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admin | How To Get Even With Your Ex | 26.06.2015
A sense of desperation may rule their days, so they come looking for the most expeditious way they can make peace with their former girlfriend. You see, most break ups are usually triggered by some kind of fight you had with your ex girlfriend. Perhaps you and your ex girlfriend really did not fight that much, but something happened and it resulted in fire and brimstone raining down upon you.Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? So now you are in this dark and dreary place of the mind, wondering if you even have a chance at re-attracting your ex gf. Whatever unfolded, you want her back in your life and you need to figure out what you need to do to help her get over the fight the two of you had. If your relationship with your ex gf blew up because of a horrible fight, you have your work cut out for you. I can’t even say I know everything about how women think and process everything around them. Even your ex-girlfriend does not completely understand all of the confusing emotions running through her mind.
I hope so, because this is not going to be a 1,2,3 step plan to get things squared away with your angry ex-girlfriend.
And I bet you are still running it through your mind, trying to figure what the heck you did or said that was wrong. Each piece we will discuss should help you build some skills in what you need to know and do in order to turn things around.
But I am pretty darn sure I can get you a lot further down the right path than if you were just trying to wing it by yourself. Relationships that succeed and survive conflict and hard times, experience a 5 to 1 ratio of good to bad interactions. Ok, now that you have a pretty decent idea how we are going to spend the next few minutes, let’s just dive right on in. Well, no matter how much you think you know about the underlying reasons why fights unfold, you have much to learn about the psyche of your ex-girlfriend. Anger, Fear, and Love are probably the most powerful emotions you will encounter in your Life.
And like a volcano, anger often times is never totally extinguished and can seethe and bubble up underneath. It turns out that the anger that fuels so many of the fights you have had with your ex-girlfriend has  deep biological and psychological roots.
Once unleashed from deep within your brain’s limbic system, these intense feelings can run right on out and crash the party…. And once anger or rage comes bolting out from your inner core, it can sometimes feel like you have lost full control. Typically, pent up feelings can bubble up underneath and all it takes is a few wrong words or actions that will result in the beast being unleashed. I am sure you have experienced these feelings within yourself and undoubtedly you have seen occasions where your ex gf became so upset and angry with you, that you hardly even recognized her.
The anger we either carry within us or that forms and bursts out, can easily lead to a transformative event. Unfortunately, more often than not, this transformative event is negative and carries with it some serious adverse effects.
Nevertheless,  once the genie is out of the bottle, it is mighty difficult to put her back in her place.
If you guys had a fight which precipitated a break up,  don’t count on her cooling off any time soon. There has been considerable research that shows that our brains, while disposed to morphing into mind states from which anger can come flooding out, is incredibly resilient and capable of dealing with this monster.
Well, a study from the University of Wyoming in which a number of MRI scans were conducted, revealed that our brains are are equipped with all kinds of helpful capabilities.
It turns out that our brain hosts within it a capability of buffering and tempering those emotions that it also helps produce. You said or did something that contributed to starting a fire in the mind of your ex-girlfriend.
Well, it is pretty clear that a big, raging fire is building in the mind of your ex girlfriend.
Well, according to these researchers, one effective technique is to call upon your ex girlfriend’s brain to help you out. Research shows that it is very difficult to stay angry at someone if you believe they are genuinely sorry for their actions. The data also shows that your ex girlfriend’s  brain chemistry responds very positively when you help her think about a positive accomplishment she once achieved. Once your ex-girlfriend enters into that state of mind, she is much more conducive to listening to what you have to say and potentially agreeing with your recommendations. Later, when we discuss some of the tactics you can employ, you will see that several of them revolve around forgiveness techniques and and positive imaging. But we are going to have to do something about tearing down that wall of anger your ex gf has raised.
Cheating on your Ex or being cheated on, is probably the worst thing that can happen in a relationship.
If you cheated on her, then you chances of re-attracting her and re-building trust levels is poor. On the other hand, if she cheated on you and the discovery of this fact created a terrible fight and a full break in the relationship, ironically, you have a pretty solid chance of resuming the relationship in the future…assuming you wish to do so.
