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admin | Want My Ex Back | 19.10.2013
Roni Cohen-Sandler is the author of Stressed Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure.
Rachel gives dynamic workshops and engaging presentations to young women, parents and educators across the country. Rachel explains why “just kidding” is so toxic for girls, and shares the amazing, world famous No Joke Zone code to deal with it! Rachel Simmons is an author, educator and coach helping girls and young women grow into authentic, emotionally intelligent and assertive adults. Wow have you even met me because I have no idea what gave you that impression, was it something I said? Well I am honoured that this blog has 154 followers (why are you all so obsessed with me), but this isn’t actually my blog, this is just for purposes of publicizing the theme on this blog (which you can download here).
Joni Reene from Opposing Views has written an article on the degradation of her health as a result of lack of touch. She was fortunate enough to know a friend who she could approach for pressure-free intimacy.
Although some regions are clearly more interested in a cuddle buddy than others, there are certain scenarios that lead to this desire that are universal.
If this image belongs to you or is your intellectual property, please submit a copyright notification instead of reporting it.
We encourage users to report abusive images and help us moderate the content on We Heart It. A: I commend you for recognizing that you have a problem, for acknowledging the health risks, and for reaching out for help. It can also be very helpful to journal your emotions before and after binging and purging to become more aware of the feelings driving your behavior, and to identify which emotions are most difficult for you to tolerate. I urge you to seek an assessment with a psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders, and to schedule a physical with your doctor.
A: Next time you talk with your mom ask her if she recalls you having similar attention problems in elementary school. There areA other possible explanations for your recent changes in your behavior and emotions.
If you've never had a psychiatric or mental health evaluation, it's natural to be a little nervous because you have no idea what to expect.A  When you set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, he or she might give you some questionnaires to fill out before the appointment. You are in a stressful time of life full of transitions and important decisions a€“ graduate school, serious relationships, career choices.
I'm not sure if other people can see, though -- no one looked at me strangely or anything when my face twitched. Today after my sister; Jannie, had returned home she told me that she needed to have a serious talk with me. Basically, Jannie had told me that they were talking about how I changed throughout high school and how I was acting more of a b*%#h; excuse my language. She complains too much but claims she doesn't, tends to throw things into peoples faces; not literally, but claims she is not like that, and lastly the one I dislike most, pretends not to talk about people but later on talks about other people behind their back.
Part of this transition to adulthood is that you're trying to figure out who you want to be. Ask them to come to you directly with their concerns instead of talking with each other about you. Write down 3 things: the difficult feelings you have for each one of them, the positive feelings you have toward them, and why having a close relationship with them is so important to you. About a year ago I went to my doctor and told her how I was feeling, she told me I had symptoms of BPD and to maybe see a therapist.
Please reach out to a psychotherapist in your area who specializes in working with BPD to get an official diagnosis, and to get help to understand and manage your intense emotions, change what you believe about yourself, and to learn more effective ways of relating to others. I failed three of my classes and the fights and insults got worse, my parents took away nearly everything I had and I almost committed suicide twice, My doctor finally told my mother I NEED to get therapy so she did reluctant, and told me the entire way about what a failure I am.
I went to therapy for about 3 months and stopped, my therapist was ignorant and treated me like a little kid.
A: Thanks for reaching out for help to figure out how to manage your feelings of loneliness and hopelessness and stop your self-destructive behavior.
Don't let the fact thatA you didn't connect with your therapist before discourage you from seeking therapy again.A  If you don't want to go back to the therapist you've seen previously, ask your mom, your physician, or a school counselor to help you find another therapist who you feel more comfortable with. It sounds like you're trying to tell your parents, through your symptoms, that you're in a lot of emotional pain, and instead of hearing your pain they're seeing your choices as "bad behavior" instead of as a desperate cry for help. Our earliest attachments to our parents or guardians provides a template for our future relationships, especially when it comes to our sexual relationships. A: It's wonderful that you're wanting to get to the bottom of your obsession by reaching out for help. Here are a few questions to help you start looking deeper and start to discover what this fantasy is really about and why it is so intense and long-lasting. When you are thinking about having this celebrities love what emotions, in addition to sexual attraction, come up inside you? If I had more information about your relationship history I could help you make more sense of your obsession. I have childhood onset bipolar disorder and have been in therapy, on and off, for many years.
