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Being rejected hurts - for everyone - but when you've been in a relationship that involves a toxic, abusing narcissist, you may be even more sensitive to this kind of treatment than most people - and you may even find yourself doing everything you can to avoid it. But what really happens is that you often end up over-extending yourself and getting very little in return. Try these strategies to let go of this fear and welcome greater confidence and joy into your daily life. Interestingly, the scariest situations often have little to no risk, but a huge potential for something good to happen. About Angela AtkinsonMore by this authorAngela Atkinson is a journalist who also happens to be a Certified Life Coach.
New Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Research Project: Help Me Help YouMy career has always been about communication and understanding, and about making life better, in one way or another. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: 103 Things You No Longer Have to Deal With When You Go NCGoing no-contact can feel like a last-resort and you might feel miserable at first - but you know that in the end, it'll be worth the trouble.
One of the most common issues that my narcissism support coaching clients tell me they have is feeling like they're "not really here," as though they're on a sort of numb-autopilot as they float through life, surrounded by some kind of barrier between themselves and the world. QueenBeeing is a daily digital women's magazine focused on helping our fellow women create and live the lives of their dreams.
Even in the face of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse and other painful circumstances, QueenBeeing celebrates and embraces fierce femininity and asks women to take charge of their lives to manifest what they want and deserve - ultimate happiness, fulfillment, self-actualization and satisfaction. Recommended Reading for YouToxic Narcissism in Relationships: Top 10 Warning Signs…Exposed!
When you're looking to get out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist, sometimes it helps to think about what you need that you're not getting. In today's video, I'll share three shocking things you are DEFINITELY missing in your relationship with a narcissist, and I suspect you'll be even more shocked when you learn the simple solution. If you've ever been in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, you know how painful and traumatic it can be for an adult. So, you found yourself involved with a toxic narcissist, and before you knew it, you were fully enmeshed and dealing with the full spectrum of mental and emotional abuse that is so common of a narc. Everything seems easier when you're brimming with self-confidence, and starting life over again after narcissistic abuse is no different. Even so, if you're willing to beef up your self-image and your affinity for it, you can start building a brand new solid foundation for living a life of happiness and accomplishing great things - the life you truly deserve to live. In this video, I'll explain how narcissists tend to fool themselves into believing their own lies and how this can cause extreme discomfort, drama and upset for the victims of their toxic abuse.
When someone asked me what the biggest issue for narcissistic abuse was for me, I had to say it was the constant invalidation of my feelings, thoughts and emotions.
Getting Over The Break Up With A Narcissist & Freeing Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse! Has the relationship, separation, divorce, or the break up with a narcissist all but destroyed you?
Do you constantly worry, or obsess as to why this happened, and wonder if the nightmare will ever end?
Have you tried desperately to rekindle his affection, or perhaps mold yourself into what you think he wants, and no matter how hard you try, NOTHING pleases HIM?
If you are currently grieving the loss of a narcissist, if the break up with a narcissist has left you heartbroken, numb, and hopeless, I assure you, YOU are not alone in this journey back to self! Not only have I been there, I have coached thousands of women who have also been in your same exact position. How can a man go from being everything you ever wanted in a partner, everything you have always dreamed of, and suddenly change into being cruel, distant, vicious, and emotionally withdrawn? How can a narcissist be so convincing, so romantic, so heavenly and utterly hard to resist…. If this is happening to you, and you are currently obsessing over what YOU did wrong… STOP! The Break Up With A Narcissist & The Ending Of A Narcissistic Relationship Tortuously Leave Victims In A State Of Confusion, Agony & Despair! If you are currently left with picking up the pieces after being discarded by a narcissist, or you are currently suffering from the heartache of loving a narcissist.. While this is the reality of my experience, I am extremely fortunate to be able to write this advice, and to let you know I survived it! Not only was my ex-husband a narcissist, someone who slowly exhibited narcissistic traits, he was also diagnosed with pathological narcissism by his own therapist. While I never understood what was happening, and remained in disillusion for many years, when I finally realized that my ex-husband would never change, that he was totally incapable of loving me, I knew that to survive the abuse, I would have to find the strength to move on, and free myself from his control, and the anguish he caused me. Though I admit, it was extremely painful, and extremely hard to move on, I knew it had to happen. The TRUTH is, no one knows what it is like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, unless they have been through it themselves. Not only so, I have fallen in love with not just ONE man who fits this description, but two. Ironically, this is a very common question I am often asked, and it took me years to finally figure this out! In fact, at one time I thought I knew how to spot the characteristics of a selfish narcissistic man, only to painfully discover, I had no clue! Literally, I was completely clueless as to what was happening, until it was too late, and I was already emotionally vested. But the worse part of falling for a narcissist, is that in the beginning, there are no red flags! He was relentless, he was convincing, charming, romantic, and everything you had always dreamed of, right? Going from being everything you could ever want in a man, to someone you hardly recognized?
Yes, when coming out of a narcissistic relationship, victims have a very hard time grasping how they went from being completely consumed by the idealization of a narcissist, to being completely discarded. Suddenly, you went from being ‘perfect’, only to be baffled when you can’t do anything right!
I had to realize that he would never change and that I wanted more than he could ever give me! I also want you to understand that under no circumstance would I ever want to confuse readers by portraying that every single relationship circumstance is the same, nor is every man that happens to be a jerk a narcissist.