The concern about another affair occurring and the loss of trust can frequently  spearhead angry and resentful feelings. Nevertheless, if you are looking to discover some ways to bring more closure to these past indiscretions and reduce conflict in your relationship, then read on! I mean, we all have some tendencies that lead us to act up and not consistently treat our girlfriends with charm and sensitivity. A big problem emerges when we consistently mistreat and disrespect our girlfriend by word and tone. What I mean is that you and your ex -girlfriend have already fought and I presume that the two of you are no longer an “item”. Namely, helping those of you who wish to re-attract your ex-girlfriend after you find yourself in a bad predicament. There is nothing wrong with that, so long as it is emerges from a truth…the essence of her and what it means to you.
So we are still talking about the things that can really upset our girlfriends to the point of them wanting to break up with us or worse. When I coach the ladies and try to help them with their relationships, one of the common complaints I hear from them is that their Ex “has no clue”. You can be walking around enjoying the day and be completely blind to the internal battle that might be going on in the mind of your girlfriend. This mismatch or lack of understanding you have of your girlfriend’s emotional needs (at that moment), can lead to misunderstandings or even melt downs. It is not always easy and it sure in the heck is far from foolproof, but I think I have you covered on this one. If the two of you fought and it led hastily to an emotional split, but has all the signs of a very temporary interruption in the relationship, then perhaps the best course of action is to allow for a short “Cooling Off” Period.
That allows for each of you to recover your senses and realize how stupid it was to fight and endanger the relationship. It does not necessarily mean the entire relationship should be put on a long term hold as that could actually cause more damage.
If the two of you had a spat, but the relationship foundation is otherwise solid, then just allow for some time to go by so you each can find a better frame of mind to discuss and resolve the issues.


Later in this post,  I will describe how you go about approaching your girlfriend and solving the issue.
Perhaps, both of you have a practice of nipping these problems in the bud after a few hours have passed.
Sometimes I see couples that have a solid relationship, but then something serious happens that causes anger and emotions to get out of hand and one or both of them declare they are breaking up.
How does one go about re-attracting your ex-girlfriend when on the face of everything, the relationship seemed to be pretty solid? But you need to ask yourself some hard questions about the strength and history of the relationship to arrive at whether this is the proper course of action. If your break up falls into this category, then a longer cooling off period probably needs to be put into place. It may take a few weeks for you to gain the proper perspective and experience some much needed healing. Most guys that come to my website or purchase my ebooks are dealing with what I would characterize as a Final Straw type of Break up with their ex girlfriend. The relationship has likely taken a turn for the worst and things may have been rocky for a good spell. With this kind of falling out, there is little doubt that the couple (or at least one of the individuals) is fed up. So if you find yourself in this boat, just remember what Yogi Berra said…”It ain’t over, until it’s over”! If you are of the mind to try and win her back, then you will likely be best off by instituting a 21 or 30 day No Contact Period. Ok, so now that the Cooling Off Period or No Contact Period has ended, you should be in a more advantageous position to initiate first contact. I have written extensively about how to reach out to your ex-girlfriend through the strategic use of text messages. In my e-book, The Texting Bible, I provide numerous examples of “First Contact” text messages designed to get a response from your ex girlfriend.
If the two of you had a really bad falling out, then I think it would be effective to reach out in a unique way through a grand gesture. It is important your ex understand that you are not just sweeping away all of the previous troubles.
Trust me, she has not forgotten the ugly words or acts that may have taken place between the two of you. While making a loving and special gesture will not get you completely off the hook, it can help you with moving through the process that I am about to discuss. So what might be a “grand gesture” that will help get things moving in the right direction?
I can think of a few such as arranging for a bouquet of roses to be delivered to her with a note saying you seriously wish to discuss ways to improve the relationship going forward. Of course, these examples I described above should only be implemented after you have already initially and successfully made contact with your ex girlfriend.
As mentioned, this is usually accomplished through tactical texting which then leads to a Meet-up where the two of you can start patching things up. I think of the Meet-up following the period of No Contact as the meeting before the MEETING. Once it is clear that you both are wanting the same thing, then it is time to discuss having a more serious discussion about how the two of you can avoid a break up from ever happening again.