Please note that my psychiatrist is extremely professional and there are obvious boundaries in our therapeutic relationship, yet he is also very caring and sensitive to my thoughts and feelings. While it would be a huge risk to share these intense feelings with your psychiatrist, I encourage you to do so. I've been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to formulate my thoughts into a paragraph but I can't do it so I'm just going to list feeling as they come to mind. 3.A  I'm not suicidal, but I constantly question why I'm living and try to come up with reasons to continue on.
7.A  I observe everyone's actions with relationships and reasoning and feel like everyone is, for lack of a better term, retarded. I'm sure there is more but as it is it took me an hour just to get those 10 down.A  Please help with some kind of advice. My son's therapist suggested I see someone, but I don't know if that's the right thing I need. After seeking support for you, I recommend accessingA  additional help for you and your family.
Check with your local school district about parenting classes and support groups for children and families with ADHD and other behavior problems. During all these tough time in life I had a very good friend who supported me and understood me and cared for me a lot who proposed me for marriage as well but I never had any feelings for him more than as a friend.
There is a third option I'd like to suggest and that is to not move forward with either option. A: Your jealousy toward your sister is certainly understandable given your ex-boyfriend's attraction to her, but your intense jealousy is misplaced. Feeling hurt and betrayed after a breakup is normal, and the fact that your boyfriend broke up with you via text doesn't say much about his character.A  When you feel the jealousy toward your sister coming up, identify it for what it is -- hurt and fear. I'm just tired of feeling so alone all the time, I mean it used to not bother me as bad but now that I'm getting older it really has taken a toll on me. Thank you for listening and really do hope you respond, because the truth is this is my only hope. I'm curious about your comment, "I hate it when people have sympathy for me." Sympathy and empathy are ways that people express love and concern for you, which is what we all ultimately want and need. It's hard to believe, but your life can get better and you can have meaningful relationships, but the first step is to let someone in your life know about your pain and ask them for help. After waking up from an operation, and still hopped up on anesthesia, this kid tells his mom that he and "his boy, Rocco" killed people in Dubai. Officials in Jackson, Mississippi, finally took action after residents threw a birthday party for a big pothole.
If your current bedtime is midnight and you want to be dreaming by 10 PM, first aim for 11:45.
If your brain won’t power down, think of a calming scene (like the beach), meditate, or practice yogic breathing.
Use a pad and pen on your night table to write it down any worry or idea that pops into your head. Perfume your pillow with drops of soothing lavender or soak in a tub with bath oil and Epsom salts. It was only after she got herself a cuddle buddy that her insomnia was cured and general well-being improved.
West Virginia claimed second place, while Maine proved to be the state least in need of affection, at 94% below America’s average. One example is a difficult relationship break-up, which can leave people feeling desperate for affection and in a mentally vulnerable state.
But please keep in mind that reporting images that are not abusive is against our terms of service and can get your account blocked. While I can give you suggestions to try and change your behavior, it's important to recognize that overcoming eating disordered behavior is much more than controlling your actions.
Consider that your symptoms may be signaling that it's time to shift from doing things on your own to learning to ask for and accept help.
You may find the book Mindful Eating and the workbook Overcoming Bulimia helpful in gaining awareness of the emotional and psychological roots of your behavior. While your symptoms do sound a lot like adult ADD, ita€™s important to determine whether you experienced these symptoms during childhood or whether they are new.
Depression or anxiety disorders often emerge in young adulthood and symptoms are similar to what you're describing - difficulty concentrating, irritability, lack of motivation. An evaluation will provide a clear diagnosis andA suggest course of treatment to help you manage your symptoms.A Your doctor will likely recommend medication or psychotherapy, or a combination of both. I think this may be due to a subconscious anxiety or something, because I don't actually feel afraid. Before your next presentation make sure you're well prepared, have enough sleep, avoid caffeine and try deep breathing exercises.
