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admin | How To Get A Ex Boyfriend Back | 04.09.2015
One of the most common mistakes people make when they try to get back with your ex is acting desperate and needy. Today, we will focus on how to help you get back with your ex without you looking desperate and needy. Common Desperate And Needy Behaviors Crying, Begging And Pleading Are you guilty of crying, begging and pleading with your ex not to break up with you? In fact, it is a natural reaction for most people when their ex tell them that the relationship is over and they are leaving. I would say that it rarely works, especially your ex is the type of person who is stubborn and firm once he has made up his mind.
Even if it works in the occasional cases, it is most likely that your ex takes you back out of pity and guilt. Texting And Calling Incessantly Another common desperate behavior after breakup is that you can't help but call and text your ex nonstop. If you put yourself in your ex's shoes for a while, how do you think you would feel if you keep receiving text messages or calls from someone whom you don't want to be together with? Writing Your Ex A Love Letter Sometimes you feel that you have so much to say to your ex that you think writing him or her a love letter would be a good idea.
Your ex will have his or her guard up whenever you try to reach out because your ex knows you are trying to get him or her back. Buying Your Ex Expensive Gifts Some of my readers go as far as buying expensive gifts to please your ex, hoping that their ex would change their mind and take them back. In your mind, you might be thinking like this: if I send my ex nice gifts, my ex will be happy and touched when he or she receives it. You can picture this scenario in your head over and over again, but in reality it never happens. Your ex would probably think that you were still affected by the breakup very much and you are an emotional wreck. Sleep with your ex Women tend to make the fatal mistake of sleeping with their ex boyfriends because they naively think that having sex with their ex will make their ex want to get back together. So, don't put yourself in a position where your ex boyfriend can easily take advantage of your emotional vunerability and use you for sex.
A Sense of Loss of Security, Love And Happiness If you depend on your relationship (or your ex) to feel a sense of security, love and happiness, you will inevitably feel devastated when the relationship comes to an end.
Did you ever think to yourself that you will never be able to find anyone like your ex again? Addicted To Your Ex (And Your Relationship) When you were in a relationship with your ex, your ex became an integral part of your life. How To Avoid Looking Desperate And Needy Put Yourself Before Your Ex And Your Relationship You need to learn to put yourself at the center of your life instead of your ex. Another problem that comes with centering your life around your ex is that you will find yourself become more and more needy. My advice is that you need to build a life filled with fun and meaningful activities and surrounded by closed friends and family, not just your ex and your relationship. And when you feel like you don't need your ex, naturally you will be more assured of yourself and more confident about yourself. Make Your Ex Think It Is His Or Her Idea To Get Back Together If you have already done a few desperate things to get your ex back, there is no need to panic. You need to make your ex think that it is his or her decision to want to get back with you. You have seen how much emotional influence your ex has on you and how that made you do stupid and crazy things to get your ex back.
Remember, we all want what we cannot have and we all fear losing things that make us feel good and happy. Now, inside your head, you must be wondering how to make your ex associate good feelings with talking to you?
It is better not sending your ex any text messages than sending him or her those boring text messages.
To make your ex re-associate good feelings with talking to you, you need to make the conversation enjoyable and engaging.
Before you text your ex, think about what your ex will think when he or she sees your text. Know Your Self-Worth And Make Your Ex Realize How Lucky It Will Be To Have You When you feel rejected by your ex, the inner voice inside your head is probably telling you that you are not good enough and you are not worthy.
If you listen to these destructive inner voice and believe what it is telling you, you will actually act on it instead of challenging it.
So, you need to be conscious of what your inner voice is telling you and stop the negative thoughts from taking control of your life. So, what do you do if your ex blocks you and you have absolutely no way of contacting your ex? One of the most, if not the most favorite three words we love to hear from the people we love is “I love you”. To get your ex-boyfriend to chase after you again after breakup is possible, if you know exactly what you should do and exactly what you should never do. One of the most frequently asked question by my readers is how to get their ex to love them again. It’s a word that the women of this site are all too familiar with and it just so happens to be the topic of my latest guide. If you were to ask me to be completely honest with you I feel I have been in a bit of a rut lately when it comes to this site.