This is a prime opportunity to suggest you wish to meet with her in a special setting which is what we are going to discuss next! When you meet to talk to your ex gf be sure it is NOT at the place where the two of you argued. You don’t want any of the those bad memories of the past being resurrected in the current meeting you are about to have. There is a technique that is called “mirroring” which you can use to keep the tone of the discussions positive and constructive. If you move slowly and under full control, as opposed to jerky and nervous movements, your ex girlfriend will likewise follow suit. Don’t immediately go in for a hug unless you are really sure your ex girlfriend is open to your affection.
Sometimes the Ex will harbor some resentment and will not be quite ready for physical contact.
One of the first things you want to do is express that you understand why she would be upset about how things evolved. Showing empathy is an anger buster and it is entirely possible your ex girlfriend still harbors some angry feelings. Sometimes the best thing you can do is ask an open ended question and let your ex gf just vent and purge her pent up feelings.
An open ended question is the type of question you ask that can’t be answered with a simple Yes or No. It can be a huge way to regain trust and help her alleviate whatever pain she may still be holding inside. It is not always easy for someone to share their feelings, particularly if those feelings have been bruised.
Your aim is to reach a stage in the discussion where you each can find some common ground and arrive at a mutually agreed upon solution. Just as you agreed on the problem, now turn your attention to jointly coming up with a solution.
If you and your ex gf are both part of developing a long term solution, the chances of it being implemented and it “sticking” is far greater.
Well, for starters, if you want the solution to stick, then you need to reach down into the psyche.
Whatever you choose to do, it needs to stand out in your memories and you both need to participate in the activity to brand it into your psyche. Those actions increases the possibility of both of you sticking with the plan you agreed upon.
She may say all the right things and her outside demeanor may suggest that everything is just fine….but don’t be so quick to believe it. Let’s explore some of the things you can do to regain your ex girlfriend’s trust after the fight.
Hugging your girlfriend will give her a much needed sense that you care… that she is safe and that she can count on you. Humans need to be touched and there is a tremendous therapeutic benefits for the hugger and the person being hugged. A hug reduces her stress, helps with regulating her breathing, relaxes the tension she may hold in her body, and aids the immune system. It is only natural for your girlfriend to be somewhat concerned that this making up is just a short term phase and that whatever the problems were before, they may return.
Even though it may seem unecessary to you, reassure her that everything is going to work out fine.
Make no mistake, working in some make up sex can help forge the trusting bond you seek to re-establish. When two people quarrel and when there has been a lengthy break in the relationship, the bond or connection between the two lovers is damaged.
Many guys are ready to get on with the next thing, whereas your girlfriend is probably much much inclined to want to cuddle and savor the positive feelings she is experiencing.
In those early days and weeks following the re-attraction period, be sure to give your girlfriend a healthy dose of cuddling.
And like the dum dums we can be at times, guys will often experienced self induced forms of amnesia.


No matter how often I tell guys about the importance of really “listening” to your girlfriend, they seem to either forget the importance of this skill or they fail to understand how to listen.
I coach men, women, and couples and I am telling you that one of the most common complaints I hear from the ladies is: “He never listens to me”. To effectively rebuild trust, you need to rebuild the good memories the two of you enjoyed together.
Now, I also want you to build new positive memories with your girlfriend in the weeks and months to come. To strengthen that connection and to help ward off any insecurities your girlfriend may have that past negativities will be repeated, simply paint a bright future.
Better yet, get her talking about what she want to do with you in the future and what the relationship should look like in the future. By talking about this, you are helping your girlfriend build ownership into a future that includes YOU and happy times. To demonstrate your goodwill and intentions about improving this problem, you will spend an entire day doing EVERYTHING that your girlfriend wants to do or talk about.
You remember that movie with Jim Carey called, “Yes Man” where magically he could not say “No” to anything?