The PROBLEM IS THIS: Narcissists are an elusive breed that are often very hard to spot, hard to pinpoint, hard to understand and EXTREMELY hard to walk away from! Narcissist are very deceptive, they are brilliant actors, and they seek relationships to fill a void. In both relationships, what I thought was an overly compassionate person was an overly damaged and controlling person in disguise.
Even Mental Health experts find it extremely difficult to measure the level and degree of narcissism one might carry.
My primary mission is to help you gain knowledge, to guide you through this pain, and to let you know that RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! After The Break Up With A Narcissist It’s Critical To Your Recovery To Know How A Narcissist Operates! How is it possible for a man who is so self absorbed, so detached from love and the real meaning of commitment, make his way into our lives.
In my experience, narcissists have an uncanny ability to figure out what a particular woman wants in a man. You’re led to believe this man is your soul mate, and more caring and compassionate than any man you have ever met.
By first impression, when meeting a Narcissist you will often feel in total romantic bliss! Through his brilliant and charming tactics, victims will often immediately feel an intense chemistry and connection.
Not only does he effortlessly sweep you off your feet, he is unlike any man you have ever met.. A Narcissist knows exactly what you want to hear, he knows exactly what to say, and your often mesmerized by his ability to read your mind, and your thoughts. All in all, the Narcissist indirectly convinces you that he is in fact the complete package.
Without knowing what is happening, and without knowing his REAL motives, he sweeps you off your feet!
When a narcissist reveals his true stripes, victims are shocked by his sudden drastic change in behavior. Yes, most of us, at some stage in our lives have been in a relationship that essentially went bad.. On the contrary, no one, including me, could ever prepare for the heartache and the pain you will eventually face with a narcissist.
To Get Over The Break Up With A Narcissist & Free Your Mind From The Abuse, You Must Educate Yourself! Step#1 – After the break up with a narcissist, most victim’s are left to believe this was their fault!
If you are currently blaming yourself, if you are constantly obsessing over all the MANY things you could have done differently to prevent this break up, please STOP! Not only will this make matters worse, chances are, there is nothing you could have done different. This is why often most victim’s have a very hard time getting over the break up with a narcissist.
Not only so, for victim’s, being involved with a narcissist is a confusing state of affairs, to say the least. The fact remains, narcissists know exactly what you want to hear, and exactly who you want them to be.
Trust me, I know this personally, and I have coached thousands of women who would also agree. In fact, narcissists have an uncanny ability to figure out what a particular woman wants in a man. Perhaps as time slowly goes by, you notice his behavior, and the way he treats you drastically change..
Unfortunately, once a narcissist is victorious and secures the woman he has been chasing, the idealization phase of a relationship passes and reality sets in.
Yes, when a narcissist is trying to secure his new source of supply, (hence, his victim), there is nothing he will not do to impress her. It’s at this stage when the cycles of Narcissistic Devaluation sets in, and the real person behind the mask begins to emerge.
Step #2 – During the cycles of loving a narcissist, and especially after the ending, and the break up occurs, a narcissist always uses forms of punishment to control his victim’s! As an example, in the beginning he never left your side, he constantly wanted to be with you, he looked for every reason to see you, and now he avoids you! Yes, during this stage, the underside of the Narcissistic Personality coming beaming through. At this stage, the inevitable occurs – his criticisms, his recriminations and his humiliations are projected upon his partner.
Everything that you use to be admired for, are now the same reasons you find yourself being objectified. In such a case, reverse psychology is performed.  The narcissist which initially portrayed to be the ideal partner, the prince in shining armor, now uses taglines like ‘ I am no good for you or we are not good together’! The unfortunate reality is, when a narcissist is chasing after you, he uses every lure in his box.
Step # 3 – After the ending of a narcissistic relationship, and the break up with a narcissist becomes a reality, victim’s are often left to believe something is wrong with them! A Narcissist’s biggest fear in life is to find himself in a mediocre, monotonous existence. As I state, the initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. He hid behind a mask of smoke and mirrors in order to obtain control of us and manipulate us to meet his never-ending child-like needs.  Once we learn to see the Narcissist for the person he really is, we are finally able to free ourselves.
To recall your power, you should realize this has nothing to do with you, nor does it have anything to do with not being good enough!
In reality, when a narcissist has fulfilled his conquest, and when he is completely convinced you love him, he will simply begin to lose interest. If discarded or replaced by a new source of supply, VICTIM’S should realize this is not about being replaced with someone who is perceived as BETTER!!! You must accept the fact that you were not an object of love to this person, but a pawn, a mere source of supply to feed their fragile ego; nothing more, but certainly nothing less.
In the beginning of a relationship, every woman is sexy to a Narcissist because the thrill of the chase makes her enticing. Step #5 – To begin the journey of getting over a narcissist, and to mentally press forward after the break up with a narcissist, you must step away from the fantasy! While there are so many questions that run through your mind, and I address most of these common questions in my eBook, the reality is, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are rigid, they are ruthless, and they are incapable of feeling emotions. You should also know, that while narcissist rarely change, they also rarely seek treatment. The relationship with a narcissist, will be forever one-sided, and the roller-coaster may have it’s highs, but you must be prepared for all the MANY lows!
Not only is the narcissist a master of creating fantasy illusions for his victim’s, women spend entirely too much time wasting their lives while focusing on the WRONG man! You need to reach beyond the remorse, the pain, the feelings, the sadness, the disappointment! You must also remember, that when getting over a relationship with a Narcissist, it is not the same as with a healthy well-adjusted adult. When grieving a Narcissist, this pain is compounded by the reality that this person is not who you thought he was at all.  Thinking you know someone and then suddenly being confronted with a person you don’t even recognize is quite a shock to the system.