I defending myself by saying that I go to a high school in New York and I can't be how I was in middle school; a pushover, shy, anti-social, but now it's time to confront my friends.
My sister always tends to agree with my "friends" instead of me and Carrie, she thinks I changed because I have more "attitude".


I hear that you're feeling really alone and you're trying to make sense of the feedback your sister and your friends are giving you.
You don't want to be a pushover like you used to be, so you're trying to take a stronger stand.
Ask your parent, your school counselor, or other trusted adult to help you find someone to talk to coach you through these relationship struggles. I don't even know how to act in a relationship because I usually push the other person away in fear that once they get to know me they'll leave me, so I leave first. I'm glad that you are reaching out for help with your confusing and painful emotions and trying to figure out what to do to feel better.A  I agree with you and with your doctor. The good news is that treatment is available and can be very effective, but it will take a long-term commitment to healing on your part. She blew off how I was upset about my parents and my hair falling out due too PCOS and being diabetic. It's not uncommon for adolescents to love and hate their parents at the same time when they feel invalidated or misunderstood. Self-injury, suicide attempts and failing grades are all signs that you need professional help as soon as possible. Your family can learn new ways of relating with each other and dealing with conflict, and healthier ways to manage emotions. A family therapist can help you and your parents understand what's going on below the surface for you, and help you understand your parents' fears and intentions.
I'm guessing that you might even feel like you'll never have your love and safety needs met in relationships.
It is likely that your current pattern with lovers is an extension of an earlier pattern where you experienced yourself as undeserving of love and nurturing and you internalized feelings of shame ("I'm bad").
In order to figure out why this fantasy relationship has such a hold on you, I urge you to dig deeper and discover what this celebrity represents to you, emotionally and relationally. When they do I recommend framing them in a non-judgmental way that includes identifying what the desires are really about.
Since I don't, please consider seeking a counselor to help you get to the emotional root of your obsession and begin to heal your unmet needs. I have been seeing my psychiatrist for three years now and approximately one year ago, I started seeing him weekly for therapy sessions as well as med management. I can feel how much you respect your psychiatrist and how meaningful it has been to you to have a safe place to share your deepest thoughts, feelings, and experiences.A  As you said, it is not uncommon to have sexual feelings toward your psychotherapist, especially if this is the first time you've felt emotionally safe and nurtured by a male. It sounds like he has proven to be very skilled, professional, and helpful to you in your therapy so far, so hold on to your positive experiences with him in order to muster up the courage to bring up your feelings in an upcoming session.
I feel nothing on a regular basis.A  For example if I got a call saying that my mother died, I don't think I would even cry. I'm irritable beyond belief.A  If someone asks me to do something I get pissed for them even asking me. I bite my fingers all the time, not just the nails, but the skin around it.A  After searching the internet I found over-focused ADHD which I believe I fit all the symptoms of.
Sometimes I get stuck on negative thoughts and experiences.A  For example, if I call a friend and they don't answer I immediately think they are ignoring me and go into a downward spiral of depression until I hear back from them.
Ask them to take you to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist to get a mental health evaluation.
I end up snapping at everyone or not dealing with normal issues, because I feel so overwhelmed. Help?A  I'm afraid of losing my son to his illness, my husband because of the difficulties with son, and my sanity in it all. You've hung in there a long time with your son's illness and it sounds like it's wearing you down emotionally. Since you already have a relationship with your son's therapist, he or she may be an excellent referral source for additional support services. If you're feeling overwhelmed by my suggestions, ask your husband to help you research additional services to help your family during this time of crisis.
I'm from India and 26 old.A  As typical orthodox family in India my parents started seeing for marriage proposals. While I am unfamiliar with the cultural norms of arranged marriages in India, I do know that it's painful to have a man you love choose to marry someone else. Please take some time and figure out what you value most in your life and what you want in your relationships. I think that the real question is why would you choose to get back together with a guy who told you he had feelings your sister?
