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admin | How To Get A Ex Boyfriend Back | 10.10.2015
While some women are having problem getting over their abusive ex-husband and boyfriend,  some others have succeeded in getting over them.
Lack of information and ignorance is the reason why so many women that have gone through this type of relationship find it hard to move on in their lives. Most women that find it hard to leave an emotionally abusive relationship and those that find it hard to get over this type of relationship are those that have been broken. Even when you believe that you have not been broken then there is a chance that you have stayed long in this relationship that the damage done to your confidence and esteem is great. This is why I would always advice women that have been in this type of relationship to go get back their confidence. I strongly believe that with confidence you can be able to see new light in your life and go ahead to do new things for yourself.
Lack of confidence and belief in oneself is a strong reason why some women are unable to get over their ex-husband or ex-boyfriends.
But when you believe in yourself you can be able to get over him and move on with your life. This way they would heal the pains of their past and experiences and move on with their lives.
About Ejike John, Ejike John is a student of human characters and behaviors, a blogger, programmer, web developer and a lover of music. Ten years after experiencing the hardest breakup up of her life, *Ani, a writer, speaker and domestic violence advocate, sat facing the man who used to build her up and destroy her all at the same time. Ten years is a long time to harp on "why" things happened the way they did or obsess about the relationship — or person — over and over again.
Despite more than half of women experiencing an emotionally abusive relationship in their lifetime, the inner turmoil a victim faces months, years, or even decades after the fact isn't widely talked about. A Plus is a technology-based digital media company focused on delivering positive journalism and being the voice of good in the world. For one friend it looked like her boyfriend loved her so much he wanted to know where she was at all times. If the statistics are true, 35% of women have been in emotionally abusive relationships —but it’s generally quite difficult to pinpoint because the abusers are good manipulators (i.e. Emotional Abuse is defined as behavior and language designed to degrade or humiliate someone by attacking their self-value or personality. Arguably, the most detrimental aspect of emotional abuse is women who are being emotionally abused feel trapped, and they tend to internalize their partners abuse.
If you find yourself walking on eggshells, constantly thinking about how to avoid upsetting your significant other and believing it’s all your fault—I encourage you to take the steps to talk to trusted friend or counselor about abuse. I too have tried to blog about my experiences or even write it all down but I can’t seem to put it all down. I thot things would improve in the yr we were in a relationship…he would sincerely say he was going to get a better job move and.
I should have ended things the summer between sophomore and junior year of high school because that’s when I found out he was cybering with another girl that we had become friends with through an anime website.
If God didn’t let me get out of that relationship when I did I never would have met my current boyfriend who brought me to Christ. I have been through two but the each were so different I didn’t notice until late into the relationships. I went through counseling and fell in love with God and have over the last few years started being more aware of what is happening around me. My ex was also a great man at the begining, called me beautiful all the time, told me how much he loved me everyday and although he didnt have much he would cook for me, want to spend time with me and etc. Anyhow I just thought this is it, as a Christian I always thought I would date for a year or less, get engaged and withing two years max I would be married to whomever it is that would date. But as the weeks pilled on, he slowly started changing, very gradually… I did not realise unti I was actually annoyed with his attitude.
Dont get me wrong, being led does not exempt me from the choices I made to follow and I am equally to blame for the choices I made in the relationship as much as he is responsible for his actions. So after 3 attempts at breaking up with him to no success (its not over until he says its over), I sucked up the courage and told him to his face that I am not happy and I am walking out of the relationship, with or without his consent.
Reading your response to reading my comment made me think of times where my ex would treat me like meat. I too have been in this situation – 4 years too long… and he still has a hold on me!
Two years ago, he landed himself in prison (once again) and was there for the last two years. He took this opportunity to bad mouth me, saying he was going to take me to court, and he tried to sway her into thinking she should come live with him.
Any insight would be helpful…If you have any suggestions on where to really find out if I have been emotionally abused and can be helped through this, please share. Hi, I went through some of the things you went through but the thing that really caught my attention is how you worry that he won’t have anywhere to go if you break up with him.
Getting a woman out of an emotionally abusive relationship is a long shot and can be very difficult when the woman has been broken by her abusive husband or boyfriend. Abusive men are weak and are also scared of their victims leaving them wish is why breaking your self-confidence is not the only mission they have but sweeping you off your feet and making you build your world around them.
That is why abusive men can be sweet and romantic doing all they can to keep you emotionally dependent on them. But if you have discovered that you are in an abusive relationship and want to do something to get out then here are few important steps to take that will help you achieve this.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship the more damage you are doing to what is left of your self-esteem. Abusive men are good with destroying confidence so the only way for you to get back your life is to get back your confidence. There are good books you can read on self-esteem and confidence and how you can improve it.
