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This all started because I was referencing a conversation we'd had when I was pregnant with our son. He said, "Courtney, I see you struggle with your hair, and I think it would be nice if he had my curly hair.
The rational part of me thought about what he was trying to say, but no matter how much I replayed it, it still didn't sound right to me. Everywhere from pop culture to the hood, men are either consciously or subconsciously telling black women they aren't "wanted." I have seen black man not even look twice at black women whom I see as beautiful, yet I've seen them break their necks for decent-looking -- dare I say unattractive -- women of other races. As I've gotten older, I've met many men who will openly say they don't want a baby with a black woman. I never understood why it makes a certain type of black man feel good to have a white woman on his arm. Even on social media, my heart will sink as I see black women I've known from high school or elementary school now say they're "black and Filipino," "black and Puerto Rican," "black and [whatever race]" -- just don't say you're fully black!


I have many black friends who would prefer to not be confrontational and would rather pretend an event never happened than address it. Most of my friends are educated --more educated than their significant others -- and grew up in families from middle- to upper-class backgrounds.
I think I wouldn't really care if other races felt this way about black women, but the fact that my own men do has made me consider turning my back on them multiple times. My boyfriend had said lightheartedly, "I hope our son has my hair." My boyfriend has beautiful, soft curls, a genetic gift from both his races. But when, as a black man, you start saying things such as, "I don't date black women; I don't find them attractive," I think we have an issue. It would be one thing if it were true love, but some are just doing it because they see it as a prize. From the way I spoke on the phone to the way I "act," I have been dubbed the "whitest black girl" everywhere from my hometown to a city close to the Canadian border (Syracuse, what, what!).


I am intelligent, can hold a conversation and come from a background more like The Cosby Show than the PJs. Black men are viewed as sexy and, in a sense, a 'trophy' for another race, but black women are never deemed the most attractive.
I digress.) I know how to cook, and I am known for being "everyone's cheerleader" (that is, supportive). Vanessa Williams (who, by the way, is fully black; people get off on thinking very attractive black women are mixed).



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