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admin | Getting An Ex Back | 06.01.2016
Someone who makes you laugh even when you feel like crying because it seems like the world is against you. Someone who makes you feel special by holding your hand or kissing your forehead or hugging you just whenever he feels like it. Someone who goes out of his way to show how precious you are, that even though those extra miles would mean killing his feet, he’d still do it.
And finally someone who makes an attempt to understand you in your most bizarre and complicated state, that even you yourself can’t even figure out. Often, the key to succeeding at something big is to break it into its tiniest pieces and focus on how to succeed at just one piece. When we examined procrastination, we talked about how a great achievement is just what a long series of unremarkable tasks looks like from far away.
From afar, a great marriage is a sweeping love story, like a marriage in a book or a movie. So if we want to find a happy marriage, we need to think small—we need to look at marriage up close and see that it’s built not out of anything poetic, but out of 20,000 mundane Wednesdays. The Traffic Test is passed when I’m finishing up a hangout with someone and one of us is driving the other back home or back to their car, and I find myself rooting for traffic. To me, almost nothing is more critical in choosing a life partner than finding someone who passes the Traffic Test. A friendship that passes the Traffic Test gets better and better with time, and it has endless room to deepen and grow ever-richer. Trust and security. Secrets are poison to a relationship, because they form an invisible wall inside the relationship, leaving both people somewhat alone in the world—and besides, who wants to spend 50 years lying or worrying about hiding something? Relationships are hard. Expecting a strong relationship without treating it like a rigorous part-time job is like expecting to have a great career without putting in any effort.
And since this is a daunting list to try to achieve in a life partnership, you probably don’t want to make things even harder than they need to be by insisting upon too many other checkboxes—most of which will not have a large effect on your happiness during dinner #4,386 of your marriage. The facts and opinions in this article are based on a combination of dozens of hours of research, on both scientific study results and expert opinions, and of my own personal experience and observations and those of a number of my friends and family (many of whom I interviewed in the last week). Yeah, I was thinking the same… this dude is dropping some serious useful advice in a palatable way. Couples with a large disparity in sexuality (such as those with one asexual person and one sexual person) do have to deal with that, but a lot of people find that they can. Well, like spouses, you do not know the range, that is, how compatible and significant one can be to you.
Like spouses, usually, once you go on, you cannot go back (not with the original score at least).
If everyone in the world did this, the expectancy of the significance of the significant other will be maximized.

Why do you contend that marriage satisfaction was higher in our grandparents’ generation (I’m 25)? Wait but where are all the commenters complaining about the heteronormative hegemonic implications of the past two posts? Ok, but first I will go over to KFC’s website and complain at them for not posting information no how best to go about maintaining my spinach and grapefruit diet. Okay so I know most of this is common sense, I mean what other reason could there be for it to appeal to people across the board and on an intrinsic level. I’m sorry to hear that your marriage has turned out to be the opposite of what you expected it to be (which would actually be a 180° turn, 360° means getting back to where you started). In the pixel post, we looked at a human life up close and saw that it was just an ordinary Wednesday, again and again and again—and that achieving life happiness was all about learning to be happy on a routine weekday. Marriage is not celebrating the closing of the deal on the first house—it’s having dinner in that house for the 4,386th time. But with certain friends, the time is so high-quality, so interesting, and so fun that they pass the Traffic Test.
When there are people in your life who do pass the Traffic Test, what a whopping shame it would be to spend 95% of the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t. And the ability to extract fun out of unfun situations—airport delays, long drives, errands.
And on the other side of secrets will often be suspicion, a concept that directly clashes with the concept of home. In a time when humans in most parts of the world can enjoy freedom and carve their own path in life, it usually doesn’t sit that well to suddenly become half of something and compromise on a bunch of things you grew up being selfish about.
Special thanks to Eric Barker for his great blog, Barking Up the Wrong Tree, from which I mined a number of sources for this post. I lived in a studenthouse with 18 students and every time we got a new roommate that I really disliked at first, I ended up loving that person.
It might not be funny if you have never stayed in a hostel, but I have been in many and it hits it right on the head for me. If you don’t have anything to add, and you then proceed to not add anything, the internet still chugs along! I think I’ll save this one and re-read it every once in a while to bring me back down to earth and be honest with myself. I think that is why we also remember so easily the bad experiences in life or the bad customs of old friends, brothers etc.
Each card has a number written on it randomly chosen from a bounded but unknown range (could be -5 to +5 or -100000 to +45).
Maybe there is no one in the world which will understand you (the range is small and negative) and maybe there are many excellent people for you (many highly positive numbers in range).

While I’m with this guy on the idea that going with butterflies in the tummy is stupid, but this post ignores the reality that intimacy grows over time, too.
I actually think, paradoxically, when people didn’t expect their marriages to fulfill their souls in every way, marriage satisfaction was higher. It seems you have figured out the secret for separating the bullshit from the kernels of truth that lie around us in daily life. This is why having an affair during an otherwise good marriage is one of the most self-defeating and short-sighted things someone could ever do. When a couple is good at fighting, they defuse tension, approach things with humor, and genuinely listen to the other side, while avoiding getting nasty, personal or defensive.
Every wednesday you give me a lifelesson that I couldn’t really have understood without having read the previous lessons.
Your points on this subject are funny and insightful, as well as being realistically useful. Also his grandmapost sounded like he was there alone, and no one in a relationship goes to visit his grandma alone. I’m not sure my best friend of 16 years would have passed the Traffic Test for the first few. Just wondering if you could write a post about how it’s done, would make the lot of us better off for having read it. Also you can’t write a post about how it should be like to date when you are 37 and single when you are not over 30 and single. To grow us as a person so there is no such thing as a wrong relationship…be careful not to get bogged down in seeking the perfect relationship because life is a journey, not, a destination. Most people don’t get to express their true feelings like they do on an anonymous blog comment section. And one of the worst fates would be to spend most of your life being criticized for your flaws and reprimanded for continuing to have them. It took me three years of living with such a person, but now I love him, and don’t mind him talking all the time that much anymore.
I have many songs that pass the car test, or when I am on my way to see my girlfriend, I wish my car would be able to get there faster, even though she is only 5 minutes away.

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