While this information is all critical to your recovery, just beware that unless my copyright of Surviving A Narcissist is located on what you are reading, it may be a re-packaged product, and something I nothing to do with. While my mission has, and will always be to help women recover from Narcissistic Abuse, I also feel that it’s extremely important that you be aware of what is out there. Inside My Informative eBook, Here Are Some Secrets You Will Learn That Will Help You Regain Your Power! In my eBook, I will show you strategies that will help you begin the process of regaining your power. After the break up with a narcissist, I will show you how to better understand and recognize what is happening, why it’s happening and ways to cope with the trauma and pain. When coming out of a relationship with a narcissist, and the break up with a narcissist, the first thing we need to do is get real with ourselves about what happened in the relationship.
In this e-Book, I will give you insight as to what is going on inside the narcissists mind. I will also show you the dynamics of a narcissist and why the narcissist is incapable of loving, why the narcissist continues to come back, and why this relationship truly fits the modern-day roller-coaster.
I will address the crazy making of a narcissist and answer questions like, Why does the narcissist devalue & discard?
In this book, I truly want you to GET REAL so that you can begin the path forward.  You need to understand who you are dealing with, and most importantly, why you deserve better! I will walk you through the what drives the sexual side of a narcissist and cover the Madonna Whore Complex. I will help you understand why narcissist chase new sources of supply, and why it’s critical that you accept he will not change.
I show you simple ways in how you can cope with the fears you may experience, the break up and realize that FEAR is what keeps you from having POWER.
No, this is NOT easy… But I will help you explore ways of breaking your addiction with the Narcissist.You can get over a narcissist! I will show you why the best medicine against the narcissist is to focus on YOUR future, and your happiness. It is my sincere hope and belief that the following steps inside my eBook, will help you understand what you experienced, process your pain, and heal.
Out of the thousands who have responded, here are just a few of the testimonies I have received on the forum. Lisa, I could have never prepared for the brutal ending that I would later face with my ex Narcissist!
Dear Lisa, Therapists and friends repeatedly told me during and after the relationship that my ex was a Narcissist (he is after all a VERY successful actor.) At the time, I did not understand, nor did my friends or even therapists, the magnitude of what narcissism is. For now, it is important to understand that the only closure you can possibly hope for in a relationship with a Narcissist is the knowledge that this person is permanently disordered and disturbed. In my experience, the absolute best revenge, and the absolute best way in getting over a narcissist break up, is to take control.
This eBook will show you simple ways to channel your energy, and ways that will help you cope through the pain.
You Will Also Discover Steps That Will Guide You Towards Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse & Ways That Will Help You Recover After The Break Up With A Narcissist!
If you are just beginning your recovery, or if you are struggling with the ongoing agony of abuse, you may be feeling many painful emotions including the helplessness of feeling unresolved, stuck, and obsessed about what happened. You may still be hooked and terrified about letting go, trying every which way you can to fix the relationship and make it work, regardless of the damage that is increasing and intensifying. Maybe you have got out and stayed out of the relationship, but you have no idea how you could ever trust another person again – and you may be terrified about trusting your own judgment even more so. You may have tried therapy and extensive research about narcissism – what they do and why they do it, and learnt all you can about the effects of narcissistic abuse and the trauma symptoms that narcissistic abuse creates. However you may feel that your trauma symptoms are not reducing, you still don’t feel safe, empowered or whole in life – and many if not most days are consumed with trying to manage the emotional devastation that seems to be the unfortunate and unavoidable legacy of what happened to you. You may have felt hopeful after experiencing short term relief, yet find solutions are usually short lived.

There is a very good reason why the struggle remains, and it’s something I first learned when undergoing my recovery back in 2007.
Narcissistic abuse is such a horrifying and damaging experience that it affects every part of your being. The logical mind operates on a completely different frequency, which means it has no ability to impact any change at this level. In order to Thrive, and not just survive after narcissistic abuse, requires a healing process that is capable of addressing what you have gone through at a deeper level.
The ‘treatment’ needs to take place where the trauma is actually stored – in your subconscious. The Thriver Model is about addressing the problem at the root cause within the subconscious, whereas the old model is about trying to solve the problem by only addressing the symptoms through the logical mind. As you might have heard in my Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse series – people who previously tried everything to recover weren’t getting well, yet when they learned how to identify and address the issue at the root cause, by accessing the subconscious mind, results came powerfully and quickly. My greatest wish is that you learn how to Thrive after narcissistic abuse, like so many people have already done in this community.
And that’s why over the next two weeks I am going to be doing something I’ve never done before. I’m going to talk to you about exactly how the Thriver Recovery Model works and how to treat the root cause of your symptoms directly with the tool Quanta Freedom Healing.
I’m going to explain exactly how Quanta Freedom Healing works, how it healed and released me from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, and how it led me to creating the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program that has now created Thriver Recoveries for thousands of people from over 50 countries worldwide. And then I’m going to invite you to a free live event where you will learn exactly how to become a Thriver after narcissistic abuse. I know that one of the most astounding things I realised, when I went public and people started connecting with me, is how we all have almost identical stories.
I am so thrilled that we have a community here, one that is supportive, empowering and healing – and most of all one that DOES provide real solutions. Not surprisingly it is VERY hard to simply dust oneself off, get up, be happy and make life work again.
