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admin | Want My Ex Back | 09.09.2013
Either way for most of my life, I’ve longed to be part of the elusive and illustrious club of recreational runners. Some women repeatedly dive head first into uncharted waters, learning bit by bit how to identify a risk worth taking.
Fearlessness means being honest about the highs and the lows that come with taking a huge risk. It seems like every time I turn on the television, I see a news story about black people and diabetes.
Still, if the mainstream media is to be believed, recreational running just isn’t something that black women do.
Every single time I stopped midway through a workout, I didn’t want to start running again. When I got to the tree and still had a little more energy left, I decided to jog to the next tree. I was embarrassed to be less than great in front of someone who has always been my biggest cheerleader.
Up until the last semester of my undergraduate career, I somehow could not bring myself to claim the title of feminist. And yet, I consider my major to be one of the most formative aspects of my undergraduate career. This essay in particular sticks in my mind because it is one of the few of my Duke career where I actually wrote beyond the page limit.
I came away from that experience not only with an A+ on my paper (whoot!) but with a newfound appreciation of the importance of self-reflection; of taking time to deeply reflect on the things that matter – who you are and whose you are, where you came from and where you’re going. It wasn’t long before I took my show on the road! After graduating from college, I moved to NYC (freshly minted Women’s Studies degree in hand) and then Boston where I had the opportunity to learn more about the non-profit sector and to work with awe-inspiring young women of color to better understand the world around them, their place in it, and their ability to be agents of social change. I am an entrepreneur, motivational speaker and coach, and all around friend, mentor and confidante to women on the road to designing their ideal life.
A Celebration of Women™ Foundation Inc., was born to shape a better world through building residential homes that are mandated to enable the education of young women, support self sustainable programs, graduating future women leaders. This makes great sense of those sayings about how, when we are too busy for meditation or prayer, that is a sign that we need to double our time doing meditation or prayer.
Visits with my son and daughter in law and my delightfully rambunctious two year old remind me of the days when a hurried pass by the vacuum and mop was immediately followed by a plate of food falling on the floor and a tiny tornado scattering toys in his wake. I find that most of the time, when I’m feeling rushed, it is not because I have too much to do in too little time, but that what I am doing is not what I want to be doing at that moment.
A friend and I actually just arranged a time to meet together next week and work (each of us independently on our own laptops but in the same room) on these kinds of tasks! To any one reading this blog who has any leanings towards christianity, that is to say at the very least you think Jesus was a good man, good teacher or good example. Gretchen Rubin is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on habits and happiness. Below you will find a slew of colorful and festive "FREE Happy Birthday Graphics" to use for birthday parties, scrapbooking, blogs, Facebook pages, business brochures, signs and more! Use this 40th Birthday Clipart to make your own homemade birthday cards, signs, banners, etc. No matter what the issues may be between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, everyone in the family knows about them.
So if this is a typical (and even inevitable) outcome when a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law struggle, is it even possible to solve this mess?
No one wants to believe that they are directly or indirectly hurting other people, particularly people they care about.
Or maybe I’ve just always wanted to be thinner and was enticed by the fantasy of one day jogging happily (sexily?) around my neighborhood park in shorts and a sports bra. I hate running because I have big boobs and have finally (finally!) admitted to myself that my sports bra fantasy is never going to come true. That’s because when you’re a kid, adults encourage you to try everything and sometimes you suck at things. Some women manage to sidestep the very grown-up myth that the only things worth doing are things that are safe, and understood by those around you. It is the acknowledgment that your fear and your strength can and do coexist in one place, in one goal, in one opportunity. As it turns out, it’s way harder surround yourself with people and places where you can be authentic, scared, and vulnerable, than it is to act like those emotions don’t exist for you. In the last month, I’ve read three articles in major publications about how black women, in particular, are overweight and unhealthy.


