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Why it'll help unclench your bowels - Because it's a Sonic game it provides an almost perfect balance between enjoyably explorable levels and simple gameplay that will most definitely not have you worrying about who the last person to sit on the toilet you're using was and focus on Sonic's running through an oddly colored zone to stop Eggplant's evil plan, whatever the hell that might be, rather than calculating the odds you might be contracting gonorrhea.
The App - Nigh unlimited access to the stupidity and boredom of an entire world as people do whatever occurs to them while they're dunk off Pabst, film themselves doing it, and post it on the internet cause everyone else needs to see how funny it was that time your friend faceplanted while he was trying to do a kickflip. Why it'll help you unclench your bowels - if you've already discovered YouTube then you can probably recall a number of times you had to run to the bathroom cause you realized you'd been holding it in and were about to lose control in your pants. The downside - Unfortunately, the vast majority of videos on youtube are designed to make you laugh.
The downside - Like Pocket God this app will result in loved ones calling out searches for you and legs so devoid of blood flow that they will have begun to detach from your body and serve only as a cruel reminder that you once had legs. The App - the Netflix app provides access to all of the streaming content the web service has to offer.


The downside - at a minimum monthly payment of 8 bucks a month or something like that, Netflix is a tad pricy if all you're going to use it for is toilet entertainment, but if you already have it there can be found no better way to take your mind off the task at butt than Netflix. Anyway you're given your own little universe where you can create your own people, called pygmies, and can choose how they live or how they die.
Whether it's because you get a sadistic glee out of electrocuting your pygmies and feeding them to a T-Rex or your pygmies helping you complete one of the bazillion achievements the game has for you.
Additionally, the game can be a little too immersive and if you use this app while on the porcelain throne you'll often find your family shouting into the bathroom to check if your ok when you realize you haven't been able to feel anything below your knees for the last half hour.
If you haven't, then the reason for that is one video leads to a related video, which leads to another video, and so on until suddenly the world around you has ceased to exist and the only thing your brain recognizes is the next video the internet has to show you, leaving the rest of you free to do your business in peace.
And while laughing uncontrollably is definitely linked to peeing, it is not linked to pooing as your body will being to tense up as all your muscles tighten, including (I apologize ahead of time for using this word) your sphincter.
Even if this is your first time on the internet and you've only just purchased an iPhone and stumbled across this post cause you were looking for a list that would actually provide you with some insight to your new piece of technology, you STILL know what Angry Birds is.
So addictive that I've gotten 3 stars on all the levels for two different versions of Angry birds twice. But even more than that Angry Birds will cause you to not notice these things even after they've happened and you won't rejoin the world of the living until you've destroyed every single last one of those dirty pigs.
This means you can entertain yourself with the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer while you relieve yourself. You may now watch whatever you want and live in a different land for as long as you'd like so that you may enjoy your 10-30 minutes of daily toilet-based peace. Well, the Regio toilet might be up your alley, as it gold-plated and sports automatic cleaning and flushing.
But occasionally you'll find yourself so frustrated with the damn electricity currents and springboards that you'll start getting what I not-so-lovingly refer to as 'frustration constipation,' i.e.


Furthermore, many videos will have a surprise ending which is often designed to scare the shit out of you.
So instead of actually describing the app to you I'll just stick with the much longer tirade I've just written. This is not a testament to my mad bird-flinging skills as it is a testament to how engrossing the game is. And the best part is Netflix automatically saves your place when you turn it off so you don't have to waste anytime trying to find where you'd left off last time. These luxuries will cost you a cool $20,000 upwards, where it promises to kill all bacteria in the golden throne just in case you’re extremely phobic towards catching germs and other nasties. However, in 2007, with the release of the first iPhone everything changed and mankind was saved from its humdrum paper entertainments and finally brought bathroom amusement into the twenty first century. You get to unlock Tails, try and save your pink haired girlfriend, and fight that Eggman badguy who would no doubt be played John Goodman if a live action adaptation film was ever made. Often this game can become frustrating and could possibly induce 'frustration constipation' if it was not so engrossing that even as you get frustrated with it you will have already completed your toilet bound work long before and will have just not noticed. Not only that, whenever you answer nature’s call when seated, it will serenade you with courtesy music thanks to its built-in digital sound system.



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Comments

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