Since creating my own recovery, and being involved for the last 7 years with helping many people world-wide recover from narcissistic abuse, I have become very passionate and clear about what my intention and mission is. I am extremely dedicated towards people NOT living diminished lives as a result of being narcissistically abused – where they are left with the pain of managing ongoing symptoms that may never go away, and often don’t heal over time. I have seen this contemporary ongoing struggle so many times, and I was told that information myself – that the best I could ever expect after the severity of my breakdown would be to ‘function again’ with the use of necessary anti-psychotic drugs.
Words cannot express how vehemently I am determined to debunk the contemporary model – and HOW my processes are already proving that this is NOT the reality we have to accept as a result of being abused. Yes, absolutely get the support, and treatment you may need to help you…and I fully support this. However, unless we get to the underneath and true reasons as to why we were a victim of abuse, and heal the fears and traumas that we have accumulated all our life – we remain a prisoner to our wounds. If we don’t heal these core traumas, we painfully and powerlessly barley exist whilst holding other people responsible. This means we don’t take a stand for True Recovery which is: regardless of what happened, or by whom, the only way we have any true power is to realise these are our wounds and we DO have the power to transform them. I am so thrilled that within this community so many people have become Thrivers – who are glowing in their lives, in ways they never had previously, as a result of doing the inner processes to release core wounds, up-level and transform their life.
It’s important to understand the difference between ‘informational healing’ and ‘transformational healing’. The difficulty and long path of ‘informational healing’ is it is an attempt to create a new life direction without addressing deep subconscious wounding. Additionally, even if it could, there is so much pain and fear in the subconscious blocking where this new ‘idea’ needs to penetrate and be embodied, there is simply no ‘space’ for the new and healthier information to enter and take hold. Informational healing can work for aspects of our life that are not crucial issues for us, as there is very little subconscious fear, pain and resistance (e-motion) inside us attached to those particular topics. Informational healing is mostly ineffective for profound emotional wounding, which of course is what being abused creates.
This is why, generally speaking, it doesn’t matter what you read, or what therapists you see, or how much good advice you receive, you simply can’t let go of the pain and escape your victimised thoughts and feelings, and associated powerlessness and traumatised actions or non-actions. One of the most simple and profound realisations is this: when we have unresolved trauma it is trapped in our bodies. That’s why this trauma has to be accessed and released at a much deeper level than cognitive thinking, which is only mere ‘information’.
Our untreated emotional wounds fester and permeate our entire life, and just like a physical wound, if emotional wounding is tended to directly, it can be addressed and healed. Interestingly the process is incredibly simple, and far less complicated than trying to resolve emotional issues with our mind. Our mind actually has no ability to resolve our intense emotional issues, hence why it gets so confused and completely over-complicates and perpetuates traumatised emotions. Say these statements and realise how disconnected and ridiculous they are – “I think devastated”, “I think violated”, “I think abandoned”.
Instead of fruitlessly trying to think your way out of emotional pain, you can use an effective process that addresses, shifts and transforms your emotional wounding at a subconscious level. And no longer will your Inner Identity remain blocked off from receiving vital new information. There is a revolutionary movement now taking place in regard to how we face and heal issues in our life. This ‘how to heal’ shift is growing in exposure, and is creating such widespread and powerful results many people no longer think of it as ‘fluffy’, ‘new agey’ or ‘weird’. There are many other healers apart from myself who do realise the direct path to healing, and there are many therapists who now access the body’s emotions and reach the subconscious in order to create shifts and results which are astounding in comparison to traditional talk therapy. I receive regular endorsements and referrals from medical professionals, health services, social workers, abuse services, psychologists and counsellors who openly express my Quanta Freedom Healing process works, and creates abuse recoveries that the ‘old system’ just can’t produce.
The reason the old system doesn’t work for people suffering intense abuse trauma is because traditional therapy is an attempt to manage the symptoms without addressing the root emotional cause. This includes logical strategies or medication to minimalize the pain and hopefully function in life, without actually finding and transforming the actual emotional wounding. This leaves people with the struggle of trying to manage unresolved wounding that just doesn’t go away.
I firmly believe the only way to change deep unconscious wounding (the core of the trauma) is by using a system that can directly reach into the subconscious, find the wound and then release it from where it is stored.
Talk therapy is beta brainwave, it is not deep inner body recognition and accessing, which is theta brainwave. Using talk therapy to address profound inner emotional trauma is like trying to access a specific radio program and having your dial on a completely different frequency.
The larger the wound and associated trauma, the faster the brainwaves (beta frequency), which takes an individual further away from finding and healing the wound.
It is only when we train ourselves to turn inwards, slow our brainwaves down, let go of the mind ‘stories’ and feel inwards that we can go directly into the wound. The beginning of my profound healing journey began some years ago when I had a complete suicidal and psychotic break down. Some hours after this complete melt-down of my psyche I surrendered completely to a higher power… I had run out of options, and I didn’t know what else to do. Up until that point I had spent years agonizing over what he was doing, what he was saying and trying to seek my answers through trying to change him, while completely avoiding my own wounds that were screaming out at me. In this intensely profound spiritual awakening I instantly understood that the narcissist in my life was not the saviour of my wounds – he was in fact the messenger of my already existing wounds. At that time I didn’t have transformational healing tools – I had only received the profound awareness about what was really going on. I pulled away from the narcissist, somehow talked my way out of needing anti-psychotic medication, achieved strict No Contact and firmly focused my attention every day on healing myself. I was already a holistic healer, and I started coaching others who had been narcissistically abused. The weekly sessions were more of a ‘crutch’ and a ‘dependency’, and these individuals were not free or empowered in their own lives without these sessions.
