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admin | Getting An Ex Back | 25.01.2016
It’s ironic that just when I had gotten the hang of being the Girlfriend Mom, I was faced with losing my status.What happens after a break-up? My ex and I had a brief discussion after the initial break-up about my relationship with the kids. Nicole attends college in New York, so it’s been relatively easy to see her over this past year. It has taken heaps of trial and error, buckets of tears, and a healthy dose of humor to get through this year. Nicole and I dropped Tyler and his friend off at the beach one day, and when I hugged him goodbye I told him that I loved him.
When I was first dating my ex, I used to torture myself thinking about whether I would ever love his kids. I text Tyler every weekend so that he knows that I’ll always be here and that I will always care.
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My mom and I were driving to school the other day and we went past a part of the road that was under construction. I was looking at myself in the mirror while brushing my hair, while being embarrassed my whole life of showing people how I look with my hair down. At a daycare I volunteer at mornings, I discovered a bullet hole in the window of the childrens play area.


We were together for nearly a decade, during which time I became a mom-ish-like parental figure to his kids, Tyler and Nicole. I reached out to other women for advice: one said that her ex stopped communicating with her kids as soon as he started a new relationship.
As much as my heart ached, I wanted to do whatever I could to mitigate any discomfort or sadness that Nicole and Tyler might be feeling.
When someone gives you the privilege of living with and loving their kids, you have to take it seriously.
Tyler, however, lives with his mother, with whom I have never had extensive contact (other than the occasional nod across the lacrosse field).
I knew that I wasn’t the Girlfriend Mom anymore, but coordinating time with Tyler like that made me feel inconsequential and insecure about my place in their lives. The breakup left me vulnerable and I felt like an outsider when I called Tyler’s mom to ask her permission to see him. She thanked me for being a valuable influence in Tyler’s life, and for loving both of her children. I watched my words and my motives, but since I never knew what the right thing was (or if it even existed), I had to trust my own instincts. It was your garden variety, divorced-joint-custody arrangement, where we had the kids every other weekend. Another of my friends continued having a relationship with her ex’s children even though people told her not to.


The breakup was certainly not their fault, and as much as I wanted to walk away and never look back, that simply wasn’t an option.
He was glad to hear me say that, but at the same time, I knew that we were not going to co-parent. I would text Tyler when he was at his father’s to make plans because it felt less awkward than having to deal with his mother. The most important thing has always been, and will continue to be, about what is best for the kids, not for my ego. If that box brock up with you though text that boy is as dumb as a rock and is not very manly.
When I found my words, I told her how grateful I was for her embracing my desire to see Tyler. I told her she didn’t have anything to apologize for, these emotions were natural and okay.
I don’t want either of the kids to ever feel obligated to spend time with me if they can’t.



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