It is usually a fun filled adventure and along the way you will learn something about yourself and your girlfriend. I saved the best thing I could teach you on this topic of re-attracting your ex girlfriend, for last. Studies reveal that the most successful couples spend much more of their time saying positive, kind, and considerate things to each other.
Think of each act of kindness or instance of consideration or positive comment as a healthy deposit into your couple’s Trust Account. My name is Chris, and I help millions of guys per year improve themselves, and get their ex girlfriends to come running back. Here’s my situation, my ex and I who are 10 years apart have been together for a little over a year and things have been great up until about a month ago. Give her more time, do 21 days nc and make that nc active and post it social media, so she would miss you.. Hi Amor thanks for your reply, now We also work in the same place, but rarely see each other while at work. Do you think this is a case of grass is greener or if she is just trying to see what else is out there other than me?
How do I combat this confusion to show her I am INDEED the one she always thought she was going to marry?
As far as I can tell she has gone out at least 3 times a week for the past two weeks and recently just got back from a weekend party festival this past weekend. Yes, I finished reading the cheating article, and i know that i have to keep blind faith in order to get back with her.
Right when I started begging her to come back I noticed she was talking to me more and even asked to hang out. This entry was posted in Your Pal Drew and tagged boob, breast, feel, girlfriend, pillow, poll, second base, vote on July 11, 2009 by Drewprops. What Do You Do Now?9 Ways To Regain Her Trust After The FightHow do you re-attract your ex-girlfriend after arguing and fighting with her? In this case, both of you are the ultimate losers because the fight resulted in you both losing each other. Bring up the topic about how much you enjoyed the experience of brainstorming solutions to the relationship issues you both experience. Put yourselves into those nice places that are in your minds  It will awaken the positive neurons of your brains and help with transforming the way your ex girlfriend thinks about you. We started getting into an argument once a week for the whole month over small stupid things that eventually escalated to into a big argument.
She often stated that she wanted to marry me but leading up to the break up she was saying she is confused. She has been with me since 16 and hadnt been exposed to that world much (she was always curious about it in our time together). Do you think I should still reach out to her at that time even though she is in this crazy partying phase? What should i do now if she keeps saying that we are just friends, and she said that she has feeling, but she still does not want to get in the relationship with anyone now. Or maybe it was just something that happened and you both sort of fell into this break up situation. We would cool off for a day and I would apologize and everything would be fine until the following week.
She switched her shift to work a bit earlier than what she normally does and she never does that.
She wants to be with me but she also wants the freedom of being single and being able to go out etc, as all we ever did was devote all of our time to eachother, so much so that I kind of began to smother her. I’m not sure how to proceed as she is trying to lose herself in the partying world and I feel any effort I put out to contact her will be associated with negative feelings compared to the good feelings shes trying to chase through constantly partying now. When I sent her flowers to her office she got super mad at me, said I was marking my territory at work (everything I did pushed her away farther).
When she came in were both pleasantly surprised but her face lit up so bright when she saw me, and had that beautiful happy smile that I haven’t seen for a while. I finished NC already without giving in, but she replied texts in a long time, and she insists talking to her as a FRIEND.
We both said hi to each other and she touched my arm in a flirty way as I asked how she was doing complimented her hair and kept walking. She also mentioned that she was worried that breaking up with me could be the biggest mistake she ever made. She turned me down because during our whole relationship I never said I love you but one time and I took it back.
Besides a phone call immediately followed up with a text message saying I would like to return your clothes. So I left her alone NC for 6 days when I decided to text her and see if we can talk about things.
The advantages of having a pillow girlfriend far outweigh the disdainful comments of your fairweather friends!! She said she’s done a lot of thinking and feels we are at different places in our lives and that its best to just not be together.
I worked with her that day for about 2 hours and she would ask for my help and call but I kept it professional. She has not contacted me at all since she asked me a few weeks ago asking what I had been up to. Since we broke up she has stated she is trying to do things that will help her to think as she is not sure how she feels. I left that day thinking to myself about what had just happened but I didn’t want to put too much thought into it. I haven’t called or text her and have been going to the gym a lot more since this whole break up started 11 days ago.



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