Every time I got to school I get called fat, ugly, pig, horse face, I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. It is painful, especially during the teen years, to be excluded from peers and to feel on the outside of social events.A  I feel bad that you've been so mistreated by your peers. I know it feels like a huge risk, but the only way to help the loneliness is to let someone in and share your painful feelings with -- your parents, or a trusted teacher or school counselor. The Arizona student, who attended Red Mountain High School, exposed his genitals in his high schoola€™s varsity football team photo after being dared to do so by a teammate. After finishing activities and way too much homework, many girls postpone going to bed so they can catch up with friends and check out their Facebook pages.
For example, too little REM sleep (one of the cycles during the night) interferes with associative learning.
Every few days, or as soon as you adjust to the new bedtime, start your routine 15 minutes earlier until you can nod off to sleep easily around 10:00. For example, try inhaling slowly and deeply to the count of 4, holding your breath for 4 counts, and then exhaling for 6 counts. Research shows that looking at the bluish light of computers and other electronics interferes with sleep cycles by increasing alertness and suppressing the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin.
I do believe that it is a team effort between the student, teacher, coach, and parents that can help student get 9+ hours of sleep.
When everyone is committed to insuring teenagers get more sleep, it definitely helps by giving them permission. Through your writing, you should be making a positive difference in the lives of many growing girls and young women. Our website helps to prevent unhealthy rebounds by essentially providing relationship rehab.
But still, playboy star John Stamos has hooked up with College Humor to give you guys advice on how to cuddle. Recovery also requires learning new skills to manage your thoughts and emotions, and learning to get comfort and soothing in relationships, instead of in food.
If you do indeed have bulimia, your chances of recovery are higher if you seek help now instead of months or years down the road. ADD is often associated with other mental health conditions as well, so there may be a combination of issues that you're struggling with.
Make sure youa€™re taking care of your basic needs by getting adequate sleep, eating well, and engaging in regular recreation and exercise.
I hope someone can help me before this issue gets me more depressed than I already am; dealing with the right university, and money issues. I think I know the reason for that; I had a bad day and got into a fight and accidentally gave her an attitude.
It's natural to feel guarded and to protect your feelings when you feel attacked and betrayed. It may be difficult for your friends and sister to know how to handle the changes you're trying to make. I never thought much of it because I just thought I was a normal teenage girl who liked to party a little too much, didn't really know who I was, and was sad & insecure sometimes. What you are describing does sounds like characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder. My parents refuse too believe anything is wrong with me and every day scream at me and break things as well as insult me about how useless I am and how I am always ruining their lives! It sounds like you and your parents aren't sure how to help you.A  My guess is that they're very scared and are trying to motivate you by grounding you from friends and threatening to take away privileges, which in turn makes you feel punished and hopeless. The therapist can also help your parents learn options to support and motivate you other than putdowns and punishments, and can help you understand and express your deeper feelings and needs to your parents in a way that your parents are more likely to hear. The fact that your mom was willing to take you to therapy before is a sign that she recognizes that therapy can be valuable, and that is a good sign. While I don't know your history, I can guess that this pattern likely has roots in an important early relationship in which your needs for safety, love, and nurturing were not met, or where you were physically or emotionally abandoned, abused or neglected. Please seek psychotherapy to help you identify and resolve this painful pattern and discover how lovable you really are.
It sounds like in this fantasy love relationship you feel desired, special, treasured, accepted, and embraced by someone special -- the very things that we all long for and look for in our love relationships. Click on the Find Help above to find a psychotherapist in your area to help you move on from this celebrity obsession and find more satisfaction and fulfillment in reality. Coupled with the fact that I have so much self-hatred for myself, I fear that if I tell him about my feelings for him, that he will abandon me also.
Start slowly and start with sharing generalities, just like you've shared in your email to me. Though I can't diagnose you without seeing you in person, I can tell you that what you are describing sounds to me like depression -- the empty feeling, the extreme irritability, and the difficulty finding a reason to live, social withdrawal, and negativity. I'm glad to know that your son is in therapy, and from what you're describing, it sounds like it is time for you to get some help.A  I suggest specifically being assessed for depression and anxiety. Have you discussed with your son's therapist your need for specific skills to manage your son's behavior, or requested to include the family in the treatment process?A  If your son's therapist isn't comfortable with family therapy, ask if there are any recommended colleagues who work with marriage and family issues.