I would run (ahem, jog) as hard and as long as I could (usually for about five minutes) and then my asthma would kick in and I would need to stop.
After about a week, I decide that no matter what, I had to keep moving – even if that means walking at a snail’s pace while “real” runners lap me. The reason why is simple: most of us only try to be the best at things that we’re already good at. Seeing another runner breeze by, barely perspiring while I huff and puff my way around the track at a snail’s pace makes me a little bit nuts (read: bitchy).
He’s awesome for many reasons but one of the main reasons is that he is incredibly patient with the fact that his girlfriend who doesn’t know how to ask for help. It never occurred to me that he actually LIKED being part of my growth process, that he liked having an opportunity to assist and encourage someone who is otherwise known for having her sh*t together. You will meet people whose belief in you isn’t contingent upon whatever accomplishments are en vogue at the moment. I remember once in a class being assigned to write a paper on how African-American masculinity and femininity has been constructed within our society. Somehow ten pages just didn’t get to the bottom of what had emerged as an exploration of my own identity and how it has shaped and been shaped by those around it.
This quotation reminds me of one of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood: Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastation. If you'd like to get the bonus gifts for pre-ordering Better Than Before (cell phone case, signed bookplate, laminated Manifesto), today is your last day! Feeling hurried is such a bad feeling, but I never connected it to time wasting, or even worse, life wasting.
A few years back, as a result of two major relocations (due to my husband’s career) within two years, and with two small children, I developed the mindset that everything could fall apart at any moment. I know that I now have the luxury of being retired and single and once again living by myself. I just had a three-day weekend, and was able to use most of one day to catch up with cleaning.
I feel like, most of the time, I make myself busy with things I think I should be doing, so I don’t have to think about what it is I really want to be doing. I most often feel hurried when trying to get things done that absolutely HAVE to get done (getting a lumber to come fix my sink, doing my taxes, buying groceries, shoveling my driveway so I can get the car out), but which are not my highest priorities (spending relaxed quality time with my children, spending time with family and friends, doing meaningful projects at work). Yet I do think that I did a lot of wheel spinning in those years, distracted by my worries and anxieties rather than just being THERE in the present moment. Only when we narrow down our priorities and focus on those first and foremost, will we feel satisfied in any given day. We tend to be busy as a form of procrastination because we either don’t know what we really want to do, or are too afraid to attempt it (fear of failure, fear of success).
Both of them lived their lives with a sense of urgency that compelled them to do the things they feared.
I, like everyone else, used to race through my day, feeling like I was trying to reach some sort of finish line. We are constantly adding new happy birthday clipart, so if you don't see what you are looking for, let us know and we'll do our best to get it added asap!
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This may not only have an impact on her relationship with her sister-in-law, but it also has an impact on her brother. Such a man may also get upset with his brother if his brother's wife is causing too much havoc in the family. Unfortunately each member of the family sees the situation from their own perspective --meaning they bring their own personal history and emotional baggage along. Unfortunately, that's exactly what they are doing when they perpetuate tension between themselves and their in-laws. Whether you feel it is your mother-in-law or your daughter-in-law who is really causing the problems, remember that you are the one who has the power to turn things around.
As Brene Brown points out in her inspiring talk about vulnerability, you can’t numb one powerful emotion without numbing the rest.
When I am exhausted and want to stop, I keep running because, to be honest, I really, really like kicking societal expectations in the ass. The tricky thing about stopping though, is that once you stop, the temptation to give up for good comes creeping slyly into your psyche.
Sure it takes some effort, some practice, and a bit of time, but being the best at something you’re already good at isn’t rocket science.


At some point during week three of battling with the green-eyed monster, I came to the belated conclusion that I don’t really care if Susie and John and whoever else is killing the game.
Because I have a goal that is bigger than my laziness or embarrassment or boredom and because I am trying to practice putting my name on things that I can be proud of.
I even hated when he would say encouraging things because it reminded me how much I sucked at running. Still, as an African-American woman, “feminism” had never felt particularly relevant to me and despite years of feminist studies, the word still seemed akin to a slightly uncomfortable hand-me-down sweater. My best days are spent methodically (gosh, I would have been embarrassed to use that word about myself in my youth!) going from one task to another, but never rushing, and not trying to do two things at once. This led to an underlying feeling that I pretty much always had to do everything all at once to try to keep everything from falling apart. If I find myself in Quadrant four or three when there are still things in one or two, I am screwing up.
Besides what your personal opinion on the two men are they both built empries because of their sense of urgency!
Because he is also a dedicated family man, my husband worked hard to get everything done and get home as soon as possible. The Happiness Project and Happier at Home were both instant bestsellers, and The Happiness Project spent more than two years on the bestseller list, including at #1. When a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not get along, the resulting tension affects everyone in the family. Then one day, during one of my more industrious moments of hard-core jogging, I decided that instead of worrying about the end of the trail, some 1.5 miles away, I was just going to jog to the tree fifty yards in front of me. They are not going to help me run three miles in thirty minutes (my goal by the end of the summer), or achieve any other objective that I’ve set for myself. With a husband and two tweens, there were still some interruptions, but I didn’t feel rushed. An affordable way to make party confetti is to buy a craft punch at your local craft store (party hats, cakes, horns, etc.) and punch out several hundred of them.
I have to admit, it's not a day that anyone I know really honors, and when I mentioned it to people in passing, they all seemed pretty ho-hum about the subject.
They also are learning -- from both their grandmother and mother -- the way to treat people who matter to you. These other in-law relationships become colored by what the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law do and say, which guarantees that the whole family pot stays pretty well stirred up! For instance, I would put meat on the stove to brown, then run down the hall to gather up a load of laundry to pretreat and put in the washer. And, when I did get a little behind schedule (we were having a houseguest later in the evening), my kids were able to help out with the tasks left to do.
I started setting my alarm at the ass-crack of dawn to work on this young adult novel I’m writing that I know may be nothing more than a creative exercise.
When you have a big dream that you’re chasing, each mini-milestone is a reminder that slowly but surely, you’re accomplishing what you set out to do. These days when I’m on the track, the only competition going down is the one between my current self and the self that I want to be. But every once in awhile, we set a goal in response to a collision of our values, actions, and intentions; a goal that we can proudly dedicate, not to the woman we are today, but to the woman we want to become.
Halfway through that task, I would scurry back to the kitchen to check on the meat, then back to the laundry.
The stronger your christian beliefs the more you will get out of the book, but anyone could benefit from a reading. Here, she writes about test-driving ideas from contemporary science and ancient wisdom about building good habits and a happier life.
Needless to say, this resulted in both tasks taking much longer than necessary, not to mention a few batches of dry, overdone taco meat. One day I looked around and saw I had three or four unfinished tasks going on at once, and decided I needed to slow down, focus, and finish one thing at a time.
So now, while waiting for meat to brown, I take care of small kitchen tasks like loading the dishwasher, or putting away clean dishes, or (duh) prepping other parts of the meal.
Learning to focus on one main task at a time has given me a better sense of accomplishment with each task, and has helped me to work more quickly without feeling rushed.



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