and I said no, and she said curses dona€™t exist, and besides, I liked being called Roxy-anne like I had my own adjective, and Roxy, like moxie and Rocks, like star.
Something about having to make sandwiches out of ketchup and saltines made Reno unable to count on anything as unreliable as that. When the tube touched ground in the bottom of my stomach and came barreling back out as a flame of sound, I figured.
She was ringing up my rice, which was when she noticed I had about seventeen bags of rice and thata€™s all. I had pushed in maybe a millimeter, so I pulled back into his hand, sank in maybe a centimeter before my body dissolved like pixie stix in acid.
One after another I asked dumb questions like that until he started winding them around this wheel, like the millera€™s daughter spinning straw into gold, I said, which made him smile so wide I fell right through the door. He leaned his body into mine against the wall, holding it there, which made me able to feel the wall again, him. She told me to get on her handlebars and I did because her eyes were the color of twilight if twilight had a gray.
I didna€™t do it on purpose, but once I saw the shock on her face, I started collecting finales.
I mean amphetamines didnE?t help, but she wouldna€™t have needed them if she made something other than kids. Life pulls into a station, you wait for the next bus to come along, or you take it where it goes. I mean, Hank and me werena€™t something to be ashamed of, but she knew my being able to sing wasna€™t something she did.



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