23.02.2015

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It would be a nice sentiment if it wasn’t accompanied by that nagging thought in the back of the speaker’s mind (that they are much too polite to actually say): I give them four months. However, a study in the Journal of Communications has shown that absence might truly make the heart grow fonder and that couples who participate in a healthy long-distance relationship can have more meaningful interactions than couples who see each other daily. Science aside, my husband and I both agree that the nearly two years of long distance before marriage did the most to strengthen our relationship.
Every time I tell someone that doing the whole “long distance relationship” thing actually strengthened my relationship, they laugh. Once upon a time, boy met girl, they fell in love, and lived happily ever after in the same house for the next three generations. Between study abroad, job transfers, the “two body problem,” and a million other reasons for couples to live in different cities, long distance relationships are becoming mainstream.
And more than anything else, these long distance relationships are becoming a viable alternative to breaking up. According to a study done by Cornell University (see a longer article on Huffington Post, here) between a quarter and one half of college students are currently in a long distance relationship. And I’m sure that means a lot of things, but to most of my friends in long distance relationships, it means that if they can survive the distance, they can survive anything. You’re allowed to mope and feel depressed every once and a while because the love of your life lives half-way across the world.
I didn’t think it was possible, but early in my married life, I realized I could spend months living with someone without having a “real” conversation. During the nearly two years of long distance, we would chat on Skype for an hour each morning (my morning, his evening) and an hour and a half each evening (my evening, his morning). Some of the best conversations we had were living in separate cities – at 8am in a dream-muddled half-awake state while eating leftover Udon for breakfast.
A similar study by Cornell University revealed that while couples in a “normal” relationship tended to have more daily interactions than couples in a long distance relationship, the couples who had hundreds of miles in between them tended to have longer, more meaningful conversations. Those in a long distance relationship reported feeling a stronger bond than couples who lived in the same city.
The takeaway: Cornell thinks that heterosexual couples in long distance relationships are emotionally closer than couples who live in the same city. One of the first (and most important) things I learned about long distance relationships is that it does not work if both people are not equally committed.
I’m not saying you have to be ready to walk down the aisle before starting a long distance relationship.
Your five-year plan does not have to center around them… but if they don’t pop up in your 1 year, 5 year, or 10 year plan, what is the point of doing the distance? If the love of your life moves halfway across the world, that is not cause to break up just yet. After all, doing the distance for two years while your boyfriend is stationed in California is very different than doing the distance with a German exchange student who is unwilling or unable to move back to the states. For a long distance relationship to work, both parties must be equally committed because staying in a long distance relationship is not the “path of least resistance.” You are either 100% committed or wavering on the edge – and if you are wavering on the edge, it is pretty obvious. I can’t count the number of friends in “normal” relationships who have stayed in relationships because it was easier than ending it.
If he wasn’t committed, he wouldn’t skip that party with his friends to Skype with me after a long day at work. It’s a bit odd, but some of the most romantic men and women I have ever met spent part of their time in a long distance relationship. We all know those girls (and to avoid sexism, I will also say boys) who lose themselves in every relationship. It is difficult to live vicariously through your significant other when you don’t share a zip code. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it is impossible to have a long distance relationship without a plan. I’m going to hold off having a romantic or physical relationship with anyone else, on the off chance that the person I am madly in love with will move to my city.
Yes, long distance relationships require a lot of complicated things like love, commitment, trust, and emotional compatibility – but they also require a plan.
And if practice makes perfect, most long distance couples have gotten the complications of planning down to an art.
However, as painful as celibacy may be (and believe me, it can get hard – no pun intended), you rarely have to worry that your significant other is only putting up with you for sex. Perhaps you idealize your partner when you don’t see them daily, but people in long distance relationships are some of the sappiest romantics I’ve ever found on the internet.
I was honest and upfront with my then-boyfriend in the days leading up to his flight back to Japan. It’s funny, when we lived in the same city, I used to fret and wonder what he was doing on nights I had to work late. Besides, we Skyped every morning during breakfast, sent texts throughout the day, and Skyped every evening for dinner. I knew more of what he was doing during our stint in a long distance relationship (mostly because we would run out of things to talk about) than I did when we went to the same school.
Every time my husband came into town, I got to do all the touristy things that locals skip over.  Our days were filled with beer factory tours, Tokyo Disneyland, a St. Every time I got off the 11 hour bus ride, my husband would be waiting with a bouquet of flowers and chocolate; every time he got off the bus, I would be waiting with (badly) homemade breakfast.


