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admin | Want My Ex Back | 26.10.2013
Let’s cut straight to the chase – he can’t keep control of you and maintain The Status Quo (his comfort zone) outside of the relationship if he doesn’t have a foot in your life and is unsure of your interest. From pushing the ‘Friend Card’, to poking around in your life, to chasing you for contact, attention, and even sex, he’s devised a number of means to attempt to maintain control even when the relationship is over. The moment that you appear to be moving on is when he’ll home in on you, blow hot, and set you back ten steps. He’s not your friend and he exploits an innate human desire to be perceived as being friend-worthy.
When he suggests that you should be friends or comes back and dangles the ‘Friend Card’ when he’s trying to squeeze his way into your life on lesser terms, it’s because if you won’t give him the time of day, let alone your friendship, aside from the fact that it will be very tricky for him to keep a foot in your life, you not being his friend communicates that he might not be as ‘wonderful’ or ‘innocent’ as he believes. There’s a universal belief that if someone is still prepared to be your friend after you’ve broken up, it means you’re a good person.
You know when he asks to be friends after the breakup and you don’t hear from him for a while? You know when he pesters you about hanging out, catching up, or whatever to show that you’re ‘friends’ and then you agree and he suddenly goes ‘dark’ or the arrangement falls through? You know when he badgers you to understand things from his perspective or for your forgiveness, only for him to go off and mistreat you again? The truth is: only people who are undeserving of your friendship have to badger, railroad, and guilt you into being their friend.
It’s easier to keep in touch with minimal effort, and with so many of us sharing aspects of our lives online that often link us to mutual friends and acquaintances, it has never been so easy for someone to poke around in our lives.
When he’s in ‘investigative mode’, he’s looking for clues either from you or third party sources that 1) you haven’t moved on, 2) you’re still the person he thought you were, and 3) that you’re still an option. If you haven’t heard from him, little do you realise, he may have done the poking around he needed without having to let you know about it. When you get the frenzied poking around, where he’s calling, showing up at your work or home, etc., it’s highly likely it’s because you’re not responding to any of these, or have responded in a drastically negative manner, and he hasn’t found third-party means to confirm your interest. The new edition of Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl is now available to buy both in print and in digital formats plus check out my ebooks the No Contact Rule and and more in my bookshop.
Hey Natalie, my ex cockroach just stepped up the frenzied poking around through a mutual friend who I can’t tell to stop because, of course, our involvement was an affair. With your help and all of the wonderful folks who post, I see how scary he is and my situation is NOT unique.
So of course he doesn’t need to do a thing, I do it all for him and his ego is stroked. Why I haven’t seen that of course the friendship will be all on his terms since pretty much the whole relationship was conducted on his terms is beyond me.
I still think part of my struggle with this whole issue is facing the complete truth about how the relationship really was, a from of denial, yes we were friends and had a great relationship look our friendship still works to this day and its over a year now since we spilt. I too feel like an ass clown someone unable to truly commit to no contact also keeping tabs in his life, I am as guilty as him. I have an ex EUM who likes to run our so called friendship on his terms, just like he did when we were together.
If we do see each other its all about what he wants and usually thats a shag, which i have given him (stupid me). I realised that I have wasted years of my life hiding in imaginary one-sided relationships, because it was easier and safer than going out there and getting hurt again. Can a parent visit upon a child such pain and suffering that it takes them decades to process it? I truly don’t know, I get extremely frustrated with myself that I keep digging the bone up after I tell myself let it go, I have all the infomation I need he is not interested in a friendship with me and yet there I am with my bone. I wish you all the best on your journey, I’m very sorry for what you have been through. This may be the only decent thing he’s done for me, which he is probably doing more for himself. Come The Bronze Age of Comic Books, I was finally allowed to roam free again, and what a joy it was! Anyhoo, the poll was set up, the calls were made, and I gave poor li'l Jason a spanking he'll never forget.
And THEN, I had a shiny new show opening for Bratgirl, the Dead Hood and all Batsy's little sidekicks! And, if after all that I've still managed to leave folks some moral wriggle-room, you can check out my spiffy YMMV page here, not to mention all the other mind-blowing, rib-tickling, heart-melting aspects of ME!