On this quest I discovered huge personal breakthroughs with both theta healing and kinesiology.
I was so impressed by the results I began training diligently in both these healing modalities, and was thrilled to be able to completely eradicate my Complicated – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms with them. Previously, I had been told by contemporary health specialists, and numerous counsellors and psychologists as well as recovery abuse forums, that I would have C-PTSD for life. Yet, with the use of these tools, it took only two months for my symptoms to completely disappear.
However my agoraphobic condition had not been healed and I still had a deep-seated fear of being in open spaces or public places, which I had to constantly manage with different affirmation techniques, but could never actually heal it. I started working with clients with kinesiology and theta healing, who also received real accelerated healing results, yet some had severe wounding, like mine, which was still resistant even with the use of these modalities. After a few months with clients who wanted to just ‘talk’ and didn’t want kinesiology or theta healing, I refused to continue coaching sessions. I never again believed ‘talk therapy’ could create any real healing for traumatic abuse – because it didn’t. I didn’t realise that my life was going to change forever as a result of feeling inspired to combine three healing modalities into one. So one quiet afternoon in my hotel room I set the very firm intention that I was going to access the solution to heal myself. Then the channelling of how to combine three modalities occurred, and I took notes as if taking dictation from a much greater and more knowledgeable Source than myself.
During the hotel room session on myself I had received the deep and absolute knowing that I had always been agoraphobic – all my life – it was just the narcissistic abuse had brought it up in such an intensified form there was no avoiding this truth anymore. After this Quanta Freedom Healing breakthrough occurred, I was finally able to let go of other inner wounds at an incredible rate, and replace them with a beingness that far surpassed my greatest expectations. I was literally able to evolve myself from the ‘fearful’ areas of my life into what I call my “True Self Function”.
For the first time ever, I knew what it was to have real joy, and a real love for myself that was not reliant on conditions. I had never experienced those feelings before, even way before being narcissistically abused.
When I started using Quanta Freedom Healing in sessions with clients, I discovered these people were detaching from narcissists, breaking free emotionally, mentally and physically, and then they were reaching for breakthrough healings for other areas of their life where they had always felt stuck or limited.
These clients became excited about creating their lives from the inside out, and loved experiencing the miracles that life was rapidly reflecting back to them. Strikingly these individuals were also experiencing the organic emergence of profound insights, peace and wholeness as a result of connecting to their Higher Power.
I learnt very quickly that if clients wanted to take up time in sessions talking about traumatic issues, this was a complete waste of session time (as well as our energy resources) going over and over the issue with little or no resolution.
So instead I would step in, stop the conversation, and lead them into the Quanta Freedom Healing process to locate, release and shift the related trapped painful emotions and beliefs somatically.
The results were always the same – we would try to go back to ‘the issue’ and the consensus was “What issue? Then we could work through the next issue and the next and the next, without getting stuck, and my client was continually up-levelling, expanding and moving forward. I know 100% that many big issues could take decades (if ever) to resolve, yet with this system they can be cleared away in minutes. In fact, I know simply ‘talking about it’ would never have located the real inner wound in the first place.
The implementation of Quanta Freedom Healing in my work has not only allowed me to emotionally and personally expand, evolve and grow to levels that I never knew existed, it is the exact reason why so many people in this Community are not simply mere survivors of narcissistic abuse. I know without any doubt that I was meant to (for a higher reason) go through this life and death journey and discover this healing process.
I am so inspired that we now have the capacity to share an effective way to Thrive after narcissistic abuse on a much greater scale. This webinar is specifically for people who have not tried Quanta Freedom Healing and who are not on the NARP Program. In next week’s article I am going to explain how Quanta Freedom Healing works, how it makes recovery so much easier, and why it is so much more effective than the old healing model. If you are a current member of the NARP Program, and have embraced Thriver Recovery, please share this article and the proceeding article with any individual or communities that can benefit from moving past being a mere survivor, so we can spread the vital education – that it is possible to break free and THRIVE after narcissistic abuse. By doing so you will be doing a great service to help people all around the world recover from this horrific phenomenon. If you have any questions about this article or the upcoming webinar please leave them in the comments below, and I look forward to responding! Sign up below to join my Community of over 50,000 people, and receive weekly information, inspiration and tools to get your life back on track. May 22, 2014 I absolutely highly highly highly recommend this webinar to anyone who is stuck in the narc cycle at any stage – whether you are still in the relationship looking for answers, if you know that the narcissist is bad news and you are trying to find the strength to leave, are struggling with no contact, or have gone through the unbearable pain of discard.
After my first QFH I immediately felt so much better than I had in YEARS, and did not hesitate to purchase the program.
QFH and the Narp program turned my life around completely, a year and a half later, I am whole, I am happy, I am in love with life, I am married to a man who is everything I could ever want in someone, and I have found the inner strength to do things i never thought that I would be able to do – including losing 40lbs and becoming more fit and healthy on the outside.
Look up my THRIVER story on Mel’s blog, listen to our radio show, and hear for yourself.
It is so lovely seeing the blossoming, glowing angel you have become, and your happy life with your sweetheart!
