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admin | I Want My Ex Back Now | 17.01.2014
Finally, finally finished looking over the other self-help books available for helping you get back together with your ex.
This extreme, black or white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a dialectic. We may do very dramatic things, such as harming ourselves in some way (or threatening to do so), going to the hospital, or something similar. These episodes can get farther and fewer between, and we can experience long periods of stability and regulation of our emotions.
One of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of being abandoned, and we therefore (often unconsciously) sometimes behave in extreme, frantic ways to avoid this from happening.
Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. It's difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you don't have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. In Borderline Personality Disorder, many of us experience identity disturbance issues. Sometimes we even take on the mannerisms of other people (we are one way at work, another at home, another at church), which is part of how we've gotten our nickname of "chameleons." Sure, people act differently at home and at work, but you might not recognize us by the way we behave at work versus at home. For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. The best thing we can do during these times is remind ourselves that "this too shall pass" and practice DBT skills - especially self-soothing - things that helps us to feel a little better despite the numbness. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we can learn how to regulate our emotions so that we do not become out of control.

If you have decided to tap into your strength and stand by your loved one with BPD, you probably need support too.
In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath -- whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted.
Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight.
The author of this letter has since RECOVERED from Borderline Personality Disorder and no longer meets the criteria for a BPD diagnosis. A trigger is something that sets off in our minds a past traumatic event or causes us to have distressing thoughts.
A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didn't feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat -- a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks.
Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we don't have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience "burn out" from worrying about us and the repeated behavior. We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them - deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. Sometimes we take a preemptive strike by disowning people before they can reject or abandon us. We had to behave in ways that would please the caregiver at any given moment in order to stay safe and survive.

On the resources page of this blog, there is a wealth of information on books, workbooks, CDs, movies, etc. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless. A year ago, I could not have written this letter, but it represents much of what was in my heart but could not yet be realized or expressed.
We may avoid you, not answer calls, and decline invitations to be around you -- and other times, all we want to do is be around you. We're not saying it's "right." We can work through this destructive pattern and learn how to be healthier in the context of relationships.
Our brains literally disconnect, and our thoughts go somewhere else, as our brains are trying to protect us from additional emotional trauma. You may find that difficult to believe, since we may lash out at you, switch from being loving and kind to non-trusting and cruel on a dime, and we may even straight up blame you. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better.
You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you don't give up.
You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready.

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Comments »

  1. PLAY_BOY — 17.01.2014 at 17:20:13 May make your relationship like a TV show instagram pictures, I panic, however determined.
  2. LIL_D_A_D_E — 17.01.2014 at 12:32:24 And sent a letter apologyizing myself for doing that and.