We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had? Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. He’s all about his comfort zone, so aside from having a comfort zone for when you’re involved, he equally has one for when you’re no longer together.
He can’t commit – whether it’s to being with you or leaving you the hell alone – so he’s ensuring that you’re an option should he change his mind or have a use for you, while feeding his ego with the security of what he perceives as your affections for him.
You’ll readily accept his offer of his friendship because you don’t want to let go either and you keep reminding yourself how he’s so nice, what great qualities he has, and how ‘connected’ you are, and how he’s so like your soulmate except for the small problem of him being emotionally unavailable and unable to commit. It’s because, in you saying YES he’s secured enough of an ego stroke that he only sees the need to get in touch with you to check that it still stands. He secured enough of an ego stroke through your agreement that he sees no further use for you. If they were someone who acted with love, care, trust, and respect, they’d have a relative comfort in knowing they acted well enough that there is a possibility of friendship, but they equally would respect your need for space and not assume that they have a right to your friendship.
Unfortunately, as Fallback Girls, we’re inclined to see poking around as something flattering – we think it’s a reflection of his feelings and inability to resist us. He may have asked mutual friends about you who told him that you’re OK but suffering (he thinks you’re still into him), or checked your Facebook profile and seen that you’re not happy or people sympathising with you (he thinks you’re still into him), or seen you walking around the office or town looking like someone has died (he thinks you’re still into him), seen a ‘tweet’ about how much your heart hurts (he thinks you’re still into him), or heard how you tried to date but decided to stop (he thinks you’re still into him). While for a lot of Mr Unavailables even a very negative response is still attention in their eyes, for some, a very negative response will trigger that out-of-control sensation, and – yep, you guessed it – they start pursuing you, thinking they want to get back together, Future Faking etc. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way. I can so relate to what you are saying cos i break contact when i dont hear from him, and he knows he can reley on me to do that. Now i want to stop the whole catching up and friend thing cos its getting me down and im not being treated with love and respect at all. Really it’s about exercising some self control because you and him have been back and forth so many times. You have to decide what on earth it is that you’re avoiding that pissing around with him looks like a more attractive alternative. You have been through a lot and not only are you so very strong but you always have some wisdom to share with readers. The Dork Knight and that brat Robin were joined by Batwoman, Bat-Girl, Bat-Hound, Bat-Mite (yeesh, what's next? I bet you came to this page because you were so impressed by that pencil trick, or my apocryphal shenanigans afterwards. He’s rarely upfront about this so of course this wreaks havoc in the lives of any and all Fallback Girls that give him the time of day.
What he’s failed to realise is that these are things that are earned and if he’s that bloody concerned with being perceived as hurting or wronging someone, it’s about time he sought for his actions to reflect this.
If you eventually move from very negative to positive again, which confirms your interest and validates their ego, they’ll bail or turn into Mr Not So Interested.
Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
My back pocket is feeling a little light sister, please give up the info so I can slither away content that you’re still around.”-hello? I told EUG where to go nearly a month ago and he has emailed me 3 weeks ago, text me 2 weeks ago to wish me luck with something and drunk dialed me last weekend (which I know he won’t remember). How have we as women been reduced to seeing one drunk dial, one text and an email as something worthwhile and meaningful?
I dont know why i do it, I dont like doing it cos it derails me, and i feel like a fool cos it takes me backwards again. We are not real friends, he is just an ex who knows im weak sometimes and give in to him and he uses that to his advantage. I see him all the time (mutual friend situation), so I guess this really has changed our post breakup process bc i had to see him, and just ugh added stress since I couldnt just get rid of him, or knowing all his business bc it was in my face. It seems that finally, the heads at DC Comics got brains - it was here that I got my own series!
You might recall an obscure little book called The Killing Joke written by some nobody called Alan Moore.


Less than a year afterward, DC made the historical decision of killing off Robin — 'bout time, too. The question I always have for people who persist in trying to force the friendship thing is this: Are you ever planning on moving on? If I had been used to sex, ego stroke, and having my cake and eating it with two women, I’d miss it too. The behaviour on both of your parts isn’t that of two people who have a great friendship never mind a relationship.
Had the breakup, then I faked being ok and friendly, then the ex sex, then the lies, then….the new gf! But, someone (in this case, Whitney Ellsworth) came through for me, and I lived through a self-inflicted stabbing after all.
So, instead of dying painfully, I only had to endure six months of agonizing hospital time! GET OVER THERE AND READ IT, AND DON'T CALL YOURSELF A FAN OF MINE UNTIL YOU'VE MEMORIZED EVERY WORD! Perhaps you remember the days when I faced off with Adam West - who it looks like I rubbed off on? After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. You have to decide what on earth it is that you’re avoiding that pissing around with him looks like a more attractive alternative. I know they’re not worth the energy but it’s hard to just turn the brain off and not become overwhelmed at times! You may already be on your way to separating yourself from it and making peace with it, or you may want and need to do a little work. I'd show up, make a bit of trouble, kill a couple of people, get foiled by Fatman, and escape at the last minute. I was allowed to play with bigger toys — everything from my own utility belt to giant record players (where the heck does Gotham get all that stuff, anyhow?).
All you need to know is that every reader hated his guts, enough that they voted to have him die. From there on, my life's been just one giant rollercoaster ride (occasionally of the Hawaiian variety) 'specially since I killed Jimmy Gordon's wife during that earthquake.
I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.11th grade The phone rang. The Silver Age-esque me, sounding a lot like that jolly good sport who even I'm not crazy enough to address? Or was it God's gift to Gotham, the world, and that Grinchy old bat (delivered on Christmas Eve!, even!)? Kept on giving, too, when, instead of killing the second bird-brain, I tortured him into joining the dark side (just like I did with little Timmy in the Batman Beyond continuity), faking his own death, and becoming an Arkham Knight, years before taking over Arkham Asylum and turning into a twenty-foot tall muscleman! After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
Oh yeah, and I still continue to torture the drug-induced Bat-Jerky to the point of insanity from beyond the grave!
I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends".
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.A Few Years Later Now I sit in the pews of the church. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.FuneralYears passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.



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Comments »

  1. narin_yagish — 26.10.2013 at 22:54:11 The uncontrollable lust and keenness.
  2. Henry — 26.10.2013 at 14:43:22 Bestmate plus iv nonetheless xmas presents and so on and were all for certain, but considering.