As we release and release the layers of pain, then we start glowing and emerging from the inside. May 23, 2014 Hello Marcy R., I sense BIG TIME from your post that you need this badly. Absolutely nothing in my previous life experiences, logic or wildest dreams could’ve prepared me for what had taken place since my discard from the narcissist in the summer of 2008 or the aftermath. It almost caused my absolute self-destruction emotionally, physically and psychologically – by either suicide or a thread close to losing my sanity forever. One day in November 2011 when I was once again searching “Narcissistic Abuse” or “Narcissism”, I located Melanie’s website, glanced through it along with the testimonials for NARP and Quanta Freedom Healing and wanted so badly after living 2 ? years of absolute Hell after discard, the relief, recovery and empowerment that those survivors achieved. I started doing the work with severe brain fog, C-PTSD, still variations of depression, excruciating emotional and physical pain. The first couple or so of modules I struggled through not because they were hard but because of my conditions. It’s a contentment, joy, peacefulness, love of, reliance on self that’s hard to explain that I’d never experienced before. My C-PTSD that I probably had even years before finally diagnosed is basically non-existent. I still consider myself a work in progress and may probably always be, because I’ve always been in the mindset that there is always room for growth and improvement. I realized I was living in survivor mode most if not all of my life without normalcy, or the guidance as to how love and relationships work. I discovered the truth: How could I fully and truly love others if I didn’t truly love, respect or trust myself? I realized my childhood definitely helped me set up to be a perfect narcissistic abuse target.
I am so pleased NARP helped you, and you’re now such a gorgeous force in the world helping people heal from narc abuse.
Come into the Community Forum once you start Modules – we’d love to see you there!
In addition to the fact that we've been repeatedly rejected by our narcissists, there are very basic evolutionary reasons that rejection scares us so much. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson's love of writing offers her the unique ability to share a new understanding of how life works for a whole new generation.
Since I first dipped my toe into the lovely sea of blogging back in 2003 (with my personal weight loss blog), and even before that, when I was a high school student helping to create my school yearbook (and essentially the collective memories of a cross-section of Gen Xers), I have understood that writing offers me the ability to both learn and understand, but also to teach and communicate.
It's an online support group I host for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse - in an easy-to-access and convenient (yet private) forum - hosted on Facebook. Narcissists have the utmost faith in their personal convictions, and they’re no less convinced of their own lies than "normal" people are of basic facts (the sky is blue, the grass is green). Many victims feel haunted and tainted by the memories of what ‘use’ to be, and all the while knowing, it was never REAL!
I have been there and I know first hand, what it feels like to be haunted by the guiding shadow of a damaged man.
My plan was to build awareness and help others recognize a narcissist before getting involved, and potentially getting hurt!
We are often questioned, and sometimes embarrassed by the simple fact, “we cannot just GET OVER IT”!
We want to spend our lives with a caring and compassionate man, and any sign of selfishness is a warning sign. All most instantly, I fell madly in love with him, and was certain we would spend the rest of our lives together.
I tell my story to provide insight into the mind of a narcissist.  It is important we understand how a narcissist thinks and just what motivates him. Never before have you ever felt this type of intense bond with a man, and your life takes on a brand new meaning. You are convinced he is your soul mate, and he is everything you have always wanted in a partner, and more!
His sweet little nothings (and most of the time they are), his endearing notes and cards, his flowers, and surprises for no special occasion always win the hearts of women.
Never before have you encountered such a whirlwind of events that made you consciously know ‘He’s the one. Most of us, have been in the terrible spot of knowing the person we had fallen for, was not who we expected. Once you begin to understand how a narcissistic abuser operates, and how a narcissist eventually discards his sources of supply, you will then begin the healing process. In the beginning they build the unsuspecting loved one’s self-esteem up to a point they had never experienced before, and then slowly, painfully and viciously the narcissist tears them DOWN! Sure everyone puts their best foot forward when initially dating someone; however, Narcissists go above and beyond this!

There is no turning the clocks, and the man you feel in love with, will never be the same..
And the reality of knowing that once his conquest of obtaining your love has been achieved, the nightmare really begins! The narcissist conjures up the tiniest mistake, or oversight to use as an opening for a major battle. The narcissist has learned from previous performances exactly what it takes to lure in his next catch, and will go to extreme measures in getting what he wants. Victim’s of Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes, and from all types of backgrounds. In the world of a Narcissist, this new form of Narcissistic Source of Supply is what drives him.
Once you begin to truly REALIZE this is not about you, and it’s ALL ABOUT HIM, do you then begin to recover.
Once you understand how he must constantly change his source of supply, you will realize his rejection of you has NOTHING to do with you. Keep in mind, this evaluation of theirs is totally subjective and not grounded in reality at all.
Once you understand how the narcissist constantly change their sources of supply, you will realize their rejection, the high’s and low’s, being devalued or discarded has absolutely nothing to do with you! If he has discarded you for another woman, under no circumstance bargain yourself, or compare yourself to his new source.
You must get past the web he created in the beginning of the relationship, and see things for what they really are. Not only so, women are far too willing to give the man in her life the almighty power of controlling her happiness. You need to kick your urge of wanting to settle for yet another sleepless round of fantasia! In a typical breakup, we grieve the loss of love, the pain of saying goodbye, the sadness of something wonderful ending, broken promises and halted dreams. You Will Learn Ways That Will Help You Cope After The Break Up & Ways To Free Yourself From A Narcissistic Relationship! To begin this process, I will show you why the narcissist behaves they way they do, and how you can better understand the mind of someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. The 6-Steps are designed to help victim’s channel their energy, and improve the recovery process.