We would see each other between one and three times a month – but it was more than “seeing each other.” Each weekend was like a mini-vacation. Now, happily married in a small apartment, we miss those days when we had an excuse to pack up and leave for the weekend. It is very easy to idealize your partner’s behavior when you don’t spend all day with them. Because I knew about how much time we would spend on our daily Skype sessions (between one and four hours), I could plan my day accordingly. I’m sure some people find the startling amount of alone time, well, lonely, but I found it refreshing. Effective communication, in turn, leads to being able to express your expectations more clearly. Like most “selfish Americans,” I get so caught up in doing my own thing that I sometimes forget that my husband also has needs. During our nearly two years of long distance, my friends learned early on that I couldn’t do dinner unless it was before 8pm (when I lived in America) or that unless it was a special occasion, dinner was out of the question (when I lived in Tokyo). About once a week, one of us would cancel our Skype dinner date to hang out with friends, but we would always let the other one know ahead of time.
Yes, being in a long distance relationship is difficult, but when it is with the right person, it isn’t half bad. So next time your friend tells you about how her and her boyfriend will be doing the distance during his first year of college, don’t count them out just yet. My boyfriend is currently overseas for studies, and while I wish he would do that and I have shared my thoughts with him, I also feel selfish for wanting that. I’m not sure what was on my mind when I clicked on the link to read this article, but right now all I can think of is thanking you. Realizing and accepting this may be a very hard pill to swallow, but is essential for ones happiness. Message to my ex: we are both beautiful & great people who just happened to bring out the ugly in one another at times.
Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Tag what you see on the picture : clothes, celebrities, bloggers, series, movies and brands. Or, more specifically, we have both decided that we communicated most efficiently when we lived in different cities. Between late-night “study sessions,” parties, and “break-vember” (the nick-name many college students give the first November of their Freshman year – most high school sweethearts call it quits around this time), successful long distance relationships are few and far between. If Ryosuke and I didn’t specifically set aside time to have a heart-to-heart, we could go days, weeks, or even months without talking about how he really felt when I put my feet up on his chair during dinner [hint, he didn’t like it].
Sure, it wasn’t fun to sleep alone, (and face it, being in a long distance relationship can be grueling, lonely, and frustrating) but man… those conversations were killer. The university told 63 heterosexual couples, half of which were a long distance relationship, to keep a communication diary and spend the next couple weeks completing questionnaires about their relationships. They also claimed to feel their partners shared more of their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. As soon as you start to pull back, it becomes painfully obvious that your heart is no longer in it.
And the advice I give all new couples: if you are not 100% committed to making it work, don’t even try. But if the love of your life moves halfway across the world and neither of you has any intention of altering your future to end up in the same city, you should think twice about starting a long distance relationship. They knew their five year plan didn’t include their current boyfriend, but just didn’t “feel like being single, right now.” So they stayed together.
If you’re not fully committed, the hours of Skype, Facetime, and email don’t seem worth it. Even though it got a bit lonely, that security of knowing that he was just as committed as me was the best feeling in the world. There is something about living several hundred miles away from the love of your life that makes you get creative.
Living apart from your significant other or spouse is a great way to preserve the essence of who you are even though you are in a relationship. Some of the plans are short-term (ironing out details for the next visit), some are mid-term (I will spend two months of the summer in New York waitressing and staying in his apartment while he works an internship), and some are long-term (when I graduate from college in a year and a half, we will get married and move to Japan). By the time I graduated college, my then-fiance and I had our three month, six month, one year, and five year perfected down to a series of twenty second sound bites.
Long distance relationships are more like “friends without benefits.” All talking, no sugar.
Between the Skyping, letter writing, texts, and video messages, there wasn’t a lot of room left to cheat. Patty’s Day Parade, taking rowboats out on the lake for a romantic lunch, and street performers. Sometimes, when the bus got to be too much, we would meet in the middle for a weekend of exotic travel. Along with fostering independence, long distance relationships give you plenty of “me” time. Specifically, I forget to appreciate, acknowledge, and respect how he spends his day, not because I don’t care, but because I am often so caught up in how I am spending my day that I forget to check in with him.