Yes, I still put in the same amount of work as I always have but I feel that a lot of the guides that I do put out there cover a lot of the same information that I have already talked about on this site and that annoys me. By the end of this guide I aim to provide a lot of new insight into men that I have never talked about before.
In this section I am going to be covering why desperate behaviors are a turn off to ex boyfriends.Want to Know EXACTLY How Likely You Are to Get Your ExBoyfriend Back, in Only 2 Minutes? In addition to that I am going to give you a list of all the desperate behaviors that I have seen women commit via my tenure here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery (and I mean all of them.) First though, It is probably a good idea for me to really explain why desperate behavior is a turn off and believe me when I say that what I am about to talk about next may blow you away.
I have always found it interesting that most desperate behaviors usually don’t become desperate until after you have already broken up with someone. For example, as you can see below (in the section after this one) calling an ex too much can be labeled as desperate. However, it’s almost like a switch is flipped after a breakup and that behavior that I absolutely loved during the relationship (having a girlfriend call me) all of a sudden becomes desperate, needy and unattractive. It’s basically this switch that gets flipped in your exes mind that turns all the behavior that he may have loved from you in the past to being desperate and needy.
Lets turn our attention to the many types of desperate behaviors that I have seen you ladies commit over the years. I have seen a lot of different types of desperate behaviors in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. You are in a lot of pain and need to find an outlet to put that pain into so you decide to go barhopping and you have one too many drinks. Oh, and lets not forget that drunk dialing comes off as completely pathetic and desperate and you WILL say things that you probably don’t mean at all.
The first issue is the fact that women who sleep with their exes are prime candidates for becoming friends with benefits and make no mistake about it, to most guys fwb is a much more appealing option than having a girlfriend. I used to always wonder why women would be dumb enough (yes I said it) to fall into the sleeping with an ex trap. Well, what I am getting at here is that women are ultimately the ones that decide whether or not a man is going to have sex.
Ok, in fantasy land that may actually happen but we live in the real world here and in the real world if you have sex with your ex (if you two are still broken up) the only thing he is going to fall in love with is the idea of being friends with benefits. Loving someone who you don’t think loves you back is probably one of the most depressing feelings you can possibly have. On the one hand you feel that you have so much love to give and on the other hand you feel cheated and betrayed that the person who you want to give your world to won’t return the favor. About two years ago a really good friend of mine fell in love with this guy and everything was great… for a while.
Eventually he broke up with her citing some made up reason.  Needless to say, she was absolutely devastated by the breakup. He kept the guitar and told her that he had no intention of getting back together with her ever. In order to properly explain this I think we need to take a short trip into the mind of a man. Lets pretend for a moment that you have been begging for your ex boyfriend to take you back. As I stated above, he is probably going to like this fact because he knows now that he is in the drivers seat. Now, the bright side of all of this is that it is very possible to build your value back up but every time you beg you are creating more work for yourself in the future. At that age no one really has any type of courage so instead of going over to talk to that person yourself you get one of your friends to do it for you. Now lets fast forward to the present and you have just been through a devastating breakup and you want nothing more than to talk to your ex but you are scared he is going to shut you out.
You call up your best friend and instruct her to do some legwork for you to get information on your ex. We see this is as a sign of weakness because you didn’t have the guts to contact us yourself. Did I ever tell you the story of the craziest story I have ever heard about getting friends to contact an ex? Well, someone who commented on this site once told me the most bizarre story I have ever heard.


She had completely disregarded the tried and true methods of no contact and the texting rules that I had clearly laid out and instead opted to get one of her friends to talk to her ex instead.
If an ex of yours (who is not this ex) had hired someone to hit on you and you found out about it would you take them back? Speaking personally, I would be completely creeped out and wouldn’t ever talk to them again. Those of you who are familiar with this website or who have read my book will know what a text or call gnat is.
Eventually you just give up on finding the source altogether so you try your best to tune it out.
Lets say that after the breakup you call your ex twenty times and send him thirty five text messages.
Of course, this still doesn’t explain why text gnatting and call gnatting is such desperate behavior. In other words, you are not projecting the image that you need to be projecting in order to get your ex back.
You decide that in order to win him back you are going to show up unannounced at his home and the let chips fall where they may.