Only by understanding the narcissist, do we realize we have suffered emotional abuse and trauma at the hands of the person we love. We will focus on the narcissists behavior, so that you may avoid being a target of future abuse. I will uncover why it’s so hard for us to stay away from a narcissist and how to deal with the pain, the loss and the break up with a narcissist!
I will help you find ways to cope with the obsession you might experience, and provide simple outlets to help you begin your process of healing. If there is one thing the Narcissist sets out to do from day one is to control his victims. I will show you why no contact is critical to your recovery, and offer continuous support via our online forum.
Eight months after leaving my narcissist husband I can say my life has improved unbelievably!!! The pain, the shock, the disgrace and worst of it all, no warnings and absolutely no closure. A time when I would painfully have to accept that the relationship I was holding onto for the past three years had come to its final destination. In fact, many victim’s continue to be selfless servants, unable to separate themselves psychologically from the narcissist.
He will never change.  You must accept him for who he is and all his limitations or move on and create a new life for yourself. As I read her book I was continually amazed how she was able to take this very complicated psychological construct and distill it down to its fundamental nature – illustrating it in a way that was easy to understand.
She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.
You may feel like its too late, you’ve lost too much, you’re too old, or you’re in no state to rebuild your life.
Maybe you are in constant battle with the addiction and trying to stay away from the abuser  – and wondering why on earth you keep going back to the thoughts of pain, longing, regret and loss – even though you know you are an intelligent person and logically this person is NO good for you. This truth today, since working with thousands of people, has been proven and confirmed over and over again.
During this event you will be able to experience Quanta Freedom Healing with me in person live. The knowing that YES this insane behaviour is happening, that there is a name for it, and NO you are not simply delusional and imagining it!
This is what shocked so many of us – because maybe we had always been able to do that previously.
True healing is when we can directly address the core wounds (instead of just treating the surface symptoms), and then evolve ourselves from the inside out to a much greater, empowered, free and healed version than we ever were, even before being narcissistically abused. The information you are receiving at the cognitive mind level does not have the ability to communicate with your subconscious, where almost all of our patterns are playing out. That is where the emotional wounding is held and trapped, and within your subconscious is where your ongoing trauma and symptoms are being generated.
If we don’t go inwards to them ourselves, they appear to us – outside of us – via events and people in life.
Imagine the wound being painful, and you understand that until the wound is healed the pain won’t stop. The incredibly disappointing thing is we were not educated to know that working with our subconscious is essential. Then no longer are you trying to change yourself whilst remaining trapped in emotional agony. Many of these therapists and health service individuals now use Quanta Freedom Healing to up-level their own lives.
Over time, and when more trauma accumulates (which is probable when inner wounds are disowned), emotional pain compounds and gets worse. This requires taking awareness away from the mind, and into the emotions and energy in the body, and using a language that the subconscious understands. This is the state of blaming, victimisation, holding others responsible, feeling powerless and aggrieved and perpetuating panic, fear and trauma.
This is the state of establishing self-love and self-acceptance, and connecting to our ability to generate inner solidness, inner wisdom and inner empowerment.
Even though I could grant these people awareness and answers as to ‘why this had happened’, I discovered six months later, we were still going over the same pain and fear again and again, with little or no real progress. I strove to be free from the wounds I was carrying, and I was constantly trying different healing modalities, as well as contemporary therapy, and continually striving to up-level my own abuse symptoms.
This occurred because I was able to find and release my causation inner wounding of these nervous system disorders. My heart wasn’t in them anymore, because I knew it wasn’t healing them – it was only providing ‘support’. Travelling overseas alone, with agoraphobia, was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.
Then I applied this process by reaching deeply inside myself, identifying, claiming, releasing and transforming all the stuck emotional wounds that were the very reason I was horrifically agoraphobic. I was out in a crowded market street in Koh Sumui felt connected to everything as Oneness and love without any fear. Like myself, this was information and states not necessarily learned – rather a beingness that simply unfolded from within. There is a limit to how many people we can host in the event, so please allow these spaces for those who need it the most. As someone who was completely obsessed with my narc relationship, I was at rock bottom, suicidal at times, and desperate for something – anything, to make me feel whole again.
The truth is when we are shattered, we have many painful beliefs and traumas we need to work diligently on in order to release them – one at a time. These shifts only started happening when I worked with NARP, and even from the beginning I knew something incredible was happening inside of me. I wanted to fill my emptiness, loneliness, my inner void by trying to seek attention, excitement, gratification or happiness outside of myself. I finally realized that I never truly knew about or how to set personal boundaries, especially within the family or within my relationships. I have purchased but not yet begun Melanie’s program and I look forward to the deep tissue healing that your are talking about.
And I look forward to doing the work of going belief by belief toward my THRIVING new life.
Fear and discomfort are lousy excuses for not doing something, provided your life isn't in danger. When things don't work out, you've been provided with an occasion to learn something valuable. You probably are already aware that narcissistic parents refuse to respect or even acknowledge their children’s desires. He showered you with tons of attention, and seemed like the prince charming you’ve always read about? He appeared more loving, and more sensitive to my needs and desires than any man I’ve ever met. Yes, after all the years of abuse, after years of trying, years of giving to a man, with hardly anything in return, I was calling it quits! I was tired of being in a constant state of confusion, constantly depressed and most of all, I was tired of wondering and questioning myself.