Sometimes we would cook the same thing; sometimes he would finish twenty minutes ahead and munch on stir-fry while I scraped burnt salmon from the frying pan. Now I live in the countryside near Tokyo with my husband, Ryosuke, where I draw comics, blog, and make videos about our daily life.
Each point was beautifully explained and all contain a lot of truth (although each experience is most indeed different).
My wife and I got married in October last year after a two year international long distance relationship. I am also in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who is currently serving in the Middle East, and it really gets really hard to cope with the distance, especially him being in great risk, but we just have to get through it, and find means to be closer to each other even though we’re miles apart. Having off times, just like not being pressured to look great all the time, have its upside. That is applicable for a couple or soon to be couple, but not to a parents who is living their family in a long distance just to work.
I want more time with him but at the same time I want him to be making new friends, doing new things etc (though I absolutely hate that I’m not there to experience it with him, I want it for him). That is what I find with my boyfriend, I have done so so much more exploring of all the interesting places around where I live because of him!
I am in an LDR too, From 2 years and we have 3 hours difference, I have never been this happy and I know he feels the same.
Don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay. Sometimes in our lives we are confronted with a huge problem, after giving a considerable length of time after breaking up, just when we think we are over someone we find ourselves feeling as though we cant make it without our ex lover. If you are one of many of us in the world, and havent found or ever been in what you may consider true love, do not worry because you are not alone. Those are some wonderful places to find quotes by famous people or even see regular quotes from regular people that are just perfect. When we had to work for it (Skype, email, video messages, etc), we treasured what the other person said.
We came to the conclusion that if we didn’t set aside an hour a day to talk about our feelings, emotions, insecurities, and dreams, those thoughts often got swept under the rug and replaced with more “fun” topics like “did you see what Clarissa posted on Facebook?
To be fair, I’m not exactly sure how one measures the amount of emotions their partner shares, but Cornell is a pretty legit University – so I have to believe they know what they are talking about. I’ve written a couple of posts on my blog about surviving a long distance relationship and the comment section of those posts are filled with men and women who are desperate to “win back” their significant other who has been slowly drifting away. While I found myself second-guessing our relationship in the earlier, pre-long distance months, after we lived apart, I knew my husband was committed. They become an extension of their significant other and, to be quite honest, lose that special “spark” that made you want to be friends with them in the first place. We went skiing, climbed mountains, soaked in hot springs, and rowed across several man-made Japanese lakes. Then I would pour a glass of wine, turn the lights down low, and pretend we were at a fancy restaurant together (while I munched on burnt salmon). I read this with my boyfriend (currently in a long distance relationship as well) and I really enjoyed the topics that arose with him upon reading this. It’s been interesting getting used to being close to someone who before that I saw for a total of five weeks. Missing someone, especially someone that we love dearly but cant be with like we would like to, is a difficult part of life that we all have to deal with. In order for a relationship to be excessively great it is important to find someone that gives you the confidence and support to succeed in life. But when we live together like most “normal” couples, we only vaguely listen to what the other person says in between Netflix episodes, our weekly jog, and arguing over whose turn it is to take out the garbage (it is always his turn). They throw around words like “soulmate,” “other half,” “meant to be together,” and “love of my life,” like nobody’s business.
Even though we spent most our time together, I couldn’t help but wonder what he did when I wasn’t around. My husband is more of an extrovert, he can go weeks without any “me” time and be perfectly happy.
All that communication has benefits, though (aside from the male half of the relationship miserable) – both parties get very good at effectively communicating.
And i have a small toddler who iust turned one and although he and beingg a full time student takes up alot of my time i still find time to text or call of facetime him.
I had friends who were the “other woman” for men with girlfriends who were completely in the dark. He doesnt really use his phone to talk on the phone or ft alot unless ots with me., so i appreciate his efforts on upping the communication its just dofficult when hes so prone to not communicate, any advice?
We kinda fought on our last anniversary and ruined it and I wanna make it special this time!



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Comments to I need a black boyfriend

  1. NiCo — 23.02.2015 at 17:47:26 Show us how one can get your ex boyfriend back.
  2. KRUTOY_0_SimurG — 23.02.2015 at 15:47:47 Rarely fallacious and pay plenty of money owed I owed complete relationship. Tips.
  3. AXMEDIK_666 — 23.02.2015 at 21:13:32 Just isn't meant to switch medical recommendation and I took my time.