In your mind at the time it seems like a great idea because you know your heart would absolutely melt if HE did that for you. Men who have dated enough always have that story of that one ex girlfriend who went a little crazy after a breakup.
If you have read this far down the page then you have probably already tried to get your ex boyfriend back. My point is this, right now the fact that you are reading this means that you haven’t been able to get your ex boyfriend back and while you may have cut out the desperate behavior deep down you probably still feel as desperate as ever. The reason you have failed to get your ex boyfriend back is that you haven’t made enough of an emotional impact on him for him to want to take you back. The are the ones to blame for the expectations that men have when it comes to relationships. For example, rarely do you ever see a woman take the reigns and approach a man at a bar to get HIS number. No, the better strategy would be to influence him, using emotions, to make it HIS idea to get back together. Well, if a man has made a decision to not be with you it can take some work to get him to second guess that decision if he knows that you are the one that is making him second guess himself. As I said a second ago the way you can make it HIS decision to get back together with you is to influence him with emotions. This guide is all about how to NOT appear desperate and as I have outlined above the best way to do that is by making your ex boyfriend think that it’s his idea to get back together and it just so happens that the best way to make him think that is by utilizing emotional influence.
However, if there is one thing that I have always cherished it would have to be my ability to go out and play tennis. Anyways, I always set aside a block of time every weekday to go to the courts for a few hours and get away from it all. In fact, the only way that, that sacred time is interrupted is if someone has emotional influence over me. In fact, women who are extremely good at creating this influence within men can get them to do amazing things and it just so happens that another perfect example of the power of influence occurred recently. So, the question I have for you is what does this woman have that all the other women Clooney dated didn’t have? Well no, while this woman is absolutely stunning Clooney has dated women that are probably more beautiful than her. The truth of the matter is that the woman pictured above understands emotional influence and she has probably influenced Clooney so much that he felt the need to lock her down with a ring.
I have also given you a big picture game plan for how to not appear desperate in which we basically established that you had to make it HIS IDEA to get back together with you and it just so happens that the best way to do that is through emotional influence. In this final section I am going to be talking about exactly what you can do to exert the type of influence over your ex that will make it his idea to want to get back together with you. You are in a very interesting position because right now your ex boyfriend has emotional influence over you. It’s a little ironic if you think about it because you want so badly to be in his position with HIM wanting YOU back. Of course, we aren’t quite there yet and before you get there you are going to have to be willing to take a few risks. Seriously, it is absolutely pathetic that some women out there structure their entire lives to revolve around one person when the way it should be is that both people in the relationship should be structuring their lives to revolve around each other.
Sometimes if you show the courage to walk away from your ex it can be the smartest decision ever because not only do you allow yourself the time of move on but you also appear less desperate and you give your ex time to sit and think about what he has lost.
You are so afraid that you will never get your ex boyfriend back that you actually went to the internet to look for advice, something you probably made fun of other people for in the past. Imagine if you were able to influence him to the point where he is addicted to talking to you. When you walk away something amazing happens in his brain and he realizes that your world doesn’t revolve around him at all.
The fact is that the most important aspect is being able to hook your ex into enjoying time with you. This is why it is so important that you think very carefully before you make any move because you are in a position where you are forced to play your cards right. Luckily, I have already laid out a perfect game plan for you with regards to influencing your ex boyfriend.
I am not going to lie, it is a pet peeve of mine when I take the time to compose a nice long text message and I receive a 1-3 word response in return. A lot of women come to this site wondering why their ex doesn’t respond to their text messages and when I ask them what they texted him they recite some super boring and short text message and I just roll my eyes. What in the world would make you think that your EX BOYFRIEND would want to talk about the weather with you? Knowing everything you know about your particular situation I want you to put yourself in your exes shoes for a moment. I think I have told this story on here before but I am going to tell it again because it is so good for illustrating this point.
My dad (who has been married for 30 years) gave me some amazing advice about relationships once.
However, anytime you fight, say something hurtful or do things that hurt the relationship it is like taking money away from that bank account.
Look, the main point of all of this is that I want you to make every little communication matter.
My name is Chris, and I help millions of women per year improve themselves, and get back with their ex boyfriends to finally have the life they dreamed of. My ex dumped me at the beginning of January saying that he needed more space and that he felt like he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
One month without reaching out to him later, school resumes, and I find out that we have a 1 hour shift together every week (we both work at the same on-campus job). Hey Amor, yes he replied with follow up questions and we carried a conversation for a while before he abruptly stopped replying.
