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That's an understandable emotion for a frustrated parent to have, but when action flows out of that emotion, parenting has taken a turn for the worse. As you can see, although the actions parents take to correct their children may look the same, understanding the difference between discipline and punishment makes all the difference in the world in terms of attitude and results.
Very simply, the gospel is that God became a man, came to earth, lived a perfect life, died on a cross to pay for the sins of all mankind, rose again from the dead on the third day, and was seen by over five hundred witnesses. When we do that, the Spirit of God enters our lives, we are born again, and the Spirit dwelling in us now begins to develop the life of Christ in us. Punishment produces some very negative characteristics in your children: guilt, shame, bitterness, resentment, regret, self-pity, fear, and more.
Parenting Reality: Discipline means applying appropriate consequences to encourage a child to make better choices in the future. It's fine to tell your children how upset you are, but the focus soon needs to turn to helping them get right with God and learn how to correct the behavior for the future. Parental influence is strongest during the early stages of their children's lives, up to the age of 13, during which time children are facing relentless cultural influences and competing worldviews. Taken from Effective Parenting in a Defective World published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
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That dynamic will eventually render your efforts to raise godly children ineffective, and here's why: The idea of punishment implies repaying someone with what he or she deserves.


Allow me to take a brief look at the theological background behind these concepts to help you grasp how understanding this difference can transform your approach to your child's misbehavior. I confess that this approach takes a lot more work on the parent's part, and a lot more self-control. If you reside in an EU member state besides UK, import VAT on this purchase is not recoverable.
Somehow, Chad and his buddies figured a few days of surfing were more worthwhile than an entire semester's worth of grades.
But as much as we love His mercy when applied to us, we have a really hard time applying it to others — especially when the "other" is someone who can wound our hearts as deeply as our child can.
When Jesus said, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34), He was experiencing the full wrath of God for all the sins of all mankind for all of history.
I don't want to teach my kids that I need to pay them back for the bad things they've done. They can't undo what they've already done, and they can't change the circumstances that their behavior has produced.
Whereas the purpose of punishment is to inflict a penalty for an offense, the purpose of discipline is to train for correction and maturity. My kids have done things that made me livid, and it took me between ten minutes and an entire day to calm down. But in our home and countless others, it has turned the disciplining process from an ugly exchange of hurtful emotions to a time of resolution and deeper intimacy between parent and child. So whenever the wave reports were favorable, they'd meet off campus, drive down to the beach together, and return home about fifteen minutes after school was out, hoping their parents would never discover their adventure — but clearly not too worried if they did. He felt betrayed by the son who had promised him two weeks earlier that this would never happen again. Punishment produces a child laden with guilt and determined to get out from under it, and Christlikeness is never the result.
Literally, it means to forcefully correct, to scourge, to take whatever drastic measure is necessary to get someone to obey. He was the propitiation for us — in our place, He absorbed God's anger toward human sinfulness. I want them to understand that the only way to make right what they did is to trust that when Jesus died on the cross, He paid for their sins. Punishment doesn't give them a means to right their wrongs; the tools they need to understand redemption aren't included in the punishment pack­age.


Whereas the origin of punishment is the frustration of the parent, the origin of discipline is a high moti­vation for the welfare of the child.
But when the veins are popping, the voice is escalating, and the parent towers intimidatingly over their children, the message is easily confused. But I've learned that I am not ready to discipline my child until I can do so under control.
Sharing the gospel isn't about convincing people to believe a doctrine and live better; it's about letting people know the really good news that we've been forgiven. It makes no sense for me to fellow­ship with God on the basis of mercy and with my children on the basis of judgment. And whereas the result of punishment is fear and shame, the result of discipline is security. You may have discipline in mind, but your children probably inter­pret your outbursts of anger as pure punishment. The best way to do that is to have your child go to his room, or for you to go to your room, or both. Today, after getting a call from the principal and smelling the lingering scent of saltwater on his son, Mark was at the end of his patience. All one needs to do to receive that salvation is turn from wickedness and receive Christ's gift.
Discipline always holds the child's best interests, not the parent's anger, in the forefront. It needs to be clear in their minds that you are imposing boundaries for their good because you love them.
There's nothing wrong with taking time to invite God to "clothe" you in the Spirit of Christ, remind yourself that Jesus has already paid for your children's sins, ask God to help you handle your anger appropri­ately, and then deal with the situation rationally. My role is to provide appropriate consequences and instruction to help them see how their behavior displeases God and to teach them how to cooperate with God's work in their lives.



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Comments

  1. Roya, 18.01.2014
    NOT hasten potty learning his.
  2. StiGmaT, 18.01.2014
    Poop in the potty thoughts as you support your child weeminder.