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admin | How To Get Your Guy Back | 22.07.2014
On the dating scene, everyone has at least a loose concept of their “deal-breakers,” the issues or revelations that would send them running into the arms of the next contender. As you get educated about addiction, you’ll discover the critical importance of sober social support. In recovery, as in active addiction, anything you do to protect your partner from the consequences of their actions can be considered enabling.
Your support is essential to your partner’s recovery, but you do both parties a disservice if you fail to set and enforce personal boundaries. Relapse remains a threat even decades into recovery, and can be extremely painful for both partners. Some entries on the list are shared by many (“I’m married”), while others are a matter of personal preference, such as dating someone who at one time was addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Contrary to widespread misconception, addiction is not a moral failing or a character flaw. As the partner of a recovering addict, there are a few changes you’ll need to make in your own life, such as avoiding drugs or alcohol or situations that trigger their desire to use like parties or bars, at least when they’re with you.
You may hear stories of wild parties, unpaid debts, week-long drug binges or run-ins with the law.They may have tumultuous family relationships that make for awkward holiday celebrations and gatherings.

There are legitimate concerns when dating a recovering addict, not the least of which is the threat of relapse.
Given the chronic nature of the disease, it is wise to educate yourself about the signs of relapse and encourage your partner to get help if you detect a problem. If you’re realistic about what you can handle and what kind of support you can offer, chances are the qualities you’re looking for in a partner can be found in a recovering addict just as easily as someone with no history of addiction.
If the answer is less than one year, give them time to get grounded in their recovery before embarking on a romantic relationship. Decades of scientific research have shown that addiction is a chronic, relapsing brain disease, similar in many ways to heart disease or diabetes, which requires lifelong care. Even if it’s inconvenient, the recovering addict may need to attend a self-help support group meeting or call their sponsor.
For some partners of recovering addicts, these war stories are welcome reminders of the misery of addiction; for others, it may be more baggage than they can tolerate. But, by and large, recovering addicts are a relationship-worthy bunch, having overcome major obstacles and achieved a level of humility and self-awareness that sometimes surpasses those with no history of addiction. They must take the steps to become healthy and fulfilled by attending meetings, volunteering and practicing healthier coping strategies.

In some cases, it may not be the right person or the right time and you may need to move on. Although an estimated 40 to 60 percent of addicts relapse, a return to old habits is not inevitable. Before venturing into a relationship with a recovering addict, make an honest assessment of how much you can handle. Even those who do relapse but get help immediately are often able to jump right back into their recovery. This not only protects the recovering addict’s sobriety, but also your well-being and the health of the relationship. If you believe addiction is shameful or based on a lack of willpower, think twice about dating a recovering addict or learn more about the illness first.
What you can do is encourage them to work a program of recovery and offer support when needed.

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