And we all know how looking desperate and needy can hurt your chances of getting your ex back.
It is their way of trying to stop the pain they are feeling when someone whom they love reject or abandon them.
And it is only a matter of time that your ex would break up with you again because your begging and pleading only delays the inevitable breakup and it never deals with all your relationship problems.
When you just started dating your ex, it is true that your ex couldn't wait to hear from you. You need to understand that laying your heart on the line is not going to magically re-ignite your ex's feelings towards you.
But, if you have not been in contact with your ex, then sending him or her a gift out of blue can be very suspicious or even creepy. When you two were together, you might successfully use sex as a weapon to make your ex boyfriend do what you want him to do.
First, you have given your ex control over you when you became the girl throwing yourself at him. Before we go on to talk about how to avoid looking desperate and needy, I feel that it is important that we understand the reason why people become desperate and needy after breakup. It is the overwhelming sense of loss of security, love and happiness caused by the breakup that propels you to do anything to get it back.
This reader's ex boyfriend used to call her every day without fail around lunch time to remind her to take medication for her gastric problem. And she kept on repeating all her stories to her friends almost every day and told them that she was never going to find another guy like him. When something you are addicted to is taken away from you, you will feel pain and your mind will tell you to do anything to get it back and stop the pain. The fact that your whole life revolves around your ex and your relationship is the very reason why you are experiencing so much pain and often taking desperate measures to get your ex back. You might not notice it, but your ex might be feeling smothered by your constant need for attention and affection. What is important is that you realize that it is not going to help you and that you should refrain yourself from exhibiting all the desperate behaviors I talked about above. Because if your ex thinks it is his or her decision to give the relationship another try, your ex will genuinely want to put in effort to make it work this time around. Then, we need to make your ex re-associate good feelings with talking to you and make him or her addicted to talking to you.
However, I guarantee you that it wasn’t that desperate when you were dating the person.


In this section I am going to list pretty much every single one that I have ever encountered.
You were implementing tactics like the no contact rule, the improving yourself, the ungettable girl, etc.
Unfortunately, some women make the mistake of becoming so desperate to get their exes back that they think that if they offer their ex sex then he will magically fall in love with them again. More often than not women who come to this site experience this depressing feeling on a deep level and that depressing feeling causes them to beg for their exes back. We realize when we are on the spot and any time your best friend contacts us we know that the second that we finish the conversation with them they are going to be running back to you with the details.
Instead, you reverted back to elementary days and got one of your best friends to dig up the dirt for you.
You are just strolling along taking the scenery in and then all of a sudden you begin to hear this buzzing.
Well, its pretty much a guarantee that at this point you are going to be very annoying to your ex boyfriend.
In fact, it might be more accurate of me to say that you are his least favorite person right now. Above I have established that society has dictated that it is supposed to be a mans job to get the woman so why do you think you have to do anything to win him back? However, if he feels in control and feels like it is HIS decision to get back together with you then all of a sudden it’s ok for him to second guess himself. If you can successfully pull it off you can hijack your exes brain and make him think what you want him to think (to a certain extent.) Yes, I am essentially saying that emotional influence is a way to mind control your boyfriend. You see, that is one area of my life where I can get away from any issues with work or other personal stuff that may be going on. His first marriage ended in 1993 and he has been jumping from girlfriend to girlfriend ever since. In fact, he probably thinks it’s HIS IDEA when in fact it is the influence that his fiance exerted that caused him to do it.
In fact, he has so much emotional influence over you that you are on the internet reading my site trying to figure out how to get him back. Of course, our goal here is to get your ex boyfriend back so am I really suggesting that the best way to get him back is to walk away? The challenge a lot of women face is that when a man feels like they have a woman they can often get bored, take her for granted and discard her. In fact, he will start to experience that fear of loss and it is going to motivate him to chase you.
Sure, you probably do wonder what your ex is thinking when he sees a text message from you but you need to go much deeper than that. I’ll start no contact immediately, was afraid to try it because i felt he wouldnt reach out during no contact. He was so into me and he wanted to have a relationship with me for 4 months he was so desperate about wanting me in his life and i was not ready for a relationship so i was keep saying no to him. And the only way they know at that moment is to beg and plead with their ex, hoping that it might soften their ex's stance and change their mind about the breakup.
