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admin | How To Get Your Guy Back | 15.09.2014
His show is part music, part comedy, part therapy, and part romance – as well as action, adventure, mystery and sometimes horror. Songs like Passive Aggressive, about the cute little problems that get blown out of proportion in every sweet, loving relationship, and The Ghost of Your Ex, about dates who can\’t stop talking about their ex-boyfriends, strike close to home for those who can not reel in the full attention of their present partner. A hopeful romantic with a wry sense of humor, Chris has the knack for using self-deprecation and vulnerability to write songs about the hazards and frustrations of love and attempted relationships.
If you’ve ever been frustrated by a relationship and you have a twisted, but healthy sense of humor, then Chris Valenti is the artist for you. Thanks to everyone who backed the project, posted and forwarded the links, acted in or worked on my previous films, and acted in the videos and staged readings we did for this campaign. I’m very fortunate to be surrounded by such good friends and to have found such a terrific creative community of collaborators. A bunch of people missed the Kickstarter deadline, but still want to contribute these films. I think the sign of a good show is if people are still talking about it and repeating the jokes two days after you left, and I assure you we were. I’m glad you are reading my posts now that you are gone, rather than before you came, otherwise you probably would have changed your mind about coming. It’s terrific that the internet and social networks have allowed us to share the pictures and stories from this incredible trip. After tonight’s show, we leave the war and head back to the battle… on a 3am flight heading towards LA. But between the strange time, the jet lag, the heat, and the packed schedule, it’s become exhausting. Don\’t Pass Out is a plea and warning to men and women everywhere to curb excessive drinking, especially on first dates. It was at the same venue, the Manas Transit Center, that was also supposed to host our first show last week, but that show was cancelled due to travel changes. It feels like it wasn’t just the four of us who travelled to the war zone, but maybe four hundred.
Wish there was a font I could use to show what my handwriting actually looks like while journalling back here.
It’s a more pleasant terrain compared to Camp Leatherneck, which seemed to be in the middle of a horribly dusty dessert in the middle of nowhere.
For the most part, they all seem to be excited to tell us about their function and experiences.
Depending on what type of festival-goer you are, there are definitely some essential items you will want to bring. Looking at the arc of our trip, in a selfish way I’m sort of glad we did the Manas show last.

Sure, you’re bringing a bit of home to the troops, but you’re also sending an admiration for these service men and women back home in our hearts and stories.
But, Bagram has shrubs and trees; the troops there seemed more content than those at Leatherneck. I was concerned that they might be annoyed to have ignorant civilians hanging around, but it’s quite the opposite.
The Transit Center is the stop in Kyrgyzstan where troops are either arriving to go in to Afghanistan, or leaving the region to get away from Afghanistan. I experienced quite a paradigm shift in my appreciation for the sacrifices our troops make.
He had a terrain model map of the region and showed us exactly where the Taliban are, where we are, and where Pakistan is (just a few miles away).
Everyone’s happy to have us over to their base area and show us their toys and purpose. Tonight is our biggest show on this base, it’s in the Town Hall center, which is just and extra, extra large tent. I’ve tried to think of other things, but there is nothing even remotely less than that. All they did was give us gifts and take us on amazing tours and show us incredible demonstrations.
None of it was about the particular comics touring – of course not, we’re all no-namers. Dinner in Bagram goes like this: Grab all the food you want to eat (always way more than you need), engage in pleasant conversation, hear a strange alarm sound off, watch half the people in the DFAC (dining facility) dive under their tables, check out the shock and fear in your fellow comic’s eyes, watch them dive under the table, realize the pleasant conversation is now happening under the table, decide to join them.
He told us winning this one means training the Afghanis to defend themselves and he believes they are just about able to do so.
They couldn’t agree on which time zone to be in, so they had to be difficult and created their own right in the middle. They swoop in from the sky in helicopters, often under fire, grab injured soldiers, perform medical aid as they fly them to hospitals.
Every solider I sat with seemed relieved to be having a conversation with someone outside the military. The other 50 people eating in the place went on with their dinner as if nothing had occurred. He was quick to tell me that Nepal, Chatham, and parts of Australia have time zones that are offset by 15 minutes.
These animals are often hoisted down on ropes to grab the wounded and flown away while they’re dangling. But this experience has been amazing and the people have been welcoming, grateful, and happy to see us.

They were so happy to get a smidgeon of attention from some homefront civilians – they seemed so thrilled to see that someone had some interest in them, someone remembered them. But be warned, we may drone on about it for a while… perhaps as long as the US-Afghani War. Events like this tour are about the melding of our armed forces with the folks they protect.
They told me there is often a huge emotional release from the soldiers when they realize they are actually going to live.
And even though it’s a silly character, I’m dressed as a quintessentially American rhinestone cowboy and standing on a stage with a huge American flag backdrop behind me. The separation between military and citizen has become enormously distant, but somebody in the DOD and the USO knows that relationships are about communication. I thought I stumped him, but he deferred to his First Lieutenant who was also his interpreter; he told me that ‘stan’ means ‘land’. It was absurdly larger than life, while somehow at the same time more grounded than I’ve ever been.
As comfy citizens, we mostly don’t have any real concept of the sacrifices these brave volunteers make for us. And the troops spend many months or years overseas in strange, unwelcoming, and often inhabitable places with the huge potential to feel alone and maybe forgotten because they rarely hear from home.
When this is all over, how do these superheroes just go back to their desk jobs in the accounting department? But more importantly, this trip made us realize that our privileged lifestyle comes at a price. And not just greeting cards, they held a ceremony on stage in front of everyone and presented each of us with an American flag.
The countries we travelled through clearly struggle; their quality of life is so far below the American expected standard, it’s not even comparable. It’s our incredibly strong and dedicated military that protects the standards of living we’ve come to know. I’m on stage and supposedly about to do a comedy show… I just about burst into tears.

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Comments »

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