I want to help you recognize a narcissist, the narcissists personality before he takes advantage of you.
I found myself dumbfounded wondering what happened to the intense love they once had for me. His charm, his quick thinking, his enduring tactics, and the remarkable feeling we feel when falling for a narcissist, is unlike anything you’ve probably experienced. He is captured by her amazing talents, her brilliance, her sweetness, and any other personality trait he can hone in on. But now, he ignores you, he uses “silent treatment” to punish you, and you are left with the obsession of wondering WHY! For obvious reasons of course, you desperately try to FIX the problem; however, you quickly discover that your attempts not only fail, they go unnoticed. He or she throws out empty accusations with vehemence as if they were the worst crime ever perpetrated. While there has been speculation that narcissist feed off the weak, I firmly believe that the women who Narcissists are most attracted to, are far from being weak! His pursuit to conquer this new conquest motivates him, it keeps him alive, and makes him feel complete.
With A narcissist – You will spend the rest of your life following the shadow of a man who is damaged by his narcissistic personality disorder! Again, this is why getting over a narcissist and the break up with a narcissist is so hard.
I’ve connected all the dots and realize that I couldn’t have changed the course of horrendous events that I was faced with earlier this year.
Through many of my readings on the subject, I learned it is much more, and my experience with a Narcissist is not unique; however, cannot truly be understood by anyone who has not experienced it for themselves. As sad as it seems, as I think and reflect back, the relationship was merely holding on by life support, and had been for a very long time.Even though I can see this now, I was completely blinded by my love for him. He still lives rental free in my head to some degree, but guess what, I don?t care anymore.
It is critical that you realize the advice I provide women is based upon my own personal experiences, as well as, years of research. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide. It is the energy of e-motion (energy in motion) that creates our thought patterns, fear and associated behaviour. What this means is we have internalised the abuser, and the abusive acts and we remain bonded to them, and we will continue re-living and re-creating that abuse over and over again.
The more the wound is ignored and left untreated, the further it festers and spreads, and the pain continues. I thought I was merely a pure victim of his carnage – an unfortunate statistic of a sociopath. As soon as I accessed these modalities I could feel real healing taking place, at a level I hadn’t felt before. It didn’t feel right when I saw accelerated healing with every client at an unprecedented rate when kinesiology or theta healing was applied. I literally collapsed into her arms at the other end, and soon within the confines of the hotal perimeter I felt happy and safe again, yet I was terrified about leaving the hotel perimeter. When I then really Wanted to get better, was willing to put in the time and effort, for Me, I started doing sessions every day. Many bestselling novels were rejected numerous times before someone finally published them. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson's clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. The experience of my own personal pain from loving a narcissistic man, and the journey to recovery.
Precisely for this reason, most narcissistic relationships evolve very quickly, and his motive of trying to speed up the sensation of attachment is secured.
In fact, narcissistic men live for the chase, and they are ALWAYS looking for bigger and brighter stars! In the mind of a narcissist, nothing short of having the best job, the best education, the highest ranking position, the best children, and the most perfect partner will do.
The more comfortable the relationship becomes, and the more caring she becomes, the less enticing she is to him.
But what I found after being discarded and totally blind-sided, is that I was not his only victim! I was constantly going back and forth and it was wearing me down so much and took a toll on the kids as well. I can only assume the majority of my intense emotions were driven by the fact he had been my first everything. In addition, if there is one thing you should know, your happiness alone, will instantly get to a narcissist. You will only receive emails from Lisa about her latest topics, product updates and daily blogs. My website and forums provide women from around the world with comfort and advice on how to free themselves from a narcissist and a narcissistic relationship!
We continue putting ourselves in abusive situations, or at the very least we continue re-traumatising ourselves with ongoing obsessional thoughts of abuse, powerlessness and victimhood. I had also believed I could find a way to fix his mental disorder, and if I didn’t that my life would be destroyed. If you have truly had enough of living as you are, know that you do have the strength to do one more thing.
It has been an 18 month learning process and your writings helped me to endure the last year when I was living with the active sex addiction, the mind-bending and my own depression. Please note, that being discarded by a narcissist should not imply you were not the best, and thus the reason he lost interest.
Despite how wonderful and amazing you truly are (and you are), the narcissist is NEVER satisfied! After reading that book; actually I read it 3 times within an hour to make sure I was actually reading correctly. It is the most comprehensible book I have read on the subject and I can relate so well to your experience. I am laughing again, being there for my kids, holding head high and starting to really love myself, maybe for the first time in my life. I am not a doctor, psychologist, or licensed professional, and results may vary from woman to woman.
Professional Affiliations Atkinson is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists, including the St. The fact remains, his mind never rests, and this ever changing shift of needing MORE, is simply a part of his mental makeup.
I suppose what made it worse, is that after all the lies of telling me he loved me and how we would spend the rest of our lives together, he chose HER! I would almost say I am grateful for all the pain this brought me, without it I would never have taken a closer look at myself gaining this knowledge and setting boundaries for my feelings and needs. He may write you poetry, takes you out for romantic dinners, whisk you off on fairytale vacations, and above it all.. Still I have some way to go to get really healed but I am considering it now being my life goal. She studied journalism at Eastern Illinois University and earned her life coach certification through the Universal Coach Institute.
Either way, it was coming to an end and for the first time in my life, I was completely losing it.

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Comments »

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