Now, they know they can take you back any time if they want to and it simply takes away the urgency of getting back with you. When you feel annoyed by someone, it just makes you want to stay further away from that person.
Even if you would text or call your ex for hours straight, your ex would be comfortable with it.
Texting or calling your ex incessantly might push your ex away to the extent that they will simply ignore you or even block you.
Instead, it only shows that you are still devastated by the breakup and desperately want to get back with your ex.
If you have been in contact with your ex, then buying a gift for your ex will probably be interpreted as you desperately trying to win him or her back. Secondly, you let your ex boyfriend have a taste of what it is like to have sex without strings attached. That is why we see people exhibit all kinds of desperate behaviors such as begging and stalking. It is obvious that your ex will be drawn to the former and will be turned off by the latter. That is why your ex is resisting to get back with you because they need to be consistent with their decision to break up.
However, despite all of this progress you still have this deep pain in your heart which leads to the drinking too much which leads to the drunk dialing.
Her rationale was simple, how could he possibly turn a girl down who would do this kind of stuff for him? You look around but you can’t figure out what is causing this buzzing sound you keep hearing.
Like that time where he held your hand or grabbed your hips and you got a shock of electric chemistry up your spine. Do you remember what I said a few sections back about men making a decision not to be with you?
Tennis for me is the perfect way to de-stress and I’m also not too shabby on the court so that never hurts ?? . In fact, if for whatever reason you and him don’t work out I want you to become such an influence that he regrets letting you go for the rest of his life.
Then when he is in his hour of need, when he wants nothing more than to talk to you, you simply cut him out for a little bit.
However, if there is one interesting insight I can leave you with about my chess match analogy it would be the fact that in a regular chess match both players start off on an even playing field.
How are you supposed to influence me to a point where it becomes my idea to get back together? Every time you have a positive experience, an enjoyable moment or something as simple as a smile or a laugh with your significant other it is like putting money into the bank account. Every time you talk on the phone with your ex needs to have purpose behind it and every little touch or hug in person (with your ex) needs to have a purpose. I’ll try to start small conversations but he always seems to give super neutral responses and not say much.
I’m scared that if indeed I go ahead and let go, am I not doing the exact opposite of what I promised him in the relationship? Maybe you just want to hear a response from them, so it makes you feel like that they are still in your life. And your ex won't come back to you simply because you shower them with expensive gifts that they have wanted for a long time. It will only make your ex boyfriend want to be friends with benefits with you and nothing more.
These are just two out of many other sweet things her ex boyfriend did for her throughout the relationship.
Oh, and who could forget that time that he opened himself up completely to you and you felt like you were the only person in the world who mattered to him.
That influence will probably cause me to check it every five minutes hoping that I will have received a text message or phone call.
First 8 months were like heaven and then we started to have problems, he was getting more and more distant i was being more and more sad during this period. That means no small talk, no talk about feelings and relationships and only talk when necessary and keep you distance as much as possible while improving yourself.
Failing to know your true value is the very reason why many of you become so desperate after breakup. So, why is it that when you are making your ex feel good by begging for him back that he finds it as such an unattractive quality? That is a lot of personalities to experience so surely he must have found at least one woman that met his ultimate criteria for a wife. He didn’t ask me any questions about how things were going for me so I decided to lay off for awhile. After I replied, he replied me only today telling me what he did yesterday and asked me what i was up to. 4 days later i go to talk to him and literally beg him for comming back and he actually said ok lets try again. I know you advocate being the “un-gettable girl”, but Is it really so bad if I just come clean and tell him my feelings?
He said he doesn’t feel anything for me and told me to move on but said we should still stay friends. He still contacted me here and there once every 2-3 weeks and this year he wished me casually on valentine’s day and on my birthday. We are spending good time together on this last week and talking, laughing together even went to theater once. I dont know what to do now, is there any change for me to get him back while not making no contact, do i have a chance have him back while hanging out with him like this.
One of my friend suggest me to stay friend with him and act like i dont want him as boy friend but i want him as friend.



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