I always wanted my life partner to be as a good friend and lover and I'm not sure whether my feelings would change towards him.
If I'm understanding your question correctly, you're wondering if you should marry your "good friend" with the hope that romantic feelings develop, or if you should go ahead with the arranged marriage with to a man who doesn't treat you well.
He said that he used to get a feeling when he was around my sister, but he doesn't get it anymore. I think you're pushing your sister away to avoid getting hurt again, but it's not going to work. I recommend that you focus less on your sister and more on building your own feelings of self-worth so you can feel deserving of a relationship with someone who wants to be with you.


I've tried to make friends before but I'm probably what you could call a "outcast" I don't really fit in and it really does bug me. It gets so bad sometimes that I feel like just running to the bathroom and cry my eyes out. The photo was then published in the schoola€™s yearbook a€” somehow without a single person noticing. Thankfully, Bloomberg Politics compiled all of them, named some of them, and set it all to the tune of that classic waltz, "The Blue Don-ube." Enjoy! That means you can memorize random facts okay, but may have trouble connecting and more deeply understanding information.
Being absent and making up missed work causes you to stay up even later; this is bad because you need sleep to get better. I love your relaxation techniques (so true that thoughts are whirling before bed) and I will definitely try them!
For the first time in three months, sleep encompassed me the moment I lay down, and I awoke refreshed. Before this problem I was healthy and now I fear that all my hard work I have completed over the years to be a healthy person are going down the drain.
Even if you're not ready to openly share your struggle with them reaching out to a trusted loved one can delay the urge to engage in self-destructive behavior and provide you with emotional support.
In addition to your evaluation and psychotherapy, you and your boyfriend may want to consider couples counseling to help repair any damage to your relationship. No matter what your diagnosis, all of these lifestyle choices will help you manage your symptoms and will contribute to your overall health and happiness. If the twitching continues, consult with your physician to rule out other medical conditions. You see Martha and I are close friends and we had our share fights in the past, one fight includes me telling her a secret and her exposing it to everyone so, I had an issue with trusting her with things. The fact that you're in a time of transition and making big life decisions like schooling and finances is extremely stressful. For the most part we usually fight because of me, I get these feelings and emotions that come out of no where and I freak out about. The fact that you are in your first relationship, and with someone you have a connection to is likely heightening your fears and insecurities, but is probably not causing them. I urge you to contact your doctor to get a referral to a therapist or to click the Find Help link at the top of this page and find a therapist who specializes in personality disorders and begin your journey of healing. To find specific therapists in your area, please click the Find Help link at the top of this page. I have seen this pattern in my clinical practice over and over again, so I want to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling stuck in a pattern of seeking unhealthy relationships. Through psychotherapy you can work to resolve any childhood wounds or unhealthy patterns that are getting in the way of you giving and receiving love. I have lost myself, believing that we have many things in common, and that he really loves me even though we never meet.
The problem isn't in wanting those things, but in holding on to a fantasy that will never really satisfy your needs instead of finding ways to get your emotional needs met in real-life relationships. Thanks for letting me know that I still have some emotional healing to do when it comes to my male relationships.
You can share your feelings without sharing all of the details of your fantasies.A  The ability to work through your erotic feelings for your psychiatrist with him, and to experience his continued support and acceptance may allow you to reach a new level of healing. The good news is that there are several very effective treatments for depression, including cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and medication treatment. The irritability, overwhelming feelings, and fears you're describing deserve attention and treatment. Also, ask your son's therapists for book recommendations about your son's specific struggles.
A man who treats you poorly during courtship is likely to continue to mistreat you after marriage. You may want to consider continuing to date your "very good friend" nonexclusively and see if any deeper feelings develop, while you continue to meet other people.
If this is happening at school, please reach out to a counselor or administrator so they can help put a stop to this cruel behavior and make sure that they keep your identity private so you don't have to suffer retaliation from peers. Please talk to your parents about your depression and ask them for help in finding a counselor in your area who works with adolescents. I did not have a desire for sexual relations with my new snuggle buddy, and made that clear. For some reason they made me look up borderline personality disorder and I relate more then ever. To find a therapist in your area who can help you please click on the Find Help link at the top of the page and look for some one with experience in trauma and family of origin issues.
