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Before I begin the thankless, never-not-mortifying task of discussing late night texting etiquette, I must first declare this a shame-free space. I will say, however, that I get a sick pleasure out of being on the receiving end of texts of the "u uppP?"-ilk.
After the recovering from the initial flattery of him having want to "sex me up," I experienced mortification. There are apps you can buy that make you solve complex math problems to make sure you're sober enough to text, but I'm not so sure I like this. Of course, it's always good to have friends around to stop you from late-night texting or tweeting or emailing or Facebook messaging.
I just hope that if I work on myself in the daytime -- acknowledging what I want, who I want, and how I feel about myself at any given moment -- this sort of thing will happen less in the nighttime. That is, we must all agree that no one late-night texts elegantly, or eloquently, or respectably, and that's fine.


I really feel that humans should learn discretion on their own and that we should opt for self-reflection over app algorithms, even if this means that mortification after mortification must transpire before our behaviors can actually change. We, as humans, are allowed the time and space to be reckless with our words, even if doing so makes us want to die the next afternoon when we wake up, groggily pull our phone out from under whichever limb it was wedged and see the (textual) damage we've done. It's important to take precautions on your own, like deleting toxic numbers (belonging to old flames or, you know, professors) that you're likely to abuse. To talk about late-night texting etiquette is to talk about flimsy sober intentions, so weak they crumble after one whiskey sour and a guy who has the same name as your ex.
And I'm pretty sure I've gotten to the bottom of it: I don't properly express myself during day-to-day life, when my feelings are sober and the sun is still out. When you habitually keep your emotions bottled up and secret -- I don't like the way he's been treating me, I want to sleep with him, I wish my mom would stop nagging me about grad school applications -- it's more than likely they'll come out when your inhibitions are loosened, and hey, your phone's right there in your bra so why not get it (plus all those feelings) off your chest? Mind you, this was from a guy I'd met on Tinder when researching this handy dating app quiz.


I once deleted a guy's number only to find myself, one drunken Friday's eve, overcome with the urge to text him.
So I went on Twitter and tweeted at him, unknowingly inventing the Booty Tweet, asking him what he was up to. The next morning, I only noticed I'd done this when I went on Twitter to tweet a New York Times article on the AIDS epidemic in Africa. Which means that at the end of the day, when it comes to mortification in the form of regrettable, drunken electronic communication, the only real rule you must stick to is one of self-love and acceptance and humor. I know that in the future, however, there will be times when I want to respond and will respond.



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