Abusive men don’t want you to relate with people you can draw emotional support from like friends and family. For you to get out of an abusive relationship you just have to work to get back your social life and spend more time with people that really love and care about you. The last suggestion is for you confront the abuser; let him know that he is weak, has lost control of his life and looking for someone else’s to control.
He might laugh you off but the truth is that you have just reopened an emotional wound in him and have given him something to think about. These steps might look ordinary to you but when you give them a trial you will see that doors to leaving an abusive relationship will open for you and you will begin to see possibilities.
You can check out books below on abusive relationship so that you can learn more about this situation and why men behave this way. These class of women would have been broken and made to believe that they are unworthy and can’t be loved by other men. For such women getting back their confidence and social life is the key to getting over their ex. They reconnected four months prior when she had sent out a text via group messaging app Whatsapp wishing her friends with Oct. But Rachel Sussman, a New York City-based relationship expert, says that more covert symptoms of trauma can also limit an emotionally abused woman's ability to lead a mentally and emotionally stable life."You might misread signs in relationships and not realize if they're normal or not. But for victims of emotionally abusive relationships, it's a common yet understated occurrence.Unlike healthy relationship splits — where two parties may feel hurt but ultimately move on — emotionally abusive relationships can take a larger psychological toll.
But Sussman says the mental repercussions run deep, perhaps even deeper than physical ones."The scars that are mental and emotional are even worse," she explains. For another, a kind man who just wanted to take stress off his girlfriend (asking her to quit her job & stay home). They believe if they change how they behave, speak, dress, socialize, and work, then their partner will stop criticizing them or flying into rages.
He wants you to think that you are the problem—but I hope you find an ounce of courage to talk to someone today.
He told me that I was being irrational and that he wasn’t cheating, yet arranging for her to come to California to see him.
My ex boyfriend would quote scripture about how we are weak and God understands, he actually almost led me to sexual sin. And at the time when it was happening there would be times where I went along with it and liked it, but a lot of times I didn’t like it and felt the same.
The girls got to an age where I was comfortable (or as comfortable as I’d ever be) to send them to him for the weekend and that went on (on and off) over the next 8 years or so. Definitely not ok if someone you are dating is manipulating your actions with threats to hurt himself. Threw my cat hard because he was angry at it, dumped cold water on me while I was in the shower, repeatedly flushed the toilet while I was in the shower making the water scalding hot, multiple times he got out of the car while we were arguing and refused to get back in the car.
I went into it believing that breaking up was the best thing to do for myself and my future, but as we were talking I felt guilty because I don’t want to hurt him or leave him with no place for him to go. I have gone through the same emotions and worries…look at it this way, why worry about where the guy will end up when he obviously doesn’t care about your well-being? I am 16 weeks and we have been together for 9 months and your story is pretty much word for word my story!!!
This is why you should work to get back your financial independence because this is one of the most powerful ways to get back your freedom from an abuser. They just have to get out there and meet new people, spend more time with friends and family and people that love and support them. If your emotionally abusive ex got mad at you every time you talked to a guy, you might feel like you're doing something wrong, even after the breakup," Sussman explains. Sussman says this is because the abuser literally manipulates the abused person in the relationship to stick around until they're "through" with them."[The] guy is insecure, narcissistic.
For yet another friend, her relationship seemed to change her personality—she didn’t like to dance or enjoy time with friends anymore. It was hard and for about 6 months he didn’t want to accept it and tried to make my life a living hell.
I dated basically the first guy that showed any interest in me in high school and stayed with him.
The day that I found out that he was encouraging her crush, I was at his house with his family and his relatives from Idaho.
The first year was actually really great so I thought, there was drinking but he wa 23 and I jut alloyed it to be 20 something and partying, but he would cry himself to sleep most nights over hurts from his child hood, I learned he had been suicidal before we met by everyone telling me how great I was for him.
That I was a piece of meat…It really is hard thinking of those times especially now that I have been a believer for a while now.
I had thought he was just paranoid at first due to an ex “supposedly (I say this because after all Ive been through, I realize he may have been exaggerating or lying) and figured once he realized that I wasnt going to cheat on him he would be more trusting.
I just realized that he is emotionally abusing me and that I am the only one that can change it!
Makes up all these scenarios that are totally absurd but they all have to do with cheating.

He showed me a song on his phone that I liked and after he went to play a game with his cousin I went to his phone to find the song. After that first year he would get mad if I was late because of being out with a friend, I was too fat. I hope that by reading your blog post anyone in this place will find the strength to leave!!!
We have been to marriage counseling several time and talked with pastors from many churches, his parents, etc.
Well how he felt would constantly changing and he made me feel guilty, as if everything was my fault.
Even when I went to end it, he called me some awful nasty things and said some horrible things that I wouldn’t dare to repeat!