The intensity of your fantasy and the large age difference between you and and this celebrity makes me suspect that you have a "hole in your soul" regarding an important male relationship in your early life that needs some attention and healing.
If your parents have generally been supportive of you in the past, they will likely respond positively to your request for help. It's common for parents of children with chronic mental health issues to feel discouraged, down, overwhelmed, and scared.A  It's also common to feel isolated, alone, and helpless. If you haven't already done so, it may be helpful to read about your son's illnesses, and encourage your husband to do the same.
If your parents agreed to "drop" the arranged marriage after you shared your concerns with them, then I suggest you let go of that relationship for good and seek out other options for marriage. As long as you're focused on keeping your sister away from all of your male friends you'll stay stuck in the jealousy instead of learning how to move on in a healthy way after a relationship breakup.
My mother has started to notice it, she always suggests I hangout with my friends but truth is I don't have the heart to tell her I don't really have any. And I don't wanna tell my parents because they'll feel bad for me and I hate it when people feel sympathy for me. Also, your parents or counselor can help you find an adolescent therapy group to help you practice relating to peers in positive ways, help you understand why relationships are so difficult for you, and develop the skills to build and maintain strong friendships. So cheating yourself of sleep to cram for a test usually backfires; you’re better off getting a few extra zzzzzs.
I know that I have some self esteem issues and I will continue to work on that, but do you have any advice or tricks to stop these behaviors that have seemed to become habitual and uncontrollable. My habits of cleanliness such as my apartment have declined because I refuse to motivate myself to clean. I don't know if it's all coming out because I just have no idea how to function in a relationship or because something really is wrong. I have seen many clients heal from this destructive relationship patterns and go on to have fulfilling relationships, so I have hope that you can too.
I am in a happy relationship now, for over a year, but these sexually desires for this celebrity keep coming back. Goodbye" After acknowledging the fantasy, don't focus on it, but turn to your current relationship for connection and comfort.
If for some reason they aren't supportive, please reach out to another adult, like a school counselor, for help.
Gaining more understanding about what your son is going through may help you frame his illness in a more manageable way, help you less overwhelmed, and help you feel more prepared to support him. Since it seems that your parents responded to your concerns before, I encourage you to consult them again and ask for their help in finding other men to court. It started at the age of 11 when I started to notice I didn't have a lot of friends like all the other kids did.
I'll find myself in the kitchen then in the bedroom for some reason the randomly in the bathroom, ultimately accomplishing nothing. I just don't think it's that hard to learn how to be in a relationship and I don't think most people go through this. I come up with these fantasies that his children will love me, his friends want us to be together. But after that he happened to meet a gal and she fell in love with him and proposed him too. I constantly need reassurance that he likes, that he thinks I'm pretty, that he likes my body, that I'm important to him. So if you have any suggestions or tips to help me slowly stop these bulimic behaviors I would appreciate it so much. I also feel pressured on what to do when I finish my masters and feel like I'm too lackadaisical to even search for jobs. When he's not around, all I can think is that I could be single, that it would be better that way. My relationship with my boyfriend is also affected by this in that I'll freak out on him, refuse sex, and find him at the mercy of which high or low I'll be on.
I'll also find myself drinking and smoking cigarettes more often to avoid doing work or tasks.
I would have been able to tell you how much they’d clash with my sweater and prevent you from buying them in the first place, and also, who wears leg warmers in August?
I feel like I have adult ADD due to these symptoms and have spoken with my mother, who revealed she believes she has it as well but was never properly diagnosed. I also find myself thinking; If he's not with me and he's not texting me I think he's cheating because why would someone like him want anything to do with someone like me? After this, the marriage proposal also didn't go well, as I found the guy to be very rude and never understanding me. But then sometimes I think I could get a way better looking guy then him, that I'm too good for him. I decided to quit it and conveyed to my parents, and after a lot of discussions, my parents dropped it.



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