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admin | Getting An Ex Back | 01.01.2016
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The reason your heart gets broken each time a new guy disappears is because you are SURPRISED when he disappears. Men may still frustrate you, but I can make things easier, especially if you use online dating as a means to meet men. He texts you the next day to say he had fun, and instantly makes plans for the following Friday evening.
He checks in during the week – a call here, an email there – not too needy, not too distant. I wrote her profile, got her professional photos, and started our weekly coaching sessions.
Soon, they were bantering back and forth multiple times a day, and he started to plot their first date. When the cute guy Googled Sandy’s hometown, he was surprised to learn that she lived 3 hours away. Even though she’d only exchanged a few emails, she’d gotten excited about this cute, successful, articulate, enthusiastic man. If 9 times out of 10 (in real life), the special guy doesn’t turn out to be all that special, it may be smarter to reserve judgment for later.
As a result of this wishful thinking, Sandy was as hurt by this man’s simple email as she would have been if they’d been dating and broken up. It’s not that Sandy was wrong to look at all the available signs and conclude that she had special connection with a special guy. It’s that, if 9 times out of 10 (in real life), the special guy doesn’t turn out to be all that special, it may be smarter to reserve judgment for later. I’ve had women tell me to chastise men to start following through more, to stop being so nice if they’re not ready for a relationship, to promise to call after having sex. I hear you, and I agree that men could stand to do hundreds of things better to improve your relationships. As such, your lesson, as a woman, is not to wish men acted another way, but to understand how they DO act and prepare yourself emotionally. Because a man can be really interested in you, sleep with you, act like a future boyfriend for a few weeks, and be doing the EXACT SAME THING with another woman simultaneously.
Or he could seem like a great guy, make a great effort for you, and then realize, when it’s time to commit, that he’s just not ready for a commitment. The point is that, by getting too excited about a promising dating prospect, you’re emotionally setting yourself up for heartbreak.
When you choose to be devastated by a man who is NOT your boyfriend, what you’re really doing is holding onto the loss of your fantasy.


Until then, each promising man is not actually “real.” He is merely hope, potential and fantasy.
I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.
So, when my now-fiance announced pretty early on that he wanted to be my boyfriend, I was in a state of very pleasant shock. I think all of the fantasizing becomes a problem because so many of us have turned to online dating when we’re already desperate for a relationship. Sandy’s predicament is a very different scenario than the one you outline, Evan, in your opening introduction, where the woman has gone on several great dates and the guy just disappears. I have never had this happen to me when I was doing online dating, the disappearing act after few dates.
I, too, see a big difference between what happened to Sandy, and the men who disappear after a few great dates. But how can you not be disappointed when someone disappears after a few actual promising dates without a word?
When that woman disappeared (after six weeks of dating), I was moderately irritated (at how she handled it), but not disappointed or hurt. You don’t need to have those expectations in order to have a successful relationship.
Last Saturday a friend reminded me of something that happened 1 or 2 months after I started dating my fiancee. I didn’t need to create an unfounded expectation in order to make the relationship work. There aren’t any good explanations for this, without knowing more, although even then there might not be any good explanations! I know women (myself included) have disappeared on men before too…we can all be very contrary when it comes to dating. Clearly it is harder for some people, of both genders, to be so rational and detached about all of this, even if you get it. I think that to make this work, a lot of us have to fake it until we make it, and stay in the game. Have you ever started a relationship and been sure that you wanted to marry that person within the first few dates? And when you do understand, you have to constantly remind yourself of it during the initial excitement of a new relationship. But I’m capable of dating an amazing woman, having her vanish after six weeks, and walking away without disappointment (much less devastation).
What I want to do is show you how to manage them – to protect yourself from continual heartbreak.


By mastering this medium and understanding male behavior, you can finally be in control of your own love life, and not a victim of disappearing men. You play mini-golf and grab two rounds of drinks at a nearby bar, after which you go back to your place and make out on the couch for an hour. He knew he didn’t want to get into a long-distance relationship, and so, instead of trekking to go on a first date, he emailed Sandy to apologize and wish her well in her search for love. However, as you know, I can no more stop men from being men than I can stop the earth from turning. When the contract is signed, the ink is dry, and you know, without a doubt, that your dating prospect has become your BOYFRIEND.
But I do understand how devastating it can be for the woman who have had several dates with a guy, then he disappears.
Online dating has given men so many choices, and there is so much anonymity in cyber-world, that some men feel they no longer have to show any consideration for another’s feelings. I later found out that there were other (external) factors which contributed to her decision, but HJNTIY is a safe bet.
I could keep a realistic view of where things stood at that point in time, act like a boyfriend, and create something based off reality, not fantasy. Of course, there is no actual verbal promise in the dates, but there is hope and encouragement of a potential relationship.
Blaming my date after the fact (even if she vanished after 6 weeks) is completely pointless. My friends and I have all dated men who have brought up future plans with us numerous times during the date, and then don’t follow through later on. She could have that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and lose sleep over how she’s going to replace him. I did get caught once or twice building air castles, but the sooner that can be nipped in the bud, the better. In the end I ended up with a man who never disappoints me, was always there when he said he would and did not disappear. If you just scroll through this blog, you’ll see this seems to be fairly common as to how a lot of men treat women.




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