Even though you don't want to get back together, you can't stop thinking about him."*Jenna, 35, and *Lilah, 22, both exhibited various versions of these symptoms following their emotionally abusive relationships.
He raped me because I said no and he wanted to, he was mean to me when I was trying to be funny and I hurt his feelings (unknowingly until the sudden rage), he caused strife between me and my mother because I was spending too much time with him, I alienated myself from my friends to be around him. I tried to boot out of the inbox before going to the music but the phone didn’t have an exit option. I foolishly thought for the next 2 years that if I change and keep asking him to not cyber (not stop talking to her) things would be okay.
I think that is the hardest part about abusive relationships is that every single one looks different–and most people on the exterior have no idea the abuse is even happening.
My body was his property, he would touch me inappropriately and when I voiced my concerns, he would play innocent and make it seem like I was over reacting, I let him treat me like a piece of meat sometimes. How easily we believe the lie that we are only worth the number of men pursuing us or telling us we’re beautiful.
We have been a part of small groups and prayer meetings, but nothing seem to ever change anything.
He would not let me have a facebook (thought Id talk to other guys), If I made plans he would find a way to sabotage them (make me feel bad or like I seemed like it was to meet up w another guy), he would randomly call and expect me to be ready within the time he said and if not then he would not see me that night (15-20mins usually), hung up on me, I wouldnt tell him what I bought for Christmas and he said if I didnt he was ending things and wanted me to leave, broke things off atleast 1-2 times per month, called me horrible names, told me to quite jobs, wouldnt let me shop while on a business trip for a wk, wouldnt let me do things w friends, one week he would want to hangout alot then the next he would ignore me or even ignored me for days when he would feel like it and went through my phone.
I just wanted to let you know that because of you I realized what truly was going on in my relationship!
There might be little digs that make you feel insecure."If the victim doesn't recognize the abusive signs, which they often don't because of the manipulation tactics of the abusive partner, the chances of the abused person having a clean break are slim.
And I saw texts with my name, with messages that I didn’t say saying I love you, I miss you, and a couple other things that was totally inappropriate of me. Even after I broke it off with him we had a class together (I started community college) and every time I saw him he’d try and rub it in my face about how hot girls were and the such. I am concerned because I have been to a professional counselor and I asked her if she would be able to tell if I had been in an emotinally abusive marriage or not. I tried to talk to him about it and he seemed to get better for a few wks but then we found out that I was pregnant. After a year and a half of getting told she wasn't sexy, after countless times she was dumped and then asked for forgiveness, after having her insecurities picked on, she started to believe this was the treatment that she deserved. They're already emotionally attached.People may think that once a victim leaves the relationship the hurt will end, but by that point, the damage may be done. At first he was really happy, then told me if I did not get an abortion he wanted out and ended up packing up his things.
She believed those hurtful words her ex had said about her to be true."Mentally, I took on a lot of those things that he said, things like not being sexy, [and] I held onto that," she says.
The abuse I endured still haunts me but I know God is with me always and just have to simply trust in Him. Well he came back but wanted me to tell 90% of my friends that we couldnt be friends anymore and I had to call them in front of him or he was leaving me and the child. Their conversations continued on and off until months later, when Ani found herself willingly sitting at a table across from the man who hurt her all those years ago. She had her two children, then 14 and 9, order takeout, and every night they would eat disconnected from each other, watching "Law & Order." She cried every day. Her ex, who she calls "S," had always threatened her when she tried to date other people and would constantly get angry with her for the most minor of offenses, from not wanting to have sex, hug or kiss, to the restaurant she wanted to go to. He always made me feel ashamed of my past (even when it had nothing to do with him), always wanted to wait up til I was done my daily chores (when we were apart) and in bed so he could call me and keep me on the line until I was falling asleep, he beat me in front of my daughter, he choked me to the wall in front of my girl also, he would pick me up when he got mad then would squeeze his arms around my ribs very hard (I broke free when I dug my nails into the back of his neck until he bled), he even humiliated me by saying bad things about my body and my groin, that he was the one that made me look good, called me every name in his book, the list goes on and on… I loved him with all my heart but I love myself better so I left him. She says that over time — and months of self-help after struggles she had faced to let him go — he had lost the magical edge. But her abusive ex still haunts her.Once while kissing her new boyfriend, she stopped suddenly, feeling extremely anxious. For the next 10 years, she straddled the pain of losing someone who she felt was perfect for her, while not being able to trust others and also hating herself for not being strong enough to get over it."As women, we're socialized to fix things in relationships," Ani says, as if to justify her contradicting emotions. But victims of emotional and verbally abusive relationships know those feelings all too well. They know how just the thought of that person — no matter how far removed — can stop them dead in their tracks. Ani was no different."There are things that can bond stronger than love, and that's trauma," she says.

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